Pears

Your Name

I crossed a line today
I went from safety to concern
I marched an army through my mind 
and climbed a hill to watch it burn

and I’m alive
I am alive but I’m not well
raze this city to the ground
and cleanse my self of this living hell

I want to sleep For weeks and weeks 
Chemicals to help me keep
The memories like stinging rain
Another whiskey kills the pain

And if I die before I wake
Be sure I have a proper wake
Let them say what they will say
Another whiskey kills the pain

I crossed a line today
I marched to battle and on my way
it’s just a memory
but feels like it’s all happening again

and I’m alive
but I can assure you not for long
we only rent this space
and turn to dirt as soon as we are gone

I want to sleep For weeks and weeks 
Chemicals to help me keep
The memories like stinging rain
Another shot to kill the pain

And if I die before I wake
Be sure I have a proper wake
Let them say what they will say
Another shot to kill the pain

Another Shot

Song I wrote for my "50 Songs in 50 Days Challenge" about being stuck indoors and lonesome. 

Lyrics:

About the time 
This all began 
It didn’t quite set in 
I drank my wine
I fucked around
And joked with all my friends
It wouldn’t call it easy
I could do it all again
Put a little distance between
Myself and all of them

Listened to my records
And I picked up my guitar
Drank a lot of whiskey 
Walked the shit out of my dog
But days turned into weeks 
Turned into months 
Yeah they crawled by 
I was pulling out my fingernails 
And bleeding from my eyes

Loneliness is easy 
When alone is what you do
Will I know anything thing else
When this whole thing is through
I’d say that it ain’t easy
But I am better off alone
I didn’t need this time to tell me
This was going on

Lonliness is Easy

The miles you put behind you 
Marked by boots worn through the soul
And with every heavy footstep 
Takes its heavy toll

And carried on your back 
Is every cross you have to bear
All your weakness cast as strength 
And the shadows hide your fear

There’s not a force I can see 
Can pull these chains from off my feet
and I cannot keep
My head above the waves

And as I’m going down 
And I’m gonna to drown
I know all my fault
Though I didn’t get here 
all upon on my own
Yes I’m all alone 
Even though 
I didn’t get here on my own

And when the wine and women 
Leave you empty as before
And whiskey doesn’t quiet down
The voices anymore

And every one you’ve every loved 
Has watched you as you fall
There won’t be any wonder why
We ever here at all

Didn't Get Here On My Own

I try my best to bide my time
But all I find is that my mind
Will wander away with me
That’s when I’m fucked you see
The voices carry away
And poison the guards 
Who have been guarding the walls
Soon they will open it all
And the gates will fall

And as I watch it crumble 
It never seems to fail
As more and more pours out the door 
I just can’t keep it all

And I don’t think I can stop myself
doing the things that I do
But I know what I do
Oh I know what I do
I don’t think I can hide my self
feeling the way that I feel
And I know that it’s real
Oh I know that it’s real

I know I’m getting nervous
And I know it’s getting late
these chemicals can’t keep 
the hordes of beasts asleep
I tiptoe through the pillars 
And I try not to awake
The hell inside of me
Avoid the great stampede

I Know What I Do

He wakes up to face the day
Puts on his shirt 
gets on his way
There’s miles to go
And that’s not going to change
Grabs his dog
Puts on his pack
Feels it’s weight upon his back
And knows that all he has
But that’s not strange

And no one says goodbye 
As he shuts the door
His footsteps sound so hollow 
on the floor

He looks down and checks his phone
He’s so damn tired of being alone
There’s no one left to call him anyway
These are lonely days
These are lonely days

The streets alive It’s quite a day
But he doesn’t see it In that way
He digs into his pocket for some change
Enough for toast and a cup of joe
his fingers circle round it slow
Maybe just the coffee who’s to know. 

He isn’t eating all that much these days
There’s no one there to talk to anyways

He looks down and checks his phone
He’s so damn tired of being alone
There’s no one left to call him anyway 
These are lonely days
These are lonely days

He puts some miles behind him now
He’s got to get out of this town
What’s the difference between there or here
She’s never ever coming back
There’s no point in looking back
Moving on there’s nothing left back there

Just as something ends something begins
The dog licks the salty water from chin

He looks down and checks his phone
He’s so damn tired of being alone
There’s no one left to call him anyway
These are lonely days
These are lonely days

Lonely Days

Bending weak down at the knee
I wipe my eyes so I can see
The sweat just seems to pour from me
Though my heart it only races as I
Find myself down in this hole
A common sickness of my soul
I cannot do this on my own
I’m down to my last nerve

There was a time of tougher men
With fisticuffs and whiskey blends
I fear we can’t go back again 
Though maybe we’re much better off with
All the problems looming here
Drowning them is insincere 
It never kept me from a beer
I drop into a tavern oh

I lift my glass and raise a toast 
To the father, son and holy ghost
Though they never comfort in my time of need
I sure wish I was a sure of myself
As some of you seem to be
But that’s not me
Oh I tell you that’s not me

The feeling of just blending in
The whiskey and the oozing pains
Of sitting in this stool and trying just to fade
Into the scenery
The old men they all talk their game
about pretty girls and coming rain
And babble like a gossip page
of a bygone day

The night draws on my life persists
And all the things that go with it
And you are on my mind and this 
Is all that I can think of truly
I step outside, I’ve had enough
I use the wall to hold me up
I’ve calmed down but can’t stand up 
The irony never eludes me

That's Not Me

I wish that I could tell you 
But you probably can’t relate
So I’ll just bite my tongue
I know these things can wait
If I had a friend to understand
Would I say I'm doing fine?
Maybe I can tell myself
Some time 

Buy the boys down at the bar a round
Tell them that we’ll whoop it up 
The next time I’m in town

And if you see that son of a bitch 
Just tell him I’m doing fine
I know that that’s a lie
It’s hard to tell sometimes

It sucks to be tossed out in the cold
With nothing to call your own
Without a plan 
and your dick in your hand
To try and figure it out alone 
They felt they did right by you
Even though it felt all wrong
You know some day the reckoning 
Will come along

So go ahead and put your white dress on
Your mother says that you can’t do that
But your mothers always wrong

And if you see that son of a bitch 
Just tell him I’m doing fine
I know that that’s a lie
It’s hard to tell sometimes

They never really knew you 
The way they treated you was a shame
Cause they always tried to 
make you hate yourself 
While you shouldered all the blame
Even though it pains you to say
They loved you in their own way
Which is why you still ain’t been back
To this day

Try to think about me while I’m gone
Go turn on the radio
And find a dancing song

And if you see that son of a bitch 
Just tell him I’m doing fine
I know that that’s a lie
It’s hard to tell sometimes

I'm Doing Fine

From the first time that I saw you there 
Your ballet grace and your long blonde hair
I wanted you to want me just the same
I didn’t know or understand 
I was just a boy, not yet a man
Couldn’t look you in the eye 
when I spoke your name

I could write a thousand love songs
But I’m sure the words would come out all wrong
And I’d never really say what I mean to say
I’ll be here if you’ll just let me
If not, just don’t forget me
I’ll keep your picture with me every day

Stupid kids breaking all the rules
I was immature but I was no fool
I swore I’d love you in each every way
I’d trade skateboard shoes and a boutonnière
For these desert boots and a bandolier 
And promised I would write you every day

Now I’m loaded down with all my dreams
They weren’t the same when I was 23
A boy he left
when he breaks and becomes a man
Twenty years on and nothing’s changed
My fear is gone but just the same
And when I lay awake 
it’s your heart I want to tame

Thousand Love Songs

I’d cracked and broken teeth grinding
 trying to make it through the day
But I don’t know the way
But what’s the point 
Of doing this again and again and again and again

Wasting my time
With bleeding hands
Trying to hold on
But I’m running out of skin
As I give in, 
it keeps tearing through those hands
again and again

Feeling sick and tired
As time drags on
It comes down to the wire
I wish I wasn’t so alone
I’m bogged down in the mire
It’s surely not my plan
You can’t build your golden temple 
To the sky upon the silty sand

Holding on 
Holding on
Sweat burns my eyes
Blood stains my palms
(But letting go, we all go down and drown)
Holding on
Holding on
Until my last breath is gone
I won’t let you down
I’m holding on

And when I and just break the silence
I am banging my head against this wall
Because the ringing in my head 
Is better than tears that fall
Again and again and again and again

And if I were to give it up and walk away
 to fight another day
Then I know that I am lying
And I will end up right back here 
Again and again and again and again

Your Name

The Tosspints