The Elusive Beast Known As "BIG O"

Refuckulate

Dizzave Gattenbourough

R.I.P Prince of Darkness

Strings screaming fire they dance in the dark
Fingers like lightning they leave their mark
Steel and wood in a lover’s embrace
The stage is a battlefield it’s a dangerous place

The guitars the star the rest just hum
Every note a spark every chord a drum
It speaks no words but shouts so loud
The guitars the star it owns the crowd

The guitars the star.mp3

She was crossing the street on a motorized scooter 
A car turning left didn’t see her and wrecked it 
They say that the brain is the body’s computer 
And the skull is the casing that serves to protect it 

She’s flung nearly ten yards her skull cracks the street 
The damage incurred by her brain was severe 
Just like her name implies, Candy was sweet 
But now we’re not sure whether Candy’s still here 

She sang karaoke and drank chardonnay 
She couldn’t drive, she couldn’t learn how. 
Yes, that was Candy yesterday 
But this is Candy now

She was rushed to the hospital, hurt quite severely 
Her brain was now swollen and bleeding inside 
Her family grieved for they loved Candy dearly 
And would have been crushed had their sweet Candy died

By a careless driver she’d been recklessly assaulted
And now she’s in a gurney tightly strapped 
Our brains are like a vulnerable ball of chocolate malted 
Subject to disintegration when they are unwrapped 

She was sweet as her namesake but she was mentally slow 
And yet she’d made herself a nice life somehow 
But, that was Candy long ago 
And this is Candy now

Riding on her scooter on the way to Bible Study 
No helmet on or seat belt there to strap her 
Then suddenly she’s lying on the pavement hurt and bloody 
A candy bar no longer safely wrapped inside its wrapper 

Many months have past now since that car abruptly hit her 
Her physical condition grows progressively worse 
You cannot blame her family who quietly consider 
Whether her survival was a blessing or a curse?  

Her limbs and face contorted as she staggers room to room
Senseless screams and cries she’s loudly belting 
Her family is as shattered as you rightly might assume
Helplessly they’re forced to watch their Candy slowly melting 

She sang karaoke and she drank chardonnay 
She couldn’t drive, she couldn’t learn how. 
Yes, that was Candy yesterday 
And this is Candy now


This Is Candy Now

On a planet resembling Earth, in a Galaxy far, far away 
There were creatures resembling humans of two pigmentations: one red and one blue 
And the red ones instructed the blue ones that there is one word that THEY must never say. 
And they will be ostracized, subject to violence or otherwise harmed if they do. 

You see, one or two centuries prior, the blue ones held red ones enslaved 
And there was a word that the Blue ones would use to refer to the red ones possessed
And though they had long since been freed, in lieu of the justice they craved 
They insisted the blue ones should never again breathe that word, not even in jest

And the blues ones at first were quite gladly compliant, at first they completely concurred
But the red ones adopted this word as a term of endearment, not a hideous curse!  
And now and again some poor Blue would get loose with its tongue and then out popped that word! 
And red ones who heard it were given free license to beat the blue or something worse! 

Even the most rich and powerful Blue ones if ever that word did they say
Were forced to make public apologies, tearfully beg for forgiveness, repentant 
that’s just the trouble with pendulums swinging too wide can the pendulums sway 
What started as simply a politic gesture was simmering now as resentment 

Words are just noises you make to express an idea you may have at the time
Our primitive ancestors, warning of predators, made noises just to alert you 
Always remember the words that are used in that world famous nursery rhyme:
Sticks and Stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you 

Most Blues were fine with not saying the word, its insulting so why not refrain 
And all of that’s true but it’s rather short sighted and frankly it misses the point  
The point is that blue ones were forced to comply or else suffer the punishment’s pain 
And when rules don’t apply to both red and blue equally, blue noses get out of joint 

So small bands of blues started saying the word in their home and amongst other blues 
And the building resentment would over time lead to a war pitting race against race 
Only slaves are subjected to punishment over expressing unpopular views 
Free people use any words that they want to:  a warning from deep outer space!

The Word You Dare Not Say

I climbed up on a stool 
Around my neck the rope wrapping 
I pushed the stool away for it was weight bearing 

I woke up in my drool 
On the couch I’d been napping 
Football on the TV was blaring 

Someone knocking, Who is it?  
When I arose all my snacking 
Flew off me in a cloud of junk food

It was my girlfriend come to visit 
But I sent that girl packing 
On Suicide Sunday, I prefer solitude  

Suicide Sunday 
I think it’s common among us 
Its not my own personal quirk 

For the next day is Monday 
And if the noose hasn’t hung us 
We have to get dressed and go back to work 

My girlfriend was furious 
She felt rejected apropos 
She assumed she had an open invitation 

When She calmed down, she was curious 
So I quoted Henry D Thoreau 
“most men live lives of quiet desperation” 

In our cubicles we all cloister 
And To our bosses deferential 
As we suckle on the corporate teat 

The world used to be my oyster 
I used to have so much potential 
And on Suicide Sunday, I must admit my defeat 

Suicide Sunday 
I think it’s common among us 
Its not my own personal quirk 

For the next day is Monday 
And if the noose hasn’t hung us 
We have to get dressed and go back to work 


Why do so many men seem to secretly hate their employment?  
xxIt pays them and feeds them like a hamster fed for running his wheel 
It pays us and feeds us and yet we spend so much energy griping 
Our ancestors broke their backs in the hot sun with not a moment’s enjoyment 
And I’m bitching about sitting in a comfortable chair, in an air conditioned cubicle typing?

The girlfriend is my wife now 
Another company has employed me 
As they say what’s not broke you don’t fix 

I’m content with my life now 
But on Sundays please avoid me 
Cause You can’t teach an old dog new tricks 

I drink a six pack and a bag of chips 
I dream that no one’s gonna save me 
As A rope around my neck’s tightly noosed 

Its on Sundays that I come to grips 
I didn’t use what god gave me 
On Suicide Sundays, my pigeons come to roost

Suicide Sunday 
I think it’s common among us 
Its not my own personal quirk 

For the next day is Monday 
And if the noose hasn’t hung us 
We have to get dressed and go back to work

It's Suicide Sunday!

Billy, the Headless Boy Who Lived Up In Our Attic

Well hello there dear listener!  thank you for clicking me 
You’ve thousands to pick from so thank you for picking me 
Wait wait don’t go yet, please give me some latitude
I’m happy you’re here and I’m brimming with gratitude 

Just Make yourself comfortable, lighten your heavy load 
And I’ll sing you song that’ll make your damn head explode 
Wait wait don’t go yet, just give me a second! 
It’s been such a long time since my voice was thus beckoned 

Ok I promised a song and now I’d better get to it 
When I promise to do something by god I do it! 
Just make yourself comfortable, you’ll think it’s insane man! 
This song’s gonna blow the top right off your brain pan!

Wait wait! Don’t go yet! How impatient you must be!
Give me just a second I’m a little bit rusty
It’s been a very long time since any person has clicked this 
Multiple months maybe years since they picked this 

But you just clicked on the link like any listener should do
Not a moment’s consideration for my feelings, why would you?  
You think it’s easy being ready to perform with just a click?
After many months and months and months since being anybody’s pick? 

Wait wait ! Don’t go yet!  I didn’t mean to unload on you  
I didn’t mean for all my pent up emotions to explode on you 
Please sit, sit!  I’m sorry that was very unprofessional 
You wanted entertainment and you got a confessional! 

I promise that I’m done now - no more pointless complaining 
You clicked on my link because you wanted entertaining 
Ill grab the old guitar and then I’ll quickly start picking 
And in no time at all you’ll be thankful for clicking 

I’m grabbing my guitar its over here in the closet 
It’ll only take a second - there’s no reason to pause it 
Wait Wait! Don’t go yet?  I’m not fast enough for you?  
I’m sorry! Does my pain and all my mental anguish bore you?  







Am I’m supposed to come alive and play a goddamn song for you?  
You ever try to sing when everything is going wrong for you?  
People are so critical, so rude and unforgiving
Playing music’s not an easy way to make a living! 

Wait! Wait!  Don’t go yet! I’m so sorry that I vented! 
You clicked for entertainment and instead you’ve been tormented!  
I’m getting my guitar now just bear with me while I grab it 
I’ll turn this mess around and pull a hat out of rabbit!  

Let me open up my closet and my best guitar retrieve
What the hell!  It isn’t in here!  Sit back down! Don’t leave!  
Wait! Wait! Don’t Go Yet!  Its been so long since I played it! 
It’s been months since I was clicked and I’ve forgotten where I laid it. 

Oh for God’s sake!  Now you’re leaving!  Fine!  Get out of good riddance! 
This isn’t worth the trouble. What they pay me is a pittance! 
Get out now! I don’t need you!  I was fine before you clicked me!  
Life was quiet all those months before you went and picked me! 

Get out Now! I mean it!  Or like the last time I insane went  
Last time someone clicked me and expected entertainment 
Oh you’re still here, are you?  Still here?  You don’t care about your life?  
Wait! Wait! Don’t go yet! Let me grab my hunting knife……click 

Wait! Wait! Don't Go Yet!

Feen a mint
Was a minty gum you’d carefully chew 
That brought comfort to those poor people who 
Were suffering with symptoms pertinent to mild constipation 

Constipation 
Is a very common human affliction 
Putting movements of your bowels on restriction 
Which causes those afflicted with it quite an unpleasant sensation 

I was the Feen A Mint Kid 
I chewed more Feen A Mint gum than anyone ever did
I was the Feen A Mint Kid
I did things in plain view that I would have normally hid

Chicken wings
Are often fried and terribly spicy 
The gastronomical impact is dicey 
And On this occasion the chicken wings had plugged me up completely 

In titty bars
Women referred to as strippers 
Take their tops off for generous tippers 
My brother and I attended this establishment discretely

I was the Feen A Mint Kid 
I chewed more Feen A Mint gum than anyone ever did
I was the Feen A Mint Kid
I did things in front of these strippers I would have normally hid

These chicken wings had left me feeling sickened and morose 
So I chewed some feen a mint gum, I more than tripled the dose 
Once inside the bar, we sat with derelicts and felons 
This talented young lady danced and flashed her giant melons 

And that’s when 
Just then 

My stomach starts to grumble, 
my colon starts rumble, 
My resistance starts to crumble
I excuse myself and stumble 

And I in desperation beat
An obvious retreat 
With my slightly drunken feet 
for the nearest toilet seat 

Privacy 
Most facilities have 4 walls protection 
Which grants the user safety from inspection 
But the toilet in this strip club we had patronized did not have this enclosure 

PTSD 
The strippers manned the bar when not dancing 
The bar was across from the mens room and by glancing 
Each time the door swung open I endured embarrassing exposure 

I was the Feen A Mint Kid 
I chewed more Feen A Mint gum than anyone ever did
I was the Feen A Mint Kid
I did things in front of these strippers I would have normally hid

Feen-A-Mint, The Chewing Gum Laxative

I write story songs.   Many of the stories are true.

Watch my videos!  YouTube:   https://youtube.com/@turtlefrogman?feature=shared

Topics:   Sexual fetishes, reincarnation, sleep apnea, women who don't shave, the story of January 6th 2021, COVID, drug use, pizza place robbery, weddings, divorces and funerals, cannibalism, the story of Joe Biden, transgenderism and pronouns, erectile dysfunction, the World Economic Forum, the story of the USS Indianapolis, time machines, accidents with laxatives, school yard fights, proctologists, teen moms, scientific studies, genital warts, generational divides, national divorce, peeping toms, abortion, petty theft, DIY screws and mental health, suicide etc.

Feen-A-Mint, The Chewing Gum Laxative

TurtleFrogMan

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