the last song on the album always hits the hardest

mindless little conversations
i can see you hiding what youre thinking about 
im sick of you staring at me
like youre tryna figure something out 
i fucking hate grocery shopping
sometimes i cant tell if they wanna kill or fuck me
i left my keys at your apartment
and i think i forgot to pay for the parking
i feel so much its impossible
cant describe without sounding obnoxious 

but the world looks different from outside of the love
outside its rough
all scars and flaws
my heart shaped glasses they distract enough 
i saw the glow the light shines in dark 

they said someones gonna rip ur heart out if ur not careful
either if its someone else or it just gets dull
never cared that much about all of that pessimism
rather get the flood now then see how long the dam holds
lets go make ourselves whole
see how long we can hold
lets make something special 
keep it just for us two
i hate people so much
but i fuckin love u
because i just do

porcelain mask

Outside like the plants and trees
I'm outside with the steel in links
I'm outside walking by myself
Like there's nobody out for me
Looking in the endless foggy water finding things
Tossed the piece and parts into the cauldron and the steam
It doesn't eat in objects more-so small internal things
Most delicious parts of it are parts you cannot see

I stay up
It's such a late hour when i stay up
Until I hear the birds chirping and I get all depressed
Then I guilt myself about it
Then rush myself to bed
Think I missed you once again
And I heard the callin I just hope that I can find it
In the faint and silent signals of the universe
And i dont wanna act so ignorant and come off callous
So I ask for nothing in return

Outside like the plants and trees
I'm outside with the steel in links
I'm outside walking by myself
Like there's nobody out for me
Looking in the endless foggy water finding things
Tossed the piece and parts into the cauldron and the steam
It doesn't eat in objects more-so small internal things
Most delicious parts of it are parts you cannot see

Yeah, i tripped on myself oh jeez
I hope i know you when im 70
I just get scared when everythings ok
I don't mean to attention seek

it went over me and stuck to my heart like a curse

love song 4 the ghost i see in my room sometimes 

original beat by killedmyself (chopped and pitched)
additional violin by my good friend Mohini 

its not somethin else
its exactly whats the most obvious
its so easy to tell
and im no good at hiding it
its rly not that hard to figure out
the obsessions not mutual 
i know u like me but not as much
i wanna be what you think about
i cant help but fall in one sided love 

and im stuck in it  
i get so dumb in it 
there might be something
to make me feel more whole 
somehow 
your touch that feels like home 
but then u cast me off and i end up more alone
strung up
im just a puppet
u can make me dance 
im happy to perform 
in ur bed
im nestled up and warm
hoping 
the night can last more long 

ive been numbed up i dont feel it 
i dont feel the touch im too hollow
can u help me get more human 
maybe some emotions to borrow 
i think im the worlds best escapist 
back then i just didnt wanna exist
so i buried my head in the sand
look at all the time i wasted

. . . . .

when im in your arms it felt so warm like home

....
I sit still in the tall grass
I breathe in as much as I can hold inside my chest
I trust in the sun to beam and lungs to catch my breath
Sometimes it gets hard for me but I still try my best
I'm stuck in the yard right by the broken water fountain
I just saw somebody in the window of that house
I gathered my courage and walked in to check it out
I went to the master bedroom and I looked around
I saw the closet open slightly towards where I was standing
I think I hear someone inside it and it's very scary
I gather all these skeletons up like a cemetery
I swear I didn't wanna lie but it was necessary
I wake up from a bad dream and I go to start the day
I forget about what exactly, just that there was pain
I act like nothing even happened and I'm all okay
I see a new horrible image and I look away
I'm inside the woods way out 
I'm swinging my head, jack-o'-lantern around
October in this ******** town 
Got big leaves lit, I let the rest fall down
And the pines, only thing that survives
Once this winter arrives
And this cold season start up
... ur only sorta right
You make me mortified
And I don't wanna fight
And I'm still someone's daughter
.
.
Like some bands i count the spirits in this monster house
I ain't slowin down im on the highway to hell 
Fuck my opposition smile like I wish you well
I got information that I won't ever tell
I take up to 2 but any more would put me out
I won't face it now, in the morning put me down
Stuck all by myself-

Don't know how it happened, it's a force in this house
Don't know how I keep a forest in this mason jar
I'm so lucky that I told her meet me in the car
Could've turned out so bad, thank god
4 AM in Boston walking with this magic wand
It's cool, you'd think that i was totally cool
With thinking bout bad things 
I'm thinkin bout bad things 
Unwillingly

monster house - Copy

well im still alive so i guess thats a plus/.
prod by me

ghost flying out
hoes smiling up
money pilin up yup
i put estradiol in my blunt im high as fuck what
now i feel like dying just because
in this haunted house these ghosts lurk
they hate on me now but so what
its none of ur business
u dont know what goes on

wait
just moving away
just moving away
its not goin away
im just moving the weight
it moves in waves
pack up my things
and move away
its always the same

im dodging bad omens police and texts from my parents that i get
they said maddy were proud of you
i had a disconnect and couldnt reply to it
i gotta vouch for myself cause i know that im worth more than i get
i talk outloud to myself its the way i fill up all this silence
sometimes times i wonder what would have have happend if those pills woulda taken me
but now i feel blessed cause i still remember all those days i was aching
he had hit me again so i threw a brick through the window in the basement
now he says hes proud of his daughter and says hes concerned for my safety

and
thats why im always reminded that everythings meaningless
sometimes i slip
a bit
but u held me body and pressed
when i go somewhere outside in the city i feel like the walking dead
the way that they all on my d-

(just movin away, movin the weight, ect.)
if u missed out
or rainchecked
or if u missed me
gone like it just was a fleeting passing glance
oh and isnt it obvious
its obvious where i went
where i dont go
u should proably go soul search
ur girl she had me so soul sucked
we can both go but ill go first
it might be cringy but so what

||||||||||

thank u so much for listening. lifes been a lot lately and making music is rly the only thing that i look foreword to sometimes

hallowed ||| Caverned

I've been meeting myself every day
Now I'm seeing all these new shapes
I've been finding all these loose tapes
Building up a whole story to say
Build a little world and escape
We can take our time in a new game
New shape
Filled a little bit out of the outline
I don't have much stuff to say
Woke up in a new place less grey 
With a new face and a new name
Yeah but I'm so not two-faced
Tremor made me feel goosebumps
I've been playing waiting room games

And I still remember how I felt then
It's still in me
If you see something else, well, what does it mean?
I don't need any help anymore
I'm not- not incomplete
Colors are still in me
Happy and interweaved
But you say it 
I don't think that it's much different when I'm not sad
I don't miss it, it's my own bad
I don't miss it, it's my own bad
I don't miss

u sleep in an antique shop
and i keep losing my thoughts staring at the walls
you put one of your records on 
and i thought it was so cool that we get along
it is a really cool record collection
you told me it was pretty expensive 
not to brag or to sound impressive
but just like, it was really extensive

top floor window

sometimes i just walk around the house to move a little

Made a puppet
That paper mache's now cracking
In the ocean
These waves keep pulling me deeper
It's a teacher
It's a book in how both sides open
Waves crashing
I swam down and just said fuck it 
Years are passing
Like a flashes when I get past 'em
In the fountain
I'm sinking but i'm not drowning 
In the mountains
35 miles from where the border is
In the ocean
saw blackness and i swam towards it
In the whirlpool, I move through the endless darkness
In the hourglass, I watch as it turns to nothing
In the pitch black, big waves pull me in by force now
In the vortеx, I fall back out to the surface

03 and the view from the bottom of the ocean

scary games with the lights off

Sourface

01 Where is the ? (prod 38sorry)

nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
nothing much
just happy to be here

it went over me and stuck to my heart like a curse

Softheart

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