who am I if you're not looking at me this is so real

just found out abt the male gaze....,,,,,, damn that shit suckssss. anyways, here’s the LYRICS:


I am the nudist neighbour in the window
I hope you watch me cross the yard, I’m new age rapunzel
Don’t close the curtain who am I if you’re not looking
At me? well fine
Then go, I’ve got two eyes that work just fine for looking at me
And I know I’m the girl you dream of
I’m the girl you dream of

This room was built brand new but I still think it’s haunted
A pretty tomb where all my melodies they go to die
And I’m stoned but I’m alone and it feels like someone’s in here, with me
So I save my bestest pretty dress to wear at night
And I brush my teeth in style
And I know I’m the girl you dream of
I’m the girl you dream of

Do I turn you on?
Do you think it’s wrong?
If all I want to be 
Is perfect like a painting
Comfortably still
Comfortable pills
Better off this way

When I know I’m the girl you dream of
Cuz I’m the girl I dream of
I’m the girl I dream of

Nũ Age Rapunzel

wait for me

Demented

It's All Over

you used to be so gentle and kind
now there’s a monster inside you
you’re not sure what’s all up in your mind
you’re in need of a breakthrough

now you want someone to fix you
when you know what needs to be done
and you say you’re not the issue
have you thought about growing up?
well.. no
shsh good talk

you’re bringing everyone down
“i need to sound”
you say as you’re breaking all the doors and windows
nobody cares about
your stories and doubts
you're breaking your house with every little missile

and even i don’t know why
you obsess over everything
and even i don’t know why
you’re talking to yourself like you’re not me
it’s a fear of confrontation
i cant even keep one conversation
maybe that’s why (why!)
maybe that's why i don’t see invitations

now you want someone to fix you
when you know what needs to be done
and you say you’re not the issue
have you thought about growing up?
i mean no
exactly that's what i thought

its a good talk when you don’t talk
thoughts and shots start then they don’t stop
shh its a good talk when you don’t talk
thoughts and shots start then they don’t stop ayyy

Good talk

I extended my branch
So you building a boat
It tore me apart
By keeping us both afloat
I may have done wrong
For a light I’ve shone
And yet you may gleam
A shadow’s pinned to your toes

In this form that we’ve arrived
At like a moth to candlelight
It will make us blind
If I cared, I’d let you know
I’m looking rough, but there I go

I’ve purchased that light 
you cast upon me
It’s taken the form of a plastic Jesus piece
I dont mind if it rains or freezes
Knock on your door 
cause at least the heat is free

In this form that we’ve arrived
Don’t look like much but that’s alright 
Tell me what you like
But If I cared, I’d let you know
I’m looking rough, but there I go

There wasnt a light
That you’ve shone on me
That wasn’t unsure
Of who it was blinding
I’ll see you tonight
It’s been a while
The baggage from weeks
You’ll add to the pile
From the old town
To the big city
Where we both met
When we were pretty
There wasn’t a night
Where you were beside me
Where I wasn’t unsure
I didn’t mind it.

Looking rough

True - Spandau Ballet (cover)

the more that i try 
the harder it is to imagine getting better
the more that i try
the harder it is to pretend that i got it all together
and i cant pretend
and i cant hold on
it seems like i really cant do anything anymore
the hardest is yet to come 
obviously
it never gets easier does it

the closer to death
the less im aware
i lay in my bed in the smokiest air
i try to hold on to my friends and my hobbies
but the more depressed i am
the more i really cant
and i cant pretend 
and i cant hold on
if i barely can exist
and i really cant exist
but im not letting go
i write songs but theyre shit
im doing everything i can to get thru this

and i try the best that i can
but the less that i can
the more i stop trying
i want to pretend like
i know what i am doing
but fuck if i do
i dont know anything

highschool dropout soon
loser trying to prove
everyone wrong when they say i am good
im not good im not good im not good
im not

the more that i try 
the harder it is to imagine getting better
the more that i try
the harder it is to pretend that i got it all together

The Best That I Can

I AM G0NE

lyrics:

please dont hate! do you miss me? i am sorry i am boring
i just wished i knew how many single times you’ve thought about me
im sorry that i disappointed when you saw me and i wasn’t
how u thought i was  i was worse  i am always always worse

you can tell me i am pretty but i wouldn’t ever get it
when i look at myself i dont see a person i see worthlessness
i carry guilt for liking you  i carry guilt for hurting too
the only reason i dont cut right now is cause i hope that you’ll be proud of me

im ugly  and im sticky like a snail or a slime
i mean i get it if you look at me you see a crying clown
i just dance around like freaky  trying to get your attention
and i think maybe you’ll hate me if i ever get happy

i hung out with some classmates and we drank beer and it was great
or like great how it can be great when you dont have a working brain
either way they smoked a joint and i took a tiny huff and i didn’t really hit me 
that im on my medication
it was stupid i got high  but i did and i know why
i was anxious and upset because im used to the alone time
vacations always fuck me up cause i need routines and stuff
so i get used to myself and i can’t let other people in

every weekends like a reset button pushing EVERY WEEK
cause i feel like i have just awoken from a hundred years of sleep
or an alien trying to navigate the human world
either way i dont understand anything about anything

and the mix of that with weed is the worst thing it could be
like my anxiousness locks down and opens up when i am sober see
thats many hours full of anxiety that i get in a final blow
which will kill me   but at that moment i had let my nervous go

so i let my guards down and i stopped pretending constantly
and i laughed when i laughed and i say what i think
and thats a good thing right? a good thing right? so why do i feel like this cause im better at pretending than being honest which is SAD

i just talk a lot about things i like thats my biggest flaw or maybe its alright
either way i do  i think i bored a few or maybe all of them  or maybe they’re my friends
either way they all drank beer  every day after that
and i was not invited WHICH IS DEFINITELY NOT PERSONAL

but TELL THAT TO MY BRAIN please i dare you  will you please
cause it rly doesn’t want to listen to what i say because it hates me
i can navigate the world and other people when im sad
because i know how to act the role of being the weirdo in the class

sitting in the back and always crying talking to my teachers
other people leave me alone because they know im weird and
its not that they dont like me   they just dont rly know me
so they can’t really form an opinion about a random strange somebody

but now i let people in  cause i am mentally more well
but the more i let people in the worse i actually get 
what the fuck is up with this cycle
thats a weird way for it to go
like shouldn’t other people make me excited
not wanna dig myself into a hole

but i hate being known
yet i love to know others
i wish i could be mysterious but i feel like i am translulcent cause i
always  say what i mean  which is good right? i think? right?
im just anxious that people have perceptions of me in their mind


but please dont hate me i am lonely other people really scare me
theres so few people i want to spend more time with you are one of them
i want to kill myself but you said: i would never be ok again
and then i didn’t want to  is that fucked up pressure to put on you?

yet i wouldn’t ever tell you  i dont know maybe one day
that i actually believe that you’re part of the reason i am here today
i just want to be more ok   like the people who drank beers today
the people i can kind of reach but its like my arms are just too short  for me to grab onto a sleeve and hold on  tight enough to not let go

Long Song

Nothing Came Out (cover by blood girl and tankboy)

i stand for alley cats, and telepathy, and other such forces of nature.

Nũ Age Rapunzel

𝑯𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒍 𝑯𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒕

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