auditory diary entries with a secondhand DVD aesthetic

produced by: niarboN
mixed by: Noxh

ANOTHER ROUND

Stuck (prod. Loopy Luh)

o2andres - on main prod somwhr

Uhh yea damn!
Uh, like bitch I am the man!
Alright, look, uh (damn!)

I don’t pen things, man I just write rhymes
My heart full to the brink of past loves and slides 
My head rung on backwards
My pain persist to passion
I drink to cover scars, and the drinking tends to rehash them
Finally found the will to forgive mom, man I’m happy
To clear the air with her spirit through conversations with Yahzmine 
I really think I’m past it
I’m kinda getting too old
For fixation on past moments a nigga just can’t condone
Bro I’m on!
Shout out to my cousin, bro I’m on!
Social isolation though still be up on my phone
Trying to find a way without losing all control
Bro I’m on
Shout out to the bros who be keeping me envougue
Shout out Carlito, KAR11, AG with the loan
So I’m never alone even when the money fat
Imma get a hundred racks and spend it on a shelter
My therapist calm me down when I’m anxious from the pressure
My ex made me realize I’m not different, I’m a splitting image
Of everything I hate about people reflected in schism
I’m learning to love myself though it’s hard to love a sinner
When my sins weigh on me and my soul is deeply conditioned 
To negativity 
Positive affirmations, man I’m back to basics
Learning to accept who I was is the steps I’m taking
I’m kinda done complaining
How much more of life can misery become complacent?
How much more of life is wasted being sad and anxious?
Nigga fuck that!
Anger is a staple, necessary for the come back
Self reflection in mirrors need to bounce back 
Off your friends checking you for shit, don’t get vexed, dog, It’s a love tap (they love you!)
And I still got the flame, I thought I lost that!

DAMN

prod @ilyl1ght
vocals mixed and mastered by srypedia
song mastered by srypedia 
-
“i love you”

oh i
got a sickness now i start to hold my breath
the blood is running God i feel it down my neck
sometimes i wonder what goes on inside ur head
UR HEAD
OH WHAT A TRAGEDY 
I THOUGHT THAT WE WERE CLOSE
BUT DON’T LOOK BACK FOR ME
I FEEL BETTER ON MY OWN SO DON’T GET MAD AT ME
cut me open, tell the wounded put me back to sleep
erase the memories before they start to torture me
TIE ANOTHER ROPE, MY BODYS HANGING FROM THE TREES 
I START TO PLEAD
DEEP DOWN I KNOW I RLLY NEEDA REST
HEARTS PUMPING CAN U FEEL IT THRU MY CHEST?

“bro okay okay okay. i do not like asmrs”
“let’s get another bite”

oh what a tragedy
heart is pumping 
omg it’s rlly hard to slee-
i heard what u said 
but don’t u think u don’t mean nun to me?
now my body starts to ache
BODY STARTS TO ACHE
down another PILL
I-I-AH-A-
hope that i’m okay
HOPE THAT IM OKA-
i don’t think ur real
i start to hallucinate 
we’ll slowly drift APART
i’m not sure that’s okay
you’ll rip into my heart
until the sex permeates 
you’ll tear, break in my heart 
torn all the way

“haise…HAISE”

tragedy

chernobyl

written prod mix master by 93feetofsmoke + fats'e

hurts2bad

for the cloud
enjoy; thank you for listening.
thank you for being here.
take care🖤

prodby @wraithontheporch & @solofttt 
<3

it's stormin',
copper threads up on my chest;
electrified, got not time, i need no breath;
i'm still a wreck and savor every sip i can,
berry juice and cardi, but i really need a friend
okay, weathered down and soaking wet
hear that? death ain't want me over yet
fear glands washing through a sober land
makeshift oasis in cold hands

out of luck, sippin' nothing but the water in my cup
only after what i touch;
sorry, should've clarified, i'm getting fucked up
but that's my lunch, skip the hunch, pressing trust
parasites on the screen, double tapped just to feed
i ain't human, i'm a fiend, from the flower to a seed
pardon me, the only love i know recedes, then repeats

but someday i'll be okay,
somehow, in some way
i think i lost mine, yea

got sick shit like patients, cuss him out lacking patience 
boy's aimless, ain't the greatest,
but i'm wine, bitch, when i'm aging
stay whining and frustrated, son, i'm sowing this fermentation
even six feet, feeling rays hit
if ion like it, i'm erasing

lighting up like i'm goku, a straight super saiyan when the clouds move
like it's circuitry, y'all made soft, get my rocks off and electrocute
penning this like riolu, got a force palm, get the flow smooth
got my chest spinning from these palpitations, but i'll grind you up like it's jamba juice

baring heavy haze through a midday
feelings strong, but the words stay
said "he's too calm to be worsening"
guess i'm better off being two-faced
two liter for the throat pains
burning out like i'm propane and she's melting down when the weather change,
but i'm just tryna hear the birds sing

feel like i'm losing, is it that i'm useless?
give it all to the music, only time that he's fusing
indefinite bruising, steady rebuking
fuck it, i'm cruisin', contentment is ruin

got sick shit like patients, cuss him out lacking patience 
boy's aimless, ain't the greatest,
but i'm wine bitch, when i'm aging
stay whining and frustrated, son, i'm sowing this fermentation
even six feet, feeling rays hit
if ion like it, i'm erasing

vermin/virtues (wraithontheporch x soloft)

P. nomansland 

Support my friend enyu!

https://on.soundcloud.com/qUpx1yH6fYpXyzuuwE


Lyrics~

(Swamp) 

My lifes in a spiral 
And I just can’t seem to catch a break
When I tried this shit the passive way 
they hit me at a faster pace 
It was a massacre up there on that caligo hill
Sends A shiver down your serabelem, signal the chills 

Ok yeah I’m back up on attack, there’s just no foldin us 
Grab that ammo load it up 
It’s gettin kinda quiet on this California western front 
Give it all you can until you can’t and hope the war is almost done 
Shell shocked, you’ve had enough 

There you go, you’re telling yourself that never again 
Will you put you’re life on the edge for something that somebody said 
The battle goes on in your head 
And shurly you’ll face a certain death 
But I guess you love that shit because you never left 

(Enyu)

Loaded chambers caught in a deadlock
choke on me like a tight knot
rewinding all of my future plans
hailing down on me till my heart stop
yeah, but i’m still in it
guess i’m twisted
drawn to where i fucking bled
need some god to grant my wishes
rather than be fucking dead

i scrape my wounds when its dark
a shiver down my extremities
and while the whole world fell apart
i stand upfront with serenity
and when I turn around
the time has come for confession
to learn a beautiful lesson
i’m heading outbound
to fend off my imperfections

(Swamp)

Hopefully when the dust settles I’ll be alright 
All intact and alive 
The only loss being time 
Trying to figure out another way to save myself 
From the war in my head, it’s been a living hell

never ending spiral w/ enyu

prod. yami's sin and me

i left the light on just incase you turn around
but the hallway stays quiet not a single sound
theres a cup on the counter still half full
the echoes keep whispering what i cant undo

ive been chasing ghosts in the static air
everything you said still hanging there
the walls know your name better than I do
they're repeated in the dark, soft but loud too
and maybe I should've let things die
but im still asking the silence why
you said you'd stay but I should've known
you'd love to leave right before you're shown

and ive been sleeping with my eyes half shut
dreaming of you just to wake up cut
and every promise you made turns to dust
im tired of pretending to em instead of being lost
you cause heartbreaks just to pass time
you call it closure, but I ask why
talk to the ceiling just get by
love doesn't end it just learns to lie

sleepwalker

i got my issue but can’t find it
had to wait for the winding and the letting go
now i got leads inside my stomach
and i don’t need em for nothing
but i’ma letem grow

you know i been caught up in my lie
it’s never for the worse
i was never fighting for my flight
it was something for the floor
say she can’t afford to pend my life
so call me to accord/a chord
you know i been caught up in my lie
heaven was the curse

i can’t be myself unkindly
so i won’t be treading lightly
my legs are gon be sore
but i’ll be ready for it
and people act like uprooting gonna distract a kid
ain’t gon change for my better if i’m this adamant
and anywhere i go there’s always an out of here
like i don’t know no better for myself baby

you know i been caught up in my lie
it’s never for the worse
i was never fighting for my flight
it was something for the floor
say she can’t afford to pend my life
so call me to accord/a chord
you know i been caught up in my lie
heaven was the curse

got two suns outside and i know i’m gonna miss you
cos what’s more childish than waiting for the time we can misuse
the love is nasty
the trees attacked me
the terra whacked me
i don’t need no body

i can’t commit the divided
but i got them waiting for sure
i just wanna let it go
i gotta
i got

(use this in times of need or when 
tough guys up in your feed
i get uptight when limits pass
but that’s what i want kiss my ass i love you)

you know i been caught up in my lie
it’s never for the worst
i was never fighting for my flight
it was something for the floor
say she can’t afford to pend my life
so call me to accord/a chord
you know i been caught up in my lie
heaven was the curse

couple months i’ll be on my own
i can’t see nowhere else as home
but what’s it take letting all that go
it’s been a while since I tried to start
to show myself how to make a mark
but what are winners if we’re all alive
it ain’t in my interest telling you lies
we ain’t grew up on the same advice
but ain’t shit happened not worth my time
and i ain’t giving up at the 405
if i get lost in foreword you know this love is fortified

ANOTHER ROUND

soyguy