After over a year away, on a whim, I pressed record and said some stuff over an instrumental. It turns out I missed and needed this. An accident turned into a blessing. This track captures a moment that inevitably became the first step in reinventing myself as an artist. 

(Too faded, so by mistake I played the instrumental instead of the song I wanted, so figured I might as well try a thing.)

Lyrics (if I were to fix the fumbles):
I’m missing you baby
I don’t know how to describe it,
With “I love you”, maybe?

And I’ve been missing you baby
And I don’t know how to describe it
Maybe it’s love
Maybe it’s something else 
Or none of the above…
Sometimes I wonder, how much you really love me back.
Sometimes I wonder, will I ever release this track?

I freestyle sometimes, 
I freestyle, maybe not too frequently, 
but I miss it always.
And I come back to it gently.
Try to be slow, try to slow down.

If I wanted, I could be ruling over this whole fucking town.
Instead, I’m down, sitting in my basement.
I’m sitting in my room, taking drugs, awaiting my doom.
And I don’t even know…
How did I get here?
How do I get out of here even?
IDK, I just keep on breathing, but breathing slowly.
Holding my breath, counting to 10…
What will happen to me then? Where will I end up? And will I be well?

And this beat, I stole it from Juice,
Coz he is one of the very few things in my life that define my truth.
Likewise,  I know I’m not right, but I am not wrong
I just felt like I had to mention him in this very song, hey.

Can you even tell?
I wish I could tell, I wish I could sell, I wish I could say anything else
Than all the things I am saying which I then regret when I end up playing 
With my thoughts, they haunt me and I wish 
I could stop thinking just for a second…

Does anybody want me?
Sometimes I wonder, if I even want myself…
Help me…
I am living in hell.
There is no way out.
I’m stuck here forever.
I know I wanted nothing to do with finding peace,
So no peace for me.
This won’t change, ever.

I’m glad I tried this…

⁺1st December 2024


running on empty - freestyle

So, you're here, listening to some emo kid's thoughts... Something 'bout pace'n'chase, melancholic af. Then-boom, the bars be doin' a backflip. 
Half this, half that, 100% vibes tho. Just letting my brain do its thing. 
Now, which is the "bigger" half?


(10th of February 2025)



P.S. Sorry I procrastinated, sometimes I get shy.

50 free & 50 style (good) - freestyle

One of my favourite throwbacks to summer of 2023. I poured my heart while low-key faded. Then made two more and left the house. Until "running on empty" I did not dare to freestyle again. But I'm back here and I'm chasing :p

Happy late birthday to the baddest pink bitch I know and shoutout to Tinder for bringing this gold class cutie into my life :3

Big thanks to my creative adhd stopper advisor Susan who just gets me. And thanks to the birthday girl for drawing this cute bunny on my wall <3

Stay sober kids its good for ya.

pink freestyle

Circling right back to the raw emotional style of my first upload, I'd love to share another freestyle, initially saved with the working title of "saddo english freestyle", which turned into a wordplay inspired by the absolute classic from Bring Me The Horizon - Shadow Moses. It just so happened I stumbled upon a glass pane with words straight out of this song... So I took a selfie with it and rebranded this unrelated sadgirl confession as a tribute to my absolute life guide of a band. 

Recorded on 18th of February 2025.

Saddo Moses

I turn my hell upside down.
In pursuit of despair, breathing recycled air.

New tracks tagged #NoProduction