This episode is about getting over someone we can’t seem to get over. Today’s caller, Matthais, is hung up on someone he can’t seem to get over but, as usual, it has to do with something much deeper. Often, it is the relationships that don’t work out that teach us the most. &nbsp; [For show notes, go here: ] &nbsp; As children, we are naturally intimate, but if our parents can’t be intimate back we start to shut down. Because intimacy feels scary and unfamiliar. And, even though everyone wants to be loved, they push love away because love has hurt them in the past. So, when love comes to us we push it away because it is unfamiliar. &nbsp; An avoidant attachment relationship pattern is when someone loves us and we push them away. It’s because love feels unfamiliar and scary. Love feels like it hurts because as children, we naturally love our parents. When we don’t feel that love back from our parents in the way we as children give love, it’s very disorienting and it can make us not trust love. So, when someone wants to love us, it feels unfamiliar and unsafe. &nbsp; Whereas, when there is someone distant and aloof with us and maybe love bombs us, it feels great in the beginning but then the great feeling fades. Or, the person will give us ultimatums we have to fulfill and make us chase them. It makes us yearn for something familiar to us, and we often confuse the feeling with love because it is familiar. &nbsp; When we are hung up on someone, we think we are missing them but what we are missing is something we need to embody within ourselves. When we heal our inner child, we begin to choose the love we truly desire, not a feeling that triggers us. &nbsp; Consider/Ask Yourself:   Is there someone that you’ve broken up with or that broke up with you but you just can’t seem to let them go?   Did you have a parent that wasn’t there for you in the way that you truly desired?   Do you relate to having an avoidant attachment style?   Did you have a parent that parentified you or even made you their spouse and you didn’t get to be a kid?   &nbsp; Matthais’s Question: He had a painful breakup that he can’t seem to get over. He would like guidance on how to get over it and move forward. &nbsp; Matthais’s Key Insights and Ahas:   He hasn’t felt emotional pain in his life before like he did with this breakup.   He is having difficulty connecting with new people.   He was very much in love.   The breakup was abrupt.   His ex triggered something deep inside of him.   He has some wounding in his past about his looks.   His ex said he triggered her childhood wounding.   He has an avoidant attachment style.   His parents divorced when he was 15 and has struggled with it for 25 years.   His mother was caring but he has been the only man in his mother’s life.   He may be choosing partners who mirror his relationship with his father.   He hasn’t experienced true intimacy.   He felt his dad didn’t want him and his mother parentified him.   He is attracted to controlling women.   &nbsp; How to Get Over It and On With It:   Discontinue any communication with his ex. Let her go.   When he thinks of his ex, tell himself that it wasn’t a healthy love and that real love is safe.   Work on his inner child by exploring the self-guided .   Feel into self-love.   &nbsp; Takeaways:   Read the book  or dive into the .   &nbsp; Sponsor:  — purifies water using a four-stage reverse osmosis process. The countertop purifiers remove 15 times more contaminants than ordinary pitcher filters. Their long-lasting and affordable filters are independently tested and certified to NSF standards to remove over 80% of the most harmful contaminants. Go to  and enter OVERIT at checkout to get 20% off any purifier. &nbsp; Resources:  — Take a Coaching Assessment           &nbsp;

EP 401: How to Get Over Someone You Can’t Seem to Get Over with Matthais

Some women are childfree by choice while others are childless due to circumstances, not choice. Lana Manikowski:&nbsp;, Keynote Speaker, Infertility Activist and Founder of “The Other's Day Brunch” is on a mission to show that infertile women can create the life of their dreams, even when it didn’t turn out as planned. When a 7-year fertility journey ended without a child - and donor egg &amp; adoption wasn’t for her - Lana yearned for a community who could understand the loneliness, self judgment and grief around navigating a childless future. When she couldn’t find one, she established in 2021 by launching&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; In her coaching practice,&nbsp;Lana helps women navigate a life unexpected. Her 4-part coaching foundation helps guide women through the rediscovery of their purpose, meaning and joy, so they can build a future they truly love. Learn more here:&nbsp;

CC: Infertility and Celebrating "Others Day" with Lana Manikowski

In this insightful episode of "Over It and On with It," host Christine Hasler explores a deeply resonant topic—navigating and resolving anger towards one's mother. Our guest, Sarah, shares her struggles with frequent negative interactions with her mother, which are often marred by impatience and rudeness, despite her mother's consistent kindness. This conversation delves into the root causes of Sarah's feelings, the broader implications of parental relationships, and practical steps for healing and self-nurturing. Consider/Ask Yourself:   Do you have unresolved anger or resentment towards a parent that affects your current interactions?   How have your childhood experiences shaped your emotional responses to your parents today?   Are you able to meet your emotional needs independently, or do you find yourself seeking fulfillment from your parents? &nbsp;   Guest Insights:   Sarah recognizes her anger stems from past unmet needs during her childhood, exacerbated by her mother's inability to protect her from an abusive situation.  The conversation reveals Sarah's desire for her mother to push back against her, reflecting her unresolved needs for assertiveness and protection.  Aha Moments:   Realizing the necessity of mourning the 'ideal' parent and accepting the limitations of what one's parents can provide.  Understanding the importance of becoming the source of comfort and security that one sought from their parents.  How to Get Over It:   Embrace self-mothering by acknowledging and nurturing one's inner child.   Implementing practical exercises like visualizations where Sarah comforts her younger self, promoting healing.           Establishing boundaries and new emotional frameworks that do not rely on parental validation. Sponsor:       Caraway Cookware: Non-toxic cookware that combines modern aesthetics with functionality. Special discounts available for listeners at .       Social Media Info:  Follow Christine on Instagram  Tweet your insights to Christine  Join us next week for another insightful episode where we help you get over it and on with the life you love.

Episode 451: How Not to Be Angry at Your Mother with Sarah

If you are navigating any kind of change or are considering making a choice that feels authentic&nbsp;but you question how it will impact others, don't miss this episode.&nbsp; Life Coach, author and speaker&nbsp; Andrea Owen joins Christine to talk about identity shifts and making choices from our intuition, not our trauma.&nbsp; Andrea is creating a global impact in women’s empowerment with her books being translated into 19 languages and available in 23 countries.  She helps high-achieving women maximize unshakeable confidence, master their mindset, and magnify their courage. You can learn more at .

CC: Life Transitions and Making (often hard) Self-Honoring Choices

Welcome to Over It and On With It. I'm your host, Christine Hassler. For over a decade, I've been a life coach, speaker, and author. Each week, you'll hear me work directly with a caller as I coach them through a goal they want to accomplish or an obstacle they may be facing. I'll provide a blend of practical and spiritual advice as well as tangible actions you can apply to your own life. Now let's get on with the episode. Summary In this episode, Christine speaks with Samantha, who is struggling with emotional attachments to two past romantic relationships she ended. Despite being the one to end both relationships, Samantha finds herself constantly thinking about her ex-partners, missing the companionship, and fantasizing about what could have been. Christine helps Samantha uncover the deeper emotional issues rooted in her childhood, specifically her relationship with her father, which have influenced her current difficulties in moving on from these relationships. Consider/Ask Yourself  Are you ruminating or obsessing over past relationships? Do you have unresolved issues from childhood with your parents? Are you still hoping for one of your parents to change and give you what you always wanted?  Guest Insights  Samantha admits that her attachment to past relationships is a way to avoid feeling the actual pain of their endings. She acknowledges that fantasizing about what could have been is a way to distract herself from the hurt. She identifies with a fearful avoidant attachment style, which she believes is linked to her "father wound." Samantha describes her father as someone who was both absent and inconsistent, leading to a deep-seated fear of being alone and unlovable. Christine helps Samantha realize that she has been projecting her unmet childhood needs onto her romantic relationships. Samantha's fear of being alone stems from childhood experiences and a longing for her father's approval and love.  Aha Moments  Christine emphasizes that feeling the pain and moving through it is necessary to avoid repeating the same mistakes in future relationships. By not fully processing the pain, Samantha has been unable to move on. The concept of the "Christ year" at age 33 is significant for personal awakening and transformation. Samantha, being 33, is at a pivotal point where she can choose to either continue her old patterns or embrace deep healing and change. Christine advises Samantha to stop seeing her loneliness as a problem to fix but as a necessary phase to fully experience and understand. By doing this, Samantha can break the cycle of seeking relationships to fill the void left by her father.  How to Get Over It  Feel the Loneliness: Samantha is encouraged to fully feel her loneliness without trying to escape it through distractions or new relationships. This process will help her develop resilience and self-reliance. Inner Child Healing: Christine suggests that Samantha engage in inner child work to address the unresolved issues with her father. This can involve journaling, therapy, and self-reflection to give her inner child the love and validation she missed. Seek Professional Help: Working with a therapist, especially one trained in somatic therapy, can help Samantha stay connected to her body and process her emotions in a healthy way. Practical Exercises: Samantha should write down the truth about her past relationships, focusing on what didn’t work, to ground herself in reality and avoid idealizing her ex-partners. Additionally, she should ask herself how her thoughts make her feel and if she likes feeling that way, then consciously choose thoughts that lead to feelings of peace and freedom.  Sponsor  Storyworth: Preserve precious memories and stories from your father or father figures for years to come. Save $10 on your first purchase when you visit .  Social Media Info:  Follow Christine on Instagram  Tweet your insights to Christine  Join us next week for another insightful episode where we help you get over...

Episode 452: The Opportunity That Failed Relationships Provide Us With, with Samantha

Thais and Christine talk about what exactly "limerence" is and how it is different from the infatuation&nbsp;stage of a relationship. We go deep into what caused it and how we can get out of it.&nbsp; &nbsp; Thais Gibson has a Ph.D. and over 13 certifications in modalities such as CBT, NLP, somatic experiencing, internal family systems, and shadow work. She has nearly a decade of experience running a successful private practice. This diverse background has culminated in creating Gibson Integrated Attachment Theory™, an innovative framework uniting traditional attachment theory, developmental psychology insights, and potent subconscious reprogramming techniques that are woven throughout the course material within The Personal Development School, taught within our innovative coach training program and in her most recent book, Learning Love.  You can get 25% off the price of enrollment at The Personal Development School () if you use the promo code christine25off&nbsp;

CC: Is it infatuation or Limerence with Thais Gibson

In this episode, Christine Hassler coaches Liv, who is experiencing a significant life transition and is unsure about her career and future. Liv has worked with children as a teacher, babysitter, and nanny, but now she feels the urge to explore other professional paths. She struggles with guilt over leaving her current line of work and fears the uncertainty of pursuing new opportunities. Consider/Ask Yourself:  Are you feeling the urge to make a change or has a change been forced upon you? How did your upbringing shape your views on failure and success? Do you rely on your job as a safety net? What is your relationship with uncertainty, and are you willing to change your beliefs to improve it?  Guest Insights:  Liv is transitioning from a familiar career working with children to exploring new professional opportunities. She feels overwhelmed by the thought of leaving a job that she loves but also wants to pursue personal growth. Liv struggles with balancing her desire to serve others with her need for self-fulfillment. She feels a deep need for control and certainty, which stems from her upbringing, where failure had severe consequences. Liv's primary challenge is to reprogram her beliefs and embrace uncertainty as part of her growth.  Aha Moments:  Liv recognized that her current job should not be seen as a safety net but as a stepping stone to new opportunities. She identified the need to create a new relationship with uncertainty and develop an internal sense of safety. Liv realized that her belief that she cannot make money doing what she loves is a limiting belief that needs updating.  How to Get Over It:  Liv should focus on updating her limiting beliefs, such as "I can't make money doing what I love" to "People are interested in what I have to offer and it adds value to their lives." Embrace the belief that prioritizing her own growth is not selfish but essential for serving others more effectively. Take one step at a time and recognize that safety and certainty come from within, not from external jobs or situations. Engage in pattern interrupt techniques to shift from fear-based decisions to ones based on authenticity and alignment.  Sponsor:  Cozy Earth offers hypoallergenic, organic bamboo sheets that are breathable and comfortable. Use Promo Code “OVER IT" at cozyearth.com for 35% off  &nbsp; Social Media Info:    Follow Christine on Instagram  Tweet your insights to Christine  Join us next week for another insightful episode where we help you get over it and on with the life you love.

EP 452: How to Make Changes When You Don't Have Certainty or a Plan with Liv

If you're feeling boxed in by your current path, maybe it's time to think about how your skills can open new doors—not just for others, but for yourself too. If you’ve ever thought about what it might be like to teach others what you know or create a business doing what you love, don’t miss this episode. &nbsp; Your skills can be the key to unlocking new doors, not just for others, but for you too.&nbsp; &nbsp; Tune in as my guest Dean Graziosi, New York Times bestselling author and esteemed entrepreneur, and I discuss what it takes to become an entrepreneur…how to overcome the fears and limiting beliefs and step into your legacy. &nbsp; Together, Dean and Tony Robbins are hosting a FREE 3-day workshop on June 13th - 15th called “The Game Has Changed” with some amazing special guests. In this 3 day event they are going to reveal for the first time their “2024 roadmap to more” in today’s crazy economy. More freedom, more time, more joy, more income… more whatever makes YOU happy. &nbsp; Go here to register:&nbsp;

CC: How to Build The Life, Career and Business You Love with Dean Graziosi

In this episode, Christine helps Mariel navigate the complex feelings following a breakup that has left her struggling to move on. Despite ending the relationship almost a year ago, Mariel finds herself still emotionally entangled and unable to let go. Christine delves into the deeper issues stemming from Mariel’s childhood, particularly her relationship with her father, to uncover the root causes of her emotional struggle. Summary: Mariel ended a relationship due to her partner’s addiction issues, but she is finding it disproportionately difficult to move on. Christine explores the deeper emotional wounds from Mariel’s childhood, especially those related to her father, which may be contributing to her current emotional state. The conversation reveals the importance of addressing and healing childhood wounds to move forward in adult relationships. Consider/Ask Yourself:  Is there something on your mind you can't let go of, whether it's a relationship or something else? Have you been in a relationship with someone who had many good qualities but one major deal breaker? Do you often project your feelings or handling of situations onto others? Do you truly believe you are worthy of the kind of love you desire?  Guest Insights:  Mariel feels confused about why she is struggling so much to move on from a relatively short relationship. The relationship ended due to her partner's addiction, a pattern familiar from her previous marriage. Despite setting boundaries and ending the relationship, Mariel finds herself still emotionally attached and missing her ex-partner. Mariel has a history of attracting men who cannot process their emotions healthily, reflecting unresolved issues with her father.  Aha Moments:  Christine points out the importance of addressing the deeper issues from Mariel’s childhood to move on. Mariel recognizes that her ex-partner’s addiction and avoidance are reminiscent of her father’s emotional unavailability and anger. Understanding that her struggle is more about her own unresolved issues than about the ex-partner helps Mariel see the situation more clearly.  How to Get Over It and On With It:  Identify and confront the truths about the past relationship to move on from the fantasy. Work on healing the father wound and improving self-worth. Focus on developing a nurturing relationship with the inner child to address unmet emotional needs. Prioritize self-love and boundaries to avoid falling into similar patterns in future relationships.  Sponsors:  Cozy Earth: Get 30% off your purchase at  using promo code "OVERIT." Enjoy comfortable and temperature-regulating bedding products designed with viscose from bamboo.  Social Media Info:  Follow Christine on Instagram  Tweet your insights to Christine  Join us next week for another insightful episode where we help you get over it and on with the life you love.

EP 454: Navigating the Father Wound with Mariel

If you are considering becoming an entrepreneur&nbsp;or want to take your business to the next level, don't miss this episode.&nbsp;Between AI, new technology, inflation, the economy, and all the crazy stuff in the outside world… it’s clear the rules of success have changed drastically from even just last year.&nbsp;And this has created a massive opportunity to accelerate ahead or fall way behind. &nbsp; Jill Esplin, who has worked with me for nearly 15 years, and I talk about what we are noticing in the industry and how to overcome inner and outer roadblocks. We also discuss how the game has changed and invite you to join us at a free event June 13--15 hosted by Tony Robbins and Dean Graziosi:

CC: The Game Has Changed

In this episode, Christine Hassler speaks with Sabrina, a single mom struggling to break the cycle of emotional unavailability that has plagued her family for generations. They discuss the importance of self-awareness, healing past wounds, and creating a safe and supportive environment for Sabrina's son. Consider/Ask Yourself:  Did you have a parent that was unavailable, and does feeling disconnected or dismissed trigger you? Are you a parent struggling with your child's independence and need for space? Do you know that healing starts within, but you’re unsure how to begin?  Guest Insights:  Sabrina's Background: Sabrina is a single mom whose parents were emotionally unavailable. She recognizes that her father's drinking and her mother's choice of a similarly unavailable partner impacted her. Current Struggle: Sabrina wants to break this cycle with her 12-year-old son, who is becoming more distant as he grows older. Coaching Challenges: Sabrina's tendency to over-coach and talk too much is pushing her son away. Her unresolved anger towards men and trust issues further complicate her relationship with her son.  Aha Moments:  Mirror Effect: Children reflect their parents' unresolved issues. Sabrina's son is mirroring her feelings of being dismissed and not prioritized. Generational Patterns: Breaking the cycle starts with addressing her inner child wounds and not projecting unmet needs onto her son. Letting Go: Sabrina needs to let her son navigate his relationship with his father on his own terms and provide unconditional support without overstepping.  How to Get Over It:  Self-Compassion: Acknowledge and be proud of the effort and awareness in tackling tough parental questions. Inner Child Work: Engage in healing work to address unresolved anger and grief towards men and her childhood experiences. Space and Support: Allow her son to explore his relationship with his father while being a supportive presence, not an overprotective one. Professional Help: Consider working with a coach or therapist to navigate the challenges of parenting a tween and personal healing.  &nbsp; Social Media and Resources:  Follow Christine on Instagram @ChristineHassler  Tweet your insights to Christine @ChristineHassler on  Join us next week for another insightful episode where we help you get over it and on with the life you love.

Episode 455: Breaking Cycles with Your Child with Sabrina

Christine Hassler is an author, life coach and speaker who is known for inspiring radical self-reflection with practical direction. Christine is the author of two best selling books and is currently working on her third entitled: "Expectation Hangovers®  - How to Leverage Disappointment.” She’s appeared on: The Today Show, CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX, E!, Style, and The New York Times.  Christine is a spokesperson for American Express Millennial Advocacy Program and serves on the faculty at the University of Santa Monica teaching programs in Spiritual Psychology.

EP 401: How to Get Over Someone You Can’t Seem to Get Over with Matthais

Christine Hassler

Related tracks