People who live in real places, like New York, or L.A., or Calgary, do have to occasionally travel from one real place to another, and sometimes the only option is to drive.  This means traveling through the areas in the world that are collectively known to anthropologists as "the dumpster".  The unfortunate people who live in these "dumpster" areas (again, it's the technical term) have absolutely nothing going for themselves.  Distracting "real" people, and possibly jingling a coin or two out of their pockets, is the greatest height to which they can aspire.  Truly, they want only to touch the hem of their robe, to feel the presence of a real life well-lived.  Lived as life should be lived, not sucking scum off the bottom of the dumpster (seriously, I've heard that they're fine with this term).  Over the years, this lower, more dumpstery, form of life has developed several methods for producing these brushes with greatness.  These methods usually involve large, painted plywood models of things, or objects designated the world's ______-est ______.  They've proven quite effective.

Episode 384 - Luring Easily-Distracted Travelers Since Time Immemorial

Sometimes people ask what our podcast is about, and it's difficult to answer them.  After all, we have a different topic every week, so what's it really about?  We've decided to solve that problem this week.  Instead of having a different topic every week, we're just going to have a bunch of different topics in the same episode, which solves the problem by... uh, actually, I'll get back to you on that.

Episode 385 - Podcast Potpourri

100 years ago, people were idiots who acted against their own self-interest.  That's still true today, and though the degree to which it is true is perhaps debatable, it can't be denied that humans ain't changed much.  Well, I guess we do have fewer street rats playing something called "piggy", but that's the only change I can think of.

Episode 386 - What Were Things Like 100 Years Ago?  The Same

Whomb amongst us hasn't wondered if our lives couldn't be improved with a little sex magick?  Why did they put that 'k' on the end, you ask?  Because cult leaders intentionally misspell and misuse words in order to rewire your brain into something that obeys them unthinkingly.  And because it looks cool.

Episode 387 - Scientists Sometimes Dabble in a Little Sex Magick

Enough fartin' around.  We've spent enough episodes "getting to know" the contestants already.  Let's get to the elimination episode.  That's what everyone watches these shows for.  Who's staying, who's going home?  That's what people want.  And that would be great if this were a competition reality show, but it's not.  Instead, it's a courtroom drama, and this is the big trial scene.  You wanted Survivor, but you got The Verdict.  At least this one has Paul Newman punching a lady square in the face.

Episode 388 - And Then There Were Three

Episode 389 - ...But Now There Are Four Again

Matt just has too damn many cold opens happen to him.  Basically nothing ever happens to me, so I have no cold opens to share.  Stuff is constantly happening to this guy Matt, though.  Sharing these happenings once per week is just not enough, and it's piling up.  He's in danger of a cave-in at this point, so he's got to spend a week to let them all loose.

Episode 390 - Oops!  All Openers Again!

Today we watch an entire 90-minute movie in 10 short minutes.  How do we do that?  By skipping all of the inessential parts.  How do we know which parts are inessential?  All 90 minutes of this movie were inessential, so it really doesn't matter what we watched or what we skipped.

Episode 391 - 10-Minute Movie Blitz

Ben went with another rambler this time.  Big shot, thinks he's so great, Mr. Doesn't-Have-To-Come-Up-With-A-Topic, ooh, look at me, I'm Ben, I can just show up and start talking.  Some bullshit, right there.

Episode 392 - Audio Assortment

Can you believe it?  It's the return of silly pitches!  If you listened to my brothers make fun of me a few episodes ago, I bet you can believe it.  Did it turn out to be a bad idea, just like they said?  You'll have to listen to find out!  But yes, it did.

Episode 393 - Eighteen Holes of Wackiness!!!

Are you a victim of work-related ennui, melancholy or mesothelioma? Free Legal Advice Podcast is here to serve YOU!