what the fuck is wrong with me? why am i depressed?

novocaine (original pitch)

amv: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LT7FyConbo
thank you all for the amazing support just in general.
love you all. take care
featuring my extremely talented friend @sleepywater 💙
prod. @afterlife66 🖤

~~lyrics~~
[autumn]
you ok?..

so i tell myself
don't die on me
don't lie to me

i lie here, ask how i'm doing
words out my mouth 
is it trash that i'm spewing?
i deserve hell for every wrongdoing
you sewed up my heart
just after i skewed it

hate when anybody talk to me
there's not a lot to me
i'm just distraught and weak
there's so much to do in the day (day)
what do i have to do to make you stay (stay)

how does this world expect me to keep going
when all that i have are depleting emotions
and all that i am is pathetic and hopeless
and all that i ask, and all that i ask is to leave

i'm begging please
i'm falling down
whenever you leave
don't make a sound
don't even breathe
i finished counting all my steps
a cliff they lead

[sleepwater]
i'll be ready, drowning
heart beat too fast; anxiety
in my hollow frame
lost cause, puppet brain

spewing my heart 
over a fire; got dark
will you be my ember 
stuck in a cauldron
do you remember when i was holding
your achy arms i was all upon it
you got my clothes but 
you could of stopped it
sorry for the vacancy i wish i locked
it was a fucking job to you 
i wish i stopped it

[autumn]
lawless; aching doesn't stop
isn't this what i wanted from you
i'm so awful

[sleepwater]
don't make a sound, don't make a scene
filling my lungs with nicotine 
oh damn ur the one that i'll ever need
damn ur the one that just let me be

[autumn]
(let me be)
don't really know why you like me
are you just starving
for someone's pysche?
i can hear the hounds
yeah they're howling in the darkness
wonder what they found
either molly or a carcass

[sleepwater]
im prowling in the twilight
everything you say now its a delight
maybe ur an angel in disguise 
fucking up my psyche, cutting all my ties

[autumn]
i cannot talk for long
there's somewhere i gotta be
the green of the forest it calls
yeah i got a date with the-
i got a date with the trees

tell me who i am
and who i'm supposed to be
won't be here for long
bitemarks made with teeth
the frostwalker it crawls
arriving at your feet
let it rest beneath...

puppet brain w/ sleepwater [prod. afterlife]

guitar by saint mike

i let my body rot 
in this bed 
till there's nothing left of me 
you can do what you want with the bones
clean the mess
find the blade that you left in me 

tell me why 
i hope you found a good alibi 
stay by my side
will it still hurt in the afterlife

you do it me
love when i bleed
your skin feels so cold
touch me at 30 degrees
put my back to the wall 
tell me i'm nothing at all

in which it finally killed me

original by clairo 
piano by david ross lawn

bags (clairo cover)

introduction
prod/ft my good friend @greenwood2000
<3

lyrics:
something was stolen
something i borrowed
must’ve been open
must’ve been hollow
& open progression
is nothing but awful
i trample my thoughts
till they’re tougher to swallow

its passion that kills you,
the nerve’s gonna drive you insane
i can’t stand to look back
when the only thing there is your name
i took this as a loss
when i should’ve been counting the days
its a wish on a star
you’re the one thing that’s keeping me sane
i’m losing this game
when you’re learning to lose
well, the world isn’t spinning the same

greenwood:
I put some distance out into the worlds
And I never trip about the way that it hurts
And I think they buried me deep in the dirt
But trust me, and trust me it still could get worse

Seventeen years in a hospital bed 
And they treat me different I know what it is
And it'd take a year to explain what it did
When I got a phantom inside of my limbs

Closed down, held over
And I found the worst way to tell you
And I couldn't leave but I'd let you
And tell me you think I'll be dead soon

Held down, I'm closer
And I found the best way to end it
And I didn't sleep just pretended
And fucked up my life like your friends said

its passion that kills you,
the nerve’s gonna drive you insane
(cant take back what i said, 
im the one you can blame)
i can’t stand to look back
when the only thing there is your name
(not the man in your heart,
he had went with the pain)
i took this as a loss
when i should’ve been counting the days
(its a pattern i keep,
wish i’d throw it away)
its a wish on a star
you’re the one thing that’s keeping me sane
(i know its too late)
i’m losing this game
when you’re learning to lose
well, the world isn’t spinning the same

learning to lose

learning to lose w/ greenwood

spotify & apple music!

produced by neverforever
completely non profit
lyrics

i saw u in his letterman
so how could we be friends again
im tryna be the better man
but u told me i just pretend
to stick my head in ceiling fans
im neck deep in ur problems man 
so close ur eyes and count to ten
and try to sync our breaths again 
that puppy love in mountain air
who knew id find such damage there
these tiny things have venom
and they hide their fangs behind the hair
most people like to think they care
to say so's far from self aware
so i just chose to lock myself away and find some solice there

im hoping that u find something of worth while ur trapped under there
my girl chilling in a button up, she got no underwear
she just get this look all on her face when i get up in there
soon i smoke my doob she kiss my face and drag me out the chair  

gram inside my bowl im tryna send it for i go to work
parting up the sea of people, walk around my city turnt 
carving up this green, im evil, outfit gotta be a serve 
darling i need sleep but tearfully theres bread i gotta earn

rain
on the metal lace
soldiers lose their mind and take their swords up till the grave 
pain
running through my face
i will never falter
already went insane
shame
it all feels the same
if this is the path im on
ill take it to the grave
brain
all i needs my brain
trust i'll work it out
and put my movements into play

im hoping that u find something of worth while ur trapped under there
my girl chilling in a button up, she got no underwear
she just get this look all on her face when i get up in there
soon i my smoke doob she kiss my face and drag me out the chair  

take her out to dinner said let's just pretend theres strings attached 
oh i know i flex a little, u know soundcloud paid for that
im not tryna buy ur love, the good life what im aiming at
im just tryna crawl out of the mud and pay the world back

i just got this anger burnt inside me since when i was a kid
i cant help but blame my father, curse left generations dead
i cant even tell u not at all theres nought i wouldn't give
i just think that i could use a brain that doesnt hate to live

(alan watts sample) 

the path to dirtmouth (neverforever)

Funny how these people think i fuck with them
Woke up on the floor and now this place a mess
Really need some sleep like where the fuck my bed
I got pills and i got drinks that passing through my neck
Smoke up on the porch and my eyes cherry red
Feeling all this pressure build up in my chest
I been on the road, searching through some texts
Just to tell myself that i'd be better dead
Hold up all my feelings till i lash out
Baby know im stressing so she talking with her ass out
Cold october morning got me smoking till it dark out
Slumped up on the floor, i kill this roach and put the spark out
Kill me slowly (start to bleed)
Kiss me softly (on broken leaves)
Whisper gently (im talking mean)
Dead by 20

who tf r u

not home. - who tf r u (white shinobi)

prod: never forever 
master: https://soundcloud.com/vito2300

put aside my emotion
i wasn't important 
he touched someone else
that night my body was forfeit
i like it when he record it 
watch it back and feel gorgeous 
i think i need help 
but i'm so good at ignoring,
ignoring it 

ima pour this bottle all out
till i feel my life breaking down 
and i hate myself even now 
don't know what that's all about
and i hate my songs 
won't show my face 
took a couple steps back 
went m.i.a
insane 
didn't learn my lesson 
nothing ever mattered when i try my best and
most days i just feel like a reject 
friends fake n then ask for my preset
hands up, 
asked god for a reason 
blood soaked and i beg for the meaning
most days wake up and i'm screaming 
and my body just shake like im fiending
painful, i remember the feeling 
stitch myself cause i dream i'm in pieces

important

[sendflowrs]
and as the cold came, it didn’t feel right
on my deathbed i pray for your warm soft kiss
these angels they lay next to me and calm it 
i don’t think i really loved you baby if i’m honest 

and in my resting place, keep the seal tight
cus i would raise all the dead for you if you wanted
i would purge these dark woods with a bow and harness 
just cut out my heart whenever u want it 

[nevermadeithome]

You’re not where i need you
When i sleep at night
My lungs are so hard to breathe through 
My throats so tight 
You’re pretty like the pleiades
I mesmerised just by your eyes
I can’t seem to look at you 
Your hue and glow just seem so bright

Sleeping at night in your gown wear 
Swim the sea
Kill the king just to be there 
Bring your coat because its cold where  we‘re leaving 
Hold my hand baby this is the deep end


[sendflowrs]
on my grave 
in native tongue under my name 
is a phrase that says
“the one i love will always get away”
guess it never changes
no matter how much i sit and pray
for a better day
i’ll always be the one that rots away 
call me anyway
call me when you’re home or MIA
call me when you’re sad
when you’re feelin down or feel ok
call me everyday
call me fuckin now before i tear my face 
maybe you would love me more if i would finally get in shape 

[blaidd]
Stack my chips up high like I'm all in
Fall in love with your face in the morning
All this hate in the way had me bawling
But now I got you 
Your love was the only thing to prove
This world is nothing without you 
Now i find myself with nothing left to do 
But I came back from a business trip 
I Wanna go home cause I miss my *beep*
If I stay longer I just might flip
I wanna go home to the softest lips

starlight (feat. nevermadeithome + blaidd) (prod. flesh + jolst)

夢を信じて

guitar by @irby314

im up late
wondering
making a list of things i wish that i could hate
i still dream of u 
if i sleep at all
reminder of how much it hurts to fall
did it hurt you
like it hurt me
turn my heart blue
do u miss me 
got attached to u 
and i regret that
turn my heart blue
please just come back
takes so long
takes so long
takes so long 
to heal this
3 am 
lost in my head again 
10 more minutes till i break down again
i just want you in my arms again
but im too scared
to send a text again
again
again
again

in which it finally killed me

something quiet

Recent comments

the grieving process ⸸

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Minnuete CVP

Senzu ¥

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