Barack Obama (real life) vs. Donald Trump (real life)

LIGHT VS JU-oh screw it. This is awesome.

Raichous wants to know your location. Seriously, this was pretty noice mate

Another Julian vs Light battle I shouldn't be so **shocked** at this point. (Regardless good battle man!)

You know, if you were still doing that other series, this could've easily worked for Reality Vs Fiction

Rap Cypher - Collection 1 (2019-2020) - The Prologue

Welcome to Rap Battle EXE! Today we have the two masked killers seeking revenge for their loved ones, Jacket versus Jason Voorhees.

Alex The Beast as Jacket
Light as Jason Voorhees

Written by: Evan
Mixed by: Vladimyr P.
Beat by: Hala-X
Cover by: Evan

Jason:
It’s time for an Overkill, as the Father of horror has been awoken.
I'll drill this Cock-head through his skull, nigh his powers be broken
If a Fight’s what you want, then your in for your final Pay Day
Cause you won’t be the first of horny Jocks I’ve brutally slain
Listen Son, just know that I’m Uber in this type of Mortal Kombat
You won’t break these bars like prison, it doesn’t take a God to know that
I’ll Burnout a Hotline, even if your series is abysmal
No more Camping anymore, Jason’s home, clear as Crystal

Jacket:
Let’s put my mask down, it’s been almost 40 years, it’s your time to go
Please exercise caution when testing me, I’ll drown you with my flow 
With all these amateur directors, even Para-mounting, he was sure to fall
Still with the Wrong Number, I’ll X out Jason once and for all
You won’t be taking Miami like Manhattan with all the weapons that I’m packing 
So with how this Brawl goes, I guess Jason lives and dies for slashing
I’ll Mutilate another Midnight Animal, just get the picture
You won't be able to recover, man, I’m taking you to Richard

Jason:  
It seems that you’re Russian victory, cause all the bombs you drop are duds
Better count your 50 Blessings fast, cause this killer murders for blood
Be ready Freddy, I promise my machete’s Pain will be devastating
I’ll make your Fever Dreams finally come true, now don’t leave your girlfriend waiting

Jacket:
I know you like hurting other people, and I don't mean to be rude
But that seems to be pretty apparent after all your game’s reviews, BOOM!
So go back to Hell with you! You’re one more step from getting Burned
I would say cry back to Mommy, but it seems the tides have turned

Jacket VS. Jason Voorhees - Rap Battle EXE

ok so, holy fuck, our reboot's finally here my boys! (and girls, lol)
Trakked as Kano
Jade as Klaue
Beat by 2Deep
Mixed by Dustin
Thumbnail by Trakked
Writers: Trakked, Redacted

Battle:
Kano:
Face the Black Dragon clan, and the Black Market man, 
with gettin’ a knife even deeper than Black Panther's father can.
I mean, you’re small fry, I’ll leave a shrimp fried with rhymes,
Taken by an evil cat, yet I’ve survived bullets for my crimes!
You’re pathetic, an unethical mess that I’m tryna face
Stole some tech from the Wakandans, and Klaue’s still put in his place!
So c’mon chump, I haven’t seen much o’ what ya can do
With or without the Klaw, you’re a shame to the MCU

Klaue:
Shoulda hopped into prison, but either way I’ll leave ya Cage-d
It’s safe to say you’re pretty weak with your arse kicked by Blade
Sonya’ll be doubting your own legacy and survival
When you face a Marvel even stronger than my comic rivals
It’s ironic, since the Genesis of your Superman stealings,
You tried the heart of being brutal, before you Wrecked it with Ralph dealings.
Now your rolling dice, rapping like your in a crappy mixtape,
So, go crawl back in your Kano-ball and accept your re-alitity fate.

Kano:
Alright, mate, you got me pissed now, your design shoulda stayed robotic
Ya got 2 measly cameos while we’ve had 11 installments!
This’ll be your Armageddon when I spit sick on this mic
But it’s not unlike the time when Killmonger took ya life
With a knife, I’ll cut your heart out, I’m a stone-cold assassin
I’m spittin’ venom like a Kobra! But I thrashed his ass too in the trashbin
Let’s see this eye-to-eye; I’ll shoot ya down with my beams
But this War won’t be Civil when I bring this Kombat to the screen

Klaue:
Oh please, at least my movie was successful, yours went down the drain
This Mortal lost his fight ever since the first game!
Couldn’t bring a hard-hitting punchline, but you’re from a fighting series?
‘Cos your questionable spectacles just bring up more queries!
Like, how does a guy with a robot eye fail overseeing being harmed?
My vibranium’s stronger than steel; i don’t even need to be armed!
So, keep this in mind whenever you try to betray your king again
Fights with me always go South, Korean ya into PAIN.

Kano vs Ulysses Klaue - Rap Cypher: REBOOT Premiere

Holy crap this is prolly my best yet lol
Alex The Beast as Grigori Rasputin
DeegleNV as Fidel Castro
Thumbnail by Trakked
Beat produced by: Beatg33kz
Mixed by Alex The Beast
Writers: Trakked, ColeDaCole, Redacted

Battle: 
Grigori Rasputin (0:14):
Messin’ with the Mad Monk’s murdering yourself on the mic
‘Cause when this madman steps up to bat, i’ll knock your head onto a pike
I’ll leave ya with more than a couple Marx, then your economics will be addressed..
Ya cared so little about life, you got your own furniture repossessed!
Castro’s crazy; an immature president, evident by his own milkshake obsession
This prophet will stop this and drop this beat until this Soviet ends your aggression
I spit lessons, so better listen, unless you want to end up like Che
Approaching this mystic will leave a president finished, I know you love revolutions, eh?
It’s no wonder you’ve stooped so low, this flow and Russian rhyme will cause your demise
Trying to spit deadly raps against a demi-god deity? I’m immune to cyanide!
You’ve lied to your subjects, So why am I up against an angered social burden,
Who cared so little about his people, that even other countries wanted to murder him!?

Fidel Castro:
Cold heart, cold steel, but in this cold war, you’ll be cut for your crimes like a counter-ISIS
‘Cause Cuba’s communist Castro’s sparkin’ a controversy with this Cuban Rap Crisis.
My target’s a Russian nesting doll. Even YOUR stomach won’t be feeling very pleasant.
How am I supposed to take you seriously when you almost got killed by a peasant?

Grigori Rasputin:
You must’ve been tripping on LSD, or were you just poisoned by your fountain pen?
You call yourself a communist, yet you’re trying to hog the win?
Better look at the crucifix and say a prayer, the holy man’s throwing you in the abyss
Won’t need to hypnotize the audience, for them to know who won this (laughter)

Fidel Castro:
Blatant attacks? I should have known. Your monk-eying around doesn't mean you’ve won,
If you can’t heal your burns, how can you stop the bleeding of your people and son?
You CAN resist death, i’ll give you that, keep taking pain from the hands of your maimers,
But you CAN’T face it, unlike your daughter, who’s a dancer AND a lion tamer!
I’m violating a visionary; This strannik’s getting stranded on both tracks and mind
Smacking this dike on mics alike, so try to recover from these firey rhymes
I’m gaining Peace Prizes for my solutions! You’ve done nothing except hypnotize
So get on your knees and pray, no God can save you from my guise! 
Like any respected Russian loser, you’ll go back to vodka drinking
Then like your gunned-down death, your castr-ated win will again be sinking.
Go find your God, I’ll give him a message that Grigori shall deliver,
“Fidel sent Ra-ra-rasputin’s reputation back under the ice of the river!”

Fidel Castro vs Grigori Rasputin - Rap Cypher: REBOOT #2

wowee, that was quick lmao. (please excuse the ending lmaoo)
Dani Frias as PilotRedSun
Razzy as Treatsforbeasts
Beat produced by: 2Deep
Thumbnail by Trakked
Mixed by Vladimyr P.
Writers: Trakked, ColeDaCole

Battle: 
Pilotredsun (0:13):
This is your Pilot speaking; you’re in for some stormy weather
When a bleeding freak with treats for beasts thinks that he can do better
I deliver the good REACTions, Scaring Theaters, you’re below this 
I’ll be leaving you Red, Son; An end to this Felonious Bolus

Treatsforbeasts (0:27):
Whatever a rap can one make from slop or slime syllables?
You’ve been Cooped Up too long; best teach this sadpad a couple principles
I may have a cynical view, but I’ll still bring you to my War, sawed
You think you have the audacity to not praise my almighty God!?
I’ll sink my sharpest teeth into your shoddy style of drawing
In this Hymn for Him, I’ll leave your spine exposed, you’ll be crawling,
I’ll be gnawing on your bones; While my religious words are known,
You don’t have an Insta-gram of fame; best stick to being Pamtri’s clone

Pilotredsun (0:54):
How come you claim to be known? I have more subs than you, kid
Take a look inside your mind; and find out how you’re defeated!
I’ll make my win Nes-Quik, best stick back to your shitty attacks
I’ll be taking your candy raps and throwing them in the trash!
You’re a hack that can’t understand that nursery rhymes are outdated
Let me tell ya ‘bout the man who, based on dislikes, is pretty hated
It’s time to erase this; face it, you’re just a Plastic Man
That’s facing technical malfunctions; There’s no reverence for this sham

Treatsforbeasts (1:22):
I am the beast that raps on the beat;I’ll make ya retreat with these treats
A Red Fiend? I’ll make him bleed; sending Lasagna Cat to defeat 
I’ll trade you in for twice the rice; Victory’s twice as nice as my rhymes
You bring twice the lies from your crimes, from that sinful Casino Night

Pilotredsun (1:35):
You’re going into orbit, this stupid mutt needs to Wain Stop
You’ve truly become a monster; In the highest caliber, I gain drops

Treatsforbeasts (1:42):
I praise the Lord with my ways! You’re just a Fat Cat that praises Satan,
But I’m not just talking Garfielf when it comes to lazy animation

Pilotredsun (1:49):
I’ll leave another alien roasted ;should’ve given me my space beer..

Treatsforbeasts (1:52):
With that music and echo, you think you’re really one to fear?

Pilotredsun (1:56):
You’re Micro-Soft on this beat,

Treatsforbeasts (1:58): 
Allow me to Paint you an image

Both (2:00):
This shoddy music artist doesn’t even understand how to be cryptic!

PilotRedSun vs TreatsForBeasts - Rap Cypher: REBOOT #3

we did it boys, we beat the old rap cypher's battle count :)
Alex the Beast as Thomas Edison
Light as Electro
Beat produced by: Tristan
Thumbnail by Trakked
Mixed by Alex
Writer: Trakked

Battle: 
Thomas Edison:
Out of every single man that uses my inventions for their wit, 
I’m against an electric using freak that can’t understand when to quit?
You’re quite the Marvel, indeed, but I’ve achieved much greater heights
I’ve helped even Morgan with his work; You’re just a criminal in tights
Try to fight me, I dare you! Your Alternating attacks can’t strike me
I spit it sickly, Directly, ‘till you’re back at prison for your crimes, see?
So, Max, if you call being beaten by Spiderman a great accomplishment, 
Then why don’t you accept your defeat, or are you too overconfident?

Electro:
That’s enough from the old man, you build stuff like they’re from IKEA
You’re more of a criminal than me! You stole all of Tesla’s ideas!
You’re in for quite the Shocker, my electric raps are unstable
I’ll be givin’ you more than a zap, man! It’s shameful that you’re unable
to do some work for yourself, instead of scramblin’ ‘round for a profit
Relying on some other rich idiots to give you what they got, shit,
I’m rockin’ this beat electrically, your chemistry’s backfiring, like your creations
Anyways, i’ll be leaving ya like Topsy; Shocked to death on its foundation

Thomas Edison:
It’s a shame you stoop so low, those blows may have meant to be harsh, but
They didn’t sting at all; I only heard static from those “sharp” cuts
Facing America’s Greatest Inventor was the biggest mistake you’ve had in mind,
‘Cause I’ll be leaving this low-tier criminal looking worse than his movie design!

Electro:
(C’MON!) You tried to stay in motion, but you failed worse than your company
Stan Lee made me a great villain! You’ve been on the verge of bankruptcy!
I’m Sinister with every rhyme I spit, But just beatin’ ya would be too easy,
I’ll be havin’ ya die twice; But this time it won’t be from diabetes (HA!)

Thomas Edison vs Electro - Rap Cypher: REBOOT #4

Well, here we are; half way through the wave! Thanks for staying with me, people! :)
Vladimyr P as Jeffery Woods
Trakked as Billy Loomis
Beat produced by: Dansonn
Thumbnail by Fightmarker
Mixed by Vlad
Written by: Trakked, Jason Carreon, Redacted, and Vlad

Battle:
Jeffery Woods (0:13):
Another fate you could be choosin’ but it seems Loomis is loomin’ 
You think you’re destined to be abusin’, i assure you will be losin’
Listen, you seemed like a nice guy but that fried since your love died
When your dad had an affair with Prescott; your first taken life
You better know i’ll spit hotter than any lighter’s fire to the face
Seems like Ghostface is getting disgraced; i’ll waste this kid without a trace
Based on your obsession with horror films, it’s a shame that yours bombed
It was left behind by the critics; Like you were abandoned by your mom

Billy Loomis:
(Cut!) This Trollpasta should know I’ll be the director for this scene
Your only fans are prepubescents while I'm the guy that kills teens!
Your life’s just like a movie; oh wait, you couldn't even get yours
I mean, who’d like another cliche film about a rip-off joker bore?
Since you’re just a run-of-the-mill Psycho, I thought fans already lost ya
Wes Craven made me great, you’re only known cuz of MrCreepypasta!
Ya killed your own family and friends just cuz your feelings got hurt?
You'll end up truly “im-Prisoned” when I bury you in your own Dirt!

Jeffery Woods:
Your beliefs are fictional, your movie and your win too,
Even when being burned, I still look better than you!
So why am I taking jabs from a whiny, grimey failed jock?
When the reality is, you’re the biggest Ghost on your own busted-block!

Jeff the Killer:
Looks like I got some new meat; unlike your constant sequels it seems
But I've looked at your irony; you’re sure to not make me Scream
Went and inspired Scary Movie, seems you DID go insane
But you’ll meet the same fate; a couple caps in the brain 

Billy Loomis:
Wow, your raps make me go to sleep! But i’m sure that was what you’re going for
You see, this is all a fun game to me; I could just gut you like the other whores
It doesn’t matter if you get it right or wrong; you have no defence against my rhymes! 
I’ll defeat you with or without a motive since we all go a bit mad sometimes..

Ghostface:
Looks like you’ve seen a ghost, oh wait, that’s just bleach on your face!
Listen up, Jeff, the phone’s ringing, I’m sure it’ll put you in your place
There's no.. standin' the pain! I'm homicidal, like your brother
Gettin'.. beaten by Jane? I’ll have this fucker meeting his mother! (UGH)

Billy Loomis vs Jeffery Woods - Rap Cypher: REBOOT #5

Dani as Baldi 
Alex as The Janitor 
Written by Cole               
Cover art by Lauren
Mixed by Light
Beat by Kustom

Baldi (0:15-0:26):
Welcome to my schoolhouse, Janitor, this’ll be a Bash!
Although your illiteracy might make it hard to pass my class
Steal a victory against me? I’m afraid you don’t have the key
So weak, flames from my campfire are enough to leave you beat

The Janitor (0:26-0:38):
Stupid Baldo… Making me mop up your messy flow
I’ll impale this freak with my mop if he wants to trade blows
I’m biscuit ball-ing on this beat, you’re more robotic than Penny
Kick-start having some ideas, or you best skedaddle, Baldi

Baldi (0:41-1:04):
I can’t send ya back to prison, but I can dish out some detention
To this loser who needed MatPat to get anyone’s attention
Step up to me with your glass hip? I’d like to see you try
When you’ve been killed by Kindergartners three different times!
This ain’t a janitor war, I’m not interested in your mop
But I’ll still spill your blood like B-Soda, I’ve got my win on lock!
“Wow! You exist!’ is the highest praise your games receive
Playtime is over, Janitor, and now you’re out of time to leave

The Janitor (1:04-1:28):
Your verse was missing all it’s disses, what is this? Hide and Seek?
Guess that's what I should’ve expected from a game made in 2 weeks
Even with your fog machine, I can see straight through all your lines
Clippy’s defective if he thinks that he’s getting the First Prize 
You’re on tier with shitty flash games, it’s no Riddle, you’re a fad
Next you’ll be saying ‘My verse was ironic! It was meant to be bad!’
Peddling a basic horror game to kids: it’s just shoddy
Once I’m done with ya the dumpster will have one more body

Baldi vs. The Janitor | Rap Battle

Hey everyone! We are back with a long awaited rap battle that I've been hinting at for ages. Today we have space smuggler and pilot of the Millennium Falcon, Han Solo, against the first man to set foot on another celestial body, Neil Armstrong. Enjoy!

CAST
Zawesome as Han Solo
Mancala as Neil Armstrong

LYRICS:
Han:
I’ve got a bad feeling about your attempt, like the ninth
I’ll tell you the odds: week-lings need not apply
Your twin missions were a bust, like the Cloud City raid
I won’t take it from a guy who wore a tampon to space
You’re a bigger hunk of junk than my transport for fleeing
Hell, even Jabba’s a more decent human being
While the glorified photographer’s here to do his worst
The fans deserve to know that Han shot first

Neil:
Houston, we have a problem, and it sucks quite violently
Flash Gordon got ripped off and took up vacuum piracy
You’re on needles and pins trying to thread that space cruiser
Looks like you need some schooling; let me show you my maneuvers
Gals complain of sub-parsecs with your rocky relations
Because you’re looking for love in Alderaan places
I’ll have you whipped into shape and you’ll scream bloody murder
You stuck up, half-witted, bad-at-rapping Nerf-herder!

Han:
You should be more concerned about landing that Stormtrooper credo
Don’t Leia hand on me, or you’ll end up like Greedo
You’re on MY stomping ground, so your plan is getting soiled
You’ll need another round of quarantine after we’ve been embroiled
Hop back to the door, so you can let the other boys out
Slap that patch on your sash like an old, faded Boy Scout
You’re the First Man to make a space flick without life
Go climb your launch tower and take a giant leap for mankind

Neil:
Ladies and gentlemen, the rapper has landed!
And like a game of sabacc, man, your ass is getting handed
‘Cause your style, like the atmosphere around me, is quite thin
Just calm down, hon; take it on the chin
Your rhymes can’t be more wooden if you were still a carpenter
You’ll be flagged as a doormat by this driven orbiter
I’ll cut out, ‘cause the middle man, best pilot in the galaxy
Tried to give me the shaft; guess it runs in the family

Beat By: Epistra
Mixed By: Freshy Kanal
Cover By: Commander Jacob
Art By: Cyancoat Enzo

Han Solo Vs Neil Armstrong| GridLine Rap Battles Season 2

Alex the Beast as Ẓ̴̮̜͖̞̹̫̼̇̊̆͑͝A̸̭͔̠͎̳̓͊͆̊̒̽̏̈́L̶̮͈͓͖̼̉͝G̴̯̅̓̇̆̏͠ͅO̶̢͚̻͇̪͒̈͋̋̽̆͘͜
IcerM as SiivaGunner
Some guy as CBT Man

Written by IcerM
Mixed by IcerM

Beat by Dansonn

Lyrics:

Ẓ̴̮̜͖̞̹̫̼̇̊̆͑͝A̸̭͔̠͎̳̓͊͆̊̒̽̏̈́L̶̮͈͓͖̼̉͝G̴̯̅̓̇̆̏͠ͅO̶̢͚̻͇̪͒̈͋̋̽̆͘͜:
HE COMES! CHAOTIC EVIL EMBODIED AGAINST A SOUND CLOWN
HOPE YOU LOVED LIFE - FOR AS I STRIKE, I’LL TAKE YOURS DOWN
IN A SIMILAR VESSEL, THERE’S NAUGHT THAT I BELIEVE TO SAY
WOULD HAVE A LASTING IMPACT - FOR YOU’RE LIKELY NOT HERE TO STAY
WHEN I TELL WHAT I TELL YOU WILL RUN OFF IN HORROR
SPITTING TICKETS TO HELL WHEN I’M CAUSING DISORDER
I CAN CAUSE YOUR WHOLE SO-CALLED LORE TO BREAK IN A HEARTBEAT
SO LEAVE NOW, LEST I SHOW YOU WHAT’S NOT TO SEE
YOU’RE NOT A LOT TO ME. I’LL HAVE YOU CROSSED
WITHOUT A QUESTION AS TO WHETHER OR NOT THIS IS LOSS
YOU’RE TAKING SIIVA, GUNNER. I’LL PARALYZE THIS BITCH
WHILE YOU FUCK WITH MEMES ON THE WEB I’LL BE TERRORIZING IT

SiivaGunner:
Damn, I knew you’d be pissy, but that’s left me in awe
How about seven chill pills? One for each jaw
There’s so little known about you I’ve found nothing, study as I might
Even Jschlatt can’t hold a candle to that funny mic
I’m the Grand Dad of grab bags with high quality raps, that
If you think you can battle, then listen here, you’re just damn mad
So level with the reality that your puppets are the same
And go walk your fucking staircase back down from whence you came

Ẓ̴̮̜͖̞̹̫̼̇̊̆͑͝A̸̭͔̠͎̳̓͊͆̊̒̽̏̈́L̶̮͈͓͖̼̉͝G̴̯̅̓̇̆̏͠ͅO̶̢͚̻͇̪͒̈͋̋̽̆͘͜:
YOU CAN UTTER ALL THOSE LIES AND CLAIM THEY’RE NOT GETTING OLD
WHEN YOU STOP TREATING MY HIGHER VESSELS AS COMEDY GOLD
YOU’LL NEVER COMPREHEND A METHOD TO WIN, TRY AS YOU MIGHT
RIPS FROM JUST AS MANY GAMES AS TIMES I’VE PLAYED YOU IN THIS FIGHT

SiivaGunner:
Can’t read any of your babble but a couple of shit rhymes
But I’ll mutilate it further - multiple uploads at a time!
HE COMES at the sight of a certain cat, I know you would man
So I’m keen to give you the axe, like you were Wood, Man!
And with those caverns in your skulls, gushing reddened dyes
Just take pages from Cthulhu and go fucking rest your eyes
It’s been many many years, and people are still subscribing
And to put that in perspective, cult activity’s declining

Ẓ̴̮̜͖̞̹̫̼̇̊̆͑͝A̸̭͔̠͎̳̓͊͆̊̒̽̏̈́L̶̮͈͓͖̼̉͝G̴̯̅̓̇̆̏͠ͅO̶̢͚̻͇̪͒̈͋̋̽̆͘͜:
YOU THINK YOU’RE CAUSING DAMAGE WITH YOUR VILE RHYMES? YOU’RE FUCKING WRONG
I’M NOT BEING RIPPED INTO BY THE MINDS BEHIND BIG CHUNGUS’ SONG
WHY AM I EVEN PIT AGAINST A SHITPOST ACCOUNT
WHEN YOU SIMPLY LET YOUR FANBASE DO THE WORK THEN REAP YOUR CLOUT
THEY WOULD ALL BE BETTER OFF ATTEMPTING MUSIC FOR A ROM HACK
I GIVE LIFEBLOOD TO WHAT'S FICTIONAL. YOU MIDI-SLAP THE NUTSHACK
SO NO TURNING BACK. YOU'VE ALREADY MADE YOUR DECISION
SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR DAYS WITHIN COPYRIGHT STRIKE PRISON

SiivaGunner:
Call you chaotic? Please! You wouldn’t last one minute where I fare
I know you love destruction, so how’s this for Your Best Nightmare?
And we all know your sadomasochism’s unprecedented!
If it weren’t for risk of CBT I’d see to it you’re ended
You’ve got a bubble more claustrophobic than meme culture you battle in
ZALGO be like “I’m charged guilty of several Rap Battle Sins”
So this is my Magnum opus, after God knows how long
Insert stupid-ass finisher, something something, ZALGONE!

ZALGO vs SiivaGunner. Rap Battle!

Vladimyr P. as Satan and Elmo

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF ...IDK
SATAN
VERSUS
..ELMO..?
BEGIN?

Satan:
From the depths, raising hell it’s time Satan has risen
Though it seems both Kevin and Ryan made another poor decision
Voicing Elmo and summoning the Devil himself
So I will take this bloody Elf and Knock-him-Off of his shelf
Thinking you can best me? You make the poor kiddies weak
While I drive their bad decisions like ones we shall never speak
I’ll puppeteer this muppet so he’ll end up kicking the bucket
When I press the play button I’d rather hear advice from Sam Pucket
I’ll break your crayons for a seance going above and beyond
Making you another one of my pawns; I’m one you shouldn’t have Spawned
I’m a carbon-copy of no one, you’re a carbon-copy of Mickey
But you really wanna know who you wanna be? It’s Me.

Elmo:
That horrible verse made me wanna Kermit Suicide
I guess you decide who lives or dies but let me be your guide
In 
LaLaLaLa LaLaLaLa
Elmo’s World!

Evil Elmo:
You really thought that you could best the one all children love?
Sorry to break it to you; you’re no goody-goody-2 shoe motherfucker
So why don’t we put on the gloves I’m not one to punch, sucker
But my victory will be greenlit WHEN I MURDER THIS MOTHERFUCKER
Causing Havoc on sesame street no.. THE WHOLE STUDIO
Watchu doin bro? Watchin’ my show so you can what? Learn to flow?
No true form of your mere self couldn’t ever compare to what I bring
I may be the Muppets’ Puppet but in this battle I’ll be pulling the strings
Neither-World wants you because you couldn’t cause any damage
For God’s Sake I’ll make and break this spirit until he gets banished
Weave your way to victory? I’ll cut you like one of my threads
And then your whole kingdom will bow to me when all that is left is your head

WHO MURDERED THE MIC?
COMMENT THE WAIVER BELOW
RETURN TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL
FOR ANOTHER
SINISTER RAP BATTLE

Writer: Vlad
Beat Producer: Don Coda
Effects / Mixer: Vlad
Cover Art Made by Vlad
Logo Made by Commander Jacob

I wrote this in an hour lol

Satan vs Elmo. ɹǝʇsᴉuᴉS Rap Battles of ...IDK: Lost Episode

In the 3rd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, It's a battle of the art programs! We have Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Paint
Eric the Audible as Photoshop
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Produced by George Georgia of Audio Network
Beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob

Paint (0:20):
I’m opening the Windows, so scram off of my lawn
Don’t try to rhyme, dog. Even my palette’s a icon
You charge 30 a month for a learning curve that's straight doo-doo
Must've dropped the opacity, I can see right through you
I’ll grab a brush, swap the color: make this kid black out
Because I bet your raps aren’t even a Bitmap-ped out.
I'm the godfather of digital art, there’s no denying me
I’ll get to sinking your ship if you wanna whine about piracy

Photoshop (0:41):
If you'd like to start war, let's open an artboard.
Got a liquefied flow to claim the place that I’ve fought for
Look, like anything made with you, all your raps will fall flat
We’re already two different types. No need to up the contrast
Sketch all the sloppy shapes you want, I’m rocking the house
Your users likely don’t have internet and draw with a mouse
Mark this, my bars got a hardness of eight hundred
You’re even sucking at fillers. I’ll make you kick the paint bucket

Paint (1:02):
Falling flat? Check the thumbnail. You can’t scold me
Coming at me with those lines, you might wanna ctrl Z
Painting skies since ‘85, style pouring like rain
I draw the line on this mic; call me MC Paint (ha)
You can’t mask your overratedness. It’s hurting, isn’t it?
Hold ctrl and scroll up; maybe you’ll find a shit I give

Photoshop (1:17):
I’m known to burn tools when I’m spitting a rhyme
You can’t make a drop shadow, so keep living in mine
Look, you want some layered disses and blending modes? I got plentiful
For programs rough 'round the edges, I’d recommend the feather tool
Masks? I’m clipping you. No brown, but your pallet’s shitty, dude.
Get back to the junkyard. GIMP is less of a bitch to use

Paint (1:32):
You can’t recover from this with a healing brush, how sad
I’ve had more fun using an SNES mouse pad
Use your magic wand to select good lines, ingrate
Or continue making YouTubers’ slimy-ass clickbait

Photoshop  (1:42):
I’ve had to deal with dudes tryna do me like a clone stamp
So let’s crop and slice the comic sans of art programs
That’s how you lasso a win, no way MS Jank beat me
You'd be better off opening a verse in Paint 3D

Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #3

ah shit here we go again
welcome back to rap cypher!
Light as Shang Tsung
Alex the Beast as Mandarin
Beat produced by 2Deep
Thumbnail by CJ and Trakked
Mixed by Alex the Beast
Written by: Trakked

Battle:

Shang Tsung:
(Hm.) It has begun. Let us test your so-called might.
The predecessor of a legend yet still lacks the strength to fight.
Enter the Mandarin into my dark heart; and within there you'll find
You dealt with Stan Lee and Disney, now your soul is mine. (Ha!)
And you really think those rings make you special? You're but a glorified pimp
Mother's a prostitute, you're in solitude, so I'd be glad to give a glimpse
Of my power, you'll bask in nonexistence; if you wanna keep up persistence 
Like your namesake, you'll be peeled like an orange, another kombatant I've finished (Agh)
Wouldn't be enough for this sorcerer, yes? Kondemned to the Damned and tortured to death
Trapped in a Soulnado, filled with hate though, your whole life is a Tale of Suspense
 I never thought a better foe would come out of your son, only shows he is superior.
It's settled though, you've met with no allies, so you're just broken and inferior.

Mandarin:
Seems there's Big Trouble in Little China, best not keep this devil waiting
You're seeming Lo, Pan, so go, man, Annihilated like movie ratings
The greatest mind in the world against a slave to his king?
It's no wonder you're used to losing to Liu several times in the ring.
You fell down the charts like on Argus. (agh) A second Armageddon awaits
Being imprisoned by your superior only shows failing is your fate.
Call me the Dragon King, cause I whooped your ass down; better fit as a class clown
Those fatalities only show that your power's in the past now.

Shang Tsung:
My words sting like a cobra bite; your verse had no effect
You built up and destroyed yourself; a human Titanomech.
First started as a stereotype, but whitewashing made you worse.
Left a Stane upon your legacy; glad he finally ended this curse.

Mandarin:
Your only good trait is Identity Theft, but with all that, no Identity left
Your island's defunct as a Krypt, I'll debunk this until you realize this entity's best
Is unstoppable, you're dropping past your prime, though, no new timeline could decide 
The final resting place for the elderly, dismissed as a psycho, I will
Transport you to the Valley of Spirits; life force dwindling as you try
It's no wonder the Elders cursed you, with your never-ending pride
Powers transferred to the Queen, and Shao left you burning, it's
Clear you're worthless; Now you see the true champion of this tournament.

Shang Tsung vs Mandarin - Rap Cypher: REBOOT #11

(CONTEXT: https://i.redd.it/sxgappnq4mw11.jpg)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the goofy mutilated murderers: MDHHCD vs Hash-Slinging Slasher

-LYRICS-

Man Door:
(Yo) whatcha gonna do, wave at me with your nub singed?
I got a handle on this battle; Man Door is unhinged
Oh look, more slime to spill down the Krusty Krab walls as usual
Frying and firing this fry cook like a 2nd funeral
My bars have got that secret sauce that you're lacking, huh?
You couldn’t flip a line if both of your hands were spatulas
Speed of Gary when you’re rhyming. Try to run from my sickle
You’re bout as scary as a pirate tryna come for my pickle (ugh)
Hop back on your bus, cuz you best be retreating
Don’t need Nosferatu, I’ll knock your lights out neatly
Let’s hope your verse is like your phone calls: no speaking
I’ll leave you in the dumpster, so good luck… sweaty

Hash-Slinging Slasher
Staying up… at night with THAT verse? Bad decision
But to be fair, it was longer than your story to begin with
How’s a guy with no name or design think he’s not losing?
Both raise our eyebrows: you with fear, me with confusion
Either learn better English or get slayed hard, bitch
If I let you in, be ready for a graveyard shift
And with your hook lodged in the door, it’s time that I sped up
I’m looking to see red like “dude, can I get some ketchup?”
I got your ass sprinting backwards like a gas-thieving bastard
Yo, you’re a trash-flinging rapper, and I’m the Hash-Slinging Slasher
Go back to stealing steres, you copypasta wannabe
I stopped the voice cuz I was nervous you’d keep spitting awfully


Light as Man Door hand Hook Car Door
Commander Jacob as Hash-Slinging Slasher
Zawesome as Ketchup Requester (cameo)
Written by Commander Jacob and Zawesome
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

Man Door Hand Hook Car Door vs Hash-Slinging Slasher | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Oh yeah we going to space for this one
Mancha as Sinistar
King Mewtwo as Ego the Living Planet
Beat produced by Tristan on the Track
Thumbnail by Trakked
Mixed by Dani Frias 
Written by Trakked, Kamren, ColeDaCole and WDRB

Battle:

Sinistar:
Beware coward, this small villain will fall victim to my hunger 
I’ll throw Sini-bombs at this planetoid; lightyears asunder!
You better Run Run Run! Not even your Alter-Ego can stop me
For my Eternal power shall destroy this puny planet's Galaxy 
It’s a travesty that such a being couldn’t be a strong foe
Beat by a space pirate? That’s what I’d call a fragile Ego
You're a sick minded fraud, went out a Boomer like your status
Not even glitches could rebirth since you've already turned to ashes

Ego:
Tried to scare in the 80’s, yet even with that, computer,
You’re the “star” of a forgotten game; an unoriginal space shooter
If a spacecraft can beat you, then you’ll revel to my power,
Decimated into decimals, never played beyond an hour

Sinistar:
Beware, I live!; And you claim my game is infamous?
I may be the metal boss, but you’re sure picking up rust!
I’ll bust into your core, before you dare fathom to wreck this,
How come you try to take risks when I eat planets for breakfast? 

Ego:
You're just an underpowered entity, a frail-minded Galactus
So I'll trash this scrap metal; I could destroy you with magnets!
Barely shoddy, with my Anti-Bodies swarming 'round this virus,
Deleting all weak-shelled copies of this pathetic bot who’s mindless
Your claim to fame's only a game, while my legacy evolves
No glitches can save you, watch you while all of your lives dissolve
A win trapped in Imaginationland; this pathetic feud is over
And it concludes with me having this star meet a supernova

Sinistar vs Ego - Rap Cypher: REBOOT #12

LYRICS

Sam:
Sam I am. Going ham on an entity envious of Halloween 
Horror genre's fruit cake's true fate's in what the rules state. How many you following?
You should go back to Christmas shopping if you think bells are good toys and gifts
Checking your candy is quite handy, ‘cause you never know when I bring poison spit
When you're told to pass out to children, you’re leaving them unconscious 
A holiday slayer, odds stacked in my favor. You can call me See-Samhain
Leave the Lanterns' candles alone? Krampus can't learn to not blow
Comedy’s stopped when I throttle your throat, so send Santa your final words with your bones

Krampus:
Gruss… Vom… Krampus
Hopping out of the bag, it’s a battle transformed into madness
Tonight I’ll be having a feast when I steal the pumpkin off of this cabbage patch kid
A legend to the Alps, it’s clear Sam’s trickery couldn’t stand to my status
When a pumpkin’s spilling his guts
The only thing you’re spitting is blood
Give you a new mask as you’re thrown under the bus
Defending pumpkins, but I thought that you’d light a matchstick
So make like the children and drown in my flow
You’re playing a devil’s game when you rap against satanic Santa, I’m a literal G.O.A.T.
Bit off Myers and spit out the sequel ‘cause Michael couldn’t get enough dough 
Even I couldn’t fit your entire plot into a snow globe!
I always land fire with hooks, so Sam better ring up the jingle bells
Before you turn into the second child I’ve thrown into the seventh ring of hell!

Sam:
I don’t even know who you’re trying to entertain, uhhhh, el chupacabra?
You’re spitting so much filler, no wonder this sweet tooth’s against lockjaw
And saying I mired Myers? You couldn’t compare to the Mars Bars that I spit
I’ll choke out a goat and throw him down the smokestack ‘cause I always keep the fire lit
You’re a stocking stuffer of a movie, I leave blocks busted when I move in
Best be handing out treats when I land on the beat, ‘cause your mouth won’t be the only thing drooping!
Now I might not be on the nice list, but it’s pretty apparent
That my letters weren’t intended to capture a child’s parents!
You just gotta say my name to realize that Sam wins against Krampus
It’s sad, man, you couldn’t give scares when you slid down a chimney and left a living room as smashed bits
So I’ll break your chains and change your fate as you inflate my rage
More than any Macy’s Day Parade, try staying safe once this fake’s filleted on my razor blade

Krampus:
Can’t attack back with your wack raps, you bit off me like a lollipop 
So I’ll knapsack this damn track and stuff a Jack O’Lantern in a box
Spying on girls in the dressing room, too bad you couldn’t find a better way to dress
Looking like Sans in a scarecrow outfit, you’d get on the naughty list for your fashion sense
I knapsack your Patch of Sour Kids, you’re next to be slaughtered
Now your comics can join the other children, soaked in water without honor

CREDITS

Freshy Kanal as Krampus
https://soundcloud.com/freshy-kanal
Snakebite126 as Sam
https://soundcloud.com/snakebite126

Written by Rabi, B O R K, and Snakebite126
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Beat prod. by Ihaski
Art by Blast03
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcw9SUYw-GI8RkYyYA1djVQ
Thumbnail by Rabi

Sam vs. Krampus - Bonus Battle

Art in the banner by Grenade, Banner made by SPM
Owned by Trakked
Discord: @trakked

Thomas Edison vs Electro - Rap Cypher: REBOOT #4

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