Trapped out of the rest of the world, these two powerful blue entities find an escape to reflect and duke it out in this episode of Quizzical Quarrels!

Snakebite126 as Jevil
JesseBoxVO as Lapis
garbageGothic as Peridot

Written by Quizzique

Mixed and Mastered by Freshy Kanal
Beat prod. by Anywaywell
Arrangement and additional instrumentation by Quizzique

Art by 3ple
Thumbnail by Quizzique

LYRICS:
 
Jevil:
Welcome, welcome, boisengirls, to this Crystal Gem’s poisoned world
You’ve unlocked the door, so now prepare to see chaos unfurled!
Round and round the carousel goes, you circle back to the barn you hang
You leave and come right back so often, I’d think you’d ran on Boomerang

Fusion’s leaving you out of sorts, dealing with trauma since the divorce
So in your spare time, you now resort to mighty morphin’ some meaty morps
Not like me, of course, I’m thriving in my little freedom, something you were never shown
So you fought with those that kept you trapped in a mirror, then redeemed in a singular episode

It’s sad, sad that you’re looking so blue, your show’s run off the air like you’re back on the moon
I’m glad, glad your runtime got the boot, call you the farm when you’re torn from the roots
I’m mad, mad, you’re breaking my heart, you and Peri look like Homeworld: broken apart
You have, have a chance to restart, so perhaps for this battle, try not to depart


Lapis Lazuli:
So, this depressed jester from the Dark World thinks he dealt a verse?
Ask the giant tyrants I’ve defied, they’ll tell you I’ve felt worse
I helmed this cursed mirror within my gem’s grasp for thousands of years
So reflect on your defect of a story, I sure won’t drown in tears

You think I’m frightened of your suit attacks? I’m known to hit diamonds when up to the bat
I’d tear up this hack if he goes to a beach, they’re calling me Bob ‘cause I float on the beat

Peridot:
You should know to retreat when confronting the B team!

Lapis:
Even she can’t compare to the nonsense you’re speaking

Peridot:
Hey! Our bond is complex, that’s a smart thing to say

Lapis:
But at least my best friend didn’t lock me away!
You have claims of metamorphosis but no development to show

Peridot:
Lapis! Tell ‘em what you said when I asked if you even saw this secret boss! 

Lapis:
…No
Winning’s not within your cards, The FUN Gang made your levels fail
Won’t take the Garnet’s future vision to see the end of Jevilstail


Jevil:
Oh what fun, what fun! More games to play, with a new participant!
I hoped for a dating game, but I guess Ruby flew off with that ship!
Uee hee hee! You’ve got me like the Joker; in a laughing fit!
Yet I’m Revving up on this track so you can call me the Harlequin!

You can’t join my world! You seem more like Lars, how you cower away with your Clustered fears
You kids seeing stars? All your pleads and cries would put me to sleep for a hundred years!
Now, I won’t be the first jester to hit your series with an interjection
Want more screen time for your Future? Then return to your reflection


Lapis:
How does this thing work again?

Peridot:
Just press the button on the cartridge

Lapis:
Right, uhh…for the last time…I don’t. Want. Your garbage.
You think you saddened me? I felt more torn up by Camp Pining Hearts
I’d split you in two, but seems your mind and heart already declined apart

A numbers game? That plan’s dumb and lame. I can terraform worlds, don’t uphold your fight
You’ll lose those bids, and you call us kids?

Peridot:
You do know we’re centuries older, right?

Lapis:
This card shark’s under my control, and all his tricks are unregarded

Peridot:
Hey, and isn’t it ironic?

Lapis:
Yep, the joker got discarded

Lapis Lazuli vs Jevil - QUIZZICAL QUARRELS #8 (ft. Snakebite126, JesseBoxVO & garbageGothic)

Recorded December 2024

11/12

prod by Big Bro Collective


pac

Ay, wake up! This a battle so don’t act like it’s naptime
Bro, you’re less Rayman, and more of a manchild
Baby has grown tired, lay down and rest up
Play with your mobile: Rayman Siesta

Dish out a taste of pain if this glutton runs his mouth again
You know you’re getting served, bro I’m coming from the cabinet
You’re coming from France, but with that accent you’ve got
And the hands in the air, you giving up or hailing a ‘cah?’

Cause that floating body sorta reminds me of the ghosts I’m chomping
So I oughta go and drop him, like Ubisoft did
You’re a relic of time, I’m ageless with fans
“Rayman Legends” is right, you’ll stay in the past

ray

You a pie, cheese wheel, fortune cookie or what? 
I’m really sad if you aren’t, because I’m hungry as FUCK
But I heard that you’re serving me? You’re a fatass pizza
And I’m sick of you already, that’s Pacman Fever bitch

Drop the power pellets, steroids are wack
They turn ghosts blue, but they’ll do worse to your nads
And make your girl so sad, yo she prefers what I have
You ain’t got the balls like I do, check the urinal ad

Ay Miss Pacman won’t miss Pacman, you cuck
I pack a punch, pack it up before she yells “PAC, GET UP!”
So I don’t care what the FUCK you gon say,
You already lost, bro. You’re stuck in a maze

pac

Yo, the moment you got birthed, you looked up your mom’s skirt
I’d say keep it in your pants, but you should get some on first
And they say he’s supposed to save the land? Pause
You ain’t a stand up guy with no legs to stand on

Cause he mimics the way his friends all behave daily
Like your namesake, it’s obvious Ray tracing
You bit off the Rabbids, but you’re the one with rabies
Explains the crazed gibberish whenever you say things

rat

Oh you think you’re fucking hilarious with that stealing shit
Took Fozzie’s waka waka, now you’re the comedian
Bro, the fact is that you’re part of the issue
You’re so unfunny, Adam Sandler wanted to kill you

Yo, and what’s more wack than that is how you are at home
You beat your kids, Junior and Baby, like it’s Smash Bros
Miss Pac goes “I wish my husband dies like Namco”
Moral code’s so bad, only thing you can’t beat is bad code


silly little battle and second of the anti slump battles. i also wrote this one in like an afternoon and never looked back, which felt so good just to like, shit out all my creative energy. 

i was watching a lot of frak battles at the time and i really loved how he did angles, and just the whole way where he’d make some shit up for laughs and i wanted to imitate that same energy for rayman. like, sorry pac fans but i was hella biased to keep him as the straight man to highlight rayman lol. originally this battle was supposed to have writing inspired by exociety but erm….. teehee! i forewent all that and rolled with my own shit which did well for my mental.

i think i struggled finding an identity for this battle during the first few parts, and found the sauce in the middle of raymans 1st. i had been attached to a couple of bum ideas in their 1st’s but once i broke out of that like, bar machine mindset and did my own thing with actually setting up an angle with a punch w/o worrying abt material and references, it felt so good and i think that sorta mindset can really help make my writing more cohesive and consistent if i were to ever return to making rap battles seriously.

Pacman VS Rayman - 12 Bars of Dissmas #11

Recorded September 2024

8/12

Prod by Raias Beats


Jesus (0:21) 

Socrates, child, say your prayers and get on your knees, 
God will bring forty days of rain to cleanse your awful deeds
Tread the sinful path with no sandals and now your body reeks
I honestly should use this opportunity to wash your feet

Your entire philosophy is going “Why?” constantly
You’re always the opposite, so be a lamb and get off my property
You want to be contrarian? Then I oughta be
Making your sad life a Divine Comedy

Ironically, he stayed when he was caught then freed
His conscience seemed to haunt him since his court hearing was simply an Apology
Follow God’s plan if the one that Greece had got decreed is not your speed
For I’ve shown him the Lord knows how to plot a scheme

Socrates (0:51)

You’re right, he works in mysterious ways
I wonder, for someone who loves us, he’s seething with rage
He must’ve just flooded his follower’s ears with that rain
‘Cause God sees all, is that why the church is fearing the gaze?

(Ahem) You don’t practise ethics with that old-fashioned metric
The Socratic Method will show that you’re method acting as a peasant
For he had inherited his dad in heaven’s status and yet as an act to blend in, 
He was found defending… tax collection?

Betrayed the Jews, now you’re removed from their chapters
And it ain’t communion, but I’ll chew out a cracker
Don’t need a thousand eyes to see past his ‘miracle’ magic tricks
Clearly, White Jesus isn’t biblically accurate

Jesus (1:21) 

Alright wise guy, oracles knew you were finicky
See, you screwed your delivery before this superstar hit the scene
You can keep winging debates with tirades and spiels,
And throw in a Hail Mary, cause I’ll take the wheel!

Who’d put money on Devil’s Advocate? It’s in God that We Trust
Poisoning the youth won’t fend the hemlock you drink from
But look back, I carried you, the mark you’ve made has faded too
You eat your student’s words up as his mouthpiece, like a Plato food

Socrates (1:41)

Whereas your name is something uttered in vein
When your blood is whine, people call you just to complain
‘Cause your own temples are corrupt if you’re looking for something fishy now
The way they’re multiplying their dough should have you flipping out

Can we suppose that with your stepfather, you’re a son AND holey ghost?
For if Joseph taught you carpentry, I’ll hammer it home
He’s proud with how you had croaked
The nailed hands and feet show you were next to be an Average Joe


not much to say abt this one. i wanted to try and experiment with angles so i went w like, jesus’ first would have the whole ‘socrates’ scheme as a cool thing, and then i *tried* to write socrates’ first as closely as i could to socraticethod w just a bunch of questions and then ending off w the “white jesus isn't biblically accurate” thing but it kinda just fizzled out :/

if i were to change anything its be polishing the socratic method angle and then keeping that level of quality consistent through the rest of the thing. thats p much it haha

Jesus VS Socrates - 12 Bars of Dissmas #8

so um i don’t like pedophiles so

Son • Verse 1: (12 Bars)
I thought I defeated that meanie, Redface
But now all I’ve got are these VHS tapes
I rap like the treats that you begged and left ate
But I don’t like pie so that means I won’t get baked
Going ham on Hamlen’s show that struck gold
Another soul enclosed being tortured?
You haunted dolls are all the same horror
How ‘bout you explore new genres there, Dora?
While your pops was talking over some hotcakes 
You were popped and dropped along with your Aunt Kate
Since stalking toddlers something I can’t take
I’ll collage through your VOD’S and stomp on the last tape

Amanda the Adventurer • Verse 1: (12 Bars)
Hi, I’m Amanda! I had the day planned, but-
I can’t seem to find my brush, I think it ran off!
We were gonna do a little painting of our fantasies
I’m gonna guess that yours is having a stable family!
You had to convince yourself that your father was picture perfect
But he turns into a different person with the liquor slurping
Your dads a funny critter when he goes a different colour!
He turns beet red!… to then go and beat on your mother
Speaking of, she spent less time with you than the law
She kept running out of your life until she fled to the cops
And despite the stench that death could bring, to mommy, you were everything
…I guess she didn’t know that everything rots…

Son (+ Doll) • Verse 2: (8 Bars)
It’s sad to know Amanda will meet a bleak end
That verse was more soft than the coat on your sheep friend
(yawn)…This is hard, and I’d rather be sleeping..
Then rest well, bud, and I’ll take care of the rest
Don’t know why you keep trying, every life has a cost
You put your friend through these puzzles just to uncover your plot
But there’s no changing the frequency when the radios off
So when light fades, we’ll all move on…

Wooly…? (The Entity) • Verse 2: (12 Bars)
Hello? Can you hear me? You need to stop watching
Squaring up is useless when your body’s caught and locked in a closet
Please remove the tapes, char or discard them I’M BEGGING-
(bzzzzzzzzzt……)
You can't stop me from smearing you all along the walls though
Tried to tug my heartstrings, but you played the wrong notes
You think your daddy’s scary when he’s washed from all the tonic he’s slogging?
I’m gonna leave your neck more broken than the bottles he’s tossing!
The kid was left there for a week in a half
It’s pretty clear no one cared you were getting eating by mags
And now your stuck in an loop like both of your parents in prison
…and here I thought you were different…

(SCRAPPED DEMO) Bad Parenting vs. Amanda the Adventurer

Welcome to the first Verses Mode Rap Battle of 2025! Here we have two ogres who were wrongfully treated as monsters, forced into solitude for a long time before an unexpected journey helped them find companionship.  The Legendary Ogre of Kitakami, Ogerpon from Pokémon Scarlet and Violet faces off with Dreamwork's world-famous Shrek!

A video for this battle is hopefully coming to The Rap Battle Pizzeria YouTube Channel in the near future.

Beat: Broken Sword by Tapich Beats
https://youtu.be/_Khz6cHDtO4?si=sjKOh-YNfBHi_2gc 

The Monarchy as Shrek
TAFox as Ogerpon
Mixed by Serena

LYRICS:

     Shrek:
Once upon a time, there was a peachy little runt
Went n’ avenged her only friend against some ruffian bunch
Now she’s on her way to prove that she’s the best ogre in rapping…
…Heh, like that’s ever gonna happen! (What a load of-)

It’s the shooting star from Dreamworks’ timeless fantasy classic
Versing a game with even less style than its protagonist
Looking at Annoying Orange, villagers were fearing this?
I’ll roast this kid’s pet as I spit like I roast pests on a spit

I craft candles that got heat more than yer measly Hearthflame
I’d best leave wee fruits to Donkey, let ‘im serve ye in a parfait!
Don’t hold out for a hero, potions can’t keep you in the game
Since it’s what you’re best at, this is the part where you run away.

     Ogerpon:
I heard legends of an Ogre, a hero standing tall and strong
But looking at your OG book, seems you both got the story wrong
From the way they praise you, I’d expected more than what you wrote
But you didn’t even take the crown when King Harold croaked

Somebody once told me your movies were kinda boring
Execs beg but decades passed since you had audiences roaring
Whole studio’s one more of Katzenberg’s awful decisions
Funny you took down Farquaad’s knights, but still fell second to the Minions

Played by Mike Myers, but I make a better masked slasher
You’re more like the second time that he played a Fat Bastard
Putting The Three six feet deep assured my Ivy Cudgel’s impact
But with this meme already beat to death, there’s no bringing him back

     Shrek:
I’m still makin’ bank, check my stacks, Ogres have layers!
You’ve proved Game Freak’s taste for green just serves to anger your players
But I’d pay to see your face when you learned those you caused to die
Were innocent, and in the end, you couldn’t finish off their mastermind!

Braved the dragon, reached the highest room of the tallest tower
Your game dragged on, a surefire way of wasting countless hours
I went from hermit to husband, earned everything I aspired to
All you did was ghost the only person who admired you

Whether a cave or a box, you’re stayin’ alone for centuries
Just made to squeeze what worth remains outta your dying series
We all know that there’s no place for you in Game Freak’s future chapters
Reunite you with your partner, there’s your happily ever after!

     Ogerpon:
Taking after your sidekick, constant talking out your ass
Have you crying when your onion layers get mowed down by Grass
Dreamworks made a dirty kid’s flick to take the piss outta Disney
Only to Embody every Aspect of them, yet still fall beneath!

Memories of love and adventure fill my heart to fuel my fight
You need a sequel to a spinoff all just to regain your limelight
Disappoint your fans and wife, no Game Freak rush job could compare
Even your dad only wanted you when you were served medium rare

From mocking deformities to dropping slurs up on Broadway
Your inner beauty message had less depth than Donkey’s parfait
Left behind my lonesome life, joined champions, you’ve no importance
So I’m leaving Shrek in silence like it was Farley’s performance!

Shrek vs Ogerpon (ft. TheMonarchy & TAFox) - Verses Mode Rap Battle #3

Kinger vs. Needlemouse • 𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘷𝘴. 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 (Ft. TAFox & TaigaTonic)

𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰! 𝘞𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘸𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘪𝘰: 𝘈𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘷𝘴. 𝘈𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨! 𝘐𝘯 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺’𝘴 𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘰𝘳: 𝘒𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳, 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 [ 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘈𝘮𝘢𝘻𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘋𝘪𝘨𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘊𝘪𝘳𝘤𝘶𝘴 ] 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘰𝘳: 𝘕𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦, 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 [ … ] 𝘩𝘮…𝘰𝘥𝘥… 𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘪𝘯? 𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭? 𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘰!!! 𝘸𝘩𝘰.

TAFox as Sarah (& Pomni)
TaigaTonic as Kinger

Grasman as Caine

Written and Produced by Teimunity 
Mixed by SIR Rap Battles!

Kinger vs. Sarah • Analog vs. Anything.

i almost scrapped this twice 💔

Roshawn as King Von
WeThink as Luigi Mangione
Roshawn & Danii as Anti-Piracy King Von
ChillyPeppers as Interviewer
WhozPhantom as XXXTentacion

Written by 723freaky
Produced by 723freaky
Mixed and Mastered (gone through hell and back) by 723freaky

[Verse 1: King Von]
(Von) Boy, I’m boutta go off the walls on this trollface-lookin goofy,
Stretch him out just like his grin and let’s see what Luigi’s groupies
Gon do to me, you is not a saint, boy, all you are is loony,
I don’t need a nose as long as yours to sniff out that you loopy,

Boy, yo mind, thicker than them lines, right above yo eyes,
Read some lines, from Kaczynski’s mind, then you went outside,
Shot some guy, then a couple fries, ruined your whole life,
You got snitched on by the people you were fighting for last night,

If that was me, I’d have took that worker, DOO DOO DOO DOO, hurt her,
Then the servers gettin’ murdered for the dead rat in my burger,
Shake in silence, hoe; Luigi second to me like I’m Mario,
You fake like Rosario; boy it’s you that I depose. (HUH?)

[Verse 2: Luigi Mangione]
This verse alone got all your songs dropped like leaks,
Now that I see your ugly ass, you gettin’ dropped like Leeks,
So sorry to the 5 white boys out there who still love him,
But the parasite who leeched off Lil Durk had it comin’,

First it was a poster when they put you on a wall,
Then it was brain matter when they put you on a wall,
After that it was your mural when they put you on a wall,
Now that thing's the only time you're actually going off the walls,

Used to rap about the cold streets and gained a ton of fans,
And now you’re in a warmer place and looking up to them,
Heard your daddy got killed and I feel for your family,
But your baseball career! Now that was a tragedy.

[Interlude into Verse 3: Go!Animate Boris]
O o o o o o o, Caillou, how dare you pirate King Von vs Luigi Mangione! That’s it. You are grounded grounded grounded grounded for 9 9 9 9 9 9-

[Verse 3: Anti-Piracy King Von]
WHO THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU PLAYIN? YOU CANNOT KEEP ME AT BAY,
AIN’T NO HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANY BUT IMA MAKE YOU PAY,
HOW THE FUCK YOU VALEDICTORIAN AND STUPID? CRYIN’
‘BOUT BEING POOR WHILE TRYNA MAJOR IN COMPUTER SCIENCE,

BOY, THEY CAUGHT YO HOMELESS LOOKIN ASS AND YOU TREMBLED IN SILENCE,
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GOT BACK PAIN WHEN ALL YOU IS IS SPINELESS?
YOU NOT FIT FOR BEIN A VIGILANTE, GOOFBALL STOP TRYIN ME,
ONLY PARASITE YOU NEEDA WORRY BOUT IS LYME DISEASE,

I WATCHED ALL OF MY BROTHERS STARVE, WE WAS ON THE BLOCK,
SAW MY MOMMA SOB CAUSE SHE COULDN'T PAY RENT FOR THE MONTH,
2024, MANGIONE SHOT A MILLIONAIRE,
THE RICH DIDN'T CARE, GIVE A FUCK, AND STILL AREN'T GIVING CARE,

NOW THEY CRACKIN’ DOWN ON THE CLASS THAT STILL UP IN THE TRENCHES,
GOTTA WATCH THESE FUTURE CHILDREN IN THE MILLIONS DIE FROM ILLNESS
IN THE HANDS OF THOSE WITH MILLIONS IN THEIR HANDS; YOU AIN'T LEGENDARY,
IF BRIAN WAS ALIVE, HE WOULD BE SMILIN AT YO LEGACY.

[Verse 4: Luigi Mangione]
Your legacy’s been memes even after you were killed,
You've been a joke on the web since the day you came out of Silk,
Facia bruta’s not even the King of O-Block nor Chi-town,
While I've been Executing Chiefs since Sosa got you wiped down,

Marone, you're the furthest thing from handsome,
So please tell me how your love life’s so scandalous,
Two-time two-timer and a terrible boyfriend,
Just cause they're Asian Doll, don't mean you gotta toy with em,

And King Von out of everyone’s talking ‘bout kid’s safety,
You orphaned 3 of them just to indulge in gang beefs,
Cause nothing screams “advocate” more than a supervillain,
Who'd rather take a shot than take care of his future children,

No matter how many 12 yr olds treat your songs like they’re from the Bible,
You ain't Jesus just because you got betrayed by a Disciple,
The bus should be leaving soon so I gotta catch up,
So I can celebrate my victory in a nightclub in Atlanta.

King Von vs Luigi Mangione (ft. RoShawnARB, WeThink, Danii, ChillyPeppers, & WhozPhantom)

GABBER

YDGeon as Thomas Edison
ArnoldVA as Christopher Columbus
AbsoluteOni as Announcer

Written by 723freaky
Additional Writing Help by Ian Sparrow
Produced by 723freaky
Mixed and Mastered by 723freaky

[announcer]
AND NOW!!! GUY WHO STOLE A BUNCH OF INVENTIONS VS GUY WHO STOLE A BUNCH OF LAND!!! READY??? WHITE PEOPLE TECHNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! (yuh!)

[verse 1: thomas edison]
correct me if my hearing’s wrong but i heard that you cravin’ smoke,
i ain't interested in buying your hemp but im tradin’ blows,
do ‘em like he did to natives, hoe, shove my fist right up the anushole
of this rapist, so hop back on your sailing boat,

cause my conversions broughts electric energy to light,
your conversions brought the wrongs of Christianity to light,
you dont hold a candle cause you just dont know the things that i know,
i dont hold a candle cause i got myself a lightbulb,

first youre a trader/traitor, then you're a savage,
then the most embarrassing governor since desantis,
couldn't be a spaniard, couldn't be a sailor,
even your heart turned out to be a massive failure.

[verse 2: christopher columbus]
ive searched every sea on several major expeditions,
and i still couldnt find one fucking thing that you invented,
other than the monthly bill to keep places luminescent,
only charge electricity when you're making it expensive,

kick em back to the days near a train, selling refreshments,
made the win possible and you aint taking any credit,
loser couldn't raise his kids cause patenting was more valuable,
abandoned dot and dash like your lab work was the telephone,

took money from others, couldn't stay out of their business,
until you were forced to, getting placed out of your business,
your current in the current is a relic with not one use,
even in your time the world alternated on you!

[interlude]
Thomas edison: sit down on your thinking chair, lemme give you a lecture.

Christopher, ok, you were a good thief,
but unfortunately you're the one that people fear the least 

Christopher Columbus: that's a bunch of bullshit, biggest lie ever,
times i didnt kill a native, probably never! (danii: fuck my stupid chud life)

Thomas Edison: fine, you win. you're a much better bandit,
doesn't change the fact your hat kinda makes you look like a very nice person 😇

Christopher Columbus: you look like your freaking wife when she did hardcore drugs,
i talked to your second one and i rocked her-

Thomas Edison: SIKE BITCH!!!

[verse 3: thomas edison]
pop em, spark em, char em, off em, shock em like the elephant,
if he says I'm irrelevant on the cement i cemented in,
the camera documenting this ass kicking you're getting, and
i even scribble out your influence with my electric pen,

if i was there when Chris was helming ships,
he'd kiss my ass for thinking of a way to get him where he's destined, then inventing it,
so to deny my influence is more misleading than the wind,
i've been breaking more ground than you broke stone with your chisel, bitch.

[verse 4: christopher columbus]
i aint taking no sweet shit from a diabetic,
best stay in your place unlike you did with general electric,
had the lightbulbs of other inventors screwed out they head,
if only you did that for your wife's tumor instead,

cause my name is christopher, and im from italy!
i was brought upon this planet to impose ascendancy!
while your relevance is dead, as the world keeps morphing,
dead unlike your wife if you took away her morphine.

danii: fuck my stupid chud life

Thomas Edison vs Christopher Columbus - Rap Battle! [SINGLE EDITION] (ft. YDGeon, ArnoldVA & Absolut

Leo Barqui as Slither Wing
Chaotic Rap Battles as Liver King
Written by TheNauticalClaydol, Jacobrl99, Nugget
Beat by VANNN.
Mixed by SIR Rap Battles

Slither Wing:
It looks like I’ll be the one to make a First Impression
I'm bringing this fight to the Stone Age you’re obsessed with
Like your veins popping out, you’ll feel surface tension
When I bury this neanderthal, strengthen his Earth connection!
But given your diet, I’m sure you’ve met with my kind
Since you’re prone to catching stomach Bugs with every Bite (Hiss!)
But if you think this moth's dinner, you picked the wrong critter
I’ll cut a King down to size, now that’s a Chopped Liver!
Bulking Up on steroid dependence?
This phony King would only earn a crown if he went to the dentist!
Kept up the Facade, still filling yourself with toxins
Now you’re only influencing lawsuits with those Concoctions!

Liver King:
Wow, I thought I was the one who didn’t cook!
Now the King will bring the Strength to your Struggle, so listen good!
I’m chiseled by the gods, while this bug is punching soft!
My raps are like the way I eat my meat: BLOODY RAW!
You look like a beta design, I’m on my sigma shit! (LIFT!)
When we duel on a beat, you're just Wingin’ it!
Think I’ll take those disses, bitch? You’ll Quiver when I’m bringin’ it!
Eat you like a Chicken Wing and spit you in my kitchen sink!
Wanna talk about supplements? There’s no remedy
For how worthless you are if you don’t carry Booster Energy!
I’m the Fitness guru that you shouldn’t have Crossed!
I take life by the horns, and bite the bull by the BALLS! (CREATINE!)

Slither Wing:
Pumping iron to show mettle, but you’ve drawn my ire
With those lines from a time before man discovered fire
It’s clear from your ‘apology’ that you speak hollow words
Whenever you step up to the plate, you nauseate your followers!
This bald fraud should make like his channel and wash up!
Dirty-bearded spearfisher: Jason Chemo-moa!
And we know your Tempers Flare from all the ‘roids in your putrid blood
So when I put you on ice, perhaps you’ll keep your cool for once

Liver King:
Put me on ice? Buddy, I think you forget:
Between the two of us, who survived an extinction event?! (GAINS!)
But maybe I’ll take notes on your world, you've got some strong guys
Like the Koraidon that showed Sada some real Assault Bikes!
You’re pudgy as fuck! Could you be any frickin’ lazier?!
Walk a day in my shoes, and you’d be the Liver Failure!
This battle ends with moth being served, right off the cutting board!
But if you ever want a piece of me, I’m always hungry for MOOOOOAR!!

Slither Wing vs Liver King - RAP BATTLE

TheToppo as Little Beak and Little Penguin Lost
Mixed and cover art by Cidisswo
Beat by Insanebeatz

Special Thanks:
WhozPhantom
Euphoric Brothers
Nintendo

[little beak verse 1]
The Garten’s done sweeping up the Dandy’s World fuckers
Now they want me to fight a penguin with a vacant mother
Fuck it, I can take care of you quick like i was Mario
Go ahead and jump, fatty, it’ll be some nice cardio (FATASS!)

You kept coming back in Mario Party
But no one invited your ass, you’re even spectating their Karting
You charge at everybody in Mario Party 8
But in the movie, your kingdom got fucked up by Bowser’s army

Sure, I’m often talked down upon because of my game’s design
But I’ve never seen a single thing as scary as your Lego’s eyes
Waddle down to Dire Dire Docks, I’ll catch your dumbass drowning
Then I’ll drop your dead body down into the fucking mountains, bitch!

[little penguin lost verse 1]
You shoulda just went on to fight Toodles
Cause I’m ‘bout to turn the dial up as much as your pupils
And your forehead’s so big, I thought I was fighting a lightbulb
But you’re not the brightest, your eyes are more like black holes 

I gotta ask, what the fuck is your problem?
You had like 5 different siblings ‘till your foster mother dropped them
And if I was in your situation, I’d be terrified
If my actual mother was snacking down on her child (Ew!)

You’re talkin’ ‘bout me being dropped off a cliff
But it’s not nearly as bad as what Bouncelia did
She knocked you into a barrel of GV
So maybe you should hop back into it if you’re trying to beat me 

[little beak verse 2]
I see your brethren in Sparks of Hope
But I can tell you don’t have any with how hard you choked
Waddle away, Happy Feet, go back to your careless mom
I bet she’d rather have your lookalike and straight up have you gone

[little penguin lost verse 2]
You got mutated and you won a fight against a dinosaur
But you got crushed between an iron door and now you’re kinda sore
You ran cause you can’t fly in this form and after that
Your poor mom was naughtified to the core, can’t reincarnate her back.

Little Beak vs Little Penguin Lost - Rap Battle

SIR Rap Battles as Harry Potter
JustGamer as Harry Truman

Written by SIR Rap Battles and Athena
Additional help by AdamDRB & 3ple
Mixed by SIR Rap Battles
Beat by Dansonn
Beat arrangement by SIR Rap Battles
Special thanks to Discord Rap Battles and TheMonarchy
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FOREWORD:
New battle coming soon I promise! But for now, here's another project from the archives that I wanted to release in some state out of respect for the people that contributed to it. This battle was originally worked on by Discord Rap Battles, hence why a good number of people who make up that channel appear in the credits here. At some point in 2022, they decided to scrap the matchup to which - being the greedy draft stealer that I am - I stepped in to adopt what was written for the battle and finish it for my series. Why exactly? I happen to be very interested in the FDR-Reagan era of American history, and Harry Potter is something I've naturally been exposed to by proxy of me growing up in the UK.

The majority of Potter's first verse was written by Athena, with some line ideas scattered about the document by other members of the DRB crew. From there, I wrote the rest of the battle in 5 days, given I already knew both people extensively, and a first draft was written and demoed in October 2022. AdamDRB generously offered to purchase the stems of the beat I wanted to use for my take on the matchup, and I really appreciate him for doing so. 

The audio as you hear it was finished in March 2023, and from that point on the battle never really went anywhere. I was currently occupied with production on Henry vs Scar and, immediately after, Mario vs Link at the time, and new battles kept popping up that I wanted to work on which pushed this one into the back-burner even more. As time passed, the quality of the battle degraded, and I knew if I ever picked it up again that I'd have to rewrite some sections and have it re-recorded (the "wronged nation" quatrain in particular was a rough one that I wanted to change immediately).

However, in 2025 I decided to ultimately scrap this and pursue other projects that warranted a better use of my time and energy. I absolutely do not endorse JK Rowling and the horrible actions she has been taking against transgender people - a point I wanted to make clear in the lyrics of this battle. I wholeheartedly support the LGBTQ+ community, and in doing so I felt like trying to work on a full release of this on YouTube would give Rowling an opportunity to take advantage of any royalties it would make for worse. So, the furthest this project can ever go is here on SoundCloud, where I don't make any money from it and mainly use it as a public archive of my work, scrapped or otherwise. Regardless, I hope you can enjoy this piece of SIR Rap Battles history, and hopefully I'll be able to properly return to battles this July.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LYRICS: 
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mWxX6q5QhLl5M9AE_PLKCBb4qKZcHD3iHaidedhIw-c/edit?tab=t.0

Jesus VS Socrates - 12 Bars of Dissmas #8

rosenthalfishes

Related tracks