Club Officers (Douglas Williams, Madi Davis, Bohin Tenney and Brandon Pattillo) from a club at BYU (called The Un-Alone Club) join us to talk about their club's efforts to help themselves and others have better tools and support to solve porn use. In the podcast, each club officer shares their own experience with pornography usage and what has helped them to better understand their porn use and better tools/support for recovery.  
 
If you are working to solve porn use in your own life or better tools to help others, please listen to and share this podcast. And if you are a BYU student looking for support, please check out/join their club (see show notes below).

Thank you, Doug, Madi, Bohin, and Brandon—you are some of my new heroes.   Your courage to share your story and create a safe place for others is making a difference for good in so many lives.  
 
Links:
 
Instagram Account:  @un.alone.byu
 
E-mail:  lovebetter@byu.edu
 
Madi Davis earlier podcast:  https://soundcloud.com/user-818501778/episode-622-madi-davis-byu-student-bravely-shares-her-journey-to-solve-porn-use
 
Madi Davis “Sisters on the Front Lines Podcast”:  https://rss.com/podcasts/sistersonthefrontlines/
 
“7 Tips for Solving Pornography Use Liahona Article”:  https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/10/young-adults/7-tips-for-overcoming-pornography-use
 
Chapter from Richard Ostler’s Book about Solving Porn Use:  https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/nrfb3jzluzrj2sp8ihrfo/Chapter-4-Ending-Pornography-Use.-Listen-Learn-and-Love-Improving-Latter-day-Saint-Culture.pdf?rlkey=dqxcrtvxcmu6u3ppkig3kh82p&dl=0
 

Episode 861: BYU Club To Help Solve Porn Use

My friend Tate Arnold (married father of two, active LDS) joins us to share the following:

*       Difficult chapters including his father-in-law Paul dying by suicide

*       Needed a different path forward-choosing a "path of transformation"

*       Positive/life changing experience with psychedelics

*       Helped him "not pass down trauma to future generations"

*       Remade his career to be "aligned with eternal soul"

*       Life work around helping people be aligned with how they are

*       Love of and support for his transgender sister and the queer community including his former companion Matt Easton

*       Why he stated "Over____Soul"

It is an honor to have Tate (who is a dear family friend and missionary companion to our son Matt in Sydney Australia) on the podcast.  He is an "old soul" with incredible insights into how to love and support others.   

If you are looking to find more peace and hope in your life, please listen to Tate's podcast and connect with his work-work that is so needed in our community.   I encourage everyone to listen to and share this podcast.

Thank you, Tate, for being on the podcast.   You are a good man and give me hope for the future!

Links:


Tate's Instagram Account:  @Over____Soul
 
Tate’s YouTube: https://youtube.com/@tateoversoul?si=9qq2CSPf81im35Nc
 
Tate on  Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3nskaZAhU39wHS7MHCGhM0?si=hXFVo9UbQ4-dLRAaLTMSHw


Episode 862:  Tate Arnold,  Mission to Help Others, Powerful New Podcast Called "Over___Soul"

In one of our most important episodes, David joins us to talk about his new book “Devout—Losing My Faith to Find Myself”.    In this episode, David talks about his journey with God to find his path forward as a queer Mormon considering suicide—a path that led David to separate himself from the Church—taking God with him—and live authentically.    
 
David gives excellent advice to younger queer people and parents to better support queer kids.   I conclude with some of my thoughts on continuing to love and support those that leave our Church (not making them the hero on day for staying in the church and the villain the next day for leaving) and thanking David for his many years of service in the Church and the countless lives he has blessed.
 
Thank you, David, for being on our podcast and your courage to continue to share your story.   You are one of my heroes—you continue to help so many find hope in their lives.    I encourage everyone to listen/share this episode and consider what we can do to better support our queer friends.
 
Links:
 
David’s New Book “Devout”:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FJJGJSB6
 
David’s Book Event in SLC on Feb 24th, 2026:  https://www.eventbrite.com/e/david-archuleta-devout-tickets-1981202876135?aff=oddtdtcreator#location
 
David’s Facebook:  www.facebook.com/davidarchuleta/
 
David’s Instagram @davidarchie

David’s TikTok:  www.tiktok.com/@davidarchie
 
David’s Twitter:  x.com/DavidArchie
 
David’s YouTube:  www.youtube.com/channel/UC75d1FNP1qR0lCY1usRKQEw

Episode 863:  David Archuleta, New Book:  Devout

I was invited to be on my friend Tate Arnold’s show (Over___Soul) to share my story.    I’ve posted that show as Episode 864 on our platform so you could listen here.    Thank you, Tate, for letting me be on your show.    You are a good man doing great work!
 
Please check out and follow Tate on Instagram @Over___Soul 

Episode 864:  Richard Ostler Episode on Tate Arnold’s Over___Soul Show

My friend Eliza Riggs (age 22, RM/Orem Utah, UVU Student) joins us to share her story including:
 
Great Parents, Queer Friendly Home
 
Came out first to her Heavenly Parents—positive experience
 
Felt lots of pressure to fit in the Church as a Bishop’s daughter, wasn’t working, difficult chapter
 
Joined girl’s high school wrestling team—“saved my life”
 
Youth conference and surprising thought to serve a mission
 
Mom buying her rainbow sheets before coming out to her
 
Being called to Orem, Utah (initial disappointment—but then powerful revelation)
 
Great experience coming out to her Mission President
 
Coming out to her parents—super positive
 
Her queer identity is celebrated in heaven
 
Thank you, Eliza, for your courage to share your story which will help so many.   You are awesome.  Honored to have you on the podcast.  Encourage everyone to listen to and share this episode.
 
Links:
 
Eliza’s Instagram:  @elizariggs31 

Episode 865:  Eliza Riggs, RM, Bi-Sexual Latter-day Saint, Non-Traumatic Queer Faith, Powerful Story

My friend Mark White (professor, LMFT, aspiring ally, mid-60s, active LDS) joins us to talk about his new children’s book—which is focused on an 8-year-old’s decision about being baptized in the context of having two gay dads who attend church with her—and what we can do to be better allies/advocates to queer Latter-day Saints and their families.   Mark shares the following: 
 
* Journey to be an aspiring ally/advocate

* Clinical experience

* His publishing company (Firefly Inkworks) and new book, Indigo’s Baptism

* George Gerbner’s cultivation theory

* The power of stories

* Representation matters

* To be seen

* Future books

* Need for all kinds of queer stories, including narratives for a book on LDS Trans and gender nonconforming persons

Mark invites a discussion about how we can be a better ally/advocate (friend, parent, local leader, etc.), including asking our queer friends to let us know what they need and indicate whether we truly are an ally/advocate. The children of queer LDS parents are essentially invisible in LDS culture. Mark hopes Indigo's Baptism is a small step in increasing representation. He desires we use all the resources available to better support our queer friends.  
 
And if you are queer or have queer parent(s), Mark prays his work will give you hope as he talks about his love for and support of the queer community. Please contact him if you are interested in publishing a book or are willing to contribute a narrative to the book he and colleagues are working on that focuses on the needs and stories of current or former members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who are trans and gender nonconforming.
 
Thank you, Mark, for being on the podcast.   You are making a difference.   You give me hope.
 
Links:
 
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61587754991132
 
Mark’s publishing company:  www.fireflyinkworks.com
 
Etsy store  where you can buy Indigo’s Baptism: https://www.etsy.com/shop/FireflyInkworks?ref=shop-header-name&listing_id=4459276962&from_page=listing
 
Instagram: fireflyinkworks
 
Mark’s e-mail: fireflyinkworks@gmail.com
 
Mark’s outline:  https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/awvy653dh8ubvi44uxcyb/LLL.Podcast-Outline.Indigo-s-Baptism.Feb-2026.pdf?rlkey=2b6fn8xxu4e37iiiqvexk6c20&dl=0

Episode 866:  Dr. Mark White, Being an Ally, Book:  Indigo’s Baptism

My friend Heather Sorensen (married mother of 4; grandmother of 14, early morning seminary teacher), joins us to share her story of losing her daughter Hannah in a traffic accident at age 15 in 2013.   Heather talks about the initial and continued grief of her death and how she is navigating both holding her grief and her testimony of being with Hannah again.   Heather talks about a dream she had before Hannah was born and that feeling returning during Hannah’s death.   She also talks about losing her son Richard at birth.
 
Heather talks about not being active in the Church for twenty years and her journey to return to the church and the importance of creating her identity rooted in Jesus Christ and invites us to do the same.   Heather talks about her son Zachary’s cancer diagnosis during home MTC, fear she would lose another child, and Zachary’s recovery and serving a mission.    Heather talks about why she decided to write a book about Hannah—called Dandelion Blessings—which is Hannah’s nickname.
 
If you are looking for a genuine/honest story of intense grief—and finding hope/peace to move forward—please listen and share Heather’s podcast and book.    Thank you, Heather, for your courage and vulnerability to be on the podcast.   You are helping so many!
 
Links:
 
Dandelion Blessings (at Amazon):  https://a.co/d/0eK9OYGy 

Episode 867:  Heather Sorensen, Grief of Losing Her Daughter Hannah at Age 15, New Book

** This episode talks about suicide.  If you are suicidal, please call/text chat 988 **

 

My friend Bruce Butcher (late 50s, married father of three, active LDS) joins us in a powerful episode to share the following:
 

Loving and accepting people in his life who are no longer in the Church
 
“We don’t punish a man for his beliefs”
 
Losing his wonderful son Taylor to suicide in June 2024
 
Taylor’s prayer “bless the sick and sad, help us to be the best versions of ourselves”
 
Painful doctrine the Church used to teach about suicide—led to no hope
 
Love of a mother is the most powerful force on earth
 
Love of our Heavenly Mother is the most powerful force in heaven—she isn’t going to cut off any of Her children
 
Excluding people is not Christ’s doctrine
 
David Archuleta—“I’m still a fan”
 
Being a cafeteria Mormon
 
My apology to my LGBTQ friends
 

I deeply loved listening to and learning from Bruce.   If you are looking for more hope in your life, be more like Jesus, and love/accept people walking different roads, please listen to and share Bruce’s podcast.

 

Thank you, Bruce, for being on the podcast.  You are a good man—helping so many.   I’m so sorry your good son Taylor is gone.   Love Taylor's heart as reflected in the words of his prayer. 

Episode 868:  Bruce Butcher, Lost Son Taylor to Suicide,  God’s Love/Hope For All of Us

My friend Gracee Purcell (BYU Psychology Grad, President of RaYnbow Collective, Activist, Engaged to be Married) joins us to share her story at BYU:
 
Why she choose BYU
 
Advice for other queer people considering Church-owned schools
 
Roommates (mostly positive)
 
Interactions with BYU administration
 
Interactions with BYU professors
 
Work of “RaYnbow Collective” to support queer BYU students
 
Insights on the concept of “Safe Places”
 
Thank you, Gracee, for being on the podcast and all your bridge building work to make this world a better place.  You are doing so much good in our community and have a great life ahead of you.  Congrats on your recent engagement.    I encourage everyone to listen to and share this episode.
 
Links:
 
RaYnbow Collective Instagram:  @raynbow.collective


Episode 869: Gracee Purcell, Lesbian Latter-day Saint,  Recent BYU Grad,

My friend Douglas Williams (President of the Real OCD Club and the Un Alone Club at BYU; dual-major at BYU, RM, MTC Teacher) joins us to share his journey with OCD and scrupulosity:
 
Understanding, managing, and accepting intrusive thoughts—not a sign of worthiness
 
Thoughts don’t have anything to do with our character
 
Undiagnosed scrupulosity entering mission field (repeated confessions to Stake President)
 
Difficult start to mission, medication, things got better (still misdiagnosed)
 
Coming home from mission, going off medication, and crashing
 
Finally got a correct diagnosis—path to healing
 
Importance of Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy
 
Ego-syntonic thoughts (line up with values) and ego-dystonic thoughts (don’t line up with values)—super powerful distinction
 
Invitation to join the Real OCD Club at BYU (focused on OCD)
 
Invitation to join Un-Alone Club at BYU (focused on solving porn use)
 
If you are working to understand and navigate OCD in yourself or help others, Douglas’ podcast will help you.   Douglas—who has a gift of great communication—does an excellent job of helping us all better understand OCD/Scrupulosity and how to solve these mental health challenges.
 
Links:
 
Real OCD Club at BYU on Instagram:  @readocdblub
 
Un Alone Club at BYU on Instagram: @un.alone.byu

Episode 870: Douglas Williams,  OCD and Scrupulosity

My friend Travis and Margaret Steward, active LDS, parents of 6 children, Mission President in Houston from 2005-2008, share their story with Travis coming out as gay to his wife in 2014 and then more broadly to trusted friends and family members.

Travis bravely shares the 40+ years of shame and self-loathing being in the closet as a gay Latter-day Saint and how this shame is now gone.  Travis shares how he now has a much deeper relationship with Christ and sees himself worthy of God’s love. 

They both share how they are navigating this road.  Their marriage is real, authentic and a beautiful love story.  

Travis and Margaret have wonderful insights on the Gospel of Jesus Christ and how we can better minister to all of God’s children.   

As I recorded this podcast, I felt I was on sacred ground as this great couple shared their journey and insights.   Often with tears in all our eyes.  I encourage everyone to listen to this podcast as you will gain valuable insights to be better disciples of Christ and the road our LGBTQ members walk.

Thank you Travis and Margaret for sharing your story.  You two are awesome.   Thanks for blessing 1000s.   We love both of you!

Episode 177: Travis Steward (Gay, former Mission President) and his dear wife Margaret Steward

Welcome to our podcast!   

My name is Richard H. Ostler and I am a native of Salt Lake City, small business owner, married father of six with several grandchildren.  I believe in and am deeply committed to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and want it to work for a wider group.
I am the author of three books: 

“Listen Learn and Love:  Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints” published in 2020 available at Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462135773) 

“Listen Learn and Love:  Improving Latter-day Saint Culture” published in 2022.  The book explores who we can do better to help all Latter-day Saints feel more welcome, needed and a feeling of belonging in our congregations.  Available at Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462139566)

“Listen Learn and Love:  Building the Good Ship Zion” released in Sept 2023.  The book explores additional topics to help all Latter-day Saint feel welcome and needed on the Good Ship Zion.  Available at Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462145280)

The purpose of all three books is to help us better create Zion by helping more feel welcome, a sense of belonging, and needed in our congregations.  

Proceed from the books go the Stockton Power Memorial Scholarship (www.standingforstockton.com) in honor of Stockton Powers a gay Latter-day Saint teenager who died of suicide in 2016.   Everything I do is a self-funded labor of love ❤️

I am the author of two Ensign articles:

‘How the Savior’s Healing Power Applies to Repenting from Sexual Sin’ (August 2020/YSA Digital Only) www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/08/young-adults/how-the-saviors-healing-power-applies-to-repenting-from-sexual-sin

 ‘7 Tips for Overcoming Pornography Use’ (October, page 72) www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/10/young-adults/7-tips-for-overcoming-pornography-use.   

This podcast is designed to discuss some more complicated issues in our church to help all of us better “listen, learn and love” so we can minister in a more effective way to all of our Heavenly Parents’ children.

Podcasts are indexed by category at listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts

Thank you for joining us.   You can't donate to this podcast.  There are no sponsors.   But you can leave a review/rate the podcast on the platform you are listening and/or leave a review at Deseret Book/Amazon on my books.

With love, Richard 'Papa' Ostler ❤

Twitter: twitter.com/Papa_Ostler
IG: www.instagram.com/papa_ostler
Facebook:  facebook.com/richard.ostler.5
E-mail: richard@ostlergroup.com