Raichous as The Riddler
SimplyRazzy as The Zodiac Killer
Snakebite126 as The Riddler (video)
Fightmarker as The Zodiac Killer (video)
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Instrumental by Dansonn
Cover art by Fightmarker

SNAKEBITE RAP BATTLES
THE ZODIAC KILLER
VS
THE RI-
-RIDDLER LAUGH-

The Riddler:
Who’d you expect? The Ripper? Well, here’s a fun code to crack
Who’s the no-name hack behind the horrid acts of the Zodiac?
The lowly man so self-loathing that he cloaks his ass with a grocery bag
Ted Cruz or Kaczynski? No, in fact, he’s a more hopeless laugh! *laugh*
With unparalleled intellect whose fared and dealt with the best
They paired my wellness against this barren whelp with no zest?
And I called the Bat’s costume bad but you must depress him
A dollar store cosplay for the Ku Klux Konvention?
Your envy stirred up your troubles, virginity didn’t sit well
Started murdering couples, you’re the ultimate incel
Killed 37? Like someone would buy that hokey hoax
But what can you expect from the guy modeled off horoscopes

The Zodiac Killer:
If you’re saying that you’ll own me, then get it done
Cause the cops are still tryna find the threat you’re posin’ to anyone
I’d tie you to a pile of explosives and set the clock
But I don’t need to put the car in Carrey, his performance already bombed
The Zodiac, I’ll smack that smug face of yours out that bowler hat
Wordplay’s all you’re good at and you still managed to blow at that
We both play mind games but your physical prowess is little
But I don’t need any ciphers to leave my victims riddled. *bang*
Dressed like a gameshow host, from the hat to the shoes
But it’s no surprise. I’m sure you’re used to Family Feuds
Your smarts made daddy confused, he took it out all on you
Just ‘cause he was jealous you made the Gifted and Talented group
That’s why you hand out your clues? You must be kidding me. 
You leave your name on every riddle while mine still remains a mystery!
I’m still shrouded in infamy as history’s great illuder
While your mind’s only grown big because of the tumor

The Riddler:
Ah-ah-ah! That’s the wrong answer!
You have one attempt left so don’t let me down, sir.
Your words lack any meaning, explains the mystery symbols
If this is Zodiac speaking, best stick to child’s scribbles
My riddles fool the greatest, I’d crack your ciphers like word scrambles
But sitting through your films? A challenge even I couldn’t handle
You got some short attention but your real name’s lost in time
All the effort planning but who can appreciate all your crimes?
While Edward Nigma’s still admired as the greatest of Gotham’s minds
So one more chance, who’s the Zodiac? Answer wrong, you die.

The Zodiac Killer:
I’m a nobody, right? That’s what’s on the paper
But your compulsive behavior only results in your failures 
A known face is a closed case while a legend unsolved is greater
While you get busted by jailors, I have ‘em stumped decades later
Straight out the Golden Gate, I was outclassing most common crooks
The real world fears me, you’re barely an issue in your own comic books
The blows that I deliver hit too hard to survive ‘em
I took the trophy from the Riddler like it’s Arkham Asylum. *bang*

WHO WON?
WHO’S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
SNAKEBITE RAP BATTLES

The Riddler vs The Zodiac Killer. Snakebite Rap Battles

The 🍆 Monkey vs. Normal Porn For Normal People - History vs. Creepypastas!

WARNING: 🍆 JOKES ARE MADE

SpideyFam As NPFNP

Grasman As The 🍆 Monkey

Grasman As Narrator 

Written by King Ducky 

Cover Art by Box

Mixed by Jort

Writing assistance from M&Mattie

Beat prod. Anywaywell

Normal Porn For Normal People:
Hopped on our site? Thought you were locked in the bathroom
Though honestly primates with jaundice may catch views
Your stalking with eyes which have lost all their life
Like your pasta, despised by anybody with values
 
The story's teens craft you are a mess I wish forgetting
Not surprised they'd smash you and also reside in Texas
He even puts them to rest before he'll make an attack
You're not a threat just a real pain in the ass 

He lies his eyes on wives to capture, if they aren't in the picture  
He aims for 🍆 Inspectors which there are zero percent of
Your design requires a censor, sensing it begins my heads hurt
Though I wouldn't mind rendering my contender dismembered 

Narrator:
He is coming for your skinny ass bruh 😂
He is hungry for a shitty pasta!
He is something so sneaky and agile
The 🍆 Monkey is not for weak (Ughh)


The 🍆 Monkey:
I'm going bananas, better prep your goofy mask up!
Cuz I plan to eat your ass up like i'm tossing fruity salad
This doctors handing out virus' offering some randoms hyperlinks 
Locking his red pink slimy tongue onto the land of grimy SINKS! 

Grab ya tiny 🍆 and throw your awful shows off of chrome 
Before I turn you black, white and blue: mono e monochrome!
Now I'm meant to be menacing yet he's only more threatening 
Cuz I could do anything and it be one of his fetishes! 

Normal Porn For Normal People:
A classic on the net only webs you know of come blasting out your back end
Bad at delivery cuz you have to be dragging round that 🍆 
Buren'll bury any servant who spurts a churpin in 
His office so scurry 'fore the pleasure he's churning…

Think you're besting me? Well then i'll leave him so bloody
What? You're just an NFT that nobody wants
I'm no redditor so this crack monkeys nothing to die for
The snuff in my lore's too lovely for an av-eye-sore

The Pe 🍆 Monkey:
That white mask can't hide that 
You doctored doctored those disses like a medical li-cense
Find that I am a giant by my design and 
You'll fly in the sky when I get a hold of that fine ass

I drop hurt odd pervs on their deathbeds when I go deep in that butt!
You're a doctor but can not earn a shirt or a decent camera?
I'm killing this brittle bitch isn't his first time being taken down
Guess both me and the police are fine with any trace cut out!

The 🍆 Monkey vs. Normal Porn For Normal People - Horror Rap Battles!

ORIGINALLY UPLOADED ON 04/15/2024

LYRICS

Parakeet:
I don’t talk first often but I’m gonna make this quick
I’ll batter you then make nuggets out of this little baby chick
Putting a cheap joke in Fortnite is pretty typical
Best call me a Griffin then, ‘cause I’m fucking mythical
A running gag that Peter hates with every single fiber
But like the coupon that you gave him, that bit expired
So when I’m roasting you, best know this ends fatally
Go hop in a deep fryer, KYS at KFC

Chicken:
Look, I’m hearing you, but listen, please stop 
I’d rather shut this down now like it was the eShop
But if you lock eyes - then it’s on-sight
Facing with this dickhead, now it’s a cockfight
I’ll drive a car right through the “I” that you latch to
Crash through this fast food so Dashie acts sad too
And no one else remembers you, so you’re passing quietly
Ask Mario to build a grave on top your little title screen

Parakeet:
I’d copy everything you said so you can eat your words
But you said nothing, I can’t even repeat your verse
Man, all those death threats ain’t really gonna strike a nerve
Makes sense the surface level joke is a flightless bird
You got no wife, she’s all up on my business
I’ll turn that bucket of chicken into a fucket of dicken
And you can meet my flamethrower, kiss my ass and burn in hell
Burninhell, burninhell, b u r n i n h e l l 

Chicken:
Think that little fire’s gonna knock my lights out?
Your guys took down that Flappy Bird, but I will never pipe down
A shitty flamethrower can’t make me burst into flames
You’re not the word, you’re just the worst fucking bird that I hate
Nintendo left your ass, you’re no longer on air waves 
The only thing they have you repeating now is “spare change?”
I resurrect and beat Peter ceaselessly ‘til his days are through
While you never came for the sequel, now you’ve met your Maker 2

CREDITS

Shimario as The Parakeet

Walk as The Chicken

Written by Rabi
Additional writing help by Fightmarker, CJ, and Shimario
Beat prod. by Diamond Style
Mixed and Mastered by Freshy Kanal
Art by ColeTheCole and Rabi
Cover art by Rabi

That Fucking Bird That I Hate - Rap Battle

Recorded September 2024

8/12

Prod by Raias Beats


Jesus (0:21) 

Socrates, child, say your prayers and get on your knees, 
God will bring forty days of rain to cleanse your awful deeds
Tread the sinful path with no sandals and now your body reeks
I honestly should use this opportunity to wash your feet

Your entire philosophy is going “Why?” constantly
You’re always the opposite, so be a lamb and get off my property
You want to be contrarian? Then I oughta be
Making your sad life a Divine Comedy

Ironically, he stayed when he was caught then freed
His conscience seemed to haunt him since his court hearing was simply an Apology
Follow God’s plan if the one that Greece had got decreed is not your speed
For I’ve shown him the Lord knows how to plot a scheme

Socrates (0:51)

You’re right, he works in mysterious ways
I wonder, for someone who loves us, he’s seething with rage
He must’ve just flooded his follower’s ears with that rain
‘Cause God sees all, is that why the church is fearing the gaze?

(Ahem) You don’t practise ethics with that old-fashioned metric
The Socratic Method will show that you’re method acting as a peasant
For he had inherited his dad in heaven’s status and yet as an act to blend in, 
He was found defending… tax collection?

Betrayed the Jews, now you’re removed from their chapters
And it ain’t communion, but I’ll chew out a cracker
Don’t need a thousand eyes to see past his ‘miracle’ magic tricks
Clearly, White Jesus isn’t biblically accurate

Jesus (1:21) 

Alright wise guy, oracles knew you were finicky
See, you screwed your delivery before this superstar hit the scene
You can keep winging debates with tirades and spiels,
And throw in a Hail Mary, cause I’ll take the wheel!

Who’d put money on Devil’s Advocate? It’s in God that We Trust
Poisoning the youth won’t fend the hemlock you drink from
But look back, I carried you, the mark you’ve made has faded too
You eat your student’s words up as his mouthpiece, like a Plato food

Socrates (1:41)

Whereas your name is something uttered in vein
When your blood is whine, people call you just to complain
‘Cause your own temples are corrupt if you’re looking for something fishy now
The way they’re multiplying their dough should have you flipping out

Can we suppose that with your stepfather, you’re a son AND holey ghost?
For if Joseph taught you carpentry, I’ll hammer it home
He’s proud with how you had croaked
The nailed hands and feet show you were next to be an Average Joe


not much to say abt this one. i wanted to try and experiment with angles so i went w like, jesus’ first would have the whole ‘socrates’ scheme as a cool thing, and then i *tried* to write socrates’ first as closely as i could to socraticethod w just a bunch of questions and then ending off w the “white jesus isn't biblically accurate” thing but it kinda just fizzled out :/

if i were to change anything its be polishing the socratic method angle and then keeping that level of quality consistent through the rest of the thing. thats p much it haha

Jesus VS Socrates - 12 Bars of Dissmas #8

Tomura Shigaraki : Dboy
Tetsuo Shima : Kamren

Written by Kamren
Additionally Help from Dboy
Beat by Dannson
Mixed by Kamren
Special Thanks to Michael Stark

Tetsuo Shima :
If you're looking to piss me off, congrats, you've got my attention
But if you wanted to join forces, I don't need your goddamn protection 
I tore this whole country apart, a single thought and your plan's undone
As if you needed anymore hands, the ones you've got are only for one
And if that wasn't enough, it's the past sins of your family dragging you down
He's a leader for two different Leagues, a joke ironic even for the Clowns
I don't play around while you're gathering low rank villains like an RPG
So fair warning, squadrons of cannon fodder tend to blow up next to me
Tried to recruit Stain but became one. Then Bakugo is where you fucked up
Left to a warehouse, went to get clout and Overhaul got Magne blown some 
If that wasn’t bad to read up, Re-Destro got you to erupt
Now you’re just another Nomu but as far as brains? You’ve got none

Tomura Shigaraki :
So you're just another brat? Why am I not surprised?
Your only meaningful drive crashed like Kaneda's bike
I won't be taking this from an orphan ; Shima will bomb a second time 
He has no family to speak of, but me? I fucking killed mine!
That ego got to you, now it shines brighter than your forehead
Its so big, a universe formed in it and all it took was some existential dread
You went and crushed your friends but Kaori? A line I’m surprised you’d even tread
Last time your girl got assaulted, you froze up.. till you got bailed again
Thought Dabi was the one who was charred up, but you? Just look at your arm. bud
Didn’t wanna be babied, the government saw you and said “I’ll take that freedom”
Made you a freak show and all because you didn’t pay attention to the road
Nowadays, you get any attention and you’re wanting to be left alone

Tetsuo Shima : 
At least I had someone to hold in my arms! A single touch and they bite the dust quick
The only ones that gave a fuck about you are your underage fans consisted of simps
Get a whiff of this, you imputent bitch! Your storyline is so riddled with twists
That you got shot by Snipe, bullets came to mind, and now they're a goddamn plot device!

Tomura Shigaraki :
Christ, grow a pair and you can't rely on Akira to leave his for ya
Was so split on finding the kid, your manga and anime endings got torn up
And if your film is what inspired Kanye, I’d suggest you take your shit and leave
‘Cause at least I don't discriminate compared to his antisemitic tweets

Tetsuo Shima :
Shut up! I won't be talked down to by a Kira’s fashion display
With all of these villains taking the stage, it makes sense your quirk is to Decay
This incel had no motivation, went outside to a shopping mall
Struck cords and his ego with a minor, and that's what gives him resolve?!
Congratulations! His balls dropped and so did the chance of saving him
Had his awakening, took a page from his master and stole my drip!
Naught but a fraud! Compress is the only one left reading your memory
I am a God! So get on your knees and pray to me!

Tomura Shigaraki :
Done sucking your thumb, or does the giant baby need his bottle?
Just takes a couple pills and the drugs make him go full throttle
You’ll end up drawing blood if you think we stand on equal footing
So do what you're best at in your miserable life and start booking!
You're the final boss? No, your lack of experience points out to me
That you represent your status well as a king... of a trash heap
I’m through with you. God or not, tell me if this was in your plan
When you're just like before : Dissolved in the palm of my hand


Tomura Shigaraki vs Tetsuo Shima - My Hero Academia vs Anything! #13

TheToppo as Napstablook and The Dealer
Written, mixed, cover art by TheToppo
Produced by InsaneBeatz
Special thanks:
SN00ZE
Mike Klubnika
Toby Fox
Freshy Kanal

[The Dealer verse 1]
Sign the waiver, let us begin the game
I’ll have to inject adrenaline if nap is in your name
I should give you a warning when I’ve competed with God
But if you’re really that clueless, I can tell you your odds…

It’s double or nothing but you have nothing to lose,
Nothing to gain, nothing more to double, you’ve been drawing nothing but blanks
Because when you come around you’re not live
Shells dead like your eyes and the rest of your design

Living in the Waterfall, it makes sense you’re washed up
You’re just like your cousin, you’re both down in the dumps
But when I pull out the magnifying glass and handcuffs,
Have the shotgun sawed off, your end will be abrupt.

[Napstablook verse 1]
Um… you do know you can’t kill ghosts, right?
Well… you’re not the brightest, that why your room has no light?
Wait… the room is visible so… there has to be…
Just… forget it… you get the point, you and your fans are no-lives

Looking like Zolphius if he started molding,
Had rusty nails for teeth and a cheap gun he was holding,
Turned to an alcoholic with the only hope he has in life
Being betting all his money away until he dies

Sorry… um… I didn’t mean to get so pressed
But when an ugly floating chainsmoker’s here, it makes sense
For anybody to be stressed, you aren’t very fun to look at
But maybe you could be like me and… put on a cool hat?

[The Dealer verse 2]
I’d smoke a cigarette but none of what you said hurt
Just like your fight with Frisk, you didn’t put in effort
I’d say more but there’s nothing else I can diss
Your whole personality’s a blank canvas

[Napstablook verse 2]
I wish I had a jammer so I could’ve skipped that verse
Honestly I didn’t see you as a threat at first
But… I heard your voice and my ears started to hurt
Well they would if I had ears… uhh you’re the worst

[The Dealer verse 3]
Me and you, we are dancing on the edge of life and death
Until one of us gets a lucky shot and end’s the other’s breath
You can cry all you want, but it still won’t hurt me
Always acting insecure but it isn’t going to deter me

[Napstablook verse 3]
You’re dirty and it’s not really something I would doubt, see…
You barely even said a single thing about me
You’re stuck in this room cause the game has you bound
You’ll fail like every other time, and I’ll win the third round

Napstablook vs The Dealer - Rap Battle

So basically this battle is intended as a send-off to the audio only era of my battle making career. I want to release my battles with videos from now on, as I develop the ability to edit and also level up my general skill enough to make videos worth it. This battle was written close to a year ago, and it's been stuck in development hell for a while, but I hope you enjoy it in an "end of an era" kind of way.

Kat Toony as Queen
Lexi M. as Megamind
Kamren as Berdly
RaccoonBroVA as Reporter
Written by Alchemyking & Kat Toony
Additional help by SIR Rap Battles
Art by Valonide & WAN
Beat by ToneJonez
Arrangement by Hazelmoth
Mixing by Jort
Cover art by M!CAH

Queen:
(Queen laugh)
They Say Megamind Is The Greater Mind
With The Crazy Rhymes To Be Caged Inside? Please Don’t Waste My Time
Stay In Line, I’ve Got Only One Blue Brain In Mind
(Like yours truly?) By My Calculations, Mine (oh.)
For A Genius You Lack Great Pronunciation
My Database Comes With Language Applications
And A Mansion! You Spend Your Vacations
In A Prison, Tryna Break Into Your Basement
Came To Scoop That Reporter? 
Well News Flash!
She Was Duped By A Dude She Knew 
In A Crude Plan To Let You Smash?
I Would’ve Blue Balled Your Blue Ass
You’ve Been Thrashed Past Your Initial Defeat
When Minion Gets Beat By Despicable Me
But Oh You Saved Yourself… And It Got Me Snoring
The Only Fountain That Can’t Cause A Roaring

Megamind:
A big bad computer? I’m shaking in my custom leather boots!
That’s something you can’t do without tripping over and getting bruised
I leave cities in devastation, so like my hologram, go ahead and face it:
This old PC’s more like PowerPoint if we’re talking PRESENTATION!
And Minion’s helped more in a bowl than that gamer’s done
He’s thirsty like I shot the dehydration gun
I’m a monument to villains who get redeemed
Your statue’s built on the dreams of a petty dweeb (HEY!)
To your citizens’ plight, you’re lazy
Don’t need bananas, you’re already crazy!
Meh… you caged me.
I’ll just do what your chapters can’t when I break free!
Now I know he’s my nemesis, and I don’t want to agree with Tighten’s thinking
But there’s no Easter bunny, no tooth fairy, and no Queen of Cyber City
Just a layabout, no one even knows your name
Take you out, but we’re not playing mobile games
In the end, you’re a giant waste
I’ve seen more evil electronics from a microwave!

Queen:
Look, I’ve Seen Outdated Memes Leave Both Our Fandom Teens In Stitches 
But Even With Their “Penis Music” Yours Still Get No Bitches 
With Where You’re At It’s No Shocker
That The Golden Boy Soaks Up The Fame That You’ve Never Had
You’re Not Allergic To Copper
So You Should Be Happy That You’ll Never Stack Up To Metro Man
Talk ‘Bout My Chapters? Let’s Tear Your Part 2 Apart
Just Like Your Syndicate It Was Doomed From The Start
Did Your Writers Get Hit With The Forget Me Stick?
Now You're As Tired And Washed Up As The True Bernard
Now You Pander In A Play To Get Clicks
I Got A Werewire If You Want To Stay Connected

Queen?
But… I’m No Better With Social Media
Governing My Subjects With The Lies I Keep Feeding ‘Em

(The fake Queen is revealed as Megamind, using his disguise watch)

Megamind:
(Huh?) PSYCH! Got you, so stay mad!
I could raise Lancer better if I played as Space Dad
But… I don’t really need to mess with my watch
When I could fool you with my head in a box!
And speaking of “box-in”, get your record straight
Can’t handle booze, and you say you’re a heavyweight?
Well, I suppose that’s the last of it…
(Hey, a hero! Get your cameras quick!) BACK AWAY FROM ME, YOU SAVAGES!
It is simply so maddening
Go focus on the freakshow that her palace is!
She’s so toxic that her baked goods are “ass-idic”!
Forget her traffic; she’s practicing human trafficking!
You couldn’t match to my intellect, and now the deed’s done
I’ll carry you to the Romanian outlet store and demand a REFUND!


Queen vs Megamind - AK Rap Battles!

all crimes are legal if you aren't technically human

DumbShlop as West of Loathing
mintoreos as Turnip Boy

Written by mintoreos
Beat by Tantu Beats
Mixed by Danii
Cover by TomPuffs

[Verse 1: West of Loathing]
Lemme fire off a warning shot before I swap from western to hip-hop and spit hot *spits into spittoon*
Won’t need to wait two weeks to make this kid rot
Don’t fight an ace high like me when I’m pissed off (yes sir)
Of course you make yer town of produce frustuated (damn right)
All you can say is three points of punctuation
You may have hanged with some onion satan, but this felon sadist will expire on the pavement

I’m outta patience! *spits* Go run more errands
This herb appears just as outdated as his references
Here's a quick lesson if ya wanna keep yer residence, rippin’ up yer mail doesn’t uncorrupt the government
Don’t talk to me how you’re oh so unique just lookin’ to be another pixel art indie
Yer bit off those games and spit em back at the industry, makes sense ya exist thanks to a meme of yoshi

*spits* Kid, yer Reddit humor ain’t subtle.
How’s yer dialogue harder to sit through than yer puzzles?
And what’s with yer morals, they’re honestly horrible! 
Out killin’ kids but paying taxes is where ya struggle? *spits*
It’s not solely the forest beasts exposed to radiation *spits* 
Reviews must be too if they gave you any admiration
Always escaping *spits* the burdens he’s taken *spits*
Brings a whole new meaning *spits* to tax evasion


Hello? Are…..are yer going to say anything feller?
See, I knew- I knew you were going to pull this shit. 
I get yer a silent protagonist but c’mon man you gotta at least say something!

OH LORD ALL MIGHTY, okay that scared me, hooo

[Verse 2: Turnip Boy] 
I thought the IRS might be at my home’s doorstep but all I see here is this monochrome snore-fest
Dogging my aesthetic while looking like a joke sketch, both your art style and personality got no depth
The wild wild west just decides to fight the best against a line and vile mess it ain’t even a contest
Rushing DLC so devotees get any sort of content, but my assumed greed is what you want to condemn?

Alright then, we just met but let’s skip the pleasantries
I’ll certainly be wrecking the enemy of equity
Cus it seems to me that playing fake sheriff is your legacy
I mean jeez even your own gun’s a better deputy
Why ya facing me? You’re too drunk to battle in the first place. How’d you flop this back and forth when your game’s turn based?
You began in Boring Springs but you look more mundane. I'd say I take names but you’re already un….named!

Think you’re tough, my guy you're a pansy. Like bitch, how does a cowboy get defeated by an anti-virus? (Dumbass!)
The way your party fights shit is priceless
Haven’t seen things be worse together since that human-cactus hybrid
This beer chugging, cow punching, cheap drawing, blows at rap
And don’t try to hide those facts under one of your bowler hats
This town ain’t big enough, so get out before I smoke your ass!
and pull the gat on some sort of rip-off Henry Stickmen tra-aughhh fuck

[Verse 3: West of Loathing & Turnip Boy]
There’s another warning shot, and- oh wait, I think I hit him in the gut!
Hey, you good bud? WHY DID YOU SHOOT ME?! 
I guess this booze is makin’ me a tad woozy
You were holding a gun while downing some whisky? That’s almost as reckless as you running from your family
Are yer seriously dissin’ me while you’re bleedin’ to death? I mean as a vegetable aren’t yer meant to stay fresh?

Please just get an ambulance, quick! Feller, all we got is horse and carriage. Shit!
Look kiddo *spits* How many times do you need to spit!? Yer can either die here or yer can stop being a massive bitc-
Alright alright I get it, now don’t let me bleed out. Only if ya swear to pay the bills on yer greenhouse
I’ll never give a cent to the regime OUCH Then it’s time for me *spits* to put this freak down

West of Loathing vs Turnip Boy - Mint Rap Battles (ft. DumbShlop)

ClarenceTheDuck as Miles Upshur
Ebenezer Ponce as Alan Wake


Crew
Beat by Trunxks beatz 
Mixed and Mastered by HoodieMasterr
Written by Trav Shark 
Additional writing help by TylerTheSnake & Shogen
Art by Trav Shark 
Thumbnail by Trav Shark


Miles Upshur:
I've arrived at Washington to investigate a mad man
Who’s taken Bright Falls like rewrites to his fans 
He's an author, but can't say his sells are the best
It's only heart stopping by a switch in the chest

Fucking thirteen years and you wrote such a bad trash hap
Should've stayed in the writer's block instead of a cash grab
Seems the light went down the drain when you needed save
Now it’ll be the only Rose sitting on your grave

Let me make a Return to Sender cuz I'm a bit Casey
Why does your famous book feel like it's copy and pasty?
Your story was literally splattered with how you throw it
With its plot, I've seen better dives from bigger poets

Can't be original with your kind of twisted thoughts
You took the plot of Silent Hill and mixed it with Scribblenauts
I read your manuscript and know you're lost in a Dark Place
While I broke out of hell with blood on my face

Alan Wake:
I expected you to be weak with the pain you're dealing 
Guess you really are Walker's pig: always squealing 
In a horror game, the victim keeps asking “why?”
Unless they're you who seems to never even try

Should've left nightmares to the pros from the very start
You only fueled it up just to put the weight on Park
You fail at survival while I actually light up this rap fight
And I only need a pen to erase your shitty life

Miles Upshur:
Those lines were dark; I thought you'd have this battle conquered
Since your best tactic in fights is a musical concert
You lose to arcade relics; don't bother with the onslaught
They got you Rusty, but I thought you're good at drawin’ shots

Think your life's Scratched, but fame really got you more
Chatted with Warlin, but your insanity broadcasted out the Door
You're stuck at a drowning level with panic that you side
Not even the devil's act has a bigger shoe size

Alan Wake:
I'm lost, I'm lost in the dark; drowning in a man's blood
Sinking deeper like he did, but at least I'm not done
You stood so tall, no wonder your face wasn't visible
Should be lucky; ain't like a woman says it's kissable

You've gotten far, but your win was Miles behind you
Went too far and got stacked like the files you find too
Taking second isn't bad, but a game has means too
Is that why the camcorder is the only green you see through?

Here's my new book; it's on a two finger discount 
Ain't like you gave Tragger warnings before you just pounced
Just have no experience; you work for a poor wage
Well now you can be famous by being the guy who's 4ked

Got chased by dicks and I'm not talking a few jerks
They made you the company's bitch by getting you murked
So after I’m done ripping you into pieces
You can finally listen to Father Martin and rest in pieces

Miles Upshur vs. Alan Wake ft. ClarenceTheDuck & Ebenezer Ponce

Starring
TCMZiggy as Shaggy Rodgers
Mat4yo as Tintin
Fle as Scooby

Shaggy and Scooby:
RUH ROH! SHAGGY, you’re heading right into a boobie trap 
Like Scoob, that’s Tin Tin! Let’s show him how Scooby Raps!
I’m all for beating bad guys, but his pastimes are pitiful
Like, keep on shooting Rhinos and take a seat with the criminals 
Like, you must’ve left your animation on the Hammock
Spitting fire on this boat, like, hot flow that’ll cause mad havoc  
Shaggy he’s a reporter! Like, would you note this for later;
Capture our good sides, when you put your loss in the newspaper! 
Like, Scoob, it’s up to us to crack this mental case
Who’s more insensitive than his depictions of race 
Jeez, like, I can’t stand to look at this blank slate 
It looks like Hergé forgot to finish your face 

Tintin:
Are you sick of your cross-over flicks; I can tell that you’re fed up
'Cuz those rhymes were so dry, did I land in another desert?
An adventurous detective; you ain't hard as Tin Tin  
I can send this slacker packing just sharing my LinkedIn
Let it sink in, we won’t need Velma to deduce
you’d be shagging on the sofa; either way you Screwed the Pooch
You’ve split up so many times, but could never get a clue 
Sorry, but in every story, you’re most useless in your crew
Why am I not surprised this flimsy Hippie’s out of whack
Firing back like Fred’s Traps; endangering this giraffe 
Talking to your dog, right, what are you eating kid? 
It’s no mystery Scooby Snacks pack a secret ingredient 

Shaggy:
Zoinx! It’s a g-ghost! It’s a mask Shaggy, see!
Like, Boy do I feel dumb, it was his personality! 
When it comes to catching monsters; It’s not just ghosts we’re after
Like, there’s nothing quite as terrifying as your motion capture 

Tintin:
Speaking of movies, Scoob, which director sounds the worst
The mind behind Schindler’s list, or the guy who directed Smurfs? 
You almost had me convinced you could flow to this Captain
You’d have gotten away with it if not for your awful rapping

Written by Fle, Mat4yo, and Dustin

Scooby and Shaggy vs Tintin. CMRB

Dragonex as Username 666
LightAmazingFilms as Normal Porn for Normal People

Username 666:
2006; Been here since the beginning
So you claiming better internet pasta’s not fitting
Don’t want a site from a doctor with a sex disorder?
Just refresh a couple times if you want actual horror
I’m gifted; users got me in their subscriptions
Take your vids so twisted and make them all unlisted
I want an equal match; rapping that could truly go viral
So don't make your verse more misleading than your title

Normal Porn for Normal People:
A virus is the one that is calling me a fraud?
Those are big words coming from the Vid-Con
Used to be the biggest threat with those demonic eyes
Now you're pushed aside by thoughts of being demonetized
Wanna dance? Break a leg, better yet, my computer
You’re not hot, you got leaked by your fellow YouTubers
So since you couldn’t bust a rhyme nor a nut.avi
Spread the word that you lost for the good of mankind

Username 666:
Drowning bitches with glitches, that can be your next kink
Couldn't spit licks, so you waste them on the bathroom sink
Leave you trapped with no other YouTube to stand
If you really want to make it big, I’ll give you a hand

Normal Porn for Normal People:
You’re the whore of Glesgorv, your gore's truly a bore
You'll be sore once you see the porn that I have in store
It would seem that your fate has led you to damnation
So consider this mauling a second termination!

Written by: Matthew Thomas, LightAmazingFilms, Brodecai, & S1lverballer
Mixing & Mastering by: LightAmazingFilms
Beat by: Joe Milburn of Audio Network
Idea by: LightAmazingFilms

Miles Upshur vs. Alan Wake ft. ClarenceTheDuck & Ebenezer Ponce

Epic Rap Battles of Housery

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