You..me, me and you, maybe even both of us, whaddya say?

Phillip Jon Basard XXVIII is renowned worldwide. He's the biggest badass he knows, dont believe him, just ask him, he'll tell ya. He is the descendant of the legendary Viper Basard VII, who has been cited in algebra books as being the best damn rapper on a thursday night in Slidell at 10:52 pm before his untimely demise at the age of 106. Phillip began his career making beets in the kitchen. He combines elements of hiphop, asparagus, bloos, jazz, flamengo, celery, a little minced garlic and hillybilly white trash. Reviews for his music have been overwhelmingly positive, met with critical acclaim. Legend has it he attended Phillip Basard Highschool, an absolutely incredibly prestigious school named after the first Basard over 200 years ago. He earned top honors and recommendations, getting all the answers to the math questions right, they say he was able to solve simple addition problems in no time flat. He graduated from the University of Peck with 2 PhDs and 3 college degrees in anthropology, sociology and economic contingency. Phillip was also hand picked out of a select few to be a part of the Fubu team at the incredible age of 5. He's been cited as being called, "The best candy rapper in the south."

Here are just a couple of the glowing reviews he has received:
Eddy Ed Ederson of the Ottisberg tribune wrote, "I was listening to Phillip Basards latest album while grocery shopping at my local gas station and I've gotta say, you can't beat their prices. $1.99 for a can of 3 year old tomato soup? Best deal I've seen anywhere."

Ryan Ryansfeld from Elevated Airsacks went on record to say, "Phillip Basard may have made one of the records I've heard."

"After listening to the album, I feel this Phillip Basard guy may be the single biggest autist of our generation. Dude's a dud." wrote Fred Fredwick

"He definitely be the best talent around, nobody be better than him." - Phillip Basard XXVIII

But it doesn't stop there. Pre Order his new Album, "The Creamy Bust" now and receive an exclusive jar of stale mustard signed by Phillip Basard. The album is cited to be featuring artists such as Sticky Kicky, Double D Donnie, Tyrone the Claw Biggons, and the one and only, Chris. The album went triple platinum in Tibet, earning over 100 dollars, NOT TO MENTION, someone almost downloaded one of his songs in Yemen. His hit singles, "Yea" and "yup" went to the top of the chalk board charts.

Tried To Tell U

Once she sees the velvet pillow covers its over.
Countdown to wide awake and physical.....control has been yielded to the system master.
I am the Operator_
I am Seeker<
Critical threshold achieved. Authorized personnel axon spike rendezvous


HALT - MODULE CORE HEMORRHAGE

Control has been yielded to the
SYSTEM PERIL DISTRIBUTED REFLEX.
seeker > !attach Princess
fail "msg: SPDR-5.14.3

evade evade evade

!probe extern proc 1
rogue proc

!bite rogue proc 1 recurse
clean !optical confidence precursor 100

I am awake.

I Put the Cunt in Country

Rap is an amazing genre of music, populated by highly creative and intelligent people. - Wrong. Rap is complete utter hot steamy garbage written by cretins who have the emotional pallet of dried out rhino splooge.

How to become a candy rapper 101: Press some buttons to make some sick "beets" in the kitchen that literally all sound the same. Creativity level: Dead fish. My personal fav, an absolute banger of a move, just steal an already written melody by someone who isn't creatively bankrupt, so that you can talk over it in a stunningly idiotic display of complete and utter gibberish. Classic maneuver. Absolutely classic.

Don't forget to weight lift a grand total of one time and talk about how many cuts you got. Then realize you're looking at a cracked mirror and the only cuts you got going on are the ones between the cheeks of your ass. Dip your head in a vat of melted skittles and buy some off brand stick-on tattoos from Walmart. Make sure to let everyone know how much money you have, if you have to fan out 1 dollar bills in a heavily edited instagram photo, please, by all means, go for it. I will no doubt be heavily impressed. Talk about "drip" and apply a nonsensical meaning to it so that it may be used in the everyday vernacular of the tough white kids that grew up in the streets of middle class suburbia, while their parents shopped at Dillards. Talk about all the girls you bang, especially the ones who have not had plastic surgery in anyway whatsoever and definitely don't resemble garden lizards on a hot summer afternoon. Put the prefix "Lil" in your name and bam...urine..you made it. You're now a certified millionaire. As long as you bend over and let the corporate suits blow warm gooey loads up in your cheeks, you'll be driving that lambo and renting out that huge villa in Cali for promotional videos in no time flat. You won't actually own any of these things, just as long as you influence the millions of mentally stunted stumps and retards out there to eat this shit up and want to imitate you. Congratulations you cuck monkey, you're now just a marketable commodity.

Don't forget to make 20 second shorts on youtube, using the least amount of effort as possible, which will somehow garner millions of views because the average person's attention span is equated to the size of frog farts. Oh and in case you missed it, you're a talentless pleb, a half eaten peanut in the giant shit I took this morning. I'd drop the mic but I already shoved it up your ass.

Let's clear up some common misconceptions about rap.
Misconception # 1. Rap music is good:
Wrong.
Misconception # 2. Some rap music actually is pretty good:
Wrong.
Misconception # 3. Music is subjective:
Wrong. Go sniff a dog's ass and tell me that it subjectively doesn't smell that bad. Don't forget, be all like, subjective about it. Cuz you know, subjectivity and stuff. What's the age old question about a tree falling in the forest...? Something like, if you fart in a jar, is a bicycle inside a volcano?
Misconception # 4. Rap takes talent:
Ya.....sure thing Tug Majohnson. And I got a 50 inch carrot, let's see who's wrong first.
Misconception # 5. Rap is like poetry.
Wrong. However, if by poetry, you mean frothy hot peepee juice...then yes, you're correct.
My boy Lil Sippy won 2nd prize though at the arts and music festival in Downtown LA. A german shepherds shaved asshole won 1st place. 
Rated EBT

Double Travis

Rap is an amazing genre of music, populated by highly creative and intelligent people. - Wrong. Rap is complete utter hot steamy garbage written by cretins who have the emotional pallet of dried out rhino splooge.

How to become a candy rapper 101: Press some buttons to make some sick "beets" in the kitchen that literally all sound the same. Creativity level: Dead fish. My personal fav, an absolute banger of a move, just steal an already written melody by someone who isn't creatively bankrupt, so that you can talk over it in a stunningly idiotic display of complete and utter gibberish. Classic maneuver. Absolutely classic.

Don't forget to weight lift a grand total of one time and talk about how many cuts you got. Then realize you're looking at a cracked mirror and the only cuts you got going on are the ones between the cheeks of your ass. Dip your head in a vat of melted skittles and buy some off brand stick-on tattoos from Walmart. Make sure to let everyone know how much money you have, if you have to fan out 1 dollar bills in a heavily edited instagram photo, please, by all means, go for it. I will no doubt be heavily impressed. Talk about "drip" and apply a nonsensical meaning to it so that it may be used in the everyday vernacular of the tough white kids that grew up in the streets of middle class suburbia, while their parents shopped at Dillards. Talk about all the girls you bang, especially the ones who have not had plastic surgery in anyway whatsoever and definitely don't resemble garden lizards on a hot summer afternoon. Put the prefix "Lil" in your name and bam...urine..you made it. You're now a certified millionaire. As long as you bend over and let the corporate suits blow warm gooey loads up in your cheeks, you'll be driving that lambo and renting out that huge villa in Cali for promotional videos in no time flat. You won't actually own any of these things, just as long as you influence the millions of mentally stunted stumps and retards out there to eat this shit up and want to imitate you. Congratulations you cuck monkey, you're now just a marketable commodity.

Don't forget to make 20 second shorts on youtube, using the least amount of effort as possible, which will somehow garner millions of views because the average person's attention span is equated to the size of frog farts. Oh and in case you missed it, you're a talentless pleb, a half eaten peanut in the giant shit I took this morning. I'd drop the mic but I already shoved it up your ass.

Let's clear up some common misconceptions about rap.
Misconception # 1. Rap music is good:
Wrong.
Misconception # 2. Some rap music actually is pretty good:
Wrong.
Misconception # 3. Music is subjective:
Wrong. Go sniff a dog's ass and tell me that it subjectively doesn't smell that bad. Don't forget, be all like, subjective about it. Cuz you know, subjectivity and stuff. What's the age old question about a tree falling in the forest...? Something like, if you fart in a jar, is a bicycle inside a volcano?
Misconception # 4. Rap takes talent:
Ya.....sure thing Tug Majohnson. And I got a 50 inch carrot, let's see who's wrong first.
Misconception # 5. Rap is like poetry.
Wrong. However, if by poetry, you mean frothy hot peepee juice...then yes, you're correct.
Rated EBT

Triple Travis feat. Double Travis

Brice N Beans

This absolute unit of a knob polisher is a badass in the making. Phillip Jon Basard XXVIII, (better known by his stage name, Stacey Katregal) is renowned worldwide. With over 1 million followers on soundcloud, he's the biggest badass he knows, but don't take my word for it, just ask him, he'll tell ya. He hates to say it, but he's the best musician ever to walk the earth...but again, he really really hates to say it.

Basard attended Dillard's Community College, earning top honors and recommendations and received degrees in sociology, anthropology and economic contingency. Don't ask him what any of that means though. He likes to grocery shop at his local gas station for the best prices, where he's usually seen purchasing a couple half dozen eggs. 

Phillip Basard is cited as being one of the singers of all time. He knows his "abcs" and he can count to at least 10. Basard was also trained in mega karate. It's like regular karate, but mega...He's the biggest badass he knows trust him, it even says so in his book titled, "I'm the Biggest Badass I Know, Trust Me." He has the intelligence of AT LEAST THREE cans of shaving cream. That's right, we're talking Gillette here, it's serious. He's also quite the handsome devil, with some people comparing him to the Pitt, no, not Brad Pitt. Brad Arm-Pit.

Phillip Basard's latest album "Cash Money Shillionaire" went triple fire thot sauce no cap in the kindergarten department at Dillard's. His CDs were literally flying off the shelves....because of a massive tornado ripping through the store.

The Dirty Dunce wrote, "Phillip Basard has made one of the records I've ever heard."

Lil' Sippy said "Chea, I mean it do what it do kna I'm sayin, like, ya kna whada mean dawg?" - We gathered a team of nuclear physicists from around the globe to study this statement. Using advanced auto algorithms and centrifugal cranial technology, after years of analyzing this comment, they did in fact not know what he meant.

Sedrick McClane wrote, "This Basard chap is a prodigy, no one else has written music on the level of this guy, when you really break each song down at the microscopic level and read between the lines you can see that he is classically trained and really has provided an intellectual discussi....." Unfortunately we were unable to get the rest of Dunce's statement as his helmet fell off resulting in his brain falling out of his skull, which was held inside with the use of duct tape and butt paste. But trust him. Whatever he was going to say was definitely right.

Basard has made over 100 dollars last year alone!!!

Philip Basard just announced a new album in the works which he has yet to record anything for, titled "yea." Somehow it has already garnered over 3 million plays. He's in the studio writing with guitarist supreme, Steel with an "e" Manders, who plays so good that nobody has heard of him. Also joining are Tommy Jafretti, Nadaweel Persaun and Tugon MaiReena. His new single, "Mega Turbo Tough Guy, Trust Me" has received 2 grannie nominations at the national geriatric convention and local bingo league offices. They call him the best knob polisher this side the Mississippi.



BREAKING NEWS: Phillip Basard may have been spotted at a local pitstop, filling up his gas tank to his 1967 pontiac buick, complete with custom interiors designed by Xihibit. It appears that Philip Basard had the boys over at Pimp my Ride install a 10,000 sq ft aquarium in the back seat. He also has what appears to be an airplane hangar installed in the passenger seat, no doubt the handiwork of Pimp my Ride. The boys over at Pimp my Ride didn't stop there, they even installed a barbecue pit and tiki bar for good measure. Basard's incredibly badass car was spotted going over 95mph in at least 3 school zones. And that was just yesterday. Who knows how many more school zones are going to fall victim to his driving. The guy is one badass guy. Trust him. He'll tell ya. (Sources: Dude, trust me)
It seems Philip Basard has been nominated for a couple of grannies. What a guy.
They'll fit right in with his Oscars, he has a whole pack of em in the fridge.

Basard drove his car with the wind in his sails, full stop, extra drip fire sauce no cap. He then fell off a cliff. The end.

Once she sees the velvet pillow covers its over.
Countdown to wide awake and physical.....control has been yielded to the system master.
I am the Operator_
I am Seeker<
Critical threshold achieved. Authorized personnel axon spike rendezvous

HALT - MODULE CORE HEMORRHAGE

Control has been yielded to the
SYSTEM PERIL DISTRIBUTED REFLEX.
seeker > !attach Princess
fail "msg: SPDR-5.14.3

evade evade evade

!probe extern proc 1
rogue proc

!bite rogue proc 1 recurse
clean !optical confidence precursor 100

I am awake.

I Put the Cunt in Country

Stacey Katregal

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