Where does this come from ? I love it 💋

It doesn’t feel right
I don’t think I deserve this
I don’t think I should be here
Why am I here? 
What’s going on? 
Who put me here? 
Who thought I deserve this
I don’t want to be here 
I just want to leave
It just doesn’t feel right
Help

Making another poem here because I need to vent

I think I’m ok
I think it’s getting better
I’m finally back on my feet
Learning how to play the game again
But then the game changes
And I’m thrown into the fire
Being torn apart by my conflicting feelings and warring personalities

I’m tired of going through this 
Again and again and again and again
It just doesn’t feel right
Even when I think I have it under control
I don’t 
I haven’t in a long time

I wish I could understand myself long enough to put myself back together
But I’m still changing
Constantly
My emotions are a chaotic mess
An unstable reality
Shifting from one world to the next

This doesn’t feel right
I’m not ok
I haven’t been truly ok in a while
I wish I could hold on to that feeling for more than a day
Before seeping into the turmoil again

hey guys. welp. im trying. i really am. im trying to keep my head up and push past this but its gotten so bad i can hardly type this. since about march ive been having problems with numbness in my feet and legs and has in this last month changed to total lack of control of the left side of my body. im self employed so i dont have any health insurance. around here we have some hospitals that you can apply for free health care with. even with their health care card nobody really seems to want to help me.

i went to the emergency room once when it started because well, not having control of your body at a young age is very bad. they turned me away.
went back to the emergency room today and it was the same.

its gotten so bad now i can hardly walk, and most importantly i cant play guitar or keyboard. so at this point, now that its getting in the way of music i just felt i needed to say something incase something happens to me. 

they wouldnt do any tests on me but i finally got some kind of mri or something. said they found at least one herniated disc in my spine but said it wouldnt explain why i cant move my left side of my body. 

the medical care here is so bad they said i cant meet with a specialist till next year. the thing is, my condition keeps getting worse by the day so my fear is that, ill be seen and told "oh we could of saved you but you waited so long to get help this is beyond repair" and i wont ever be able to make music again like i have been.

i've been so depressed about all this its been next to impossible to sit down and try to make music. even this piece of shit american football "cover" you're listening to now was crudely spliced together. my hand does not work. i had to record essentially one chord at a time and edit it together because i cant control my hand enough to play normally anymore. its really god damn frustrating. i don't know if im just a bad person and this is karma, but i wanted to say something before either i get so fed up with it i just leave the scene for good or soemthing medically takes a turn for the worst. i don't know what else to say.

i really hope someone can help me soon. I've said it so many times in so many vague ways in my music but i'll make it as clear as i can right now incase something happens to me, my view on this whole life thing would at least be here . I think this whole life thing is beyond any of our understanding, and its funny for anyone to pretend like the actually understand this shit. Idk what im doing, or what my purpose is. All i know is that when i sit down and write music it feels like im doing something good. It feels worthwhile and it makes me happy, and if i can't do that i just really don't feel i have any reason to be around. It's always been and always will be the only thing that makes me happy. The only thing that i don't need approval from, or could bring me down. Music has only ever taken me higher, and to not be able to write, well it just takes away my whole purpose. I never have and never will write words i dont mean, i hardly sing at all as i feel nothing is really worth saying. I just wanted to put sounds and instruments together and show whoever happens to listen how i felt. I don't waste my life sharing this shit in hopes ill be recognized, i just write music cause i love making music and sure, why not share it when im done. I don't know where im going with this. Just wanted to tell you all im very afraid right now. I don't know what next but it only seems to be getting worse for my health.

update 11/15/21 - i have multiple sclerosis i guess.. :/

summers end

who's side are you on anyway?
on the sidelines for the home team
of course i'm away
of course i won't stay
stay the course anyway
i thought that you'd make
make it hard for me

make it hard to walk away
i thought that you may
want my sweater or shirt
to hold onto at night
just doesn't feel quite right

you're so far away 
i don't how to say
you make it so hard
clear my mind and restart
i know it's my fault
leave these pieces behind
you pick them all up
i wanna rewind

and do it all over again

and never say hello
so you'de never know
how terrible i am
i'm not a real man

you deserve so much more
you deserve the whole world

just doesn't feel quite right

x.

just doesn't feel right

download free

out of my head

guitar/instrumental: my head is empty
vocals: @hangthisman / my head is empty
https://vk.com/cutofffromthenoose
https://open.spotify.com/artist/7pxIYxdkx2675ZGKSAPBAy

(M) is it really so hard to listen when i speak
you try and try to make me feel so small
but youre the little little one after all
no matter what you do, no matter what you say
im the bigger one, who gives the time of day.
is it really so hard? to listen when i speak
you use me for my love
you put yourself above
thats why i hate you now
relegated to the past now

(H) I know you fucking hate me 
You know I hate you too 
But if I have to proof that 
I can say it straight in your face 

I hope you hate me, so and I 
Meet me one on one 
Make me feel like trash 
Cuz I'm scumbag 
That's why I'm wearing hang man mask 
U wanna get? 
You can try 
This bitch are acting juvenile
It leads to one and only 
Way to off it 
It would be brutal suicide

spotify

‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎U FCKN SUCK w/ HANGMAN +ʟʏʀɪᴄs

available on all streaming platforms - released via dreamscape

thank you

force

forgotten windows

forgotten windows (ambient version)

Suffershade - Sleepless

Stream / Download: https://hallow.lnk.to/illusion

Follow me -
@iamalixe
https://open.spotify.com/artist/5CqGgJNg6sTMBr8KbBCqYn
https://www.instagram.com/alixe.music/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCph6YvL0TYPnCD0L_LtQ9zw

Follow @hallowambient
https://linktr.ee/hallowwww
https://www.instagram.com/hallow.music

illusion w/hallow

Download | Stream:
lnk.to/noisegarden

Follow me:
@unnholy
open.spotify.com/artist/5um0tGaoeKhLVjLjPFG0UX
youtube.com/@unnholy
instagram.com/unnholypl

Released by @dreamscapeee

autumn lullaby

Download | Stream

and we're not that strong
broken down again
and we're not that strong
then I cry again
but I want you to be stronger
make me stop this cry, any longer
and I hold her
and I send a problem to you
just because I can't solve it all
so i dress like i'm the biggest boy in the world
and so we buy some expensive one
and we're not strong enough to handle all the problem of love
we're not strong enough
god, don't look at me
overestimated
i'm not strong enough
promise broken
we're not strong enough
promise broken
to wing that broken

We’re not that strong

pull up in volvo 5 hunnids in dope
white bitches with me they looking to blow, 30 and .40 no hunnids to blow dont make big money and fuck it she already know that im stunting on flow, tooth shining good glow, other goodbye goddamn, im been runin good speed, godspeed

fuck out my life with her company tho, i thought i told you i like it alone, i thought i told u i like it a-

my car not gonna be stopped tho,
volvo aint gonna stop hoe, look at my face as she sucked out all of my blood, god forgiven, paradøx keep blowing my grace all out
but today this death race come for the fame, i know they know my name, not why it is a shame ill drown

no matter what day it is cuz whatever he say it is (no matter what day it is cuz whatever he say it is)

told her dont speak out the voice i begged them to not make no noise part of my name, paradøx my shame, no matter the day it is, cuz whatever he say it is
god speed no sonic, i keep in the dark power like he shadow uh huh, he told me to not, never trust no ho’

fuck the place im from made me a druggie worm, like i lost all form, see fade away as i get away, why we still here if this another day? will you ever get away will i ever run away

no matter what day it is 
cuz whatever he said it is
this words came so easy to him not so easy for me, paradox hes my enemy songs will be part of my destiny? other song its just the end of me, i know that i keep fading away to pussy to take what i want away, tonight lets fuck it up double cup ima take another one, ima level up get another one show this people what they want from me, give this bitches what they want from it, made love my enemy, fuck out my life whith her company tho, youll be the end of me ho, look at my face while u suck out my blood uh huh

what the fuck im talking bout my shit is dope, play this shit when they place me on a hole for eternity so they can rip what they sow

no matter what day it is cuz whatever he say it is

Gødspeed ( LIL PEEP FAN MADE TRIBUTE ON THE GODSPEED BEAT NON PROFIT)

‎‎creator of the "nothing is real" album series. (2018-present)
hello. my brain is killing me from a disease called multiple sclerosis. i am making as much music as i can before inevitability i wake up one day unable to function.  i wouldn't wish this on anybody. thanks for listening.
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎\
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‎my head is empty music plays 
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏in various ‎‏‏‎shows on the VICELAND 
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏ ‎‏‏TV network, ‎‏‏‎in the films TERRIFIER 3,
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎ eHero with ‏‏‎Sean Astin,
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎an Adidas documentary,
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎  and as the ‎‏‏‎soundtrack for the 
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎video ‎‏‏‎game Monsters Duo,
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏‎ by Q-Games.

just doesn't feel right

my head is empty

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