swear i'm not a masochist.
don't know why i did it.
i make terrible, horrible decisions when i get upset,
tally marking my regrets.

i'm on the brink of losing my sanity.
i can't shake the feeling that nobody understands me.
how'd i get the best of myself in my own personal hell?
i toe the line between delusion and fantasy.

i text my ex and i get myself in trouble.
i'm a nervous wreck.
i move forward, but i stumble.
when i lose my edge i get inconsolable.
i'm a loose cannon sinking ships just to watch them crumble.

no, i'm not incompetent.
just a bit delirious and act before i get a chance to think about the consequences.
i don't have the common sense.

i always say that i'm totally above it,
but if i was a saint he would be the second coming,
so how'd i get the best of myself in my own personal hell?
i go against my better judgement just to feel something.

i text my ex and i get myself in trouble.
i'm a nervous wreck.
i move forward, but i stumble.
when i lose my edge i get inconsolable.
i'm a loose cannon sinking ships just to watch them crumble.

ended on a positive,
but i just had to go ahead and ruin it.
wish it didn't have to come to this,
made myself look like a lunatic.

i could blame it on a full moon
to explain the way i treated you.

i had the blues.
it's been a night.
what's my excuse?
i'll tell a lie.

you'll forget it for forgiveness sake
and defend even my worst mistake.

i've been a wreck,
losing my mind.
what's it to you?
we said goodbye.

loose cannon

i could take you out to dinner,
cruising on the seine,
capturing the moment so i never forget.
i guess the film is still developing.

we could have a picnic on la grande jatte.
picturing you wrapped inside my arms again,
anything is better than this hell i’m in.

i know it's not real.
it's nothing but fan fiction
and i have a vivid imagination.

i'm still a kid.
i'll never grow up,
reality shift and pretend i'm in love,
and i might forget
i'm royally fucked.

headed to vienna,
saw you on the train.
i was hoping you could take me away.

this open glade feels like a prison.
won't you break my chains?
i'd make an awful supervillain,
but you could save the day.

all of my problems,
i push them down and let them dissipate
and i'll never solve them.
i'm terrified it won't mean anything.

i know it's not real.
it's nothing but fan fiction
and i have a vivid imagination.

i'm still a kid.
i'll never grow up,
reality shift and pretend i'm in love,
and i might forget
i'm royally fucked.

ben scott

thought of you the whole way home,
wished you luck before the show,
tugging on a wishbone.
i'm so careful not to let you know.

heard you on the radio,
shirtless in that video,
peeking through a telescope.
i'm so careful not to get too close.

i asked you out and then i did it over again
and for a year i was kissing up to all of your friends.
i think about it now and its embarrassing.
i'm never over it, i'm never over it.
i'm never over it.

angel numbers, warning signs,
actors tell the greatest lies
and you were so phenomenal.
i just wish we never got so close.

wishbone

he feeds me all his favorite lines.
he compliments me all the time.
i never have to, have to apologize.

he doesn't live across the state.
he notices when i'm in pain.
we never argue, he never makes me cry.

he loves me, but my heart still beats for you.
i know, i know. it shouldn't, but it's true.
i'm so out of touch.
you gave me a hunch that nobody could disprove
and covered in paint, when you went away
you colored me shades of blue.

you chewed me up and spit me out.
you built me up to tear me down.
sometimes i miss you even now,
even now.

i still remember last july—
that summer love i left behind
and you gave me hell, but i would've stayed for life.

he loves me, but my heart still beats for you.
i know, i know. it shouldn't, but it's true.
i'm so out of touch.
you gave me a hunch that nobody could disprove
and covered in paint, when you went away
you colored me shades of blue.

will you return to,
will you return to,
will you return to,
will you return?

will you return to,
will you return to,
will you return to me?

shades of blue

scorpio,
you're mia.
well, i'm no cheapskate.
i'll give you space, but it drives me crazy.

how do i go about my day?
i can't think straight.
i'm so fixated on my baby.

i'm sure you'll tell me all about it,
but it's raining in the roanoke rapids.
you're bound to get a bit distracted.
just fill me in,
tell me what happens.

i'm waiting patiently
till you return to me.

blowing up your phone last week,
i know you need autonomy.
i just get lonely.

if there wasn't a hurricane,
i'd leave right now and drive on down and take you bowling.

i'm sure you'd throw a fit about it.
the crime rate in the roanoke rapids
is bound to make you feel protective.
just fill me in,
tell me what happens.

i check in frequently
till you return to me.

all i can do is wonder where your head is at
when you're off of the grid.
i shouldn't even have to ask,
but i bet you'll avoid the question.
do you even like me?
you forgot to mention.

waiting for you like responding is a chore,
doing just enough to keep me coming back for more,
but it makes me feel like such a loser.
you still got me wrapped around your finger.

it's the charity cases that i love
and so of course i would chase after jacob
and while he's stoned at a rave,
i'll be the one to keep on calling his name.
no one picks up

and what kills me the most,
i never learn.
i just wait by the phone
and hope he returns.

return to me

carefree,
sticking your head through the ceiling,
blinded by streetlights in nashville.

a-team,
all of you met at a party.
down by the beach, i'm on standstill.

never said i wanna live like i'm in a movie,
half the time i barely know what i'm even doing.
i just wanna be cool like you.

levitating off the ground underneath my cold feet,
i just hover from above looking at the city.
i just wanna be cool like you.

debut,
everyone cheered at the venue.
i watch from up in the nosebleeds.

you take the lead and you score for the whole team,
i kick the ball, but it always gets blocked by the goalie.
look at you shimmer and spin like a beyblade.
i couldn't do it. i'm too prone to making a mistake.

never said i wanna live like i'm in a movie,
half the time i barely know what i'm even doing.
i just wanna be cool like you.

levitating off the ground underneath my cold feet,
i just hover from above looking at the city.
i just wanna be cool like you.

cool like you

it was never a matter of if, it was when.
i could tell by the way he bragged about me to his friends.
he could teach a masterclass in affirmation,
swearing he's crazier about me than i am for him.
"i didn't quite catch that.
can you say it again?"

i never thought it could be so easy,
but when i am lost he reassures me.
think i met someone i can trust to catch me.
when i'm falling deep,
it's comfortably.

carolina boy,
carolina boy,
carolina boy

carolina boy i

it was over, i think as soon as it began
and i knew we were doomed the moment he said we could still be friends.
i replay conversations again and again,
trying to make sense of it,
reaching for memories i hold like the creek as it slips through my hands.

i never thought he would ever leave me,
but he made it look like it was easy
and it left me lost and feeling empty.
like the roughest seas, i love so deep.

carolina boy,
carolina boy,
carolina boy

loose cannon

Martyr Crown

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