Listening to my old highschool playlists. Ur music and lyrics are so amazing and still resonate with me deeply. Truly hope ur doing well💚

senior year and im still a loner... at least my music taste has gotten so good im happy wit hmy earbuds in all the time :)

"cause my stupid brain can't help but get attached to every person whose attention even barely starts to drift a bit my way"  damn so relatable:(

Middle school playlist. Girl cheated on me. I’m back.

"and it's coming on again, starting to crush again" hits right here mate, 3 years later, I feel the same sadness and loneliness that I went through 3 years ago. it fuckin sucks

written/produced/mixed & mastered by me
and so begins the bitter wind
cutting up my brittle hands and heavy heaving hearts will stop again
ive made a name to call me by and see it with your own two eyes i don't think that 
your love was ever here
and now im in a darker place where light has no room to escape and hearts will glow to create something safe
a dream of sorts you're on the porch and talking to the moon and he says "every little thing will be okay"

and you will wonder why it's not
and while your heart begins to rot 
all the love you had for me will dissipate
and all the branches in the yard growing fungus going far things will start to finally create a face

dissipate

Forget how to hate

young daze.
---

im writing this while you’re gone.
im waiting and 
im pacing
and im wishing i could visit.
ive been talking to your mom.
she promised me she’s passing on
my messages.
you might be thinking about your brother.
and how your dad was being super pissy.
please dont be so scared.
i promise you’ll be okay.

i wanted to kiss her that night.
but maybe its just a mood and a feeling.
so finally i retract.
every single thing that ive been feeling.
im missing you.
constantly.
but im telling everybody i dont.
i hope you find this calming
and im hoping it’ll help you,
but its fine if it wont.

its hard to write,
when i dont know what to say anymore
what to do anymore.
with you.
and im confused on what our love really means.
my heart wrenched,
when they told me the news.
i got asked my happiest moment, and it was at the end of August with you.
when i pulled my smooth moves,
and we held hands.
and we watched T.V,
Bojack horseman.
you had holes in your leggings
and i poked them.
you laid your head on top of me,
and finally in years
i knew what it meant to feel safe.
you talked about it so much.

when you get out.
hoping you’ll call.
im throwing a dinner.
im hoping you’ll come.
its all of my friends,
its a good crowd.
maybe we can skip this sad phase,
and start over now.
put away the sad face.
we can start over for a while.
if you’d like that,
we can start over for a while.

Bojack Horseman

this is an album about the fears and tremors that come with love, and the crisis of not knowing your own identity as yours.

enjoy.

fog & obscure

download

i'm sorry for everything

i miss you

i've never felt less like myself 
than when i'm naked in reflections 
truly wish that i could exit this body 

and it's coming on again 
starting to crush again 
can't wait to fuck up every friendship that i've made 

but i've never felt more like myself 
than when i'm drunk alone 
at 3 a.m. again 

'cause my stupid brain can't help but get attached 
to every person whose attention 
even barely starts to drift a bit my way 

oh, here we go again 
here we go again

sorry

here we go again

(big thanks 2 taylor ochoa for background hummies n harmonys)

I won’t forget
 how your hands fit 
even if you regret it
 I guess we all change with the seasons there don’t have to be a reason 
for the leaves to fall 
or me to call you back 
this time 
i’ll try 
not to cry again but i’m tired 
and i’m worn 
and ive been right here before
(i’ll try, to not cry, but i lied, i felt like shit this whole time)
try to call you up 
but I guess One year was too soon 
and I know you still think about how you fucked me on your front porch 
I’m sorry you never loved me 
I’m sorry this lyrics are so ugly
 I’m sorry I had to leave 
all the times you left me calls 
begging me please 
and how I ruined your life 
and now your mother hates me 
sorry for calling you up 
every time that I can’t breathe 
and for doing all these drugs 
when I promised I’d stay clean,
I really wish I could just go back
 and never go inside that stupid gas station 
I wish I never came over 
I wish we never watched Palo Alto 
and I wish I never loved you
because

it’s January 4 
and you make my heart thump and my hands shake, but how can I be content when You’re in love with someone else? seeing you type makes me feel sick, and it’s been four days and i miss the buzz of my phone shaking my hand like how my lips were the first time we kissed,  and now i only taste you from three shots of vodka.  and you say that drunk words are sober thoughts, but what if you never respond to me? Because anything can kill you especially a girl with a freckled smile and short curly hair, and i may seem fine but if someone asked I’d still studder your name. 
does my absence bother you? or did my presence never impact you the way I thought it did? cause you asked me to wait five minutes, but I stayed up all fucking night, and I hope his bed warmer than mine, but when he breaks your heart I’ll be here fixing my sheets for you. 

and you tore me apart in an attempt to fix yourself, And I really do hope you’re doing okay, and I hope you sleep full nights without the thought of me constantly poisoning your brain, because here’s the thing:
we were so young
 and falling in love always seem like a dumb dream 
but I learned a lot 
and I hope you did too 
because it’s January 4 
and you make my heart thump and my handshake 
but how can I be content when you never were?
 i hope you find better in someone you can find comfort in,
like how i found in you,
it’s january forth and we are fighting,
it’s march forth and im writing this poem,
it’s may forth and i miss you but you seem happy so i’ll leave you alone,
it’s august forth and i dont think about you everyday anymore,
it’s november and i’m okay without you. 

the whispered words at the last couple seconds is this:

(i hope one day you let yourself out of the tomb you call your chest and you learn how to unlock all the locks he built up over time and you learn to love yourself too)

Poem (on spotify/tidal/apple music)

seasonal depression is kicking my ass, so here's some music
cover photo taken by corey "deko" gilbert

lyrics:
laying up at night 
no concept of myself 
i'm lost inside my head 
you're lost inside, as well 

i'm breathing in fresh air 
on my grandparents' front porch 
while you're laying in the grass 
or you're staring at the floor 

and anxious like i am 
i'm panicking again 
'cause i'm losing touch with all 
the people i call friends 

you're losing in a staring contest 
with whatever's in your mirror 
you are me and i am you 
but we're not one and i'm inferior 

i'm three beers past five too many 
i'm two bowls past too high 
i'm one forehead kiss away 
from falling asleep when i realize 

that my whole life is up in the air 
my heart is out on a tightrope 
and my mind is so unaware 
that the safety net was cut a long time ago 

so why should i remember 
when good times come around 
if the deafening silence of anxiety 
will drown out the prettiest sounds 

at the bottom of a riverbed 
my nightmares are coming on 
they feel like my favorite song 
if i didn't know the words whenever it came on

winter

download <3

a conversation about identity

lyrics:
Im floating in my bed
Thoughts pooling in my head
My teeth are chomping down on popcorn
I can’t feel my limbs
My body feels so dim
My brain receptors follow him

I feel sound 
I feel sight
I feel everything around me tonight

The moon man looks at me
His toothy grin widening
My heart drops all the way to my knees
My vision’s getting blurry
Oh god why can’t I hurry
I can’t remember where we began

here we go again

tea

Recent comments

𝖏𝖔𝖊

Heiwa

i wish i was

Suler

Related tracks