It seems
like the building I am living in is crumbling
I am no good with repairs
it might have been like this when I moved in
these days the doors won’t stay shut
I have surrendered my privacy
I did not expect staying here
to offer up a challenge for me


Not me
not me
as clever as I claim to be
not me
not me
burned by artificial heat


I swear if that’s your only grievance
you need to leave me the fuck alone
I was indifferent before this
and I will go back to that
mark my words 

It seems
like now’s as good as any of a time to announce it
I am going down with the ship
and I am not sad about it
you can have whatever you want
I don’t want to leave anything in the garbage
mostly the thing I was wondering was
who would even care enough to bother?

Not me
not me
hands are washed  they’re fully clean
not me
not me
a little less than a human being
 
go mad and mark

You Need To Leave Me The Fuck Alone

I was hoping you could give me

a medal for my bravery

the words are getting old

I am learning to build bridges

to address the distance

feet without a home



and if I have to taste the blood under my tongue

I will swallow it for as long

as it takes to pass



and I it means I’ll find a morsel of redress

I will struggle with regret

as long as it will hold

What if we were both lost and I was never found

And you were

Tasked with breaking news and letting down?



I am missing you

Are so much worse, a cenotaph, a barfight in a church

a relief to remedy

but hey it’s never as bad as it seems

the ocean will abate eventually

they cast their nets out graciously

come here.



And I I had to make an educated guess

no one got a decent rest

and no one’s going home tonight

and If I weren’t so preoccupied with this

I’d seek the safety of my nest   but

I

want

to

find

you

whole

or

parts

hahahahaha



What if we were both lost and I was never found

And you were

Tasked with breaking news and letting down?

Cenotaph

did the social thing
and asked about your whereabouts
mutuals shrug shoulders shake their heads
when I saw you last there was a haze around the truth
you don’t know about me
let me prove it to you

circumstances dictate
bare my soul and swallow whole
you wouldn’t recognize me like this
in tender viscera
have you seen the back of my throat?
I can show you now, 
I can show you now,
why don’t you get in there?
I will shut my mouth 

I was stepping out on the misery
given time to commiserate i will find
the common line
the difference between my life
and every part of the animal

found a highschool mixtape
of the songs I used to play
full of demo covers of songs that I hate
broke it over my knee, threw it in the fireplace
who needs sentimental shit like this?
It will die with me,  
I will bury it

every part of the animal

Unearthed pages
of epigraphs to leave on
legacies to look back
fondly before moving on
coming up short
it really wasn’t that bad
I made a good run at it
I was proud sometimes (I didn’t look like it)

thunder warned me off
before the wind could erode

half-ideas
I scrawled so I wouldn’t forget
you held them like a gem in your hands
I was embarrassed, I got over it
week after week
if I were smart I would rest
I stay awake for this
I’m afraid of what I’d miss

the lightning warmed me up
i’m on my feet, it’s time to go

any time you felt something
I pulsed because I loved you
warning shots across the bow
I pulsed because I loved you
when you made something out of me
I pulsed because I loved you
when you were careful with my light
I pulsed because I loved you
I pulsed because I loved you

I Pulsed Because I Loved You

It’s new
The pieces I detached to bring to you
And I may slouch as I get used
To moving in this way
I tried
To separate the muscle from the hide
And what is left, my very best
Impression of my life

I’m going to lie down

My life
Bundled up in parts and auctioned off
And trying to be grateful for the price
You think I’m worth
For now
The walls around my heart are coming down
Exposing the bare wires that spark
To cough the ideas out

I’m going to lie down

A month
I tried to live deliberately and failed
Frustrated, I continued to persist
The person that I was
Take note
The well is dry, I hope I filled you up
And what you got was nourishing enough
I’ll still be around, but

I’m going to lie down

I'm Going To Lie Down

Rating: Explicit
Link to Original Text: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45860650/chapters/115417708
Summary: They say that you should never meet your celebrity crush. Especially when you know what an absolute bastard he is. So, of course, Anthony J. Crowley's participation in a queer adaptation of Pride and Prejudice for Pride Month has nothing to do with the involvement of A-lister A.Z. Fell. Crowley is only doing it so he has some gossip for his column. He didn't mean to get cast as Lizzy Bennet, he certainly didn't mean to be acting opposite Fell's Mr Darcy.

And to make matters worse, Fell keeps staring at him...

Pride Month and Prejudice

Chapter 2: Unwelcome Invitation

We're back!  Special guest u/yourmomspocket joins us for tomfoolery and a heartfelt reading of A.Z. Fellatio's meatiest work yet, Meat Loverz: I've got a Pizza for You.

every part of the animal

GUIDE DOG