BEST OF THE MOOSE

Fandom: Lord of the Rings 
Character: Bill the Pony

BILL THE PONY
BILL THE PONY

I started from the bottom then one day four hobbits came
They said let's get poppin' and we went to weather top n hey
I've got a brave heart like William Wallace, honest
But when those wraiths got on us I ran like they were coppers

But then I drank from the well in rivendell
now I'm unbeatable strap on your seat-a-belts
cos i got those buffs like gandalf right after he fell
and I'm oh so furry just like beast and belle

you'll only ever be half of me
they named the prancing pony after me
(that's not canon) mmmm shut up!
I'm the valiant stallion you're as soft as butter

I'm like if rainbow dash n lil sebastian
had a passion for smashin' call me lil lil sebastian
just imagine! i'm magic
I'm such a Star they be callin me Patrick

BILL THE PONY
BILL THE PONY
BILLNBILLNBILLN
YOU FINNA KNOW ME

Let me introduce you to my fellowship it's hella sick
We'll be BFFs forever man we'll never split
Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, damn!
Boromir, Frodo, Merry, Pippin, Sam!

Fording rivers, crossing plains, climbin mountains day on day
Did you think I'm quittin on this mission? Neigh!
We're at the lake, chillin' by the gate
can't get inside , gandalf's in a rage

wha wha wha what's Elvish for friend?
"Mellon" and this is how it ends?
my protestations falling on to hollow ears
man ya'll a bunch of Boromirs!

enjoy your bloody trip to mordor orcs are 
round every corner sorta hope you fall in water
n get slaughtered n quartered cos it gotcha
I'm off ya'll enjoy "THE WATCHER!"


my teas gone cold I'm wonderin why
I got out of bed at all
the morning rain clouds up my window
but I can't see at all
and even if I could it would all be grey
put your picture on my wall
it reminds me that it's not so bad
it's not so bad...

Dear mister horses aren't allowed inside the mines
I ate your lembas bread good luck i'm sure you'll be just fine
It's been six months and still no word, I don't deserve it
I was your mane man now you carry the pots and pans you pervert

Frodo don't know you like I know you Sam, no one does!
They don't know what it was like as Shire lower class
Hey Sam I just blazed ya westfarthing! Dare me to ride?
You know that song by Bombadill where nothing happens
and everyones confused, that's kinda how this is
you could've pulled me off the floor
anyway I gotta stop now cos I'm a little horse.

VPC 7 Round 1

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - Bill The Pony

Super Mario Match Maker

Welcome one and all to the mushroom kingdom
Gettin' in mah groove I assume ya thinkin'
it's all PG, keep it honest like Lincoln
But they're tryna keep it hush dude just like Clinton

Baby Mario, Luigi, Baby Daisy, Peach
there's gotta some freakin' going on beneath the sheets
Bowser Jnr, Baby Rosalina, so freaky
women always gettin wet and wild with waluigi

wahhhhhh I'm not a shy guy
maaaan I was surprised to find
Princess Peach is out pimpin' peeps and
Birdo's doin' blowies on the cheep cheep beach

No more Paper Mario now we're usin' rubbers
On Toad's rockin' chode not tryna make mothers
and we're not even gettin' to the milestone yet
Cos your slipslide ride make my dry bones wet

You can pick and choose down at Big Boo's Haunt
the keys are in the bowls and it's on like Kong
There's gonna be jungle hijinxs witcha neighbour
we're making mistakes at mario's match maker

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong


We're down in the basement lookin for DUCKHUNT (da cunt)
We're on an odyssey that's a homer run
If you know your Greek epics that's a sneaky pun
I'm also down here doin' cheeky cums

You know Wario's always playin' by himself
It's a good thing too cos the dude truly smells
Myself man I've got an abundance of wealth
I'll trade you 100 coins n I'll give you one up wahh

I don't want diddy kong baby gimme daddy kong
big balls like tanuki bringin' that daddy dong
whip it down my warp pipe pappa don't fear
I pinkie promise there's no piranha plant here

Treat me like Yoshi I'll be swallowing ya aggs
But once you've finished I'll be packin' my bags
I've gotta leave sweetie, not far to go
it's not you it's a me, Mario!

You can pick and choose down at Big Boo's Haunt
the keys are in the bowls and it's on like Kong
There's gonna be jungle hijinxs witcha neighbour
we're making mistakes at mario's match maker

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong

VPC 7 Round 2

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - Mario Match Maker

[Verse 1: Young Stroke Aka Young Muscle]
it's the stroke, what's good y'all
on the pitch, catch me playing association football
aka soccer, i was the nerd shoved in the locker
now it's 2021 and i'm one crunk rhyme talker
haters shocker, the soccer ball i control
if you hatin' on me, GOALLLLLLL
as the game unfolds, the other team aborts mission
our score multiplies so we lead the division

[Verse 2: Thugmasta J]

Putin on my cleats for thousandth time
Lookin at the bracket that i’m destined to climb
I signed the contract not to contract the rona
So i can win the cup in barcelona

I’m that guy with the blue flag around my waste
Kicking homerun touchdowns all over the place
So get out of my face or the gloves come off
I’m winning this race cuz thug j aint soft

[Chorus]

All the world has come to play
El Copa Del Mundo
Oooooo Oh Oh
All the world has come to play
El Copa Del Mundo
Oooooo Oh Oh

[Verse 3: Illgill]

i put a pony on liverpool
robbed a bank and made out with my bestie
dont test me rubicks cube newbs
tried to five finger flex me
pele with a mai tai 
went melee with a jai alai (hi lie)
umpire pointed and was like 
tsk this guy...
what was with that ludacris display last night
featherweight title fight dust the ice i just might
phto finish in your speedos tight

[Verse 4: Young Stroke Aka Young Muscle]

streezy toad, with the kkmds
call dj khaled, 'cause we be the best
the judges hate us, but can't deflate us
'cause we're the best musicians on this side of uranus
soccer, we play it, music, we play it
gorilla dicks, are what be hangin'
nuts be danglin', my list has no fucks
in this soccer game, i don't know shit about fuck (ruth langmore)

[Chorus]

All the world has come to play
El Copa Del Mundo
Oooooo Oh Oh
All the world has come to play
El Copa Del Mundo
Oooooo Oh Oh

VPC7 Round 4

Streezy Toad - OfficialSongoftheElCopaDelMundoWorldCupTournamentAssociationLeaguePlayoffs (ft.KKMDS)

KKMDS
We Didn’t Start the Unga feat. Streezy Toad

Young Stroke
throwback tekken tag tournament, you know i reign permanent
xiayou and bryan fury that's fast and furious
sabrewulf, imma show you who he is
ultra ultra, that's the combo

Illgill
unforgettable console reset-able
pluggin and thuggin highly upsetable
up in my message be youre moves are hella cheap
 selling all these creeps no mixup hella sweeps
 
Young Stroke
hundred hand slap that's the damn e honda
imma do a code, now it's blood mode
abacabb
cut some letters out, now it's acab

Illgill
fuck the 12 and the 236
timberland gut checks from my front kicks
slappin buttcheeks with daigo reversals
this ranked bitch not player match rehearsals

Sweeney Toad
We didn’t start the Ungaaaaa
Ugh ugh unga

Illgill
get tombstone slabbed and know you didn't tech that
and no, you din't notice that i option select that
no, its not spam i just like to jab check that
know you throw controllers when i deathfist wreck that

Sweeney Toad
No regrets hit you with the low kick yes
Crouch block my shit get that overhead bet
I throw you less no respect you catching hands facts
Acting like you won’t get command grabbed

illgill
ancient quarterfist hank hill slang pro pain
0-2 at the tourney wearing my gucci in the rain
in sane in the rang my plays are big brain
oops a just frame now where's my good game?

Young Stroke
you're button mashin', controller thrashin'
super nintendo reset button' smashin'
now a couple decades into the future we're flashin'
11th chapter, mortal kombatant
fatality, burn 'em like calorie
my favorite fantasy strike character is valerie
so good at fighting games i should get paid salary
players rage quit, they get ANXIOUS

Sweeney Toad
We didn’t start the Ungaaaaa
Ugh ugh unga

Illgill
get tombstone slabbed and know you didn't tech that
and no, you din't notice that i option select that
no, its not spam i just like to jab check that
know you throw controllers when i deathfist wreck that

Sweeney Toad
Shimmy shimmy ya shimmy up in your face
Take the throw or get a fucked up taste
Of my max damage hunger come and get clowned
My option select that unga bunga rush down 

Young Stroke
sweeney toad and that boy young muscle
be in beast mode in that fighting game hustle
got the k to the k to the m d s
self care, haters need to de-stress

Illgill
know were on that bunga tip
super mega chungus grip
really sus amongus kid
unga bunga in the kit
GAUNTLET-EPPUKEN
DONG SHLONGA RYUKEN
IWISHALLOFMYJEANSWERECORDEROY

Young Stroke
boys talk down they can catch the elbow
stick together like velcro
it's that young stroke, haters get destroyed quick
broke them boys off on the damn joystick

Sweeney Toad
You all kinds of salty with that saltuken 
Dropped combos faulty counter attuken 
Even basic combos you can’t do ‘em
Put the fight stick down you noobken

KKMDS [Ill Gill, Thugmasta J] - We Didn't Start the Unga (ft. Streezy Toad)

Our song features Tanner4105 without his consent 

hold up stop wait
cuz the party just died
allow me to recesuitate
help me keep it alive
come on now,
hoes get loud
if you not shaking ass
then you're not getting down
and if you're not getting down
better get up and shout
suck another shot and start passing out
i don't care if you heard
or if ya boots got fur
just get on the floor and act absurd
we're the former fat boys
my name is $uccess
i fuck like crazy cuz my dick's like fake breasts
and all night I be shaking my groove thing
they call me screech cuz the way I'm moving
but thing is if I don't strut my stuff
I start to feel pressure build up in my butt
and if you don't move too the pressure builds up
and I explode on the floor and the clubs like what the fuck
  
i'm gonna shit on the dance floor, uh-unless you dance more
i'm gonna shit on the dance floor, uh-unless you dance more

take a shot of whiskey
a shot of valtrex
all these holes
so I'm bound to have sex
unless I have to take a dump
cuz you're sitting by the wall
stead of shaking ya rump 
cuz you chatting with ya girls
instead of doing the hump
cuz you kris krossing the bar
come on....jump
so take one step forwards, two steps backwards
where's a nice white kid learn these bad words
take one step forwards, dos steps backwards
watch your step cuz i may have dropped turds
on floor over here, over there
cuz if you're not dancing I assume you don't care
i assume you heard my threat and you don't scare
cuz I told you I would poop if you didn't show flair
yeah i'll do it everywhere, its impolite to stare
besides its your fault cuz you just sat there sooo

i'm gonna shit on the dance floor, uh-unless you dance more
i'm gonna shit on the dance floor, uh-unless you dance more


don't stop
shake then drop
or i'm gonna give new meaning
to drop it like its hot
and steaming, reaking
girls start shrieking, i'll drop trow 
unless y'all start believing
sipping ecto-coolers and they spiked with goose
a little slimer juice gets ya stools loose
so you have to stand, yo don't be late
come on gravitate
its piece of cake
cuz i don't care, i don't mean to scold
but i was born with a disorder that i cannot control
i'll count to number two, then i'll let go
then the party's over and we all go home
so if you can't dance, at least wiggle a bit
cuz its kinda building up, and i might have to shit
yo you in the corner, why you gotta sit
you ruined it for everyone cuz now i gotta shit

i'm gonna shit on the dance floor, uh-unless you dance more
i'm gonna shit on the dance floor, uh-unless you dance more
i'm gonna shit

move it
move it
or I'm gon lose it
I ain't kidding when I say I'm gonna drop new shit

move it
move it
or I'm gon lose it
I ain't kidding when I say I'm gonna drop new shit

i'm gonna shit on the dance floor, uh-unless you dance more
i'm gonna shit on the dance floor, uh-unless you dance more
i'm gonna shit

VPC7 Round 5

Former Fat Boys [A Dinosaur, Hard Corey] - EMERGENCY WoRk TRiP Laryngitis (shit on the DANCEflOOr)

Double Take

Walk into the party, bottle of bacardi, and you know your boys on fleek
So sleek, cos I'm wearing Ed Hardy, chinos khaki, wearing a mask for that enhanced mystique
And it's Halloween, so all the costumes are obscene, can't believe what I'm seein in this sexy scene
Not to demean, but these outfits are crazy, someone was a sexy submarine, periscope lacy

A racy magistrate, wig so shapely, coming on to me a little to hastily
Pretty sure that I just got groped by a pastry chef, that was a little unsavoury
This isn't safe for me, I guess my costumes a little too sexy, these people are animals
Actually factual, cos I’m pretty sure I just saw a dude being eaten by cannibals

I look again cos it can’t be true they’re cooking men on the barbecue like Hannibal

I was hoping for a sexy night!
Sexy people giving sexy frights!
I was hoping to have sex tonight!
But these crazy motherfuckers eatin flesh tonight!

I just wanna make a sexy scene!
With sexy you, and sexy me!
But it seems, errybody gone crazy!
Shady motherfuckers in this bitch, good gravy!

I need water but the slaughter that I find got me panicking, I'm fuckin manic, man I'm fucked
What's happening? Everybody's murdering each other, this is utter chaos, what if its the drugs?
I saw them take em, I took a few as well, one or two so I could chill but now I'm stuck in hell
I feel unwell, I bet any minute I'll be breaking into houses with my mouth full of brain cells

Now the walls are crawling and I spilt my drink, my shirt's ruined, I need a minute so I can stop and think
Take a swig, take a swing, get these motherfuckers off me, if there ain’t a fight right now, then there’s gon be
Zombies, chewing at my arms and legs, the undead, crawling over each other just to get on me
I’m strongly against being eaten, beating these monsters off me ain’t the meat I was meaning

Another drink, glug glug, chug-a-lug, and another, but every single sip is getting rougher
I spit it out, cough and splutter and I hear somebody mutter saying "which one of you dickheads even brought this motherfucker.
Throw him out", on the ground, and I'm passing out, to the sound of the pounding in my head
And somehow even with the amount that I drank, come around in my own damn bed

I was hoping for a sexy night!
I got too fucked up, got extra hype!
I took too much drugs, went against advice!
Now I'm lying on my couch wi' electrolytes

I was hoping for a sexy scene!
But the sexy people got extra mean!
And now the doorbell ring, knock knock, its the cops
Mr Danger, how about you come with us

What? What did I do? What are you even talking about?

Sir, multiple witnesses report you assaulting people at a party last night while screaming about...quote "cannibals trying to eat my dick". Was that you?

Uhhhhhhh...

VPC6 Round 2

Spandex Moose - A Sexy Halloween (Good Gravy!)

Stand and Deliver
VPC6
Round 4

Stand and deliver, you lyrical knaves and you DAW desperadoes!

The fourth round of the VPC is upon us and the Czarina has decreed that the melee is to commence post haste and without delay! But, the weapons of this melee are being expressly decided upon to limit the savagery and supreme saltiness that could arise from a less honorable contest of verbiage and virtuosity. And the weapons that have been elected to be the tools of this test of talent are - characters from the domain of literature, both classic and modern.

Right, now that we got all of that high brow verbosity out of the way, let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

Vocalists, you need to bring your baddest, maddest most raddest battle rap / diss tracks, but doing so IN CHARACTER of the character assigned to your teams. I’d spend some time learning the ins and outs of who you’ve been assigned, get to know them well, and become one with them.

The duals!
https://bit.ly/2pX8u1V

Producers, you’ve got a lot of free reign on how you want to design your beats. The only thing that we ask of you is that you incorporate a sample in your song from any form of existing media relating to your book. You can use samples from movies if it’s been made into a movie, audio books, TV shows, theatrical productions, the options are almost endless.

VPC6 Round 4

Spandex Moose - Crack Sherlock (Sherlock Holmes - A Sherlock diss)

Disstopia - Mr Frodo (Lord of the Rings - A Frodo diss)

Spandex Moose - Childhood Home (Ho Ho Ho Christmas Remix)

[ft. Rappy McRapperson, Ca$sand₹a Mon€t aka Ca$s Mon€¥, Ellen DeGenerate aka Christmas Carol, Climate Change Jeff and Fuck The Whole World Fred]

Double Take

Spandex Moose

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