i don't wanna live

i dont do the whole love thing

i dont understand how people live

i have too

i need to stop expecting you to be a good person

i know, but i don't always know, you know?

i really wanted you to like me

i want to feel good about myself

i wanted to thank you

I'm tired of trying to figure things out

I didn’t choose the cold. Not at first. It crept in slowly, like silence after an argument - unspoken but deafening. The frost doesn’t lie. It strips everything down to the bone. No warmth, no comfort - just what remains when illusion is gone.


There’s a kind of knowing that comes only in the quiet. A clarity that doesn’t shout, doesn’t explain - it just is. But to hold it, I’ve had to let go of so much.

Because every time I come close to someone, I feel it slipping. That delicate thread I’ve followed through the silence begins to unravel in the noise of being known. There’s a part of me that only survives in isolation - a fragile shape that can’t bear the weight of love, or the expectations that come with being seen.

I watch people from a distance and wonder what it would cost to stay. To share space. To let the frost melt, even if just for a while.

But I know the price. I've paid it before. That when you are with someone, you lose something else - something only solitude can give. 

So I remain here, suspended between the need to be held and the need to disappear. I do not ask for answers. Only that the silence keep speaking to me, gently, until I can bear to listen again.

And maybe, one day, I’ll step back into the world. But I will never return the same.

coldlight

Just uploading some audios
(i’m also alive again lmao)

i really wanted you to like me

Sky Parkins