Bags Of Sand

Download available at: https://www.orfium.com/track/494121/dick-show-theme-big-black-pill-mix-ft-not-mike-cernovich-lakembra/

Go and listen to the original Dick Show theme by the talented wauterboi: https://soundcloud.com/wauterboi/the-dick-show-theme-song

This is the ultra rare B-Side which was definitely not recorded by Mike Cernovich himself about the time he spent on The Dick Show. 
I've included the lyrics that he definitely didn't send me. 
It's a real window into the mind of a down to earth, humble and mentally stable individual:

-------------------------
Blue pills, Red pills, Black pills, Fucking shills
Gotta get that money with my cybernetic meme skills
CIA, NSA, DOJ, Shadilay
I'm a fuckin lawyer so be careful what you say

Gorilla Mindset getting every girl wet
Fucking 7's on the reg, I dont even break a sweat
Gotta grab em by the pussy 'cause it feels good man
But you're a beta male so you'll never understand

Delete your account and never post again
You're dealing with the best, a king among men
Got the NSA hookups and the spies on the Twitter
I'm a self made man. Fuck my wife, I 'aint bitter

A sneaky little greek and a prince named Sean
An army of dick heads make you wish youre never born
Got my main man Dick, yeah he would never cuck us
Open up wide I gotta (Black Pill Motherfuckers)
-------------------------
Straight to the top of the board, I'm a rage
I'm a killer and there's nothing left to stand in my way
I'm a Digital Cyberdemon. Full of cyber-semen.
Squirting knowledge in the face of kids who got autism

I like my journalism yellow I'm a cheeky fellow
I'm lugenpressin' 140, sell em all a story
Make it quick, make it gory, make it slick, make em horny
Gotta catch em all and get that artificial glory

Selling million dollar memes, synthesized dreams
Rasterized for the screen by weaponized teens
No one ever thought our numbers could be prescient
Hell, no one ever thought you could meme in a president

Personal, professional, sexual,
Any way you look at it my reputations indestructible
So get in here, don't be queer
Grab your man and down three beers
Everybody say "Yeah!" and get a Dick in your ear!
-------------------------

Dick Show Theme (Big Black Pill Mix) /// ft. Not Mike Cernovich

Full credit to Chris Strand for his original idea, lyrics and thumbnail too. Please go listen to his original here: https://soundcloud.com/strchris/dicktales

This is just my own vocal take in the style of the original Duck Tales theme.

Oh and go listen to The Dick Show!
http://thedickshow.com/


Lyrics:
When you've got no weekend plans 
And your job's shit
If you think your life is bland 
Here's a Dick tip

You don't need much thinking
Just start day-drinking
Dick tales, whoo-hoo

Asking chicks about their shoes, it's
Dick Tales, whoo-hoo
Get a coach to fix your life it's
Dick tales, whoo-hoo

At burning man danger lurks behind you
And STD's are out to find you
You dodge them all and bring a man home 
Dick tales, whoo-hoo

Shit in your dad's underwear it's
Dick Tales, whoo-hoo
Throw an orange at some beer cups
Dick Tales, whoo-hoo
Have your reputation ruined
Dick tales

Dick Tales (lakembra vocal cover)

A remix in celebration of The Dick Show podcast.

The Dick Show Remixes

Every Moment Of Your Life

Download available at: https://www.orfium.com/track/622709/cucks-in-the-wind-ft-samglaze-lakembra/

Piano by Samglaze: https://soundcloud.com/samglaze
Lyrics written by /u/688as (lyrics below).

From Episode 39 of The Dick Show:
https://soundcloud.com/dick-show/episode-39-santa-cuck-diy-glow

Asterios clips from:
http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-77/
http://thedickshow.com/episode-21/
http://thedickshow.com/episode-31/
https://soundcloud.com/user-667747853/060-intrigued-hesitation

*Now with 50% less fade out!

Lyrics:
I close my eyes
As I prep the bull for my wife to fuck  
I open wide
Wrap my lips around and give a hearty suck

Cucks in the wind
All we are is cucks in the wind

Same old song
I hide in the closet 'til my wife is done
I call up Dick
And ask him if he wants to hear my latest bit

Cucks in the wind
All we are is cucks in the wind
Kokonuts!

My wife's son
Tells me I'm not funny, and I yell too much
My patreon
Is the only thing in life that keeps me going on


Cucks in the wind
All we are is cucks in the wind (all we are is cucks in the wind)
Cucks in the wind (everything is cucks in the wind)
Everything is cucks in the wind

Cucks In The Wind (ft. Samglaze)

A love letter to a broken relationship. Satire tag included.

Production and Vocals by Danny Danger
Chorus Vocals by Emma Abrahamsson and Daniel Hansson
Lyrics and Concept by Christopher Lush, Danny Danger and the Dick Show FB Group

George (/parody) feat. Emma Abrahamsson & Daniel Hansson

Support a starving autist.  Now subtly accepting donations at www.kendollinhide.com #mymomwarnedmetheresnomoneyinsongsaboutcucksandpenises

Don't walk away run
Don't walk away run
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun
If you hate Dick
Don't walk away run
If you hate bits
Don't walk away run
If you hate tits
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun

Listen here buddy, I don't control people
I'm much too busy in the shower pluggin' up my pee hole
#Dicklies he's a meanie and a weasel
All he cares about is entertaining fans that he stole

I want the truth out, yeah that's why I'm doin' this
Dick needs to be punished so that's why I'm suin' his
Friends and co-workers ain't nobody safe
All you dickheads gonna lose your job up in this place

But this can all end, like I told you before
In e-mail 205, paragraph 64
Just thank me for the snacks and oh yeah there's more
I'm gonna need that 50 bucks for the broken door

Don't believe my ex abused me?  Just look and you shall see
She left me with this doosey of a broken door fallacy
As for Sean, he really loves to work for me
I tried to pay him once but he'd rather give his time for free

If you hate goss
Don't walk away run
If you hate Madcucks
Don't walk away run
If you hate Asterios
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun

If you hate Peach
Don't walk away run
If you hate Denzel
Don't walk away run
If you hate Sean
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun

To all the Dickheads out there, guys I hope you're hearin' this
Career flashed before my eyes, near death experience
I hate monkeys, dogs and fries, yes I'm serious!
But even more I hate Dick's lies, I'M SO DELIRIOUS!

Yeah I'm suin' Madcucks, don't ya know he dresses like a slob
Call me Budget Cuts the way I'm goin' after teachers' jobs
Waitin' for my podcast to end? It won't be fuckin' long
My values are incompatible with Rucka Rucka's songs

Keeping track of all these lies is getting tiring
They're supposed to win you over but I think it's backfiring
I can't just quit, it's too soon to be retiring
I wonder if that telemarketing place is still hiring

Don't Walk Away Run

If you wanna be my patron, you gotta go to https://www.patreon.com/kendollinhide
LYRICS 
Yo, I'll tell you bought I bought, what I really, really bought
So tell me what you bought, what you really, really bought
I'll tell you what I bought, what I really, really bought
So tell me what you bought, what you really, really bought
I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he)
I bought a $30,000 shitty voting website

If you wanna hurt your brain, listen to sadcast
If you wanna get with Jane, you just have to ask
Now don't go wasting this cuckold's time
Buy a couple madbucks we could be just fine

I'll tell you what I bought, what I really, really bought
So tell me what you bought, what you really, really bought
I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he)
I bought a $30,000 shitty voting website

If you wanna be my lawyer, you gotta sue all Dick's friends
Goss can't last forever, let's sue them 'til it ends 
If you wanna be my lawyer, you have got to skim
My e-mails are quite lengthy, but that's the way it is

"$20,000.00 per plaintiff"
Wow that's such a good deal
"Says here you're suing Madcucks, are you for real?"
Here's my first payment, I'll give you a try
But if you get too yappy #landaubites

I'll tell you what I bought, what I really, really bought
So tell me what you bought, what you really, really bought
I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he)
I bought a $30,000 shitty voting website

If you wanna be my lawyer, thank me for the snacks
Don't bite the hand that feeds you, here have some crackerjacks
If you wanna be my lawyer, you have got to skim
This lawsuit is a doosey, it's 53 pages

So, here's the story from ants to aids
You wanna sue with me, you better listen carefully
We got "Ken in the place with leather in your face"
Heather's real bored "I type on the keyboard"
Jane D. stays here for free "Is she a real lady?"
Hehe...you'll see ;)

Slam your lawsuit down, sue everyone in town
Slam your lawsuit down, sue everyone in town

If you wanna be my lawyer, you gotta risk getting disbarred
Don't worry about typos, apostrophes' are hard
If you wanna be my lawyer, you have got to fib
Quote satire out of context 'cause that's the way we'll win

If you wanna be my lawyer
You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta
Sue, sue, sue, sue

Slam your lawsuit down, sue everyone in town
Slam your lawsuit down, sue everyone in town
He, he, he, he, he
Slam your lawsuit down, sue everyone in town
Slam your lawsuit down and hehehe *scoff*

If you wanna be my lawyer

[Parody of Wannabe by Spice Girls]

Wannabe My Lawyer

This extended version was made possible by the suckers paying me to have too much fun at www.patreon.com/kendollinhide

Thumbnail by https://twitter.com/geistpolizei

LYRICS

(Intro)

Y'all act like you never seen a proud cuckold before
Jaws all on the floor, like me when 80s girl busted my door
Poor me, I get PTSD 
When I image search ""The Dick Show 76""
It's the return of the "Oh wait, no way, your kidding,
He didn't just sue who I think he did, did he?"
What's Rucka Rucka say?
Nothing you dullards! Rucka ran away, he's hiding in the UK
Caitlin loves Maddox man, "spilla spilla spilla Dick's such a dick *snort* I'm so sick of him
Look at him, walkin' around gossin' 'bout you know who
"Maddox is a huge pussy" "Yeah but he's so progressive though"
I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
I'm upside down and backwards like the flusher in Dick's bathroom
Sex is the best, so much humping in my bedroom
(Please keep it down you two I'm trying to do my Youtube news)
Pim Tool's my little bitch, Pim Tool's my little bitch
And if I'm lucky he might just give me a little kiss
He's diversifying though, not just a journalist
Now on WikiHow like "here's how you taxidermy dicks"
Of course I never learned what intercourse is
I asked my guest the other day
"Girls pee through their clitorises, don't they?"
Sex like a samurai
I have a thing for handsome guys, I lose myself whenever I look in their eyes
Invite 'em to the crib like "Bang my girl please, yo"
"Take my hairy tush when you're finished up with Jane Doe"
If they say no, I got the antidote
Grab my wig and pantyhose, dim the lights, "Threesome, bro!"

(CHORUS)

Dick don't gotta steal I-Tunes feeds to make money
Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too
You think I give a damn about a fanbase?
Y'all just have bad taste, my Patreon's almost as small as Dick's face
"But dude we're gonna lose this lawsuit here"
Well only if #dicklies and tells the judge I'm weird
And now this Ken Doll fuck is singing Britney Spears?
His only song that doesn't suck is about stacking chairs
Now I run the best debate in the universe
But I still watch TDS, oh that show's the worst!
Sean and Layc, will they won't they? That's some chemistry
They should probably just hook up...with me (hehe)
Sean come back and fix the audio on TBD
You could be my junior zinger slinger deputy
I'm sick of stupid TDS groups all you do is annoy me
My foster lawyer will destroy you
And there's a couple fans who still like me
Who shill like me, who creep women out like me, who pout like me
Lie and imply like me, they might just be the next worst thing
But not quite me!

(CHORUS)

I'm such a weirdo to listen to
Subscribers are leaving confused, when I'm spewin' Tide news 
Straight from my living room
The Biggest Problem is I have the gall to try to sue you all
Fling spaghetti from my brain and see what sticks to the wall
I just get on the mic and shit it, though I don't like to admit it
I'm worse than all 3 dozen Asterios podcasts out there
Now you guys are all discussing shady edits on reddit, NOT FUNNY
Cause at the rate I'm going when I'm fifty
I'll be cooking cricket burgers with my roomates cause I'm thrifty
Spying on my crazy neighbor lady while I'm jerkin'
Money's tight, cancelled all my preggo magazine subscriptions :(
And in every screwed up person is a fake Heather lurkin', could be at Pacific Dining Car
like "you don't know what good steaks are!" 
Or in the parking lot cycling,
Screaming "Don't call me a cuck!" with a dopey frown while he keys your truck
So will the real Heather, please shut up
Where the hell does Trevor live?  This sucks!
Now it's clear that I'm outta my mind and outta control
So  one more time, loud as I can, here I go!

(CHORUS x2)

"Hehe.  I guess there's a little Heather S. in all of us.  Let's all call CPS on each other."

The Real Heather S. (extended)

Sadcast fan of the year, hello my name is Tito
Let me tell you why I'm here, listen to me bro
Spread the word, #dicklies but you can trust me though
People only hate me cause they found out I'm a pedo
Met this little honey online, she wants romancing
No need to wine and dine she says "drive over to my mansion"
Couple hours later knock knock pissing my pants when
Some dude opens the door "Have a seat my name's Chris Hansen"

Yes, yes my name is Tito, Tito, Tito
And I'm super trustworthy bro
Plus I babysit for free yo
Just don't tell my friggin' PO

Keep your busty soccer moms, curves I just don't mess with
Unless they've got some kids at home, they have to be flat-chested
Difference between me and Clegg? You'll never catch me restin'
All day I'm burning Dickheads online, I can't be bested
Malls and pools and parks and schools are where I get arrested
Helicopter parents, wasting all my time invested
Vote it up, bit prob. Why? Oh yeah you guessed it
Obsessed with making sure their children never get molested (get a life!)

Yes my name is Tito, Tito, Tito
My fiancé's quite a dumb hoe
For bringing Tito into her home
With her kid who's not very old

Tito, tito, tito, that's me, yo
I pull my van to the side "Hey kid you want a ride?"
You can be my child bride, hope you're fine with pedophilia
Drive across state lines, we'll pass time with Sadcast Media
Love that guy Joe Biden, he's my all-time favorite senator
Shitpost everyday, I'm the most prolific redditor
Don't like what I type? Write a letter to the editor
All my neighbors say I'm the most horrific predator

Dear Mr. Judge, I don't need incarceration
I'll stay at home and listen to my favorite cuck debatin'
Save your taxes dude, I don't want your psychotherapy
I'll volunteer at youth groups then I'll start a children's charity
My girl's a bad madre, she's not very choosey
She's rather risk her kid than be single for a few weeks
Bendejo's always yapping in her ear like
"You know what? You could just find a fat loser who DOESN'T think your kid's hot"

George thinks I'm good people, loves my TBD contributing
Even though I'm evil and got caught CP distributing
He's knows Tito's me though, plays my voicemails all day
Heheing with Ronny 'cause they love Bad Hombre

Yes yes my name it Tito Tito Tito
Honored guest of Maddox's show
Can't believe the judge sent me home
Should've hanged me 'til my neck broke

I insisted that he didn't (even though the record shows my mind is fucking sick and twisted)
They found my stash of discs with pics of nude newborns and infants
They also got my laptop with vids of kid victims in it
George you have to spin it, just pretend you never knew me
Maddox Militia - army of one - it is my duty
I'll fall on my sword so Madcast can continue thriving
Bad Hombre signing off as I crawl back into hiding

Tito Tito Tito

K

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