All I Wanna Do Is Die

Thanatology

Stepping Through The Shadow Line

7 o'clock in the morning with an ocean of tears
we should have been pretty, but reality mourned
shadows growing on the back of the door

Words hurled like daggers projecting fears
shredding eachother into million pieces
Scars of misunderstanding formed

A silent tension camouflaged a deadly minefield
Polluting our judgements of right and wrong
even the time feared to move along

still 7 o'clock hope fled the dreaded battlefield
we're craving for love, but affection is gone
we're stuck in this place for far too long

so what's the point of our constant fight
we got burned so many times
so much pressure, so much anger
we shouldn't be allowed
so farewell to the love we knew,
And the time has come to face our crimes
let me fade away
let me be another face in the crowd

severly damaged, i need a place to retreat
searching for silence to ease and calm down
figuring out why my mind has doubts

strong fears and worries of being incomplete
are drowning my soul in a sea of sadness
but is our love worth so many downs

finally found the strength to mend my heart's mistake
I broke the chain that kept my mind in minor
putting my scattered pieces back together

draining my sea of sadness before it's too late
having loved, but now we're done
it's okay to let go of each other

so what's the point of our constant fight
we got burned so many times
so much pressure, so much anger
we shouldn't be allowed
so farewell to the love we knew,
And the time has come to face our crimes
let me fade away
let me be another face in the crowd


Another Face In The Crowd (piano version)

Listen to your mama
'S what was said to me
Ain't like your papa
Shame creepin' up on me

With every cell of my body
And the strongest might
I fought with pride and indignation 
To prove that I was right
Till I won
Then I lost
Now I look in the rear view mirror
As I say
Hmmm…

Listen to the angels
That bless us from the sky
Believe in heaven
Don't catch the devil's eye

I pushed away any notion
Of a faith-filled soul
Then the news beamed horror stories
Of war-ravaged homes
What did I do to be deserving
But they didn't?
Now I catch myself sneaking glances up above
To say
Hmmm…

Life gives us chances 
But life is too short 
Time is a band-aid
Wouldn't you rather move on

So if you find yourself questioning the rights and wrongs of life
Maybe take a breath and one step back
And say
Hmmm… 

Take a step back
I'll say
You'll say
We'll say
They'll say


Single (C)2024
Music - John Henderson and Sreyashi Mukherjee
Lyrics and Vocals - Sumi (Sreyashi Mukherjee)
Backing Vocals - John Henderson
Guitar - John Henderson
Bass, strings - Fabian Adam
Mixing - Fabian Adam

Follow John Henderson @https://soundcloud.com/user-62073684

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Darkwave is my experimental music project built on the backbone of old-school metal riffs, with an outlook to a wide variety of musical scenes. Despite its intimate connections with progressive – and even thrash – metal, the musical dynamics I try to accomplish in Darkwave often deviates from the classical concept of the genre (e.g. the catching tempo generated by tight rhythmicity), and incorporates elements with significantly different tonal and emotional characteristics, ranging from thrash, power, doom or symphonic metal themes to electronic, classical or even jazz elements.

Such a diverse mixture of different styles is seldom intentional, but rather a mixture of instinctual and intentional elements reflecting the character of the composer and the impact of influences shaping the songwriting process. Balancing on the razor-sharp edge between these domains of human consciousness, I think it’s always revealing to indentify the composer’s primary influences to understand the core philosophy behind the final product. Despite their essential innervation with thrash metal, my main influences come from somewhere far beyond, from the distant realms of hard rock, NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal), and – in certain extent – from classical (or even gregorian) music. I see it as some kind of an evolutionary process: first it was the intensity, then the complexity of the music that grabbed my attention and put a significant emphasis on my way of looking at all things music. Regarding the metal frontrunners, the complexity of the Shermann-Denner duo’s guitarwork as well as the dark, monumental, epic atmosphere of Tony Iommi‘s musical skyscrapers clearly shaped my personal attitude to music. Still, the artistic genius of the late Jon Lord (who aimed at building bridges between “old” and “new”, traditional and modern) was that characteristical influence that put its almost deterministic mark on my musical taste and creations. I started to listen to bands that somehow unite various territories of the world of music: it felt amazing to listen to Mekong Delta’s Suite for Group and Orchestra or the jazz-metal fusions by Atheist until the point that I could finally identify a third essential element besides intensity and complexity: the gloomy, epic, emotional (sometimes sad) and monumental atmosphere: something that I could find so often not only in music, but also in my favorite books and poems. And this is that exact point, where the intentional and instinctual motifs become somewhat indistinguishable from each other, and form a distinct entity of thoughts, feelings, desires and aims that might be characterized as my personal attitude to music, art – and in general, life.

It’s not that hard to grip the essence of that attitude. I tend to agree with G. K. Chesterton‘s paradoxical jeremiad from 1905 on the loss of universals (“…we are more and more to discuss details in art, politics, literature… Everything matters — except everything.“) and accept that it’s always the core philosophy behind art (or “everything“…) that we must understand, if we ever want to grab the creator’s personality that is mirrored in the final product. The secondary details in composition, performance or production are merely consequences of this primary attitude or basic approach behind the creative process. My primary aim with Darkwave has always been (and will ever be) nothing else but to formulate, express and transmit feelings and thoughts without words, while constantly realizing that there exists nothing more suitable to facilitate this communication between human souls than music itself.

“When words fail, music speaks.”