This track throws you headfirst into a nightmare scenario, where one wrong move means getting torn apart. With thrashing riffs, breakneck energy, and a relentless pulse, this is the sound of sheer desperation, survival, and one hell of a bad morning.

🎧 Fight, run, or get eaten. No good choices here.

💀 From the album Punching Three Inch Teeth – Follow for more brutal metal madness!

Handcuffed To A Werewolf

The ocean is vast. The shark is hungry. And you? You’re running out of time.

This track is a high-energy, thrashing survival guide—but let’s be real, you probably won’t make it. With relentless riffs, panic-fueled energy, and a dose of dark humor, this is the ultimate soundtrack for your last swim.

How To Survive A Great White Shark Attack

Once a ruthless vampire hunter, now a relentless slayer of werewolves—this is the story of a hunter who turned his hunt from creatures of the night to the beasts of the night. Fueled by Swedish death metal brutality, thrashing riffs, and a blood-soaked war between monsters, this track is a merciless, battle-driven anthem.

🎧 The hunt never stops.

Switched From Hunting Vampires To Werewolves

Joan Jett was always the dream—the untouchable rock goddess. But what happens when she’s standing right in front of you at the bar? Heart racing, blood pressure spiking, organs failing… this isn’t love, this is a medical emergency.

With high-energy punk-infused riffs, chaotic desperation, and dark humor, this track captures the sheer, body-melting terror of meeting your idol—and literally dying from it.

Joan Jett

They were once masters of stealth, the deadliest assassins to ever walk the earth. But now? They’re brain-dead, rotting, and tripping over their own feet. This track delivers pure 80s British Steel-style metal—a high-energy, riff-driven anthem about why undead ninjas are a really, really bad idea.

a reminder that the walking dead should probably just stay dead.

Zombie Ninjas Can't Fight

Ahab had his shot. Now it’s Dirk Slasher’s turn, and Moby Dick is about to find out what that means. When the legendary white whale rises again, it’s not just about revenge—it’s a full-on battle for survival. With thundering riffs, high-energy metal, and an all-out war between man and monster, this track takes classic literature and throws it straight into the pit of metal mayhem.

Moby Dick Vs. Dirk Slasher

She’s got blood on her hands. And her feet. And her side. And her face.

Blind dates are always a gamble, but this one? It’s downright biblical. What starts as a normal night out quickly spirals into divine horror when the date shows up rocking full-blown stigmata—wounds of the saints, tears of blood, and a crown of thorns that raises way too many questions.

With driving riffs, eerie melodies, and a mix of dark humor and creeping dread, this track is a metal anthem for anyone who's ever had a date go horribly, horribly wrong.

🎧 Is stigmata contagious? Hit play and find out.

💀 From the album Punching Three Inch Teeth – Follow for more metal madness!

My Blind Date Has Stigmata

At first, being alone at the end of time doesn’t seem so bad—no job, no traffic, no rules. But as the sky turns red, the air turns to sand, and time itself starts to collapse, the reality kicks in. The world is literally burning down, and there’s only one thing left to do… pour a drink and watch it all go to hell.

With 80s metal energy, dark humor, and a relentless ride into the apocalypse, this track is a thrash-fueled anthem for the last man alive.

🎧 No lines, no rules, no future. Hit play and count down the seconds.

I Woke Up At The End Of Time

🔥 A PSA from Dirk Slasher 🔥

The fight for workers’ rights isn’t quiet—it’s loud, heavy, and impossible to ignore. This track delivers pounding riffs, raw aggression, and a message carved through steel: real workers keep the world moving.

🎧 Stand up. Fight back. And turn this up to 11.

💀 From the mind of Dirk Slasher – Follow for more metal with a message!

Robots Don't Pay Taxes

Well, this is awkward. But when Distrokid leaves you hanging and Spotify kills your music over AI bullshit, sometimes you gotta write a song about it.

I got falsely flagged for AI-generating track hits, even though I wasn’t. DistroKid did nothing. Spotify pulled my album—twice—without proof. I fought, I got bounced between chatbots, and I waited for answers that never came. So now? They get a track in their honor. And here’s the thing—Dirk Slasher doesn’t go quietly.

This is a full-throttle metal takedown of the gatekeepers who would rather trust an algorithm than the artists who built their platforms.

💀 From the mind of Dirk Slasher – Follow for more artist-owned, unkillable metal!

Distrokid and Spotify Vs. Dirk Slasher

🔥 DIRK SLASHER – METAL, MAYHEM, AND MADNESS 🔥
🚧 It Started with a Collapse. Then Came the Music. 🚧

In March 2024, the Francis Scott Key Bridge collapsed, shutting down the Port of Baltimore and leaving thousands of workers—including me—out of work for months. With time on my hands and chaos in the world, I did the only thing that made sense...That’s when Dirk Slasher decided to make an album.I started experimenting with Suno, crafting music by combining raw ideas, lyrics, and concepts into something massive. From there, I took those tracks into Logic Pro, still learning, still innovating, pushing every song to hit harder, sound bigger, and bring stories to life in ways I never imagined.
🎭 Story-Driven Metal with No Boundaries
Dirk Slasher isn’t about whining or self-pity—it’s about fighting monsters, facing the apocalypse, and laughing in the face of doom. Every song tells a story, from battling chupacabras with a pointy stick to Dirk himself taking on Moby Dick.The music itself? A brutal mix of thrash, industrial, and horror-fueled chaos. Some tracks punch like old-school Sabbath, others hit like Ministry on a warpath. One moment, you’re in an 80s British Steel throwback, the next, it’s a full-speed hair metal anthem straight out of a neon-drenched, leather-clad fever dream. No two songs sound the same, because where’s the fun in that?And if you think that’s it—Dirk Slasher is also a gamer. I stream Call of Duty Zombies, Zombie Army 4, horror shooters, and anything that lets me cause mayhem on my YouTube channel. Expect wild commentary, over-the-top action, and some of the dirtiest tricks in the book. And yeah, all my music is on my channel too.
🔥 Join the Madness – Follow & Listen 🔥
This is independent, underground metal with no limits. No label, no corporate nonsense—just raw, unfiltered mayhem. Follow for metal that’s brutal, ridiculous, and 100% unstoppable.🎧 Find me here on SoundCloud, and catch me on YouTube for even more madness.
📺 YouTube Channel: Dirk Slasher💀 Dirk Slasher was here.

New tracks tagged #Dirk-Slasher,