instrumental used: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7imCQP9M0yo

Soft As Chalk (Joanna Newsom cover)

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

improvised and multitracked on some synths and a drum set using an ultra harmonizer for reverb

all the patience i've wasted // goes a long way // when i'm reintegrated // i'll be okay // sing it from the heart // sing it from the heart

Synth Dittie 4-11-23 1135p.wav

Silly ! :>

practicing making a little tune

Horsey Horse Song

Deviltown (Daniel Johnston cover)

dogbones

lyrics:

cleaning my room  acting a fool
hungry but i am too lazy to cook
tomorrow the train and wake up at five
i know i will sleep really shitty tonight
holding fries hand  being his friend
is what i want till the world one day ends
frei in my heart   i want a cat
irrelevant to the point but what da heck

forgot to brush teeth and i should take a bath
im smelly and ugly and feeling like crap
im happy and sad and always confused
i wanna go smoke but the strangers are rude

throwing shit out   three bags of shit
papers and papers that go in the bin
so much of my art  I’ve now grown to hate
but only because i once thought it was great
i like my art now and im growing from it
knowing one day i will think it is shit
throwing it out   bag after bag
but isn’t that life when you think about it

naming my furbies  dressing them up
feeling my heart swell three sizes with love
i am ok im gonna be fine
therapy starting on monday at nine

last night i cried while sorting a box
of postcard and photos and memory stuff
it felt like my life was passing me by
it still feels that way but i will just try

to live on to live on  thats all i can do
to live on and laugh and eat pizza with you
and watch the new season of bojack horseman
that comes out next week   and i know that i can

one day wake up to the sound of the cars
outside they pass by  and i am alright
cleaning my room acting a fool
isn’t that life and isn’t it good?

Isn't That Life

body works like this:
in dire need of validation
everything will revolve around that then
every little talk every word that comes outta my mouth is desperate
and hungry for a love
and hunger works like this:
been starved for true affection so i cling on to whoever treats me nice
i yearn for hugs and compliments i yearn for hugs and pats on head
like im just a spoiled little child

and im tired of feeling so small  or feeling none at all  or wanting to be seen when someones looking straight at me its like
when am i satisfied? will i ever know if i am? am i just wasting peoples time?

cause i really want to be
a person who is fine without anyone else
not a person isolated but someone who likes themselves
enough to function on their own someone who doesn’t freak out if somebodys looked at them wrong
and wrong is meaning this:
cold or maybe distant   maybe im just paranoid  but i always feel annoying  or maybe i am just annoyed
i just want to be connected   want to be completely fine  tired of feeling so conflicted about everything cause i am

tired of feelings so big  and feeling like shit   and wanting to give up on life every two seconds 
i wish i didn’t know why im so upset all the time
cause the knowing makes it harder cause i always have to compromise

tired of speaking in tongues or never speaking up  and praying everyone thinks i am somewhat good enough
i want to be my own but im at everybody’s feet
bowing to the ground and crying begging that they love me

but theres also

a little bit of fear
of everyone i know
they have this scary power 
to leave me  if they wanted
i thrive when by myself  but im scared of my head   im scared of my thoughts   im scared of feeling dead
a little bit of fear
of everyone i know  
they have this scary power
to leave me in a moment       i like it by myself   but i also need my friends   i need to feel connected   i need to leave my bed

Body Works

lyrics:
i will try not to die until im dead
cus im not dead just yet
and i will breathe and i will live until i stop
until my inner organs give up
and i will write and i will sing with all i have 
to no one in particular 
and it is fine if its the only thing i got
cus creating forever is all i want

i will listen to the people i did wrong
and i will try not to write another hundred songs 
about the girl i used to rly rly love
cus my reality is what i focus on
i will sing about my bettering instead
about the days i managed to get outta bed
and i will listen really listen to you talk
cus everyday we grow up a little more

the road to being happy really led me here
it is paved with doctors appointments yeah
but it is also paved with empathy and love
from the people i have grown to trust
and the road to truly growing took me by surprise
now im twenty-one soon i will be twenty-five
ill always hurt a bit i dont think i can ever stop
but just a littles always better than a lot

i will promise not to die until im dead
if you promise you will try to do the same
and if you loved me once i know you’ll do your best
that is all i ask and it is all ok
and i can promise that im doing all i can
even as im sweating shaking when we’re holding hands
i dont know if anybody understands 
but im alive right now at last

Not Dead Just Yet

lyrics:

im just a sorry little snail 
that slimed my way into your life
and now you almost have a kid
and now you almost have a wife
and we are sitting in your kitchen
and i watch you drawing me
you always make me look so pretty
always make me feel so seen

its been like 3 years since i met you
but i have known you all my life
cus as a kid i was so certain
there was an angel by my side
and in the nights where i was sure
that life was never gonna change
i knew to stick around for something
and it made sense the day we met

how’d you find me
how’d i find you?
why’d you like me?
like i liked you?
were you hiding all these years
or did i just not know where to look?
but now you got me
and now i got you

and we are sitting in your kitchen
and we are lighting our smokes
and you are watching me laugh dumbly
at some innapropriate joke
and that is something that i vowed to
stick around to always see
 im watching over you
the way you’ve always been watching over me

and the daniel johnston t-shirt
covered in neon pink paint
that you bought in san fransisco
but decided to give me
and all your stories of your lifetimes
of your family and friends
and all the things that you’ve created
all the lives that you have changed
i hope you know that you are special
hope you know how good you are
hope you know you’ve changed my life
and let me have another start
you are my friend and you’re my family
and if i cannot be your kid
i will still be there till forever
the way i hope you’ll be for me

Guardian Angel

lyrics:

this song won’t write it self instead i yank it out with force
i keep on twisting hoping something gives something like sweet remorse
i dont remember anymore why i now avoid my friends
something just split in me and then i kept on wishing for the end
i had a conflict brewing up, something that felt just like a storm
but now my feelings simmered down and chose to hide and shrivel up
i cannot vocalise my fears i cannot feel when i am mad
i cannot dream about the good i only dream about the bad

hi how are you? i am shit, in fact im getting worse and worse
i want to cry but i feel numb, someone just call the fucking nurse
i keep on hitting what i thought was now the lowest of my low
but then theres something under that, another endless hungry hole
i know you’ll hate me in the end, i feel it come to that at last
i am too needy, im too much, i am like touching broken glass
you cannot care for me enough, and i can’t satisfy my needs
so i will want and i will want and never feel relief
i want to die i want to dig a hole to hide in for a while
i want to sleep until i finally wake up and start to cry
i feel so strung up like a rubberband, two seconds till i pop
but i can’t stop myself from bottling everything up

i am wicked worse and what a curse that is
to be the ever lonely wicked witch
i am so overly involved
but i am still detached
i want to help you but i can’t

I Can't

Videos: https://www.youtube.com/c/theLemonyCreams

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

Glum Boy

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