Letter To E.R.G

A very personal verse about my life struggles; with addiction, mental health, spirituality and purpose. Back story and lyrics below. 

PLEASE FOLLOW: www.instagram.com/unintentionalcapsule 

I was asked to write based on the chorus and a phone conversation. I executed immediately and made myself available to record. At the recording session, I was asked to be on the first verse and informed about an upcoming music video shoot. A few weeks later, I saw "behind the scenes" footage on social media from the music video, but never got so much as a call or text to invite me or to let me know I was removed from the song. 

When I confronted the individual, I was informed he "forgot" to invite me (no mention about being removed from the song) then went on to give me an insulting excuse about how I expect too much and he could never be a good enough brother in Christ or friend to me. I was more hurt and disappointed than anything. I didn't feel angry or feel the need to write another verse attacking or anything like that. Just a bummer that someone who played a major role in my "becoming Christian" would come at me like that, after I had to be the one to reach out to him just for the sake of clarifying what was even going on with the song.

God Bless.

LYRICS
...been picked up by the scruff from another proud downfall. / Voluntary darkness, wakin' from a blackout in a parked car. / Starving, lost, afraid for my life, searching for my pipe; scared to face the light... Exhausted, from wasting time! / Eye to eye with my demise - in crisis still insisting: I don't need Christ, I don't need prayer, I don't need advice! / Do enough good deeds, maybe I could make right all the wrong ones? Penance, was never meant to cover for the work of His blood! / A partnership I couldn't earn but gladly do attempt to work; the fruits are there to tend and share, but many just don't know the worth. / Try to make it attractive, cuttin' down on distractions; used to bite the hand that fed me - now I plant seeds and pray: / For imminent expansion; that's and unlimited advancements. On earth... As in Heaven; is that too much to ask for? / With baited breath I'll set the pace and run the race that's laid ahead. / I've lived for sin, I've died for it, I've been reborn; I lay at rest.

EPHESIANS 4:28 (please, read it.)

Flesh and Blood

Title track from the Album "Hard Timez"
Prod and feat. Unfadeable E.R.G.

Hard Timez

PLEASE READ PLAYLIST DESCRIPTION FOR PROJECT INFORMATION. 
Lyrics provided below.

(Verse One)
Head still held high, he wanted breakfast. A final meal attempt before a self inflicted death wish. Homie hit the showers, knowing not of his intentions. The life of a young man, Russian Roulette threatened. Heart races; did he hesitate before he pulled? Why was there no note or sign? Damn, had us all fooled. Off the beaten path, but this far? Never would've guessed it Joseph, you could've been a star. Instead, all we got left are memories, a capellas, a few videos and your energy. These stories told by a lonely poet, praying I can help the hopeless, while I'm here: struggling to not lose my own grip or become a counterfeit, as I continue to rewrite this script, while in the back of my mind I remember when it was me loading that clip. Yet, for some reason, I never went through with it.
(Chorus)
These are the stories I don't often tell. But you wanna know the truth, in and of itself. Plus, you deserve the truth whether or not it sells. So, here it is, our lives unveiled.
(Verse Two)
She spoke of scars, some concealable, some obvious; the evil deeds that molded her self-consciousness through all of it. Stemming from a childhood of unseen indecency, to each young man that decided to visit frequently. Sharing a frequency just didn't seem plausible; understood escapes but to hers I was unknowledgeable. The searing relief of a razor blades affection, while the outside assumed it was just a call for attention. Instead, she dealt with the burdens. From suicide attempts to a life of success. These stories told by a lonely poet, praying I can help the hopeless, while I'm here: struggling to not lose my own grip or become a counterfeit, as I continue to rewrite this script, while in the back of my mind I remember when it was me: overdosed on benzos and liquor, to the point of oblivion.
(Chorus)
(Bridge)
All this controversy clouding/surrounding the image I envision. I don't see what you see, when I stare in the mirror or upon this reflection. So introspective, an inch from the ledge and I'm down to wreck shit. Only way to call myself back? Seems to be through these life sentences...
(Verse Three)
Same oblivion I managed to escape in verse one and verse two still haunts me today; still digs on the inside and treats me as prey; still recalls where my fear lies and leads me astray. These tattoos are an allusion to passages of my life. Colored scars on my skin; something to stare at while I'm up all night. Call me a quitter, I would gladly accept the term; chose to live and learn through substance abuse. Instead, switched from drugs and liquor, to women and similar elixirs for the fix up. These are more than stories told by a lonely poet; would've given my whole rib, whether or not he noticed. Could've composed a poem daily for her inspiration. Should've done both without the need for celebration. As all this recognition turns into a fickle business, as my gift to you, these are: Life Sentences.

Whatever's After EP

Life Sentences

PLEASE READ PLAYLIST DESCRIPTION FOR PROJECT INFORMATION. 
Lyrics provided below.

(Verse One)
How can you fear death when you’ve never been alive? Still an old soul, jogging in the moonlight. No inhibitions with this inner-city vision. In my mind are divisions where compartments lie. Mostly a ritual, this toxic relationship, regardless of the habits it’s all the same script. Used to lust after and imagine the magic of each interaction that never truly even happened. Another wallflower overcome by your cowardice. The ones you gave a chance to left you powerless. Tried to save you but my reach wasn’t quite there. Plus, as you may know, bullies never fight fair…
(Verse Two)
So maybe, just maybe, that puts us in the same boat. Sorry for those tears, hope they kept you afloat. No draw bridge to pass your emotional moat. Should’ve told you from the jump, I wasn’t alone. Stuck, trapped and torn, between a figment of security or holding your hand through a department store. Losing track of time, we both got places to be, though it was just like home on that second floor. Yeah, I overstand the chemistry of new love’s energy. As cliché as it seems, it feels meant to be. The power of the pathways, each oxytocin dose; where this is headed, not even I know. Uncharted, this position is most unusual; distracted by attraction, hope it’s mutual. Upon deaf ears the last breath fell. Still too afraid to reveal herself…
(Verse Three)
I get it, I get it; things change, people do too. Our situations at the moment are anything but optimal. Taking all these precautions is not optional. Yet here I am again, daydreaming, lost in thoughts of you. Pacing impatiently, to bend or not to bend. The truth of the matter is, I’ll meet you at the Matterhorn. Consider it my considerate way of showing you what matters more. A compromise comprised of things we both adore. These predefined lines are so blurred, even when I’m sober. Actually, especially when I’m sober. Second guesses still got me questioning fidelity. Been a dog my whole life, now I’m supposed to rest in peace? Breathe easily, settle down and trust again; no more lusting after random whores in my DMs? I mean it’s more than a fair trade to say the least, but in the end this new beginning isn’t only up to me…
(Verse Four)
Thought it through, apparently so have you, just decided out of convenience to withhold your views. Oh that’s right, you do better through to text. Face to face trying to communicate, you always turn your head. Nothing to say until we part ways. All of a sudden got an array of meaningful messages to display. Thanks for waiting, ‘til the doubts been sewn. What a coincidence, I’m no longer alone, there’s always somewhere to roam. Old behaviors are only old if I dead’em. Gotta step back a moment and put this all into perspective. Went out on a limb again, took a leap of faith; now your friends know my name, father and sisters know my face. And there I am, ready to throw it all away. But instead, just for today, decided home is where I’ll stay. Rather deal with being upset than make moves I’ll regret. Don’t intend to let it go: blowing in the wind…

Blowing in the Wind

PLEASE READ PLAYLIST DESCRIPTION FOR PROJECT INFORMATION. 
Lyrics provided below.

(Verse One)
Told you from the beginning baby, “I’m a born sinner, broken-hearted, wounded-healer, man full of defects. Got a little problem with regression, I work steps for it; although it’s like 5 back for each 2 I take forward. Shake the thought, let’s bring it back to confidence. No body count announcements; let the past be exactly that. Please put that phone away, I’m not here to make your news feed. You know? Poetic etiquette on my hopeless romantic tip. ‘So mysterious’ I know I get that all the time, like literally girl, all the time. I don’t understand it. Why do you lie? There’s nothing about me that’s hard to find in another guy, why don’t you try? Oh that’s right huh! They only want one thing. And I’m that cornball that’ll tell you ‘I got what you need’ then take it right back the second I’m no longer appeased. With that inner peace to sleep it off, my mind at ease; look for the answer within before questioning me.”
(Chorus)
Girl you should’ve known all along. I tried to let you know all along…
(Verse Two)
Picking up the phone at this moment is highly unlikely. Staring at the face of sin, hoping it would like to bite me. Deep breaths, filled with nothing I could write politely. Finger marks carved through the fog of the window in my back seat. Actually, wherever we are is good enough for me; the thought of privacy is secondary. Take it back a few steps. What happened to all the chivalry? Thoughts running through my mind as I extinguish those in hopes of attaining new focuses through old hocus pocus tricks. It’s all an illusion this confusion so lucidly spread. No apprehension, these intentions have been spoon-fed. Self-honesty has been a key of mine through each time. [Well then, what are we?] And we, never been anything more than you and I separate; some energies from our inner beings that simulated togetherness, though only momentarily, I don’t wish to go the distance.
(Chorus)
(Verse Three)
Speaking of distance, if your wish list included my presence; rest assured I’ve been ungrateful, taking you for granted. This inner work at best has been a short term investment. I reap the benefits and leave you with empty sentiment. Like sediment to set stone, I don’t control the outcome or likelihood that you’ll outgrow the promises I can’t keep. Comfortable as the in-between from Alpha to Omega. I see no need for bitterness, only happy to have indirectly helped you as an illumination from full bloom to desecration. Yes I know should be hopeful too. Yet still a broken record hoping she will be my elixir, part of the company I learn to keep. Yet still a broken record hoping she will be my elixir, part of the company I learn to keep. (Outro...)

Woes

A poetic expression with my daughter Taya

Daddy daughter speak

earth test

Track Artist: Ryan Alann Huck (ME)
Track Title: A Search For Love Part 2
Album Title: Just Live
Track Year: 2013
Track Genre: Progressive House / Dance / Experimental / Electronica

Just Live 2013 - A Search For Love Part 2

Youth Man Dub by FILI
Produced by FILI
Chorus by Prince Alla from the track "Youth Man Disco Style"
Recorded and Mixed by Filiverto Landeros
at Fili's Room located at Burch Studio. Ventura Ca

Youth Man Dub

Unfadeable E.R.G.: E. Rene Guajardo (born January 6, 1981 in Ventura, California), also known by his stage name E.R.G. or Unfadeable E.R.G., is a Producer/Musician/Artist. He is considered by many of the people he works with to be a driving force in bringing real music back, in using real instruments in his creations. With inspiration from many different artist like Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson, Billy Holiday, Eazy-E, Dr. Dre, Timbaland, Ice Cube, System of a Down, Korn, D'Angelo, Musiq Soulchild, Xzibit, Tupac, Notorious B.I.G., Master P., Mars Volta, Robert Johnson, Dave Mathews, Alicia Keys, Deftones, Nas, Marvin Gaye and the list goes on. 
The Intro: Unfadeable E.R.G. was born in Ventura, California in 1981 and spent the earliest years of his life in Santa Paula, CA. His parents divorced when he was around 1 1/2 years old. Growing up his mother had many unstable relationships and was always moving. When he was 7 years old he moved to San Diego, California. While his living conditions weren’t always permanent, by the time he was 12 he had already been enrolled in 11 different schools. Rene was always trying to contemplate a way for his family to leave the lifestyle they had drowned themselves in. While living with his grandparents Carrie and Ignacio Castro, a young E.R.G. would study his grandfather playing the guitar and sing old Spanish songs. All while at the same time his uncles Manuel and Abraham Castro were heavy into old school hip-hop and designing rhymes themselves forming MLC and The Azteca, performing at local shops and spots in San Diego. By this time E.R.G. was trying to perfect his rhyming skills on the mic. His uncles who were his main influences in hip-hop music were also rugged hardcore gang members, rapping about the street life, while at the same time trying to push their music on familiar ears.
In 1997 a major life change came upon Unfadeable E.R.G. when his uncle Abraham committed suicide. This really devastated him and was a great loss. Still trying to recoup from his Uncles death 6 months later his Grandmother Caroline, who raised him, suffered a severe heart attack and died. 4 years later E.R.G. would loose another set of his immediate family, his Grandmother from his fathers side Josephina Guajardo, his Uncle Nacho Castro Jr. and his son Nachito III, who was shot in the head by a rival gang member around the corner from E.R.G.'s house on 12th street. That night E.R.G. heard the gunshots but on this side of the neighborhood it was typical and he didn’t think anything of it.
Around 1996 Rene was given his stage name by his Uncles. E.R.G. which are primarily his initials and would later be interpreted as "Every Rappers God", in which was given to him by an artist and translated by everyone as being a producer of beats and musical compositions. Stating the fact that rappers need beats and a producer to make a record, plus also the recognition that was given to him for being a locally go-to producer. During his high school years E.R.G. was know for rapping and would spit on the mic any chance he got. 
By the time E.R.G. was 19 he had started his record label, Unfadeable Records along with friends Isaiah Venegas, Lino DeLosSantos, Eric & Angel Hernandez. They incorperated many different styles of music. With his previous release "A New Era" E.R.G. brought many styles to the table. The album available on iTunes is a for sure classic. The first single "I Want You" has been played on many radio stations in southern California. E.R.G. has performed along side Bone Thugs-N-Harmony and has opened up for T.I. King in Rosarito Mexico. Also on his list is Producing music for 10 other artist in and around Ventura and Los Angeles Counties. 
Currently Unfadeable E.R.G. is still on the grind and producing many artist from San Francisco to San Diego and still performing and taking his music to another level. Please feel free to contact him with any feedback, info or request.
Thank you.
Discography
2001 Unfadeable E.R.G. " Reality is Lost" (local release)
2002 Unfadeable Crew "Chapter One" (local release)
2006 Unfadeable E.R.G. "A New Era" (available on iTunes)
2011 Unfadeable Crew "Unfadeable" (available on iTunes)
2012 Unfadeable E.R.G. "Troubled Man" (Coming Soon)

Letter To E.R.G

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