i hate how much i know (prod. puhf)

https://open.spotify.com/track/16P6LUizwcq5BGOb6XTNTv?si=9cd11134c0594c04

produced by @jolst
featuring @cherryrizla

lyrics:

@lottaheart:
i try to be the best for you but thats hard
try to be close to you but so far
when i feel the best; you're wrapped in my arms
look into my chest and see there's no heart

@chxrryrxzla:
im tryna be what you're really needing
you dont ever tell me how you're feeling 
only time time you're not on my mind, im sleeping
am i the one you call when you need healing?

calling, and im asking
but i cant judge ur reaction
im just tryna be close like a magnet
look into my chest and ins fragments

(insert twilight quote here)

@lottaheart:
i try to be the best for you but thats hard
try to be close to you but so far
when i feel the best; you're wrapped in my arms
look into my chest and see there's no heart

best4u w/ cherryrizla [jolst]

set fire to my boundaries and let my eyes
rest in front of the blue light
say I chose this don't lie no don't lie

my head's light another time but I won't die
unless I let my red eyes
rest infront of the blue light
one more time, no

I'm in the sunlight
but my face is pale
no wonder
you still think I'm ill

hikikomori (2019)

prod. by bloodywatt

[intro: amenasylum]
you never wanted, wanted, wanted any love inside
but you was on it on it on it on it every night 
and I keep phoning, phoning, phoning but my calls denied
you never wanted, wanted me to be your only guy

[verse: solitude]
heart's beating fast when i see you arrive
in the dark of the night, you bring me to life
wrapped in your touch, like a spark in the cold
with you by my side, i'll never feel alone

imma die with you girl, by my side
just kiss me on my neck, yeah, babe i feel fine
hold me close, just don't let go
you know i love you so, come a little closer

bite my neck, lay your head on my shoulder
i don't wanna wake up if you ain't by my side
drowning in your love, got me feeling so alive, you got stars in your eyes, girl, they light up the night

stay with me forever, we'll be alright
we could fade away, lose the track of time
two lost souls on a midnight ride
tears in the rain, but i got you by my side

promise me you'll stay, don't push me away
two hearts synced in time, holding on like a lifeline
dancing through the rain, while the stars still shine
i'm so high, but i got you by my side

[verse 2: amenasylum]
but when I pop a molly I got red eyes
dark magician girl cuz she cast lies
and I know you do me wrong because i'm being nice 
baby i'm a wolf in a sheeps disguise 
baby , are u really sayin maybe?
i could drown u in the ocean, wash you out to coast then get a little wavy, military choppers like the fucking navy

and bitch I never lose 
pock another fight and then I got u confused 
why do I not act like i've got something to lose, but
i've been trynna tell u this was all just a ruse

[outro: amenasylum]
you never wanted wanted wanted any love inside
but you was on it on it on it on it everynight 
and I keep phoning phoning phoning but my calls denied
you never wanted wanted me to be your only guy

you never wanted me (ft. amenASYLUM)

you never wanted me (ft. amenasylum)

L of The Century

RAIN ( PROD TURNTRIE )

produced by me

see how you discomfort me
see how you push me away
alone into caves
moons perched atop the rooves
streetwalkers with goat hooves
on the coldest night
the coldest night

goat hooves

take a break

why are you getting offended when youre the one fucking w me?

talkingabout

It has been a long time so I figured I'd share my most recent song!

This one is very dear to me and is dedicated to the man I love with my entire heart and soul. He has encouraged me to truly heal and I have made leaps and bounds this year with his support. 

I love you all, and I will make more music in time. I promise.

Lyrics

Under the water is where I’ll find you
But I can’t swim like I could when I was younger
I’ve lost my power 
I’ve lost it all 
And everyday I try to regain what was once mine
So when you leave I’m scared that you’ll no longer be mine
Under the water, it’s where I’ll find you
So I’ll learn to float and swim and dive and dream 
And though you’re far now and I can’t see you 
I will learn to live and fly, to love and keep
Keep my heart close to yours for when you come home
And you will come home
Home to me 

Under the sea, we joke like it ain’t happening
I’ll see you, see you when I do 
And I hate, I hate that you’re far way, far way
And I miss you, miss you and your face
But it’s okay, it’s okay

Under the water is where I’ll find you
But I can’t swim like I could when I was younger
So I’ll wait for you to leave the water

serenade to a seabound lover

[Forest]
I wish you would say something right now
but I can't make the words come out your mouth
Always overthinking bout the stuff you do
Just to tell yourself it'll never work out
and You already high don't know why you still smoking
You ain't dead yet but you're far from knowing
Hold you for the night make you feel safe
Take too much and you melt your brain

[Jacob]
If only you knew what goes on
inside this head of mine
Maybe you would get me
x2

I think i'm funny as shit
the way my moods will just shift
if I don't feel like I fit
in with any of this
in with any of this

If I don't know who the hell that I am
where the fuck should I go
They wonder why I just pretend
And I let the time go
Never really worried bout the end
But sometimes it'll come
and it'll all be done

[Forest]
This pain inside is sometimes too much
Think if I was dead that would be too clutch
Lay around the house I Don't wanna do stuff
Caught up in my thoughts
Stuck in my feelings
Looking at the ground
but I'm on the ceiling
Thinking way too loud
I wake up the whole building
When my nobody hits the floor
They won't be laughing anymore
When my body hits the floor they won't be laughing anymore
They won't be laughing anymore

too clutch ft. jacob sherwood

let the sound carry you
(Cineraria on other plats!)