This song reminds me of the summer, it also feels a bit like an anime opening 💖

fawm 2023

It seems
like the building I am living in is crumbling
I am no good with repairs
it might have been like this when I moved in
these days the doors won’t stay shut
I have surrendered my privacy
I did not expect staying here
to offer up a challenge for me


Not me
not me
as clever as I claim to be
not me
not me
burned by artificial heat


I swear if that’s your only grievance
you need to leave me the fuck alone
I was indifferent before this
and I will go back to that
mark my words 

It seems
like now’s as good as any of a time to announce it
I am going down with the ship
and I am not sad about it
you can have whatever you want
I don’t want to leave anything in the garbage
mostly the thing I was wondering was
who would even care enough to bother?

Not me
not me
hands are washed  they’re fully clean
not me
not me
a little less than a human being
 
go mad and mark

You Need To Leave Me The Fuck Alone

Fandom: Sherlock Holmes
Rating: Mature
Summary: So what would have happened if John hadn't walked through the park and met Stamford?
What if, instead, he walked around the park and just went home?
Original Text: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10912236/chapters/24263850
🧡 on AO3:
Music: Past Recollection by Chris Egan and Jon Bourne

Turn Left at the Park

10 Chapter 28   *Explicit

I was hoping you could give me

a medal for my bravery

the words are getting old

I am learning to build bridges

to address the distance

feet without a home



and if I have to taste the blood under my tongue

I will swallow it for as long

as it takes to pass



and I it means I’ll find a morsel of redress

I will struggle with regret

as long as it will hold

What if we were both lost and I was never found

And you were

Tasked with breaking news and letting down?



I am missing you

Are so much worse, a cenotaph, a barfight in a church

a relief to remedy

but hey it’s never as bad as it seems

the ocean will abate eventually

they cast their nets out graciously

come here.



And I I had to make an educated guess

no one got a decent rest

and no one’s going home tonight

and If I weren’t so preoccupied with this

I’d seek the safety of my nest   but

I

want

to

find

you

whole

or

parts

hahahahaha



What if we were both lost and I was never found

And you were

Tasked with breaking news and letting down?

Cenotaph

I hope 
it’s not insensitive
to want to be done with this
it has me by my throat
I really oughta go
but I’m drawn
to the middle of
the superstition so
bleed the circle closed

make it address me by a name
that I wouldn’t give myself

it pulses because it loves us
bear witness to it
full-throated spirit
it pulses because it loves us
this is the end of the time
of our lives

it was fine, it was fine
the door darkened briefly
I was wondering if you would notice it
there was time, so much time
extending past the limits of our sight
the stone melts while we admire it
and what better way to
end unpleasant days
than to pull the curtain back and show you
how little remains to be seen?

It Pulses Because It Loves Us

There's a forest near my house and I can smell when something dies there

there is a sound
to the panic-stricken lower bound
convinced I’m pulling, 
you’re just plunging down
the backwater you have waded into
is waiting for you so it can freeze
i’m standing on the surface
so you can witness me

but I shouldn’t compare
the chill in the air
to the sound of you shivering

you will give me your attention
I know how to take from you
you think you can cast a stone and be done with me
but you don’t understand, you foolish little child
I’m here to bore a hole in your head
and I will not be calm
and I will not be reasoned with 
you’re gonna have to deal with me

a vessel seldom knows what it contains
a pickled brain, I am the dowsing rod
that’s picking up your pulse
and you can hope discerning eyes
of observant passersby
can spot the difference
but indifferent gods are
plucking you from here

you shouldn’t complain
the thoughts from the day
have a way of fogging up the air

I'm here to bore a hole in your head

You begged me 
take it to the grave
and I held my tongue
but I can not relate
I hope you resolve it
before it dissolves you

whom among us here  is being honest?
Whom among us here is being honest?
Because I can give you what you want
but you, you had better want it.

Did they found you cowering?
What a coward you must be then
you will never find me shivering
I’m wrapped wrapped in fur like a heathen
on cold night it pays
to be a beast

wrapped in fur like a heathen

Tourniquette

did the social thing
and asked about your whereabouts
mutuals shrug shoulders shake their heads
when I saw you last there was a haze around the truth
you don’t know about me
let me prove it to you

circumstances dictate
bare my soul and swallow whole
you wouldn’t recognize me like this
in tender viscera
have you seen the back of my throat?
I can show you now, 
I can show you now,
why don’t you get in there?
I will shut my mouth 

I was stepping out on the misery
given time to commiserate i will find
the common line
the difference between my life
and every part of the animal

found a highschool mixtape
of the songs I used to play
full of demo covers of songs that I hate
broke it over my knee, threw it in the fireplace
who needs sentimental shit like this?
It will die with me,  
I will bury it

every part of the animal

I am always reading 2 books at once
Trying to figure out If i forgot
Something written down
That was important

I forgot that special thing
That I told to you in confidence
Several things I’ve said in public
I’m expected to remember
 
 I’m important
Underlined, narrativized
Shoveled out 
Once a week or sometimes faster
In-between feels like I haven’t 
Half-life to artistic objects 
A hundred songs, a book of matches 
It doesn’t matter
Moments after when
I’m expected to remember

I am always reading 2 books at once
Sometimes the subjects blend together
I’m reading one that makes me hopeful
Which one it is
I can’t remember

I dreamed that I was on stage
And asked to name a single thing
I ever wrote and while I fumbled
I watched the audience get restless

For the most part I agree
Cause there’s a pitch to everything
There’s a hole I chuck things into but
I’m expected to do better

Knowing my way around a language 
Never quite amounts to payments
That I owe, I might be late
But I’m expected to remember

Reading 2 Books At 1nce

It’s new
The pieces I detached to bring to you
And I may slouch as I get used
To moving in this way
I tried
To separate the muscle from the hide
And what is left, my very best
Impression of my life

I’m going to lie down

My life
Bundled up in parts and auctioned off
And trying to be grateful for the price
You think I’m worth
For now
The walls around my heart are coming down
Exposing the bare wires that spark
To cough the ideas out

I’m going to lie down

A month
I tried to live deliberately and failed
Frustrated, I continued to persist
The person that I was
Take note
The well is dry, I hope I filled you up
And what you got was nourishing enough
I’ll still be around, but

I’m going to lie down

I'm Going To Lie Down

My New Inventions Songs Do Not Make Sense

Alarm Clock That Apologises Every Morning

The sky remains the same  but the ground shakes differently.
This take brings the same questions, the same unraveling world, but with sharper edges and a heavier beat. There’s more motion here, more friction in every step.

The rhythm moves with a different kind of weight, as if the velvet above is no longer soft, but charged. It's still the same world turning fast… but now the music keeps pace with it.

Velvet Sky

Velvet Sky (Nevan Version)

Velvet sky (Nevan Version)

While I was working on a rougher, heavier track, this song came to me during a quiet strumming session. Old Man Hold On evolved into a rock ballad with deep symbolic meaning. It’s a reflection on loss, love, and resilience, inspired by the moment my grandmother passed away and my grandfather was left alone. The song captures the weight of absence, the struggle to hold on, and the fragile beauty in memories that stay with us. Raw, emotional, and intimate, it’s a tribute to enduring through grief while finding strength in the simplest moments.


every part of the animal

GUIDE DOG

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