In this episode I talk with Julianne Boutaleb – a consultant perinatal psychologist and Director of Parenthood in Mind – about the transition to motherhood, particularly in the context of the Covid-19 global pandemic. We discuss the dynamics and importance of the birth environment and postpartum period, and how parents can prepare for how their experience will be impacted by the context of a global pandemic. Julianne speaks about the processes of attachment between a mother and her baby, revealing some of the early attachment needs of a baby that may surprise you. As some of those most vulnerable members in our society, this episode highlights the experience of the baby in transitioning into the world, particularly in the context of Covid-19. We also talk about the changes that happen in a woman’s brain when she becomes a mother, and why mothers and babies are ‘born’ three times. Part of this process of readjustment and transitioning into the ‘mother’ role also can involve a sense of loss and grieving. Julianne offers advice about how we can move through these experiences with a sense of forgiveness, compassion, and gentleness, in order to use this time as an opportunity to settle into a new ‘maternal rhythm’. You can connect further with Julianne on Instagram @parenthoodinmind or through https://www.parenthoodinmind.co.uk/

32. The Becoming of a Mother

*Trigger warning – talk of intrusive harm thoughts.

Perhaps surprisingly, having unwanted and intrusive thoughts as a mother is incredibly common, and in fact – almost universal. Yet, how often is this spoken about in motherhood? In this episode I interview Dr Caroline Boyd, a chartered clinical psychologist who is an expert on intrusive, unwanted harm thoughts that mothers have about their babies. We talk about the connection between harm thoughts and actually causing harm to our children, where harm thoughts come from, some reasons as to why we have them, and what we can do in response to these thoughts. Caroline warns against interpreting us having such harm thoughts as meaning we’re a ‘bad mother’. We reflect on the projection of perfectionism and mothering myths, and the ways intensive mothering contributes to the stigma, shame, guilt, and challenges that mothers face. You can reach Caroline at https://drcarolineboyd.com/ or through Instagram @_drboyd

Note – Fathers do also report experiencing these thoughts too, but to a slightly lesser degree to Mothers.

If this episode raises any concerns for you please visit your GP. You can also reach out to Caroline or Sophie, and/or contact the services below:
UK: PaNDAS - 0808 1961 776
AUS: PANDA - 1300 726 306
USA: Postpartum Support International - 1-800-944-4773(4PPD)

43. Scary Thoughts as Part of Motherhood

This conversation about breastfeeding may be unlike any you’ve heard so far. I speak with world-renowned breastfeeding expert Professor Amy Brown from Swansea University, who specialises in research exploring early experiences of parenthood with a focus on infant feeding, mental health and normal baby behaviour. We talk about the pressure mothers are under to ‘get it right’ and how this is connected to expectations of both being a ‘good mother’ and having a ‘good baby’. Amy shares insights on the changing landscape of breastfeeding research and public policy over the last 14 years, and some more recent shifts in creating space to honour women’s grief when they aren’t able to breastfeed. We discuss the complex and sometimes confusing narratives that exist around infant feeding, power, grief, anger, and how mothers are often set up to blame ourselves.

44. Infant Feeding as a Social, Cultural, and Political Issue

What does ‘conscious parenting’ mean and how does it afford us the opportunity for growth as mothers? This conversation is with Bridget Wood, thought leader on human behaviour and mother to three young children. Bridget discusses the ways conscious parenting is ultimately about being in relationship with our children, recognising that our child is teaching us just as much as we are teaching them. We discuss the ways our perspectives on the world frame our reality, and the ways this can be both a challenge and an opportunity. We consider the ways ‘gentle parenting’ on a pedestal can sometimes feel like a cage, and the importance of giving both ourselves and our children permission to be fully human. We finish by reflecting on how sitting with discomfort can sometimes be what leads us into our power. You can connect with Bridget further through http://www.nourishingthemother.com/ and find out more about her program DISRUPT here http://www.suburbansandcastles.com/programs-and-coaching

45. Conscious Parenting as Our Opportunity for Growth

This is a conversation about grief and mothering, and the complex challenges that arise when not only grieving the death of your child, but in also supporting your children who are grieving the death of their sibling. I speak with Emma Poore, mother to 3 children, writer, illustrator, and author of ‘Where are you Lydie?’ – a picture book for young siblings and families managing the loss of a baby or young child. Emma has written and illustrated this book honouring her daughter Lydie and her family’s bereavement journey through the eyes of their young sons, George and Henry. The book is endorsed by Sands Charity and recommended by a growing number of Bereavement charities and healthcare professionals, and is a resource for us as parents to open up space for difficult conversations with our children about death. We talk about Emma’s journey into motherhood, the nature of grief, and the importance of language. You can purchase a copy of ‘Where is Lydie?’ through Emma’s website www.emmapoore.co.uk

Ep 46. Child Bereavement and Mothering with Grief

Dr Greer Kirshenbaum is the first ever neuroscientist doula and is founder of Nurture Neuroscience. She has worked in academic neuroscience labs, studying how genetics and experience shape the brain, nervous system and body to influence lifelong physical and mental health. Greer uses her knowledge and expertise from the scientific world to offer that research and information directly to parents and educators. In this episode she shares some of this information, including how and why the early years of childhood are so important, the ways genetics and early life experiences shape the nervous system, how and why infancy is classified as 0-3 years old, the nature of emotional regulation, the history of care, the importance of epigenetics, and so much more. We also talk about mothering within this context of knowing how we may want to nurture our children, and yet facing many barriers and challenges in being able to offer this type of care. This conversation is part of us moving towards a ‘Nurture Revolution’ as Greer terms it, and recognising how this is also connected to revolutionalising how we understand and experience Motherhood. You can connect with Greer through her Instagram @nurture_neuroscience_parenting Facebook @NurtureNeuroscience and her website is https://www.nurtureneuro.com/

47. Neuroscience and the Nurture Revolution

This final episode of 2020 is a reflection on the ways perfect motherhood shapes the lives of mothers, and explains how and why the festive season and other celebrations intensify and amplify this pressure. I give voice to the often-invisible load that women carry at this time and the expectations on mothers, children, and the ‘family’ unit to ‘perform’. I reflect on the mental load, but also on some of the challenges in having the only solutions suggested as ‘stepping back’ or ‘delegating’. I pose questions to consider about the extent to which mothers are expected to sacrifice their wellbeing to facilitate the enjoyment of others, how we have been conditioned to want to ‘please’ others, but also the complex dynamics involved when it comes to wanting to ‘give’ to our children. This leads to a consideration of how our worthiness is measured, and purpose is defined. Ultimately, cultivating connection with ourselves as Mothers offers a precious gift of ‘presence’ to ourselves and our family.

Bumbling

48. The Festive Season as the Arena for the Perfect Mother Myth

Did you know that a Mother’s brain is more malleable and receptive to learning after giving birth?

In this episode of TGEM I chat with Dr Jodi Pawluski, behavioural neuroscientist and therapist about the fascinating effects of motherhood on the maternal brain.

We talk about whether ‘Mummy brain’ actually exists, and the interplay between both social and physiological factors that shape our experience of mothering.

Dr Pawluski reflects on what has been left out and not yet explored in neuroscience when it comes to motherhood, and I ask her about the brain differences between those of us who give birth to a baby, compared with fathers and other caregivers.

We open up discussion about the plasticity of our brains, and how the changes we go through when we become Mothers impact relationships, attachment, and so much more.

You can connect with Dr Pawluski through her website https://www.jodipawluski.com/ listen to her podcast Mommy Brain Revisited, and find her on Instagram @dr.jodi_pawluski

49. Rethinking 'Mummy Brain'

In this episode I address what I believe are some misunderstandings about the concept and application of the ‘good enough’ mother as an approach to parenting. I recognise the subjective, complex, and changing use of language – as it is attached to meaning – and share some of the challenges involved in actually enacting a theory like this in our everyday lived reality as mothers. This involves defending the value of good enough mothering as an approach, and describing some of the benefits that it can offer to us and our children. I also discuss some of the costs of subscribing to intensive mothering ideology – or the ‘perfect mother myth’ – as motivation for us to consider integrating a ‘good enough mothering’ perspective. I share my own interpretation of what I see ‘good enough mothering’ to mean, which guides both my work with Mothers, and my own mothering of my daughter.

50. Addressing Misconceptions about Good Enough Mothering

As mothers, we shoulder the burden of structural inadequacies but can feel these inadequacies as personal failings – like it is all ‘on us’. As so many of us are mothering in isolation, without the support or community that we need, this is so often the case -  it IS left up to us and us alone. We are also socialised into taking individual responsibility for what are collective challenges, and sold the ‘solutions’ of doing more, buying more, and being ‘better’. Understanding how and why the social construction of motherhood fails mothers (and our children) and sets us up to experience fatigue, guilt, and disconnection, is the first step to challenging this cultural construction. But it can be difficult to then take these understandings and create real shifts in our beliefs and practices as women who mother. We can feel ‘stuck’ – especially if working towards such changes is framed in any way as a ‘taking away’ of our children. This is part of what I discuss in this episode with Beth Berry – author of Motherwhelmed, founder of Revolution From Home, and Mother to four daughters. Beth shares her wisdom and insights as a Mother, writer, activist, life coach and circle facilitator as we become what she terms ‘soul-fire stewards’ to rise up, cultivate our agency, and ‘mother ourselves back to wholeness’. Connect with Beth on social media @revolutionfromhome and buy a copy of her book Motherwhelmed here - https://revolutionfromhome.com/

51. 'Mothering Ourselves Back to Wholeness' Within The Social Construction of Motherhood

Janet Fraser’s story is one that I think every woman and mother needs to hear. As she says, when feminists said the personal was political, they probably did not anticipate in how many ways this could be true. Janet’s baby was born still. She was then subjected to a police investigation, a coronial inquiry, media scrutiny, and public vitriol. As she articulates in her book and explains in this episode, Janet was punished for her activism for birthing women, and her refusal to be an ‘obedient mother’. This conversation shares both Janet’s personal experience, while also discussing the broader systems of our culture, society, and institutions that we live within as women and mothers. We talk about the way this can create polarization between us in motherhood, the public ‘owning’ of women’s emotions, bodily autonomy in birth, the problems with talking about ‘choice’, and the complexity of grief. Janet is a mother, poet, historian, and has been National Convenor of the Australian homebirth network, Joyous Birth since 2004. She writes at Patreon, where she foments women’s studies and revolution at Despatches from the Matriarchy. You can catch her on Facebook and Twitter. Order Janet's book, 'Born Still: A Memoir of Grief' - https://www.spinifexpress.com.au/shop/p/9781925950120

52. The Personal is Political: Birth, Grief, and Motherhood

The role of being a Mother offers us the potential for incredible expansion, growth, and power, while also being one of – if not THE – most challenging, undervalued, and taken for granted roles in the world. Motherhood Studies Sociologist, researcher, and single Mother, Dr Sophie Brock hosts The Good Enough Mother (TGEM) podcast with an aim to change how Motherhood is culturally defined and individually experienced. TGEM draws its name from a theorist and pediatrician Winnicott, who highlighted the ways ‘good enough’ parenting is actually what is best for our children – not perfectionism. The podcast centres the Mother as the starting point for conversations with experts and change-makers who are passionate about seeing social, cultural, and institutional change to better support Mothers and therefore our families, and communities.

32. The Becoming of a Mother

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