fawm 2023

wbg wbg wbg

woe.begone insanity

woes.begone

WOE.BEGONE

I was hoping you could give me

a medal for my bravery

the words are getting old

I am learning to build bridges

to address the distance

feet without a home



and if I have to taste the blood under my tongue

I will swallow it for as long

as it takes to pass



and I it means I’ll find a morsel of redress

I will struggle with regret

as long as it will hold

What if we were both lost and I was never found

And you were

Tasked with breaking news and letting down?



I am missing you

Are so much worse, a cenotaph, a barfight in a church

a relief to remedy

but hey it’s never as bad as it seems

the ocean will abate eventually

they cast their nets out graciously

come here.



And I I had to make an educated guess

no one got a decent rest

and no one’s going home tonight

and If I weren’t so preoccupied with this

I’d seek the safety of my nest   but

I

want

to

find

you

whole

or

parts

hahahahaha



What if we were both lost and I was never found

And you were

Tasked with breaking news and letting down?

Cenotaph

I’ve had a nosebleed every day since you died
and I don’t think that it means anything. 
Pathetic in a way I have criticized others for
feeling guilty for laughing or not laughing
or worrying or not worrying
for resting or working
rushing to write things down
time is so corrosive now
I’m starting to forget the way things worked
it was all too simple
the muscle memory
atrophies away
and there’s a day where I am happy but I don’t think of your face


I wish it was uncertain but it’s not
Billions of years

I have had a nosebleed every day since you died
and I know it doesn’t mean anything.
Casually endangering myself
not looking before crossing the road
as cosmic protest to a cosmology I don’t accept
call it “soft suicide”
but i’m scared that I’ll never die
or that I’ll die tomorrow
and nothing in-between
it just feels so useless
to progress
knowing slates are wiping clean
and even if I see the future
I won’t know what it means.

I have had a nosebleed every day since you died

You had the perfect word to give to me 
But it was caught somehow
And now I’m clawing at your throat to get it out
But I was careful with what i had found
A footprint set into the solid ground

And you have quite the nerve
If I was you I wouldn’t be so sure
That anything you love is coming back
And you were hasty with your ambition
Thinking that you were the only one

Did you forget about me?
Did you forget about me?
I was waiting hoping that you did.

If you’ve had enough bloodshed
You are always free to leave
If you’ve had enough bloodshed
You can leave the rest to me
I have a knack for those kinds of things 

Was I delicate enough?
 Do you think that you can stitch it up?
 Triangle shaped wound
Is it time to give up
Standing on the precipice
Lying through our teeth (Triangle shaped wound)

And you have all the nerve that you were born with
And a line  straight to your heart
Pardon me for picking you apart
And you know I have been discarded once
Long enough to fester in the dark  

Did you forget about me?
Did you forget about me?
I was waiting hoping that you would.

Won’t turn on,
Deceiving light.
Did you forget about me?

Triangle Shaped Wound

I hope 
it’s not insensitive
to want to be done with this
it has me by my throat
I really oughta go
but I’m drawn
to the middle of
the superstition so
bleed the circle closed

make it address me by a name
that I wouldn’t give myself

it pulses because it loves us
bear witness to it
full-throated spirit
it pulses because it loves us
this is the end of the time
of our lives

it was fine, it was fine
the door darkened briefly
I was wondering if you would notice it
there was time, so much time
extending past the limits of our sight
the stone melts while we admire it
and what better way to
end unpleasant days
than to pull the curtain back and show you
how little remains to be seen?

It Pulses Because It Loves Us

There's a forest near my house and I can smell when something dies there

there is a sound
to the panic-stricken lower bound
convinced I’m pulling, 
you’re just plunging down
the backwater you have waded into
is waiting for you so it can freeze
i’m standing on the surface
so you can witness me

but I shouldn’t compare
the chill in the air
to the sound of you shivering

you will give me your attention
I know how to take from you
you think you can cast a stone and be done with me
but you don’t understand, you foolish little child
I’m here to bore a hole in your head
and I will not be calm
and I will not be reasoned with 
you’re gonna have to deal with me

a vessel seldom knows what it contains
a pickled brain, I am the dowsing rod
that’s picking up your pulse
and you can hope discerning eyes
of observant passersby
can spot the difference
but indifferent gods are
plucking you from here

you shouldn’t complain
the thoughts from the day
have a way of fogging up the air

I'm here to bore a hole in your head

You begged me 
take it to the grave
and I held my tongue
but I can not relate
I hope you resolve it
before it dissolves you

whom among us here  is being honest?
Whom among us here is being honest?
Because I can give you what you want
but you, you had better want it.

Did they found you cowering?
What a coward you must be then
you will never find me shivering
I’m wrapped wrapped in fur like a heathen
on cold night it pays
to be a beast

wrapped in fur like a heathen

Tourniquette

I don’t mean to be a bore
but I am inside of your walls
and your house is such an eyesore
I always dread crawling in
and it occurs to me now
that you don’t want me to be here

And I don’t want to be cruel
but i’m turning into you

and you are making me a mouthful 
and I feel the terror grip you
as it grips me too
and we both go under and

now is time you see
the wooden parts of me
get your axe ready

to fall 
as I fell I saw a hole in the earth where I was
keep steady now
you’ll get more desperate with each swing
but rest assured I am coming down
you’ll make me into something useful
I am sure of it

I don’t mean to freak you out
but there’s a bug on your shoulder
god forbid I get to listen to you speak
can I say for the record
I find your conversations lacking
as if you’d ever speak to me 

and I don’t mean to be cruel
but I know that you do
and you do a standup job of it
but we’ll see who is who
when you feel the terror grip you
and I don’t let go of it

now it’s time to part
with a portions of your heart
don’t be surprised if you start

to fall
there’s a crater in the earth where you were
keep steady now
you'll get more desperate with each plunge
but rest assured you’re coming down
i’ll make you into something useful
if you make me into something

make me into something (useful)

did the social thing
and asked about your whereabouts
mutuals shrug shoulders shake their heads
when I saw you last there was a haze around the truth
you don’t know about me
let me prove it to you

circumstances dictate
bare my soul and swallow whole
you wouldn’t recognize me like this
in tender viscera
have you seen the back of my throat?
I can show you now, 
I can show you now,
why don’t you get in there?
I will shut my mouth 

I was stepping out on the misery
given time to commiserate i will find
the common line
the difference between my life
and every part of the animal

found a highschool mixtape
of the songs I used to play
full of demo covers of songs that I hate
broke it over my knee, threw it in the fireplace
who needs sentimental shit like this?
It will die with me,  
I will bury it

every part of the animal

outpost
peeled away
barren of worth
we’re taunting in your direction
find us
delegate a hunting party
waste away listening for me

separate the hair from the hide
and hide 

I have closed
brighter eyes than yours
I have better things to do
than wonder who you are
cut it close
or I will cut it off
let me put this in your ear:
you’re the one who’s being watched
I’m the one who keeps the pulse

goodbye
terraformed
angular stone
eat and become sedentary
outlast 
delegate a hunting party
compromise but never with me

separate the jaws from the beast
 at least

I have closed
brighter eyes than yours
I have better things to do
than wonder who you are
cut it close
or I will cut it off
let me put this in your ear:
you’re the one who’s being watched
I’m the one who keeps the pulse

welcome home
spectre at the door
I have better things to do
than wonder who you are
 cut it close
or I will cut it off
let me put this in your ear: 
you’re the one who’s being watched
I’m the one who keeps the pulse

delegate a hunting party

it’s minuscule
down to the easiest ask
enough of rolling your eyes
and batting your eyelashes
word’s out
the wrong people know and they have our addresses
what was that safehouse you told me about
do we need to call in advance

yes i’m tired 
but i’ve done this dozens of times
relax and keep your voice low
keep your head down and study your lines
too bad
sometimes things get out of hand
there’s no predicting the plan
we’ll get em next time
are you ready? I am
 
if you weren’t so hard to figure out
and easy to pick apart
we’d have the hard part done by now

just watch
these situations have a tendency to cascade
from my experience sitting in the mess I made:
the makeshift hatch I made over us
will suffice in the place of a fire in a cave
till we pass where the barricades are
but no one knows where the barricades are
when they discover us
I hope they discover us
looking down where the barricades are

newsflash
it’s vital you never ask
we could be digging a grave or a garden
knowing which won’t make the job go faster
get down
it’s like you wanna get caught
we changed your name and colored your hair
and I didn’t learn how to do that for nothing

good job
I don’t get to say that a lot
so focus on your heartbeat, slow it down some, now it’s your turn
shift’s up
it’s time that you get some rest
close your eyes and think about the future but don’t count on it

barricades

restless enough to rattle my bones apart
the blast radius of collapsing potential 
drawn out of sequence and then put together as art
a fragment of a fragment that you can hold onto

but don’t expect my sympathy
to run dry where it should
you’ll never run aground
that devil in the distance
could use some defending

scrawled into my ribs
was a message
I never did decipher it
don’t ask me what it means
i’m still processing
i’m a vintage machine

sunlight-sent signal to body to waken up
finger along the edge of my mug with my coffee
passed through a paper to filter the solid parts out
and then thrown in the compost to rot with the other mornings

but don’t expect my energy
to maintain where it should
my eyes are heavy now
the dreams I have mentioned 
could use my attention

printed on my skull
were instructions
I never did decipher them
don’t ask me what it means
i’m still processing
i’m a vintage machine

vintage machine

it starts innocent enough
euphemistic synonyms
my advice: it’s time to toughen up
but now 
there’s admission of some guilt
and a weakness of the will
that finds you prostrate at my door

wish you had somewhere to hide that I could find

I wasted many anxious years
peering between the blinds for you
but the changing of the guards couldn’t come quickly enough
sleeping shift or albatross
I don’t remember what I was
Before this form got in the way
what I say? Clocks are ticking us down, cover is getting sparse
return  fire now

I know the middle of it all
is such a tempting time
to propose calling it off
but now
that the blood is on my hands
the Calvary demands
 a swift finishing blow

Albatross

true love will find you in the end
or at least the end will find you
and you might fall in love with that
fine-tuned images of youth
will follow you to hell and back
fueled by good intention

I hear you weeping in your bed
pipe down, we could all use the rest
tomorrow is ruthless

 and who’s fault is that?
Who let the wind steal their whisper?
who’s fault is that?
When the time, I wonder who faltered

magnanimous
has never described me less
I know that it isn’t healthy to hold on
bad analysis 
you can’t be serious
how am I supposed to work with kids’ gloves on
these hairy palms

I see the hatred in your eyes
keep them closed lest they keep me up at night
tomorrow is a fight

 and who’s fault is that?
Who wrote the wrong directions on the map?
who’s fault is that?
Who forgot which way the river’s running?

sometimes
revenge is just a lie, “just lead a decent life”
but I don’t the advisers taking their advice
try harder
clench your fist and turn your hips
you’ll land a decent punch
in time to leave your mark

"""true love"""

Unearthed pages
of epigraphs to leave on
legacies to look back
fondly before moving on
coming up short
it really wasn’t that bad
I made a good run at it
I was proud sometimes (I didn’t look like it)

thunder warned me off
before the wind could erode

half-ideas
I scrawled so I wouldn’t forget
you held them like a gem in your hands
I was embarrassed, I got over it
week after week
if I were smart I would rest
I stay awake for this
I’m afraid of what I’d miss

the lightning warmed me up
i’m on my feet, it’s time to go

any time you felt something
I pulsed because I loved you
warning shots across the bow
I pulsed because I loved you
when you made something out of me
I pulsed because I loved you
when you were careful with my light
I pulsed because I loved you
I pulsed because I loved you

I Pulsed Because I Loved You

Paragraph after paragraph
You can speak them all
Until your breath is gone
There’s a surfeit of surfaces that you
Can write my name on
Motive lost
Fingers crossed
There’s a pit that you were
Tossed into 
You told them the truth
You think you owe them
But you were just a 
Lesser god
And you got caught

I thought I was taught
To be sinister and innocent all at once
Take what all you’ve got
To escape with and leave no remainder
Better be estranged in a stranger’s world
Than to be caught unexpected on your toes
I thought I was taught to be sinister and innocent

Bombs were tossed
In what was lost
I expected to find scraps of you
Scurrying to somewhere dark and warm
I was hoping you would learn from me
You were suffering
For the light you seek so
I told them a lie
I do not owe them my time
I wouldn’t pay a debt
To a filthy pest

I know that it’s unfair to you but
No one’s keeping score
Aging gracefully
Painterly
They don’t know they own you
They don’t know they owe you

Sinister & Innocent

Identity is only a worry if
You need to know who i am
I’ve gone to such great lengths
To render that irrelevant
Elsewhere I’m famous for my wit
I’m sure I’ll bury you in it
Coax you right out of your skin
Begin to laminate
The superficial parts of you
I’ll gladly iron out

In time
Illusory as it is
I will clench you in my fist
And I’ll be praised for it
In time
Not so easy to dismiss
I will rise above the din
While I push you into it

You will be grateful 

The noxious cloud that hovers overhead
Will only bother you if you bother it
It’s just as scared of you
As you are intelligent so
Elsewhere I’m famous for my wit
But here and now I’ll bury it
Keep walking straight, ignore the rain
Begin to laminate

The fragile precious parts of you
You can’t afford to drown

In time
Illusory as it is
I will clench you in my fist
And I’ll be proud of it
In time
Not so easy to dismiss
I will rise above the din
While I push you into it

You will be grateful 

I once had
A hatred
That turned to a fever
I won’t be
The one who
Is burning

Cause now that
You’re grateful
There’s no need
To spit and rave
And tear apart our flesh
We’ll always who’s next

Take a number get in line
You can’t afford to wait

In time
Illusory as it is
I will clench you in my fist
And then I’ll wash my hands of it
In time
Not so easy to dismiss
I will rise above the din
While I rub your nose in it

You will be grateful

Laminate

I caught
An absentminded gesture
I’m hauling up the net
This will be the fattest winter yet
I thought
That i was being sly
Now I know that you could see me
From the corner of your eye

But we can never judge ourselves
Can we?

That ghost
Give it up
What are you 
Some kind of animal?
They sewed these wings into your spine
They won’t hold up
Why won’t you learn?
Why won’t I?

Docile
An open invitation
To crumple and discard
Your  newly minted parts
Tactile
Feeling in the dark
It’s such a simple pleasure
Knowing where you are

And you can feel my eyes on you
Can’t you?

That ghost
Give it up
What are you 
Some kind of animal?
They sewed these wings into your spine
They won’t hold up
Why won’t you learn?
Why won’t I?


It’s such a brutish thing
If it were up to me
you’d never suffer visceral indignity
Floating upside down
Dredge the ocean if you want
See if anything willing to get caught

But we can’t salvage everything
Can we?

Floating Upside Down

You can find me at the bottom of the barrel
You can find me in the dog ear of a page
You can find me close to quitting 
And I will happily admit it
You can find me in the digits of my age




You can find me where the oak has turned to dead wood
You can find me where the salt gets in your throat
You can find me staring fondly
At a world that doesn't want me
You can find me in the hymns I never wrote


You can find me where the footing is uneven
You can find me where the soil has been dug up
You can find me cruelly chiding 
The song that is inside me
You can find me where my heart is not enough


You can find me in the timbre of the evenings 
You can find me in the dredgs left in the cup
You can find me at the summit
Though I never really loved it 
You can find me where the days are getting rough 


You can find me on the road without direction 
You can find me in the middle of a map
You can find me defending
A definitive ending
You can find me submitting to the trap
That holds me steadfast where I'm at.

every part of the animal

GUIDE DOG