thank you all for stopping by,hope you enjoyed the show

Don't Hug Me I'm Scared Vs. The Truman Show

Main Cast:
Cri as Pyro (Video) 
Swoldow as Pyro (Audio) 

Cri as Jacket (Video) 
Belle Beniko as Jacket (Audio) 
garbageGothic as Jacket’s recorder 

Beat by Allrounda
Mixed by: Serena
Written by: Cri
Thumbnail by: M!CAH

Battle:

Pyro:
The fire burns like the sun nobody is safe to run 
Warning! Warning! for you this won't be fun
I strike up a match and things turn for the worst
But if you want to strike a match then I’ll let it all burn

It will only take a second to rip you open and spill your guts
But while killing a hobo you tipped over and went to spill your guts
Like Soldier with Zhanna you ain't getting any leisure
At least when I leave people shaking it’s fear, not fucking seizures 

Went into a losing battle with a band of men,
but was too quick to book it. Turned to abandonment
Was hauled off to safety by your friend to prevent your ends 
But since Beard was cut off you started smashing heads

I don’t care about no silent assassins I’ll turn your ass into grass quick 
Air blast back your attacks to make you disappear like it's magic
Like your girl in the bathroom, Left 4 Dead, man it’s tragic
That you had to get a PAYDAY 2 not get trashed like an addict

Jacket:
Do you know what time it is? Time to stop all of your rambling 
You may have heat but it’s nothing to the streets of Miami
A harbinger of death, but it’s simply just a rumor 
Cause he may not have cancer, but you're still your teams biggest tumor

You used to be leaving people questioning “Why’s Pyro cynical?”
But now all they can think of you is “Why Pyrocynical!”
It’s typical, but I find it ironic you can't spit hotter
So I’ll snuff this pyro’s flame leaving RED in the water

A mute mercenary maiming men begging for attention 
Yet this infantile infantry isn't meant to have a weapon
But with a finger on the trigger I'm prone to leave any ringer dead
Cause there's nothing stopping me even with a bullet through my head

Go ahead and turn off your fire before I get my guns and fire 
To leave the flames going higher Pyro’s burning as a pyre
Cause out of everyone on your team you're still the most useless member
So please exercise caution when aggravating my temper

Pyro:
You've been a hoax ever since the moment you were first deployed
Finished the objective of the movement that you wanted to destroy
But addressing the depressing acts they used to send a message
You’ll need more than 50 blessings to not leave this battle headless

Jacket:
Claim I’m a hoax while you’ve stayed as a joke
Just the trope of the foe meant to go as unknown
I go for the throat make you choke on your smoke
Thank you all for stopping by we hope you enjoyed the show

Pyro vs Jacket - TF2 vs Anything (ft. Swoldow, garbageGothic, and Belle Beniko)

acemusic as Yuno Gasai
Alen as Jason Voorhees
Beat by Dansonn
Mixed by Fightmarker
Written by Cole

Yuno (0:13)
This is the menace I’m meant to dispose of? A washed up old loser whos trapped in the past
I come strapped to battle with axes and malice my plan is to dice up what's left of your ass
No Freddy or Carrie, I’m more than prepared to bury your body after you bleed all night
If you were one chose as a holder it’s hopeless; I’m not even sure you can read or write
Your series died, trapped under waivers and papers, then just replaced by another
So I’ll do you a favor and cut off your head, just one more way you can be like your mother
Let’s get to the chase, my love is alive, it’s been many decades since you’ve been embraced
Spent years stuck under the crashing of waves, rotting at the bottom of Camp Crystal Lake
Yes our love is true beauty, I do this all for you, Yuki! (Oh Yuki)
Don’t think you’ll lose this? You’re missing a screw, mutie 
Though really, I just need to pull up your sequels to hurt you
Turned you to a goofy freak, then they bombed more than Uryuu
You don’t pose a threat, neither bloated mess, or a load of tech, it’s so low distress 
And noting that, you’re a load of scrap, poor lowly Mech, like Deus Ex
Step to a God bringing nothing but Mur-Murs? You’re practically asking for me to damage ya
With the end of my verse, you can go burn in hell, when you’re in the depths you can say hi to Pamela 

Jason (1:10)
(Ki, Ki, Ma, Ma) Heard enough of this harpy spit
(Ki, Ki, Ma, Ma) I grip the mic, now Jason Lives
Your horrible show is a chore to finish, a whiny incel and his stalker, so tiring
I’ll skewer your beta of a man on my blade, you can go jot that shit down in your diary
These shots I’m firing, thinking you’re beating me? You nearly died to a blind vigilante  
Got played by an imp and their drawn out conspiracy, added your love to your killing tally
Could beat you as a child, fuck the Fifth, I’ll show you deadly kids
I’d tell you to kill yourself, but it seems you already did
Say you’ll turn me to a carcass, bloviating, here you’re armless
But regardless, I’ll haunt your ass to your grave like Tommy Jarvis
With dozens of timelines and worlds where you die, in this fight you’re clearly lacking
I should just go to a new universe, one where you’re actually decent at rapping
You psychotic bitch, abusive and evil, boasting about love as if you’re one to talk
You drug and kidnap him, bind him with chains, and when he dislikes you it comes as a shock
Like your love, your life, your plots, you’ve met a Dead End on this beat
Fought your way through the 12, just to fall to the 13th

Yuno Gasai vs. Jason Voorhees - Rap Battle

video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMTAEX_K_ME

(0:10) Cr1TiKaL Verse 1:
There’s not many things as barren as this pile of bones
Yet this dude makes Burger King look like my sloppy fat chode
If you don’t know what I mean, here I… I’ll play a clip
(plays clip of dry bones dying) …what a bitch…
The ice age got nothing to what this meaty boy can bring
I spit so fucking cold, I’ll make your whole species extinct
I’ve covered a lot of snakes, they’re nothing to how you race
Yeah, fuck your kart games, I got something you cannot tank

(0:34) Dry Bones Verse 1:
You think your puny slap will leave me hurt? (nope!)
Bring your hot peppers, I won’t feel any burns *evil laugh!*
Funny this lite Jesus Christ is really trying to fight
Cause between you and I, it’s clear who can truly revive
Don’t need a pair of parawings to know I’m fly
Dry Bone drip’s tight, Charlies only repping White
Bro, don’t try and fight, I know what you’re all about
You’d be frightened by someone pulling their cockroach out!
Pumping out nothing but your constant talking
It is like you set a speedrun bounty on your content
Quality nosedived since you got your start on QWOP (heh!)
Guess you’re just another case of Penguinz falling off

(1:06) Cr1TiKaL Verse 2:
All of that was so untrue, it hurts (yeah…)
I’ve seen less horseshit come from poopy unicorns *gets hit in the balls and yells in pain*
You get no pussy, now all this guy’s shown
Is that this bitch’s getting pegged, now that’s a Dry Bone

(Hey Charlie) Go and bone me 
(Hey Charlie) Like all your gimmicks
(Hey Charlie) Take notes from Moby 
(yeah..) I’m topping this dick 

(Gay Charlie) You’re only ridden by the Mario Bros.
So yeah, plugging you into the moist meter… uh yeah, that’s pretty low
He’s dry to the bone although if you wanna cop a date
See my dude Nikocado because you lack that water weight
Thought you’d kill in back and forths, but you’re nothing to my harsh lines
Because this is the greatest rap verse of All Time! (WOOOOOOOO!!!!)

(1:39) Dry Bones Verse 2:
Really, that’s all you got to say?
I dropped dead and still had more points to make (yep…)
Cause you cover drama often, but add nothing to the topic
My side-scrollers got more depth than any of your content
You profit off of others but what I find most surprising
Compared to me, your personality is way more lifeless
Went from Hunger Games actor to just another reactor
Now you’re far from solid, put you bottom of the liquid ladder

------------------------------------

Cr1TiKaL (audio) - Ego (Chandler)
Cr1TiKaL (video) - TaigaTonic
Dry Bones - ENNWAY

Charlie 1: Pixel Chris
Charlie 2: Nooby
Charlie 3: JustGamer
Charlie 4: Danii
Drew Gooden: Joosh

Written by Dan
Additional help by TaigaTonic, Dilly, and ENNWAY
Mixed by SIR Rap Battles
Beat produced by Dansonn Beats
Dry Bones art by Nooby

Cr1TiKaL vs Dry Bones (Powerofdan Rap Battles)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have musical entities that cause stress to those who come across them; Mad Piano from Big Boo’s Haunt in Super Mario 64 versus Bop It, 90’s audio toy sensation. Enjoy!

TheMonarchy as Mad Piano
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@TheMonarchyVA / https://www.youtube.com/@OliTheMonarchy / https://www.youtube.com/@monarchybattleraps
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/olithemonarchy
SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/oli-the-monarchy

Eric the Audible as Bop It
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@EricTheAudible
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/erictheaudible
SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/central-rap-battles  

-LYRICS-

Mad Piano (0:09)
Yo! Looking for eight coins? There’s one to your left!
But it’s not the only thing I have covered in red
I’ll bop you ‘til you shatter! Make your circuitry bleed sparks
Plus you’ll find the key of my teeth… B#
See this chair? Sit down, take the polite road
Soprano C, you’re gonna scream out on a high note
I'm not settling, I demolish a score
I keep banging! And keep banging! And keep banging! And keep banging!
It’s like this Dizaster got me paying homage to Cort
See these coffins falling? Next thing you know, you’re falling in yours
On the topic of court; for being lame, you've stood accused
I'm not judging when these shelves start throwing books at you
Had a little fad and just kept extending that
It's like Simon Said "instead of memory, test their attention span"
Between the cash grabs and narrators so obnoxious
I got a command for you!... stop it.

Bop It (0:54)
Did I rattle your cage, dude? You’re Mad cuz I’m way smooth
Piano should stay tuned! I’m naturally playin’ you!
Wanting red? I’ll leave you spinning. You gotta be kidding
Thinking you’re the grand type... You’re more MIDI
You move so slow, I circle you with no running
If you hear boos around you, It’s not your ghost buddies
Haven’t you realized I’m twisted yet?
Fitnessgram shit; I'll make sure Suicide Drills in your head
You’re the least scary thing in your “sCaRy oLd hOuSe”
Walking wobbly like you hopped off the merry-go-round
Wait, yeah, you belong in that kinda room
There's been a remake and a port: this piano’s on loop (c’mon!)
More per minute, you’re getting b-b-beaten
You couldn’t hit me in Smash R-R-Remix
Save the jumpscare, you won’t pull it with me
After your little lullaby, I’m going to sleep!

-CREDITS-

Written, directed, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by 2Deep
Beat purchased by Fightmarker

Feedback by TheMonarchy, Fightmarker, Syroquise, and the spaceship
Shoutout to RacconBroVA, Dilly, TaigaTonic, Dani, Sculpture_, and the Smash Remix team

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Bop It vs Mad Piano | Rap Battle (HARB)

Ego as Blitzo (and Moxxie)
Ego as Mr. Boss
Written by: Ego
Beat by: David Arcade
Mixed by: jordy
Cover art by: Elizalkin

LYRICS:

EGO RAP BATTLES!!!!

BLITZO!!!!

VS!!!!

MR BOSS!!!!!

BEGIN!!!!

[Blitzo]
Oh great! just the guy I wanted to see!
Your dad in law, Satan’s asshole is talking to me!
Crushing my musical dreams, like when you hop on a beat
(But sir… he hasn't rapped yet)
Shut the fuck up moxxie!! (right! sorry sir)
Hi bitch, I’m Blitzo, the O is silent
Like spamtopia, you can kiss my eyes, prick!
You think playing DDR makes you look hardcore?
You just look like a reeee-ally can't say that no more…

[Mr. Boss]
MMMMMMM… I heard you’re good with guns
But wow, you didn’t even hit me once! (Haha!)
Get lost Helluva Boss, stick to jokes, and
Fuck you and the horse boxers that you rode in!
Did Vivzie-pop pills before she made your scripts?
Anagram of nose candy? TAKE THE GODDAMN PILL “IMP!!!!” (HULLIBA HULLIBA)
You lost the plot, now your relationships are taking hits
Finger on the trigger, call this magazine a paper clip!

[Blitzo]
Alright, McAfee enough with the firewall shit
We have a door, now get yourself the FUCK out of my office!
Hey prude! I know you heard me, oh, piss off, dick
Like Alan, I'll hand your ass back to you, you don’t want this
So try me bitch, i ain't buying all your mess
You’ll never find success, your company sucks ass
I.M.P. clown posse, bitch, move to the side
Five-head-ass looking like Pennywise’s human disguise 

[Mr. Boss]
Ermm… I love my boys to bits, no dip!
If you think your employees like you, ignorance IS Blitz!
And while I got that dog in me, your pooch is a bitch
Who tried to knock your lights out, like a Loona eclipse (*mic feedback*)
Blitzo, Blitzo, what does it mean? 
Blitzo, Blitzo, lost everything
From Fizzarolli to his mommy in his miserable life
But relax, after I kill you, I’ll let you keep the knife!


Blitzø vs Mr. Boss - Ego Rap Battles

RaccoonBroVA as Emperor Belos
Chase Beck as King Andrias

Written by mintoreos
Additional help from Freshy Kanal
Beat by Anywaywell
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Art by iaambfah

[Belos: 0:11]
If this semi-amphibian waste wants a fight, I’ll play
Flip the script, after this, you’ll be the one that’s enslaved
You’re severed when I take control, show you why you should stay back home
Humans have disgraced you, kid, how’d your Earth invasion go?

When you were a dictator, you let your father pull the strings
So how about you kneel down and serve another undead king
You got no attention, your dad left you gaslit
Not the first time that your ass got abandoned

Leif up and left, took that box, and now your day’s ruined
Marcy trusted you with all her heart until you put your blade through it
Spent your life making the monarchy your purpose
Now all you got to show for work is community service

[Andrias: 0:47]
I’ll end this bout quickly, like his final season
Just like all his lies, there was no rhyme or reason
He acts as savior but wants all the witches in a genocide
The only plan he’s coming up with is to gentrify

Palisman made all your scars so you donned a mask
Luz made sure your monstrous form would forever last
When I unsheath my sword I leave my rivals six feet under
When you bring out a weapon, you only kill your brother

You really thought his love was a crime on humanity?
Safe to say Caleb’s sanity doesn’t run in the family
Ironic how you tried to play God and made his corpse your slave
When the God in your world is who led you to a lonely grave

[Belos: 1:23]
It took a God to swing the war in the witches’ favor
But comparing us, we’d see who folded under pen and paper
Leave you shaken to the core, I’m not talking your superior
Newtopia’s new era, show me Anne, I’ll be defeating her

I rule a nation, you were overthrown by three L.A. kids
Are you a real newt if you can’t grow back your own limbs?
Let me possess your body, I can make you write good lines
Build them like a grimwalker, but I can’t fix that guilt you hide

[Andrias: 1:47]
He says he speaks for the Titan but I wouldn’t give in
When all he did was create the broken coven system
Lilith broke your the nose and now the race was somehow vile to you
Then you blamed the witches like, “now look what you made me do”

Tried to take over minds so that Raine had to force you out
Tried to trick Luz again, rain had to force you out
So as you’re begging me to do the right thing 
Remember it’s the second time you’re stomped by a king


Emperor Belos vs King Andrias - Mint Rap Battles (ft. RaccoonBroVA & Chase Beck)

Bowser vs Ice King / Central Rap Battles (Feat Freshy Kanal)

07. Leaving The Shire

Excommunicated.wav

WATCH THE YOUTUBE VERSION:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nW-EtHrBHBQ

Urban Legend Rap Battles is a side series hosted on Eddie's Rap Channel featuring characters of modern and ancient folklore alike. Characters from Creepypasta, Cryptozoology, the SCP Foundation, Folklore, Gaming Mythos and more are all permitted.

DeegleNV as Wario Apparition
J. as Herobrine

Herobrine:
Back in 2010 a single screenshot was taken
And I cemented myself as the gaming urban legend demon
Flash forward a decade and now the trend scaring gamers
Is some low-effort copypasta with its origins in memeing?
I can’t believe it, I’ve seen OCs with more passion
I’ll make your tears streaming, about to speedrun this rap and
It takes a whole team and hours of debugs and patching
Just for you to see that you cannot remove the classic
This fatso’s got so many chunks to load, the game is freezing
So come chase me down my 2x2s if you can even squeeze in
Keep roaming in the subconscious ‘till you’re forgotten by time
Salty and crying, nothing but anti-hero brine

Wario Apparition:
This mob’s mentality is corrupted to think he’s scaring me
But that verse was worse than a Minecraft parody
You’re a con like E3, but now the worst has arrived
You should know that every diss I spit is personalized
Take your tired whiner talk to my Dire Dire Docks
Where I fire miners off and leave ‘em fired worse than Notch
I’m a boss, you stink more than my Waft, and here’s the deal
It won’t take a source code leak for me to prove your L is real
A so called stalker and palette swap as a bad guy?
Your legend couldn’t get cornea if you had eyes
And you’re content to spook any random player that’s spawning in
You’re the tip of the iceberg, i’m the whole Ocean Monument
My garlic and gas will kick in to harness the rap i’m spitting
You’re hardly crafting a diss versus Wario Apparition
You’re irrelevant and old news - everybody wants to see me
While this dead brother is cared about even less than Luigi

Herobrine:
This head is creeping, appearing for any reason cuz he’s
Jealous he will never get a peep at Princess Peach’s Nether region
Warn me about seeing you for the side effects? Please, bro
Looking down on you’s only stroking my ego
This Apparition’s unable to Cope-land - Not punchin’ trees when i’m saying i’ll throw hands
Your meme is growing so slow, it’s in Soul Sand, as expected when your origin’s 4chan
I’m gaming’s stalwart monster - burning brighter than lava
While this Italian is held up on his creepy pasta

Wario Apparition:
Enter this retextured painting, no escaping this entity
I’ll leave you seeing more stars than it takes for you to get to me
Your builds will all be demoed and after i’m done rapping
They’ll have to add “Herobrine Removed.” back in the patches

Written by Eddiefrb
Coverart by Rabi
Illustrations by BMB
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Mastered by Sebb
Beat prod. by ThatKidGoran

Pyro vs Jacket - TF2 vs Anything (ft. Swoldow, garbageGothic, and Belle Beniko)

TaigaTonic

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