The Notion-Mike Bragg

I wrote this song 2 years ago. It is probably the most embarrassing for me to release so far due to the subject matter/lyrics. This is again recorded with my garbage 15$ computer mic, and also recorded without auto tune. 

2 years ago I started having panic attacks. The first one I ever had was in the middle of the night out of a sound sleep. My heart felt like it was going to explode and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I spent way too much money on multiple ER visits and doctors appointments with each one of them telling me the same thing: I was fine and healthy and this was all panic. It went on for almost an entire year. 

Feeling like you’re going to die every waking moment for a year straight tends to make you wonder about what happens when you die. Which leads me to why I wrote this song. 

Religion can be an amazing comfort and guide. I also believe it can be very toxic. Every single person reading this has most likely experienced religion in a toxic way at some point or another. For me, I was raised into religion. I spent most of my week in church services. 4 times a week from the earliest I can remember until I became a teenager. I remember being taught about Hell and I remember being terrified of what I was told. Maybe I wasn’t ready to hear about it, or maybe I just took it in differently than other kids, but either way it shaped and molded my faith in an unhealthy way. So, I developed a faith based on fear rather than love. Faith was not a comfort for me for most of my life. Thankfully, I met a lot of amazing people along the way who helped me see God differently. I don’t live in that same fear as much anymore. But there are still times I find myself in that toxic state of mind even to this day. 

So, when I was having these panic attacks every day for almost a year straight, I also got very depressed. I kept thinking how I wish I had never been born because I wouldn’t have to feel afraid anymore. And it really wasn’t until after I wrote this song that I started to get a little better each day. I had to constantly remind myself that this version of God I had in my head was not reality and that I didn’t have to be afraid of Him or of dying. Now that doesn’t totally make me feel comfortable about dying by any means. But at least there was now a part that I no longer had to torture myself thinking about. And that was healing I desperately needed and I think a lot of other people need as well.

Fear

therevived

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