I always wondered why I am so pumped full with adrenalin after my brother died and was bullied at work. I am not a fan of kitvhem psychplogy and self-help gurus, but I found a great explanatiom on reddit once that klicked with me. 

PTSD & Adrenalin

Frequency Fix
by StrayHorse
Original song written, performed and recorded by Eric Nash
Eric Nash - vocals, acoustic guitars, harmonica

Lyrics

It was 66, eight years old
In my nan's old place
Past two years in boarding school
It was good to see her face

I played out in her garden
Rode my bike around
Got my very first radio
I loved to hear that sound

Oh radio, sweet radio
You changed my life so good
Oh radio, sweet radio
You saved my childhood

I tuned right in, to 1410
The DJ's name was Red
I listened every night and day
The songs stayed in my head

That rock and roll, that Motown sound
The riffs, the beat so fine
Tubes a'humming, all that drumming
Etched into my mind

Oh radio, sweet radio
You changed my life so good
Oh radio, sweet radio
You saved my childhood

Harp solo

I dreaded going back to school
Abuse, neglect, the pain
I had to leave my radio
But the music still remained

Summertime would come again
I closed my eyes in bed
I felt relief, amidst the grief
The tunes stayed in my head

Oh radio, sweet radio
You changed my life so good
Oh radio, sweet radio
You saved my childhood

So thank you, thank you radio
You helped me make it through
I wrote this song to think about
I wrote this song for you

Thank you Red

© 2025 - Eric Nash (SOCAN/ASCAP)




Frequency Fix - original song written, performed and recorded by StrayHorse, Eric Nash, 2025

I wrote this song about my life.  Hopefully some of you can relate.  Mental health and healing is quite a journey.  I tried to capture a piece of what it feels like in that situation being completely honest with myself.  It is hard to share stuff like this, but let my music be the outlet.

(The song is now complete however this is not the final draft, just a draft with the completed lyrics)

Mental Hospital

Response to South London and Maudsley (SLaM) NHS Foundation Trust continuing to bullsh!t NHS mental health clients with diagnosed PTSD. AI converted text to audio. 

To Lambeth South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust (SLaM)

My 2nd response to Lambeth South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust, SCPT mental health service about their horrible treatment since years. 

To Lambeth South London & Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust - Part 2

Fed up with NHS Lambeth Secondary Care Psychological Therapies (SCPT) 

Fed up with the Lambeth Mental Health Service (SCPT)

This is not just a song. It’s a confession. A heartbeat. A breath taken after nearly giving up. Written in the aftermath of a suicide attempt, “I’m Still Here” is the sound of survival, raw, vulnerable, and painfully honest.

Every lyric was pulled from a place of deep trauma, and yet… there’s light. There’s life. It’s about what it means to keep going when everything inside says stop.

For anyone who’s ever felt invisible, misunderstood, or broken—this song is for you.

I don’t know where the road leads. But I know I’m still on it.

ADEB

Still Here

Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,

The first tragedy of the gifted child is that no one sees them for who they are.

Instead, they are seen as reflections—mirrors of their parents' unmet needs, unfulfilled dreams, and hidden insecurities. 

And so, in the quiet corridors of childhood, where love should be unconditional, a cruel exchange is made: be what they want, or risk losing love altogether.

Alice Miller’s The Drama of the Gifted Child is not merely a book—it is a revelation, an emotional earthquake that shatters the illusion of the ‘happy childhood’ many of us have been conditioned to protect. 

With unflinching honesty, Miller peels away the polite, respectable veneer of family life to expose the deep wounds left by emotionally starved parents, the unspoken rules of conditional love, and the exiled, hidden self of the child who learned that being real was not safe.



Subscribe: www.antonvolney.com/subscribe

Permission to be Powerful - The Tragic Genius of the Gifted Child_ A Deep Dive into Alice Miller’s Masterpiece

A dark track capturing a dark mood. The struggle to keep fighting from the lowest point, themes of ideation, reflecting on the need to do better.

Follow for more 👊🏻

The End

Stupid Fucking Los3r G1rl

this isn't what i want!
this isn't what i want!
this isn't what i want!
this isn't what i want!
this isn't what i want!
this isn't what i want!
this isn't what i want!
this isn't what i want!

loser girl, neet
i swear all i do is sleep
i lock myself away 
and i vomit while i weep
i just smoke cause i dont even wanna
live another week
just sit remaining thoughtless 
and crying till im bleak 

just another spiral
ill be normal when im done
rotting in my bed
i used to be someones son
just another disappointment
and another waste of breath
im just crying into fabric
while i sit awaiting death

there's a gun in my nightstand
and there's knives in my walls
ill take the treat of lead 
while i watch the spiders crawl
i cant even make a living
i can just barely survive
im just really hoping i dont make it out of here alive

loser girl, neet
i swear all i do is sleep
i lock myself away 
and i vomit while i weep
i just smoke cause i dont even wanna
live another week
just sit remaining thoughtless 
and crying till im bleak 

this isn't what i want!
this isn't what i want!
this isn't what i want!
this isn't what i want!
this isn't what i want!
this isn't what i want!
this isn't what i want!
this isn't what i want!

failure 
loser
kill her
what is the purpose of you being alive?

disaster
scream louder
she's shattered
why wont you just fucking die?

tell me that you love me cause i hate myself 
worthless fucking failure wishing I was someone else
living like im thinking that I cracked the code
vomiting my thoughts that have overflowed
I cant shut my mind up, so I cant sleep
slicing up my skin, why can't I cut deep?
tell me that im worth it, tell me im not weak
tell me im not easy, tell me im not a freak

worthless stupid heap
fucking slain me like a sheep
i breakdown like this
once a month
or its every fucking week
overdose on E
left my psyche in debris
watch me while i cut my thighs
my self hate has hit its peak

loser girl, neet
i swear all i do is sleep
i lock myself away 
and i vomit while i weep
i just smoke cause i dont even wanna
live another week
just sit remaining thoughtless 
and crying till im bleak

I N33D H3LP!

I N33D H3LP!1!!!!!1!!!!!

I write all my lyrics—this is my therapy, my outlet.
I use Suno to bring my music to life, crafting the sound I hear in my head.

I’m new to music, but not to feeling. After burnout, heartbreak, and unprocessed grief, I picked up the pen—and this is what came out. Every song is a step through my story.

First release: 15/07/25. Be kind 🖤♥️✌🏻

Drop a follow if you’re ready for the ride, and send a message—I love hearing what you think.

This is just small space to speak about the biggest taboo subject in life: death. :-) 
Something we ALL will experience and we all will experience loss. But we silence death to death. Soundcliud is limited, I'm working on another platform to dedicate to this taboo subject we all face.
My # 1 subject is to STOP making bereaved people feel guilty when people without crisis want to have a good time but feel the bereaved spoil their party! Stop putting the burden and blame on bereaved, on sick, on vulnerable people so you can feel selfish. I cover a lot of anger, and it's time for bereaved people to keep speaking out. Louder.

MY C1RCU1TS ARE FR13D AND MY F1L3S ARE CORRUPT3D!
MY C1RCU1TS ARE FR13D AND MY F1L3S ARE CORRUPT3D!
MY C1RCU1TS ARE FR13D AND MY F1L3S ARE CORRUPT3D!
MY C1RCU1TS ARE FR13D AND MY F1L3S ARE CORRUPT3D!
MY C1RCU1TS ARE FR13D AND MY F1L3S ARE CORRUPT3D!
MY C1RCU1TS ARE FR13D AND MY F1L3S ARE CORRUPT3D!
MY C1RCU1TS ARE FR13D AND MY F1L3S ARE CORRUPT3D!

Basement recording artist, bedroom songwriter, bathroom singer, multi-instrumentalist. Folk, blues, alternative, rock, indie and anything that grooves.

New tracks tagged #cptsd