Rap Battles I'm In!

The most iconic Nintendo characters in history, battle-tested heroes who have forged a formidable legacy in the video game industry, collide in a rap battle.

WAN as Mario 
RaccoonBroVA as Link 
Written by Special Inquisitor Rayyan and the SIR Rap Battles Crew
Mixed by Zagranis
Beat by Anywaywell Beats
Cover art by JK03

Link (0:21):
Savior of Hyrule, I'll be taking all of your hearts
When I'm making sure that I rule this rap track like Mario Kart
And if maybe her - the Peachy one - gets kidnapped and trapped way too often
It's mainly to run away from ya, with how soft your Octorok is
I'm commencing the bombings, Sheikah Slate
You ought to escape to your pizza place
I'm dropping the gauntlets, you cannot stop this
Don't have the Courage to see the face
Of the man who defined what Adventure is like
You redefined how to lose to this knight
Who won the Game of the Year between us?
The one about hats or the one climbing heights?
Keep storming ghostly houses, still held captive by King Boo
If Luigi can Jump better, Man, who even really needs you?
Let’s see you execute a verse like the countless toads you’ve slayed
You can call me April 1st cause I’m leaving you erased

Mario (1:05):
Mamma-mia, Link! I expected more from an appointed champion
Always one jump ahead of you; the gaming industry I’m carrying
Very cheap-cheap with Rupees, vandalising many houses
And made Zelda feel remorseful, even bluer than my trousers
I stomp in this matchup so hard, it’s like an infinite 1-up
Unlike you, cleaning a town’s the only time I bring a Great F.L.U.D.D
Here’s a tough pill to swallow, I drop better puzzles than you could
Zelda didn’t want to pull your Master Sword but you still haven’t Lost Wood
I find it quite ironic that you’re meant to rep the light
When your Netflix series never got to see the Sunshine
This Keebler Elf failed to stop the Calamity, you're too-a weak
So boring, your next lines will put me into a century of sleep!

Link (1:50):
Check your Historia, I can see why you're seen as an enemy
Cause’ you’re trying to wipe out DK’s offspring like they were my memories
You fail to see your shortcomings, all the fame and praise is consuming you
You'll be another silent-type once I join your Wrecking Crew
Luigi is trying his best to be greater, yet you shove him aside like a tool
Doubt I can spit when the only punches you throw’s on the Yoshi that saved you
(Hyaa!) He made you grow up to be the world’s biggest gaming figure
But you dropped him to the void, and gave him the middle finger
  
Mario (2:19):
I'm used to handling babies, with all your shouts and screams
But not the fact that you were robbing gravestones as a teen
Threatened Hyrule by releasing Ganon when you pulled the demon’s bane
When you fight Ghirahim, you're like my mobile games: free to play!
For an elf that was shelved, I thought you’d have better rapping
I’m-a throw my hat into the ring and win! No Cappy.
Your Sword went Skyward but your ratings dropped harder than Thwomps
Jump you with these koopa shells; Mario just made your hearts stop (Yahoo!)

Mario vs Link. SIR Rap Battles (ft. WAN and RaccoonBro)

(Note: This is a remastered version of the original battle, available to watch on YouTube right now - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFdz0OuHuhU&t=117s)

The legendary original Pokémon master Red wants to battle with the master dragon trainer Hiccup from How to Train your Dragon. Which lifelong companion to fire-breathing dragons will reign supreme?

Raichous as Red
RaccoonBroVA as Hiccup
Written by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Beat by Anywaywell

Hiccup (0:07):
This is Berk, your resting place! Hey, don't you mind showing your face?
The only edgy one here should be Stormfly, not some little kid who abandoned his race 
Me and my gang are protecting the dragons, you like to make yours fight to the death 
My bond to Toothless, unprecedented; constant abuse is your form of respect?!


Red (0:23):
So, a social reject wants to get my team wrecked when he left his weak pet
Wallowing in neglect ‘cause he was depressed? Well, Red’s gonna diss your disrespect:
You claim your bond to Toothless is a strong one, tell me how he still ended up brainwashed?
I'm spitting Fire Blasts to take your other leg, go warn the people of Berk of your great loss! 
Serving this Haddock Horrendously lifeless, you ought to run from this battle and give up 
I guess your father was right in the first place, your very being was naught but a Hiccup
I'm used to blasting Team Rocket away, your Night Fury knows that he did the same 
I see why you thought that the dragons weren't safe, when you witnessed yours murder Stoick that day! 
(Ohhh!) What good are you as a leader if it seems your friends can do much better
(Yeah) This senior’s meager when measured to me; like an Ice-type, you crack under pressure
You tamed a monster at 15? I tamed 150 at 10!
I wouldn’t need the schemes of a fiend to bring this trainer to end


Hiccup (1:09):
Oh, no, this isn't the end for me yet; still got a tribe and a secret to guard
Your games are more of a sellout to me than what you buy at a Poké Mart
You went on a journey to become the very best, but you never experienced pain
I lost a leg and my father and Toothless, while in Super Smash Bros, you lost your name!
I got a family, with me and Astrid
You went and ditched your mom just like her husband did! 
Pulling no punches, I'm savage like Bludvist
My rhymes are Ghost-type, you cannot touch this!
The only thing you're gonna catch are these hands 
You'll end up deceased like a Cubone’s mother
With all your Max Potions, you still will not last 
You're getting bullied by Gary? Oh, brother...
Can we just talk about this for a minute? Cap face down but his ego up
Thinks being silent is because he's powerful, but in reality he's just a cub
Looking at the Smash 4 roster - heck, man
You’re getting cut like the National Dex, and
All of your Fire, Red, douse it with flow
And I’m running you over like Pokemon Go!

Red (1:55):
I'd rather remain nameless than be known as a chief of Hooligans 
A master revered for Generations, do you truly know who you're dueling with?
You're calling me out for alleged abuse when you shot down and crippled your best bud
My mother raised me with compassion, yours abandoned you when you were young! 
I birthed a franchise of legendary games
Your games are the plot of your franchise: tame
Like a Garbardor, you bet I'm trashing your rhymes
Verses so hot, I'm burning Berk a second time!
Thinking I’m getting the silver? Look at the sword that’s within your possession
My legacy will be echoed for ages, nobody’s giving your series attention!

Red vs Hiccup. SIR Rap Battles (ft. Raichous and RaccoonBroVA)

(Note: This is a remastered version of the original battle, available to watch on YouTube right now - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUOkX_l1siU&t=28s)

Two protagonists who fight for justice, one a vigilante and the other a steadfast lawyer, duke it out in a battle of raps!

AdamSandlerDRB as Phoenix Wright
RaccoonBroVA as Joker
Written by Special Inquisitor Rayyan, Jofinity and YLFEthan
Mixed by Zagranis
Beat by Anywaywell
Cover art by M!CAH

Phoenix (0:15):
10 years with this job; was a rough journey
But here I don’t even need to bluff dirty
The Phantom Thief leader just isn’t worthy
‘Cause he’s stuck in the shadow of the Ace Attorney
The defence is ready to present, no relent, he's on the offensive, you can't steal this win
The length of your game is a crime, running over more than the one who hit Sumire’s twin!
Sojiro's got heavy burdens if you think you're looking cool
Can I take you seriously when Royal launched on April Fools?
I've had coffee on my face, still more pleasant than your coffees
And I'm dropping thieves harder than Dustin Prince's body 
Got tasered once before, but not as shocking as your plot 
Man, you dropped that bar like the Crow did when his shadow shot 
You're fighting two opponents, seasoned lawyer and obesity 
That burger challenge took some big guts to complete, huh?
The mic, I HOLD IT! Your honor, I've got a point I want to press...
You don't get caught dating your teacher, pharmacist and committing theft?
The Spirit of Justice doesn't really apply For All with the battles you fought
Knowing you saved the world and still got imprisoned, like it was for naught

Ren (1:02): 
Huh, I really did stoop down low, fighting against a washed-up con artist 
I don’t even need to perform my duty when you’re already heartless
I may be branded as criminal, Wright; in the eyes of the law I’m scorned
But the crimes I'm accused of aren't as violent as your bond with Delia Hawthorne!
Forged evidence, Phoenix? And I thought Mia had the brain tumor
Then again, you did get whacked in the head worse than your wacky humour
The future, I’ve risen to fight for it - you're wallowing in the past
I mean being a virgin at your age? No wonder you couldn't bring Mia to Smash!
Over 10 games in and you're growing stale fast
I see that five o' clock, another shadow to unmask
I'll leave you like the voice in my head, left a murmur
Mark it this second time that I've been accused of murder
Fell into a death river but you don’t have any flow
I must be going fishing ‘cause I’m reeling in the dough
You cannot level up to me, I've reached the crescendo 
Dug yourself a hole so deep, it belongs in Mementos!

Phoenix (1:50):
OBJECTION! The testimony you gave contradicts the evidence 
You stated I dug myself a ditch when in Smash you ditched your own friends?
Your win got snubbed at the Game Awards to another silent protagonist
Wendy’s Oldbags are in your face, it’s anything but an accident!
You were made to be a cash cow, always getting milked dry by Atlus
The people are stepping all over you like you're Shibuya’s mattress
Better fix that glove upon your hand, you're worthless in a game of sleight 
I’ll do you like Goro Akechi did, basically I snuff out your light!

Ren (2:21):
Back off, Nicky Boy - you shouldn't mess with a thief’s love 
Repeating your claims like you gave your theme a redux
Running a failing firm, you’re better in Detroit
Surely with that spiky hair, you would've gone to the point 
You'd feed Maya for years with the filler in your story
Don't need to diss your bar, the judge already did it for me 
I'm better at contracts, so let's strike up a truce, see:
I'll Goho-M if you stop lying to Trucy!

Phoenix Wright vs Joker. SIR Rap Battles (ft. AdamDRB and RaccoonBroVA)

VIDEO IS ON YOUTUBE!
=> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSj7jRiFErM

RaccoonBroVA as Piglin

Special Inquisitor Rayyan as Emboar 
(@rayyan-izz)

Lyrics :
Piglin (0:14)
Into The Nether, he11 itself that’s packing designs so divine
Unless assigned to be a starter then mostly left behind, declined  
Grinding sessions slower than Carnivine ultimately left em’ bored
And I don’t need good sn(IV)ys’ to be more Serperior, Emboar
Seems your discipline’s not in check, makes sense that your reckless
Leave you in an electro cob-web so you have a chance to wreck, less
But Gamefreak saw the chance then pledged a fire idea like
Another fire/fighting type, well third’s time the charm I guess
That’s complete DS, can’t reject the best when I’m lighting tracks
No fainting in this fight unless you want the screen fading white and black
That tier explains your relevance, no need to abuse the competitive
Leaving you washed up in my flow, that’s super effective

Emboar (0:49)
You got your ancestors replaced so who do you really compete for
Thought a creature from the nether was able to spit heat more 
Ain’t seen a bigger copycat since rom hacks, shams galore
Your insults go through like your using ghost attacks, Chandelure
Hammering your face in with my arms when I cause harm
But you did that yourself by being a guinea pig for mob farms
Overshadowed so much you struggle to shine brighter than a beacon
Since the only time you run the track is with your feature in speedruns
Your addition to the position still left you with no recognition
Cause at your core, your essientally villagers [nether edition]
Flow’s extinguished where you’re from, I’m sure you're well aware
So step out of your comfort zone if you really wanna make this fair

Zombie Piglin (1:24)
Now you’re up against the undead, dropping bars up for barter
Couldn’t smash a beat when this sinner roars from the roster 
 Being soft as gold ‘gainst war pigs is what I expected
I leave you in the dust but you’re somewhat used to being neglected
That verse of yours is a smack down compared to your battles, music
Defeated by underdogs that ain’t Lucario, lose it 
Ironic this pig can’t bring beef, like a mooshroom sheared down
So you’ll be withered when I make you like a save file, cleared out

Emboar (1:47)
Obsessed with gold when you're taking second shows how your never right
Unaffected by your fire blasts with a defense tougher than netherite
Though if I wanted you to suffer, I’d throw your butter into the gutter
But you’ll still blow up if you’re slept on, one way or another
This bacon’s fame had to be awakened, so I’d take it your mistaken
Quite shaken at this creation, that’s cravin’ a win so forsaken
I‘m not surprised the lines defined makes Steve look like the better fighter
So blaze it like my shiny form, or fear my soul of pure fire

Written by h4lf_ 
Beat prod. by Ihaksi
Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Cover Art by JoeTheEgg

Piglin vs Emboar. P/A Rap Battle!



King Mewtwo as Postman Pat

RaccoonBroVA As the Unabomber

Beat by: Dansonn

Written by: RNG
Help from: King Mewtwo and Special Inquisitor Rayyan
Mixed by: Zagranis



Pat: (0:22)
It's not a great day in Greendale with Theodore John Kazynski 
I’m the master of the mail I’ll be delivering disses see?
I got a black and white cat, you're just a black sheep
The UNA-BUM of the Freedom Club can't best me
Your brain got twisted by 3 years of torture
When you got sick as a kid it messed you up even more so
If being sick was the cause of all your bombing murder sprees
What makes you think trying to spit sick won't also bomb verbally?
I run my rounds on this beat it's not my tires that are poppin
Cause on the microphone i'm a Greendale Rocket
With a diss on flow 
there's an L through your door, and this one wont blow 

Ted: (0:55)
Wait, who is this, some british bitch made for kids?
Theres nothing fucking to him how am i supposed to diss
Oh well i guess for killing a beat i'll take another guilty plea
Cause for a postman you have terrible delivery
You embody the thing that I hate the most Pat
Mindless nothing of a children's show Pat
Tech filled entertainment taking meaning from life
With fake “education” slowly melting away minds
Then you were made worse when you became CGI    
I'm not surprised computers took away any of your life
Yet it seems you’re out of date most people leave you forgot
Even I’ve been alive years after your show’s motion stopped

Pat: (1:28)
Ted that wasn't very nice, but I’m not talking about your crimes
When You’ve not had 16 lines but you bombed 16 times
I'm doing my dream job while you just dropped from yours
I provide for my family while you leeched off of yours
I teach kids lessons in being kind and growing up
You teach people horrid lessons by blowing them up
I diss sharp on a track that i run like my van
Movement ended by your brother, should be used to backstabs

Ted: (1:50)
A Clifftons loss usually upsets me but not when
you clowned with Ted like you had to make cash for your execs 
You talk of my family and how "backstabbing brought my end"
But you gave a ginger kid to one of your blonde friends
And you wish to diss my methods of saving humanity 
When you do nothing for the world mindlessly sitting there happily
Watching an episode of yours is an insanity plea
But we’re done here i want back in my cell for some peace



The Unabomber vs Postman Pat - RNG Rap Battle

cookie clicker vs shell shockers rap battle


Special Inquisitor Rayyan as cookie clicker

RaccoonBroVA as shell shocker

Written by Danger Dolphin 101,

Additional writing help by Special Inquisitor Rayyan

Mixed by Special Inquisitor Rayyan

Beat produced by Anywaywell 




Cookie Clicker: 

Loading up this web page 
I'm worldwide and still not beyond my best days
All the real ones know I am a matchless game in this debate 
I won't hesitate to leave this egg laid
To rest, ay
Leave him scrambled with hot red rage
Rhymes straight outta the oven 
And guess what? They're hot and fresh baked
I'm making bank with my Banks
Don't bank on a victory
Try to flank, but you've tanked with your ranking it's clear to see
You're dropping, it's not shocking, the throne for kings yeah it sits for me
Unlike this sod, see, I need no rod, G, you do not seem prepped for this vis-á-vis
I thought that you had grenades, but you couldn’t blow up the web like me 
Stuck with a fanbase more underground than my schemes
It's truly pitiful what a low life waste you are
So now you've got egg on your face, you didn't get that far



Shell Shocker:

Imma fuckin burn you like you've been dunked in this awfully hot hot chocolate pot
Should I spill the tea on you? Probly not
But I gonna do it anyway you fucking twat
I'll leave you with shellshock, like dot dot dot, it'll be an io-pener, you'll fall
When I leave your ass popped and rocked with your crumbs splattered on the wall
Bitch I ain't just an egg, I'm the soldiers too
And you ain't surviving this here's a toast to you
Red dot between your chips you'll be blown right through
Bitch you such fuckin' pussy you can go die dude
Started as a criticism of capitalism, huh? 
Well it seems you've fucking fumbled 
Since the genre you pioneered became an ad-ridden hellscape
Guess that's just how the cookie crumbles


Cookie Clicker:

Sound like a TriHard with those shite bars 
Gonna die hard; this bitch is glitchin like his pistol, my god
Can't fucking talk about ads when you play one after like every 3 deaths
Disses? You couldn't have less, that was nothing but threats what a damn mess 
This egghead's mistaken confronting the kingpin
We all know who's winning, cause boy I got bling bling
You only got that when your game’s giving out what you are: nothing but a fuckin golden chicken
I’ll leave a chip in your shoulder (ugh)
And I’ll just rip till it’s over (ugh)
It’ll be written on graves, oh yea (ugh)
Saying R.I.P to Shell Shockers (ugh)
I gotta say, your audience seems pretty problematic
Hit in classrooms but I don't think bringing guns to school's the best tactic
Face the facts, kid, you’re outmatched in this battle; I am a classic
While your sad shtick is better left in the bargain bin of the apps, shit

   


Shell Shocker:

Packing the straps 
And I'm clapping it back (brrrrrrap)
On the track I attack 
This crack-shack hack of a snack 
It’s fuckin insane I have to fire shots at this coomer
I'm stackin grenades, you're just hoarding some boomers
When I'm taking aim, you best know that you're doomed, yea
I run a pain train, and imma choo-choo ya
99 bullets in my gun and on this bitch I don't need to use one
Packing artillery, a track's the only time that you could bomb!



About the characters: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ugf7udQ1fHQlYQl8qfDfDJVl79kgMcOIiqhgqpCalTc/edit?usp=drivesdk



Cookie Clicker vs Shell Shockers - Stupid Rap Battles of Idiocy

Danger U