THERE IS NO PANIC BUTTON AT THE ABBATOIR

CHUR @xx_vercetti_xx at FIRST OF THE MONTH 95BFM

SCAMITANGA [LIVE MIX] on First of the Month @ 95bFM May 2023

wow! 2 releases back to back in a very short amount of time?! what the hell is he doing!?
this song is basically my pent up rage in audio form, a lot of it represents screaming so the entire song is extremely LOUD. capitalized LOUD. be warned. there is practically 0 build up to the distorted instruments. it starts off pissy and it stays pissy.
enjoy

bandcamp: https://stifledchaos.bandcamp.com/track/noize

youtube: https://youtu.be/DrnIAyrf2DM

NOIZE

@benjithemachine 💙

lyrics

This is what I mean when I tell you that
You’re the only reason my heart got cracked
It don’t matter, if I heart your voice then I run faster 
Got no cuts but my heart needs a plaster
I fall and hit the ceiling idk if you mean it
You leave and come back like a Phoenix
I dont wanna love you but I need it 
The feeling, it’s hurting :(
I don’t think, it’s worth it 
You beg me, unnerving 
You burn me, like furnace
I won’t kiss you, I’ll let you know!
My heart needs patches like fentanyl </3
I drink too much so I lose focus
I hope no one around me noticed

This is what I mean when I tell you that
You’re the only reason my heart got cracked
It don’t matter, if I heart your voice then I run faster 
Got no cuts but my heart needs a plaster*
I fall and hit the c-ceiling idk if you mean it
You leave and come back like a p-phoenix
I dont wanna love you but I need it
Yh I need it
Yh I need it 
YH I NEEED IT
YH I NEEED IT
yhH I NEedD It
yhH I NEedD It
Yh I need it
Yh I need it

I Need It [benjithemachine]

[Intro]

Yeah, I know...
If I screw it up again -
It’s not “ADHD,”
It’s just me bein' a selfish piece of -



[Verse 1]

Every plan’s a ticking bomb, I hug it like a plushie toy
Try to hold the timeline, but I glitch like a broken boy
Forget the promise? Now I'm trash.
“But you said!”  - yeah, I crash
Not outta spite, I swear on that,
My mind just cuts the tether fast.

I calendar my guilt, I tattoo every slip,
I’m loyal like a dog that bites itself until it rips.
You think I flake? No, I implode.
I'm fireworks inside a code
Of honor no one sees -  just modes
Of failure dressed in “sorry” oaths.



[Pre-Chorus]

I’m the patron saint of “Let Me Help You,”
Bleeding out just to stay useful!
I’ll drown just to refill your cup - 
'Cause my worth’s in not fuckin’ up!



[Chorus]

I’m sorry I exist this way - 
Half ghost, half runaway cliché.
Every friend’s a shrine I guard,
But I worship wrong and try too hard.
I mean well -  that’s my curse,
Built to serve, but break things worse.
Don’t hate me when I vanish, please - 
It’s not betrayal -  it’s disease.



[Verse 2]

I map your needs like sacred land,
Then step on mines with both my hands.
Hyperfocus on your smile,
But forget to text back for a while.
Now I'm Cain, now I'm Judas,
Now I feel like “they never knew us.”
But I was there -  in every twitch,
Just locked in loops I couldn’t switch.

I feel like failure’s in my flesh,
I lacerate myself with “yes.”
I say “I got you” - overextend,
But underdeliver -  burn every friend.
You think I don’t care? I care too much.
I hear your tone shifts like a punch.
I read your silence like a threat - 
My love's a debt I can't offset.



[Bridge]

Even strangers get to vote
On how much of me I show.
I perform like I got worth,
While dragging hell under my shirt.
I’m a clown with bleeding shoes - 
Smiling while I always lose.
Laugh it off -  “ha-ha, so quirky,”
But inside -  I’m full of turkey.

(…no wait that line's fake deep, let me fix it…)



[Bridge]

But inside -  I’m just a punchline
Wearing trauma like a merch line.



[Breakdown]

This ain’t a cry for help - 
It’s a war report.
I’m fighting every thought
Just to not fall short.
So if I ghost,
Or if I break,
It ain’t your fault - 
It’s my mistake.



[Final Chorus]

I’m sorry I exist this way - 
A fragile maze of disarray.
But I would die to be your friend,
Even if I break again.
I’m not enough, but damn, I try - 
So don't forget me when I lie.
It’s not a game. It’s not a phase.
It’s a storm I can't erase.



[Outro]

I’d rather bleed than disappoint.
But maybe that’s the point...

Im Sorry I Exist


[Verse 1]

I’ve been screaming in plain text - but no one reads.
They call it sadness - no, I’m diseased.
Paranoia nested in my brainstem,
Truth and fiction - they fuck in tandem.

No more forward. No escape routes.
I stopped running - now the void runs out.
Every day I sit still while the pressure grows -
I’m rotting in silence where no light goes.



[Pre-Chorus]

I don't wanna die -
I just don’t know how to stay alive.
If someone’s out there…
If you still care…



[Chorus]

FIND ME! - I’m lost inside corrupted code.
HELP ME! - My mind’s not just “an episode.”
SAVE ME! - Drag me to a fucking therapist -
Before I crash beyond repair in this abyss!



[Verse 2]

I used to fight - used to bleed to feel.
Now I watch myself decay through glass and steel.
Obstacles rise - I stay in place.
This system's failing - no saving grace.

Tried to hang myself… the rope snapped clean.
Cried for help… but I wasn’t seen.
They told me, “You’re dramatic, it’s all in your head.”
Then why does it feel like I’m already dead?



[Breakdown]

I AM A BUG IN HUMAN FORM
NULL AND VOID - MALFORMED
CRASH ME. ERASE ME.
OR FUCKING FACE ME.



[Bridge]

I don't grieve what I lost - I became what’s missing.
I’m not surviving - I’m decomposing, glitching.
This isn’t heartbreak - it’s hard reset.
Tell me how much darker it fucking gets.



[Chorus]

FIND ME! - I'm not sound, I'm not okay!
REBOOT ME! - Rewire this disarray.
HEAR ME! - I'm begging through distortion -
I need a mind, not another fucking portion.



[Final Breakdown]

Find me…
FIND ME!
Save me…
SAVE ME!
Please…
FUCKING FIND ME!



[Outro]

If you’re still human…
And you heard this transmission…
This ain’t art - it’s a black box recording.
I’m waiting.
Still waiting.
…Find me.



FIND ME

開頭迅速爆炸，未設緩衝，中段突然切入鬼畜降頻段，然後反彈至高頻過載，收尾直接聲音抽離，像是壞掉直接斷線

Dramatic Irritation

[Verse 1]
Trapped in my skull, the silence screams loud,
A fractured reflection, I'm lost in the crowd.
The weight of the void, it pulls me apart,
Abandoned, forsaken, a hole in my heart.

[Pre-Chorus]
I reach for a shadow, but it slips through my hands,
The echoes of nothing, where my soul stands.

[Chorus]
I'm drowning in loneliness, a ghost in my skin,
The war in my mind, where the darkness begins.
Every scar tells a story, every scream feels alive,
But I'm chained to this emptiness, just trying to survive.

[Verse 2]
Flashbacks ignite, like flames in my veins,
The past is a prison, it tightens the chains.
I’m clawing for meaning, but it’s slipping away,
A life in the shadows, where no one will stay.

[Pre-Chorus]
I scream to the heavens, but no one replies,
The ghost of my trauma lives deep in my eyes.

[Chorus]
I'm drowning in loneliness, a ghost in my skin,
The war in my mind, where the darkness begins.
Every scar tells a story, every scream feels alive,
But I'm chained to this emptiness, just trying to survive.

[Bridge]
I’m never enough, I’m always too much,
The mirror reflects a stranger I trust.
My heart’s a battlefield, torn and confined,
Will I ever escape this cage in my mind?

[Breakdown]
TEAR IT DOWN!
SHATTER THE SILENCE, BREAK THE CHAINS!
TEAR IT DOWN!
I’LL FIGHT THIS WAR, BUT THE PAIN REMAINS!

[Chorus]
I'm drowning in loneliness, a ghost in my skin,
The war in my mind, where the darkness begins.
Every scar tells a story, every scream feels alive,
But I'm chained to this emptiness, just trying to survive.

Loud Silence

https://github.com/EllectricSlide/ukranian-drill/blob/main/README.md (TRANSCRIPT)
mono mic test turned meltdown.
stream-of-consciousness vocals, no beat, no mercy.
glitchy, gendered, unscripted and slightly cursed.

ukrainian dronecore.mp3

[Verse 1]
I’m crawling through a mess of broken dreams,
Everything reminds me of deceitful schemes.
Truth wears a mask, lies dressed in white,
And I can’t recognize which side to fight.

[Pre-Chorus]
Paranoia feels like rusted chains,
Fear strikes fast, engraving my brain.
Every sign looks the same by night and day,
B.P.D. drags me the wrong way.

[Chorus]
I’m fuckin’ tired, living blind while my scars still bleed,
Where fiction shuffles facts and my mind deceives.
I’m knee-deep in chaos, screaming through the seams,
Don’t see the thunderstorm buried in black skies of sin.

[Verse 2]
Every random chance feels like a loaded gun,
Every secret starts a war I’ve never won.
Reality’s blockade, scratched by demons’ claws,
Still I move forward, breaking their laws.

[Pre-Chorus]
Paranoia knocks as truth hides weak,
White noise surrounds, my vision bleak.
I’ve crossed the edge - insanity’s proof,
Bloody rain drips through my shattered roof.

[Chorus]
I’m fuckin’ tired, living blind while my scars still bleed,
Where fiction shuffles facts and my mind deceives.
I’m knee-deep in chaos, screaming through the seams,
Don’t see the thunderstorm buried in black skies of sin.

[Bridge]
“Man, you’re drowning in a pool of shit,”
I told myself as my brain split.
Painful echoes scream inside my head -
Wake me up before it’s painted red.

[Breakdown]
Truth and lies crawl fast, leaving their trace,
I’ve lost my damned soul in the darkest place.
Sirens of pain fill the air with noise,
I push out the demons just using my voice.

[Final Chorus]
I’m fuckin’ tired, living blind while my scars still bleed,
Where fiction shuffles facts and my mind deceives.
I’m knee-deep in chaos, drowning in screams,
Too far gone to wake from these fever dreams.

Derealized/Depersonalized

[Verse 1]
Haven’t you seen them - walking through the void,
Eyes burned out, turned to remnants of days?
The streets are breathing sorrow and decay,
And yet you scroll, and look the other way.

[Pre-Chorus]
You call it life - I call it absence,
A thousand faces drowned in blind obedience.

[Chorus]
Haven’t you seen them - broken inside?
The empty mass with nowhere to hide.
You feed the dark, you call it peace,
But tell me - when did the feeling cease?

[Verse 2]
Haven’t you seen them - standing in the rain,
No pulse left, just echoes of pain?
They stare through air, they stare through walls,
And still you praise your empty calls.

[Bridge - Breakdown]
Haven’t you seen the light fade slow?
Haven’t you felt the undertow?
They’re slipping below, one by one -
And still you call it living, son.

[Final Chorus / Outro]
Haven’t you seen them - eyes to the ground,
Souls erased without a sound?
Haven’t you heard the mourning hum -
The silence where we’ve all gone numb?
(Haven’t you seen them... seen them... seen them?)

Haven’t You Seen Them..?

he/it/she/mew/sin/lust/riddle - breakcore, speedcore, chiptune, and maybe some mashcore - i am creature. do not perceive. (please perceive actually)
i make all my covers on ms paint on purpose

loud they/them, "cracked"... figuratively speaking. i am the white eminem, i am clean babygirl jesse pinkman

tech house beats, aggressive basslines, edgy lyrics, metal & trap influence. its just supposed to be fun...
reach me on discord: ellectricslide
https://www.deviantart.com/entraptarapta

previous incarnations; 
https://soundcloud.com/trap-trap-519320901
https://soundcloud.com/dzunderscorelproductions

NGĀSTI is CRDIO + SEZZO 
complaints: ngaaaasti@gmail.com

Brian Fuata "SEINI_TRANSMIT" /  10 Aug '24  @ Sumer Gallery Akl NZ
Walter's Prize/AKL Contemporary Afterparty / 5 Jul '24 Akl NZ
Christchurch Art Gallery / 24 Nov '23, Chch NZ
Mechatok / 23 Sept '23 @ Whammy Bar, NZ
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Previously Sezzo's Soundcloud
Ngāpuhi DJ from Aotearoa NZ via Naarm/Meanjin
sezzosnot@gmail.com

Sezzo Shows:
2023
11 Nov - Door 84 opening @ Meanjin
2 Jun - Happy Kids Archive @ Samoa House Library
22 Apr - SUBZERO, Underground (St Kevin's K road), NZ
18 Mar - Depot Artspace, Light Night, Auckland Arts Fest NZ
11/12 Mar - Hope St Radio stage/House of Mince stage @ Pitch Music and Arts Festival, Naarm, Aus
4 Mar - Club 77 World Pride Takeover (Sydney) w/ Dameela/Halfqueen/Nina Las Vegas
4 Mar - Nasty Party, Factory Theatre, Sydney Mardi Gras, Aus
18 Feb - Auckland Pride, Britomart NZ
22 Jan - Hope St Radio (This Mob), Naarm Aus
8 Jan - Umami Day Party, Naarm/Melbourne

2022
2 Dec - Daddy Daycare, Everybody's Late, Auckland
19 Nov - The Gift (Artspace Aotearoa), No. 7, Auckland
18 June - East St Hall, Auckland
25 Feb - Le Fag, Melbourne CANCELLED/OMICRON
19 Feb - Melbourne Art Fair CANCELLED/OMICRON
23 Jan - Judy Free @ Yot Club, Raglan NZ

2021
23 Dec - BOILER ROOM x UMAMI, Melbourne CANCELLED/OMICRON
30 July - Asahi Sessions w/ Halfqueen B2B @ Longroom, Auckland
16 July - Lei Lei Kung "Home for a Bunny" @ Neo Gracie / Samoa House Library, Akl
18 June - Parasite Gallery, Akl
28 May - "Slow Boil" party for Artspace Aotearoa, Samoa House Fale, Akl

2020
18 Jan - Uniiqu3, Martyn Bootyspoon + more (Sydney)
1 Feb - Ngāti Kangaru (Cement Fondu, Syd)

2019
Jan - MONAFOMA w/ Nidia Minaj, Shyboi
4 Apr - Ngāti Kangaru @ Institute of Modern Art w/ Jamaica Moana + more
26 Apr - Sanctum w/ Toni Yotzi + more (Melb)
9 May - Oscar Key Sung @ Angel Bar (Melb)
10 May - Independent Curating Panel (Verge Gallery, Syd)
18 May - Bahdoesa (Loop, Melb)
31 May - Nightfall (Boney)
7 Jun - Sanctum (Boney)
9 Jun - Hope St Radio (Lazerpig)
9 Jun - One Day Sundays (Penny Black, Melb) 
27 Jun - Sanctum (Section 8)
29 Jun - Hybrid Festival feat. Ngāti Kangaru w/ Fatima Al Qadiri + Aisha Devi + Lotic + DJ Stingray + Omar S + more (Melb)
29 Jun - Precog experimental DJ and reading performance w/ Matka (Emerging Writer's Festival, Melb)
4 July - Justin Shoulder/Corin, Palais de Tokyo (PARIS, FR)
11 July - Fempre$$: Motherlode @ Arts House (Melb)
14 July - Rogue Cuts (Boney)
15 July - 3CR with DJ Abyss
20 July - Unicorns @ Queer Pride (Rubix Warehouse, Melb)
25 July - Zobi Wan (Ferdyduke, Melb)
26 July - Leak Your Own Nudes (Loop, Melb)
9 August - 25th Anniversary of Tasty!
16 August - Filthy w/ Half Queen (Akl, NZ)
2 Aug - Athletica (Syd)
8 Sep - "Home Is Where the Club Is" Panel @ Melbourne Writer's Festival w/ Miss Blanks + more (Kaleide Theatre, RMIT Melb)
20 Sept - Fluxxx Club (Crazy Arms, Melb)
18 Oct - Red Bull Music Festival, 1800DOOF (Le Fag @ Yours&Mine, Melb)w/ Dinamarca + Leonce
2 Nov - Momentum, Next Wave Festival 35th Birthday
4 Nov - Hope St Radio (Rooftop, Melb)
8 Nov - Umami ! (Melb)
9 Nov - Peel St Fest @ Grace Darling
14 Nov - Melbourne Music Week, Opening Night "Swell" (Melb)
21 Nov - Writing and Concepts: Club Theory 2.0 Lecture w/ Sally Olds (Mpavilion, Melb)
21 Nov - Chunky Move Party @ Chapter House (Flinders Lane, Melb)
1 Dec - One Day Sundays (Bourke St Courtyard)
6 Dec - PRECOG: TE-MOANA-NUI-A-KIWA (Firstdraft, Syd)

Selected pre-2019 performances:
Charli XCX presented by VICE - Melbourne
Moor Mother and Black Quantum Futurism - Melbourne
Cher @ Mardi Gras - Sydney
Dark Mofo - Hobart
Monafoma - Hobart
Coolio - Brisbane
Le1f - Brisbane, Sydney and Hobart
Melbourne Music Week - Melbourne Town Hall mainstage, Melbourne

Talks:
UNSW 2020 talk "Friendships" exhibition
https://artdesign.unsw.edu.au/unsw-galleries/programs/flesh-meet-dj-sezzo
Institute of Modern Art interview 2020
https://makingart.work/projects/interno/sezzo

Writing:
KILL YOUR DARLINGS “What does is mean to be Māori in Australia” article for Waitangi Day - Feb 2021 
https://www.killyourdarlings.com.au/article/what-does-it-mean-to-be-Māori-in-australia/
LIEU JOURNAL “Peace is a bunch of shit” article about the essence of parties - August 2020
https://www.lieujournal.com/Sezzo.php
UN MAGAZINE Issue 13.2 for Un Projects “The Clubbing Ape” article as Kōtare 
https://unprojects.org.au/issue/13-2/
RUNWAY JOURNAL Issue 39: Ocean edition “Te Moana Nui a Kiwa  - Māori in Te Ao Moemoea” article as Kōtare
http://runway.org.au/39oceans
“CLUB THEORY” ARTICLE 2018
Published “Club Theory” in AQNB, philosophical article about clubbing with Sally Olds
https://www.aqnb.com/2018/05/03/club-theory-two-recombinant-texts-on-the-impossible-space-between-theory-experience-by-sally-olds-dj-sezzo/

New tracks tagged #bpdcore