a song about the things i wish i could have done

produced, mixed, mastered by phixel
verse by saoirse dream
backing vocals by jackalsclaw

/

[NOTE: english translations will appear in brackets next to catalan lyrics. im still learning the language so im really really sorry for my bad pronunciation and grammar]

(phixel)
em fa mal  [it hurts]
tan malament  [so badly]
com puc escoltar  [how do i hear]
digue'm per què  [tell me why]

no et puc veure  [i cant see you]
a través de l'aire negre  [through this smog]
caurà neu ardent  [fiery snow will fall]
t'enterraré, a la cendra  [i will bury you, in ashes]

et llegiré la ment com un llibre  [i will read your mind like a notebook]
però no ho vull escoltar  [though i dont want to hear it]
encara no ho sé, per què estimes  [i still dont know why you love me]
em desgastaré, afectat  [i will wither away, afflicted]

(saoirse dream)
I still fall asleep in your clothes
Try to struggle out of your rope
Buy into release I’ve imagined
Cling tight to the arms of your ghost
I light matches that I can’t put out
So I burn down bushes outside of your house
And you just watch me
You laugh
Like “what the fuck is wrong with cat?”
You know that I can’t answer that

(phixel)
et llegiré la ment com un llibre  [i will read your mind like a notebook]
però no ho vull escoltar  [though i dont want to hear it]
encara no ho sé, per què estimes  [i still dont know why you love me]
em desgastaré, afectat  [i will wither away, afflicted]

a la cendra, a la cendra, a la cendra  [in ashes, in ashes, in ashes]

[jackalsclaw:]
(i went, i cast you in the fire, i watched you burn, i didnt cry)
(ill tell you everything alright, to get your memory out my mind)

notebook

ALL PLATFORMS!!!

notebook w/ saoirse dream

prod. me

won't ever forget the look in your eyes
when you held me close under the night sky
hands shaking in mine as you tried not to cry
'cause I was yours - 'cause you were mine
time slips away from us as you departed
still feel your hands as if around me 
everything we shared still holds at my heartstrings
exigency pulls at me but I can't

bare to see your face one more time
what if it all fades like that day
do you feel do you
do you hurt do you
was my feelings true I miss you 

and you never told me goodbye
cause you said we'd meet again sometime
same night sky you and I
but I can't find that time
all you said 
all you meant
I think were lies

languid eyes fall on reflections I can't make out
your  face a blur in my mind while I try to breathe
onerous words exit my lips and hurt
cause I know that I can't take back all that I said to you

everything that i said 
do you remember it
do you remember all of the times that we shared
every small memory
culminates inside me
as you try forget about it
I never lost our love fall into tenebrous
that was inside of you
cause you never cared about me 
act like you did
but I know that it all was just nothing

under the moonlight you said that you loved me 
but why did you're smile seem different that day
gazing right past me I know that she's not me 
but why couldn't you tell me to my face
hands on my shoulder as the dance gets slower 
and everything else just seems to fade away
You said you loved me but you didn't want me
But i couldn't let go through my own pain

you grip me tightly
pain won't let me leave you
stay right beside me
cause I'm scared of what happens if 
you leave me am I nothing
all of my time and my words hoping you'd love me
for me someday
I can't see why you'd still want me
when she's there right for you and I'm just another
another distraction

said that I'd grow and you'd wait have I grown up
change who I am just to play into your love
but I don't want to be tied down no more
everything you said it sticks and it's sore
only realized that you made it worse
you made it worse
you were my hurt

but you're gone
and I can't help feeling that you didn't 
really care for me at all
all the things you said you would remember but 
you forgot about 
your love
you were my whole life you were my everything but I
was just memories
to forget about once you're done and out
but that's gone for you 
do you hurt
cause I do

duscae

prod. me

hold me close
hands let go
don't forget my 
face my warmth

where'd you go
I've been searching for hope
on my own
try to backpedal the things I know
hear my call 
through the rain and the snow
are you there?
do you here me at all
it rushes in like tides I
pull and push my heart
beats for you 
as you speak with your eyes
did you feel did you
did you hurt did you

tears dry desiccate your eyes
I heard words you spoke
as you reached as you tried to breathe
deaths doorstep tattered rags are left
everything we once knew
building dust still
can you reach my hand
you stare back
though fields of lilac

break my heart 
disembogue my heartstrings
stay apart
all these lines but I can't see
through the rain as you
share my pain, tremble
through the coldness
envelope the words I missed

try check your pulse
your eyes stay closed
feel your whispers
it still hurts to forget 
all the words that you said
all the words that you

try hold on
still remember
who you are
cause i know you can't
tell me all about those long nights
stories prosaic won't leave my mind
as long as your voice stays with me
it will all be alright
I can hear you just fine

did you love me
do you hear me
did you love me
did you love me

sunset falls as we walk home
laugh through tears as the rain falls
pretend it's alright but I
see your pain it hurts to smile
take a while
lights in your eyes shroud with guile
every step holds regret
leave more behind the closer i get

you
looked so pretty as you held me close
words shared with whispers as we 
danced under the bus stop as rain fell
you told me to trust your hands
your hands round me move me slowly
watch you sway as rain drips down
my cheek smiling as you speak
"it won't ever be like this again"

as I hold your head
hairs wove in my hands
I can't see your face but
I know that you're crying
all the words I said
do you still hear them
and do you remember
all of the small movements we made
as we danced in the suns fade
tripping on our shoes unlaced
every breath warm on my neck
till you can't speak at all

battling with the time as
it fades taking you with
did you feel me love me feel hurt
from my hands 
call you back
it's my fault
lies lay lithe 
feel you cry
as tears hit my
back to nothing
did you want me
cause you won't let go of something I
said then 
did it stay with you
did it hurt did you
cause it hurt me too
i loved you

can't take back the time i spent worrying about it all
overthinking syllables so much until I feel sore
try to think of ways to rewind
all I said

I'll try let go
still stuck in the entresol
it all goes wrong
but you'll be fine without me
it won't be long
just promise you'll come back someday
watch the clouds form overhead me
I know that you'll get the same rainfall
no matter where you are now
like that moment
mists make ghosts of hands that hold me
winds whisper the things you told me
it feels like you'll always be here
but you're gone and 

you hold me with winds feel air surrounding
can't hear your voice but I know that you're trying
all the dreams I had did you believe in them
do you remember all of the feelings that you had
as we danced in the dawns grace
the winds blow shaping movements
every step might be my last
but I can't stop to care
battling with what I said
it hurts thinking bout it
did you feel me love me feel hurt
do you still

isohyet

prod. me 

I said i'd never leave your arms
but you just stripped them from me
hold your portrait around my neck
so that you're still beside me

I'll see you one day you know that I'd wait
you said that you'd stay you said that you'd - 

do you recall all of the shared whispers
words said that only we heard

won't let you fade
I will still keep holding onto -
I will still keep searching for you
when I call will I hear you call back
when I talk will you know who I am
do you still remember your own face
cause how long has it been since that day

I'll wait
for my name
when you call it back

"hold my locket in your palms don't let it close"
"take a piece of me you'll need it when I go"
tie a knot around my neck your breath was cold
I'll still keep you close by please just hold my 
hand
I want it back I need your hold
why did you go
"I think I love you"
I still love you
hold my hand close to the locket as I hope

take a step closer to death
maybe I'll see you again
letting go of all my breath
And I will be with you
cause I love you
cause I need you

I can't feel
but it hurts
is this real now

but It won't hurt anymore

And you said you'd be the death of me
but you weren't here to see me go
And I hope you'd still remember me
Cause I'll need you once we are home

I let that locket drown
as I dove deeper
reaching out for your hand but I couldn't hold on
I'll keep searching through the dark
I still hear your heart
beats pulse until it hurts
I'll do it all for you

please just smile 
just smile again I can't bare-

closed eyes won't open
won't open so I cried for you - you - you
I'll get you back I rely on you

feel it slip my fingers start to shake
as I watch myself fade

feel you here but you're nowhere to be seen 
I can hear your voice I can hear your screams
what did I do lost it all just to find you
need you find you cause I still need you
i've lost you (you've lost me)

reliant

prod. me

I don't think i'll come to grips with the mess
with the mess i've made
nineteen years were all for nothing
did you hear me scream did you feel my heat
please remember me
please remember 
cause I still can't let go

your hands in mine 
at half past nine take you home 
short trip just with you 
talking through the booze
but you're here with me

stumble to my door, open yours
headlights glow like eyes
yours lock with mine

hear your voice muffled under noise 
from rain pouring down on the roads ahead
I can't make out the words you say now
put my foot down and up the revs
I - said we'll be forever as I held you close
everything I loved right beside me as I drove
take my hands off the wheel as I try grab 
your hand turn around to see headlights in your eyes

your eyes
we'll die

left turn as it all gets slow
panic and rain disembogue
your voice echoes through my whole mind


say you love me as I swerve
should've taken the last turn
cause It wouldn't of hurt

are you there
your eyes
your smile
your life
hold me

tears run down my face as rain makes it all fade
i'll scream for you but you are nowhere to hear
scrape my knees on asphalt
grab your hand in warmth - cold just like ice
I said i'd take you home tonight I 
lied

are you there do you feel does it hurt still
cause I can't hold you

diffidence when I tried to speak but now I can't talk
all you said sticks with me your face lights up my nightmares
said you loved me one last time I
wish I could've said it back
every photo still makes me cry
when I look at your eyes

had to sell that car cause I can't bare the pain
ghosts sitting shotgun still hear you say my name
your voice
take me back to dinner still with you
still with me

I don't think i'll forget
That last drink that I had
I could feel your arms around me as you died
I can still feel your arms when I cry
tell me why it was you not me 
tell me why I still love you

do you remember do you love me still
do you feel your hurt
do you feel my hands around you
do you feel me are you still here
your hands feel cold

I see your face
right beside me
will you stay here

left turn

prod. me

do you hear my name
do you see my face
do you feel do you
know what I would've said

just take my hands and watch me fall
watch as my skin turns into dust
I can't go back to what I was to what I want 
back to myself
everything just hurts sometimes
but I can't feel at all
feel no more
feel my heartbeat slowing
maybe i'm supposed to die
cause who wants me here 
I'll erode away

it won't take long
soon I'll be gone
again
I feel you here but are you 
really there

do you hurt do you

I want to leave
would you leave with me
I'll try to breathe
did you hurt from me
all I said was wrong
and I can't go back
and I can't fix myself no matter what I
try lay back and see the sky
you put your hands on mine
"until the day we die"
so let me go I'll lay by myself here


it lives in my head
moments that we spent 
moments that I cried
do you remember
me me now I
need need to stand up

"everything just hurts sometimes"
what you said still makes me cry
all the things we shared were lies
and you never said goodbye
I'll stay as it all erodes
everything I lost for you
everything I lived for now
just another piece of me

did you feel did you

you feel yourself erode

Single 1 of 4
written, performed, produced & mixed by Micah Callari
mastered by @ryptage

LYRICS:
(It’s about… adventure!)

There’s a frog in my throat
And I think that she croaked
I get a little bit anxious
When I think about goals

Cuz I was made for the city
New York in the nighttime, felt so itty bitty
Walking down the street, do the people think I’m pretty
Came here to remember what I’m even living for
Cuz there’s something more out there for me

Where I am is fine, ‘til I step outside
This town isn’t mine, and I hate the damn state
Rich retirees, and their entitled pleas
It’s a tourist trap, and I’m stuck with the bait
And rent is so high, that I can’t even pay it
My job pays shit, but I can’t say I hate it
I know I’m much better off than most of my friends
But this place might be my end

Cuz I was made for the city
New York in the nighttime, felt so itty bitty
Walking down the street, do the people think I’m pretty
Came here to remember what I’m even living for
Cuz there’s something more out there for me

(I was made for the city)
(Cuz I was made for the city)

Oh, a dozen churches in a row
I can’t even count how much I’ve driven this road
I always end up at the same place, same place
I always end up at the, I always end up at the
Mom and Pop, comic store, arcade, the smoothie place
Coffee shop, grocery store, gardens, and my workplace
Creek Christian, Woodland, First Faith Baptist
Everybody moving here’s a motherfucking fascist

At least that’s what it feels like
To not have a car here, not even a permit
At least I can still fly
Even if only for just a little bit

Cuz I was made for the city
New York in the nighttime, felt so itty bitty
Walking down the street, do the people think I’m pretty
Came here to remember what I’m even living for
Cuz there’s something more out there for me

(I was made for the city)
(Cuz I was made for the city)

Cars 2006

[software gore:3of3]
in the drawer
☻
words by 8485 + Murrumur + @blackwinterwells
performed by 8485 + Murrumur + blackwinterwells
produced by Murrumur + blackwinterwells
mixed + mastered by blackwinterwells

Photo by Phillip Ly

Learn more at personalprotocol.net

ANTHROPOL [+Murrumur +blackwinterwells]

prod. me

i look outside the box
don't know where to start
ask me how i feel 
i feel spectacular
lost track what u want?
don't know who you are
so ask me how i feel
spectacular 

that's enough to kill the bitch
stuck inside my room
i don't give a shit
more time to myself
ima make a hit
yea my mom said i'll make it
IMA MAKE THIS SHIT

i look outside the box
don't know where to start
ask me how i feel 
i feel spectacular
lost track what u want?
don't know who you are
so ask me how i feel
spectacular 

stand on what you said
take a new approach 
if you look outside the box
you can see me
fuck what you said and meant
i don't care at all
i'm like oh my fucking god i don't mean it

but if i said i did 
would it change a lot
i'm like come on what the fuck 
i didn't break your arm
its so simple its a joke
i never got this far
and i'm sorry if i hurt you
i just care a lot

-tacular
ask me how i feel
i feel spectacular 
-tacular 
-tacular
spectacular 

i'm tryna do this shit for too long
it better work out
i've tried to hit the ball too far
now there's no sound
they tryna take me down i said 
FUCK YOU
HOPE IT WORKS OUT
i've got the best feeling 
it's somebody i know 
i hope you get well

stand on what you said
take a new approach 
if you look outside the box
you can see me
fuck what you said and meant
i don't care at all
i'm like oh my fucking god i don't mean it

but if i said i did 
would it change a lot
i'm like come on what the fuck 
i didn't break your arm
its so simple its a joke
i never got this far
and i'm sorry if i hurt you
i just care a lot

isohyet

vai5000

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