The essence of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is the willingness to connect—openness and availability to connect meaningfully with oneself and others. (See NVC courses: https://www.tickettailor.com/events/nonviolentcommunicationnvccoursesandcoaching) This connection is evolutionary, heartening, fulfilling, liberating, and integral to being truly human. Communication, one of humanity's core qualities, is not only about intellectual meaning but also visceral, embodied meaning. Deep, meaningful connections nourish, heal, and expand us.

Criticism of NVC as “violent” reflects our culture’s conditioning, which often promotes blame, judgment, and fault-finding. In politics and everyday life, we focus on identifying faults rather than solutions, perpetuating paradigms of right-wrong and good-bad that shape how we communicate. These habits, taught from childhood, foster disconnection and comparison during interactions, making true connection rare. Seen through this lens, NVC can appear manipulative or superficial, as it may be reduced to a technique for personal gain rather than fostering connection.

Like any paradigm, NVC can be misunderstood or misapplied. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), for instance, offers transformative tools but can also be misused for manipulation. Similarly, beginners in NVC may unintentionally approach it as a means to "get their needs met," leading to superficial or disconnected interactions. This can be painful for both parties, reinforcing the default cultural paradigms of blame and judgment.

At its core, NVC values connection, acknowledging our innate human need for it. Loneliness—whether in solitude or among people—highlights the importance of meaningful connection. When rejected or hurt, our responses often come from anger or pain, perpetuating disconnection and cycles of judgment and despair. NVC calls for self-awareness and other-awareness, inviting us to move beyond reactive patterns and connect with what is alive in ourselves and others.

Critically, NVC emphasizes intention. It is not about achieving specific outcomes or "getting what we want." Instead, it focuses on compassionate, caring connection. The intention is to honor both our own humanity and that of others, even in moments of hurt or dissatisfaction. Without this intention, communication can become violent or manipulative.

NVC challenges us to lean into another’s world with empathy, valuing their experience on their terms. Demands—where no choice is given—arise from intention. A soft, open, compassionate intention fosters choice and freedom in communication, transcending mere words. The quality of presence we bring to interactions, whether with people, animals, or nature, defines NVC.

Ultimately, NVC is about compassionate presence—soft, caring, and open. It may be firm but avoids imposing authority. Critiques of NVC often misunderstand its principles, focusing on its structure rather than the compassionate intention at its heart. True NVC seeks connection over control, empathy over judgment, and mutual understanding over superficial agreement.

The Essence of Nonviolent Communication beyond Superficiality and Techniquism

Presence Deep Rest Meditations and Reflections inspired by Focusing, Mindfulness and Nonviolent communication Embodied Relational Presence training and personal coaching.  https://www.living-presence.co.uk/

The Essence of Nonviolent Communication beyond Superficiality and Techniquism

Simon McKibbin Presence Meditations & Reflections