@https://soundcloud.com/idiot_loner  sry i deleted my acc

“It’s freezing and my back is sore” -I knew he was sad, cause his eyes held a hopeless beauty

I need more songs like this, lmk if yall know 😭

Swappin oxygen with smoke in my chest
You can see it everytime i take a breath 
In the depths seein death to the right and the left 
In the night gettin High while I’m lightin up cess
Til the day that I die my mind ain’t findin rest 
You don’t know  shit bout the lives that I led 
If I died right here it’d be my 89th
death 
Ash in the path on the floor where I step 
gettin high passin time in the mourge with my dead 
Died and found death then was forced to forget 
Used to want a family got orphaned instead 
On the floor where I bled where the poor only tread 
Fuckin with me then that’s Russian roulette 
With a full fuckin clip and a gun to ya head 
 My girl says Im smokin too much again 
In the graveyard lightin blunts for my  friends 
Please don’t forget who inspired these kids 
They said I’m fallin off then all their numbers stopped what a bitch irony is 
This governments showin a perfect example of what fuckin modern day tyranny is 
Might Stick a knife in this kid he keep eyein me bitch 
No matter how much I run from demons they seem to just find me again 
In my room thinking I’m better dying again 

At 15 I stayed in my room all adepressed  takin pills that were pressed now I’m overly stressed 
I’m bleedin can’t feel my heart beatin doc said he might have to rip open chest 
If I die don’t you cry just know it’s for the best 
Tell my son that I love em and I tried my best 
I know suicide ain’t designed for the rest 
And they’ll probably think that I’m weak when I’m dead 
But there’s enough life in the lines that I’ve left 
And the people inside of this life that I’ve met
To be someone who they couldn’t ever forget 
Just know I’m findin rest when I’m finally dead 
My girl wouldn’t feel like she should be if I was the one who was dead 
Without me always makin her stressed 
If my brain continues to function I hope that our memories fill up my head 
Atleast it would be like I ain’t even left 
In the graveyard there’s blood to the right and the left 
Ain’t felt alright in my mind or my head 
My whole life alright fine let’s just cut to the end 
In my dreams I’ve seen death almost 5miñlion times so if we talkin honestly what’s one more death 
Cigarettes mixed with cess while I grab on her breast
4 thousands nights we’ve stayed dead in this bed

isho 遺書(prod. farver & pizzle)

Leaving

Leaving (feat. the bootleg boy & Heroe)

e se eu fechar meus olhos e nunca mais te ver?
e se alguma coisa der errado e eu te perder?
e se eu falar uma bobagem, alguma besteira no meio de toda sacanagem?
você ainda vai me querer? ou vai querer que eu corra pra longe de você? 

e se eu pegar minhas coisas e ir embora de uma vez?
e se eu largar minha vida e ir embora dessa cidade por causa de você?
eu gosto de você muito mais do que um mês 

(Pré-refrão)
eu tento disfarçar, mas você sabe ler meus sinais
me beija e diz que tá tudo bem, mas será que tá mesmo, rapaz?
tenho medo de te amar demais 

(Refrão)
e se for só eu sentindo isso tudo?
e se o seu amor for leve e o meu for absurdo?
e se amanhã você cansar de mim?
eu não sei se aguento o fim
mas mesmo assim… eu fico aqui 

(Ponte)
e se o tempo apagar o que a gente é agora?
você vai lembrar de mim quando for embora?
eu só queria te dizer
que mesmo com todos os “e se”
eu ainda escolho você







Love Memoir

E se

@xam @cxldblxxd

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/3GFPyhogjxzNMpyTmdDysE
Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/album/fade-away-single/1464611384
YouTube (Music Video): https://youtu.be/eg7luQ1PYhQ

[Verse 1]
I woke up in the morning from the wrong side of bed
And I wish that I had stayed asleep and I wish that I was dead
But I try my best to suffocate the pain that I’m feeling in my chest
I’m depressed and stressed out I need some rest

I don’t wanna be alive right now It’s a waste of time and
I got demons deep inside my mind and I am sick and tired
And I can’t hear my own thoughts
I know that it’s my own fault
Fading away from the family photos
Oh no, I’m a no one

[Chorus]
I just wanna fade away   
I just wanna die today
Erase me from your memories
That way you wont remember me

[Verse 2]
So I hide my pain with a smile
I couldn’t be happy even If I tried
You think that I’m fine, It’s a disguise
Reality is that I’m crying inside
I don’t wanna do this anymore

I’m laying on the bathroom floor
It’s freezing and my back is sore
I’m waiting for the reaper to come
creeping through the bathroom door
I don’t wanna do this anymore
No, I don’t wanna do this anymore

[Chorus] x2
I just wanna fade away   
I just wanna die today
Erase me from your memories
That way you wont remember me

I just wanna fade away   
I just wanna die today
Erase me from your memories
That way you wont remember me

MUSIC VIDEO

FADE AWAY [Prod. CXLD BLXXD]

Heres a song off my upcoming EP called Heartbreak & Bad Habits
hope you fuck with it
Kuzu Mellow: @kuzumellow
draffish: @draffish
art: @oddyssi

spotify!

Heartbreak ft. Kuzu Mellow (prod. draffish)

@sadboyprolific 
@pauli-niemi

just another sad song...

Lyrics:
V1
I’m sick of loving 
Every time it’s just a misconception
I find a girl 
and she lead me into a new dimension
Thinking bout the future
Counting out all of our blessings
And then I find out it’s all fake
And she leaves me guessing
I guess I learned my lesson
I guess we’re better ended
I wish I never gave my heart out
Dummy should’ve kept it
Just like a piece of paper
She ripped my heart in half
I guess this kind of thing is something I won’t ever have
But it’s fine
Soon I’ll just get used to it
To keep my mind off of love
I’ll just do stupid shit
I fell asleep
Questioning is anyone for me
Laying on my back using 
Music as a remedy
Listening and writing
All these sad songs
Happy for a bit
But doesn’t last long
I’m Trynna find the joy
In all this chaos
Keep on praying
for my future hope it pays off

Hook
Broke my heart I
U tore it in two
So why am I
Still thinking of u

V2
Lately it’s fuck emotions
Grab the dope and then I roll it
I’ve been tripping off the potent
Honestly I’m omnipotent 
Used to think about r memories
I cleared em like my history 
Wrote this in a grave 
To set the scene
Cuz love is dead to me
R love was one sided
I know u ain’t felt the same
I bet u relish the fact
That I fucking felt this pain
U gave me comfort
U were like my shelter from the rain
Gripping the razor blade I swear I’d never love again
I’ll keep that promise
Trust me I won’t break it
I’ll rip my heart out of my chest
And chain it in the basement
Knocking bottles til I’m wasted
Clear to see I’m changing
Rather stick to blazing
Then the dreams that I’ve been chasing

V3
I know hearts don’t physically break 
but my chest hurts
I can still smell her perfume
On my sweatshirt 
They say that time can heal
Soon I’ll feel better
But all that can heal this
Is if I never met her
Story never ends 
If the story never starts
Take these sad feelings
Trynna turn them into art
Paintbrush light stroke 
Out all of my feelings
Spitting shit typing quick
Keep writing lyrics
Take the wheel I can’t see
But keep steering
Moving on kicking out 
My past demons
And I’m not walking I’ll be running 
From this torture
I see the light
Do my best to move forwards

scars on my heart | Feat. SadBoyProlific (Prod. Slipfunc)

Some boring, Love Stories

Spotify

i can't sleep (Prod. Sarcastic Sounds)

break ups suck ass | feat. sadeyes

this is a continuation of my song car ride. enjoy.

Lyrics:
I wonder if ill make past 21 
I wonder if my parents think that I’m important
I wonder if my exes think about me often

I wonder If I ever knew what I could love 
I wonder if blew my chances up above
I wonder If I’ll ever really be enough 

I’m trying to be my own friend
Cause I know that Ill be with myself 
Until the very end
Until the very end 

I wonder what’s like to drink and smoke cigars
Or pass out in the grass on a strangers yard
Or how it feels to get high and look at the stars

I wonder what’s it like to give someone my heart
In fear that person could just tear it all apart
I wonder if Ill ever really come apart 

I’m trying to be my own friend
Cause I know that Ill be with myself 
Until the very end
I’m trying to be my own friend
Cause I know that Ill be with myself 
Until the very end
Until the very end 

I let you go
Please come back
I want a chance 
To start over 
Cause I know this can’t 
be all  over 

I wonder if ill make past 21 
I wonder if my parents think that I’m important
I wonder if my exes think about me often

I wonder If I ever knew what I could love 
I wonder if blew my chances up above
I wonder If I’ll ever really be enough 

I’m trying to be my own friend
Cause I know that Ill be with myself 
Until the very end
I’m trying to be my own friend
Cause I know that Ill be with myself 
Until the very end
Until the very end

I let you go
Please come back
I want a chance 
To start over 
Cause I know this can’t 
be all  over

I'm trying to be my own friend

I'm Trying To Be My Own Friend (prod. Ocean)[OUT NOW ON SPOTIFY]

Much love to the boys @sadboyprolific and @nuxemusic for creating this song with me <3

Lyrics:
Thomas Reid:
I don't know what I'm feelin' these days but
I hope it gets better
And it cuts deep like I'm grippin' a blade
My heads light as a feather
And I hope that I feel it
Hope I feel something someday
A little something at all
And I hope that I feel it
Hope I feel something someday
Something to fix my heart

SadBoyProlific
(Yuh)
Sometimes I'm scared you'll open up your eyes and see the signs
Finally see I'm worthless and nothing compared to other guys
And yeah I'll cry but still smile and say it's fine while my mind leaps to different forms of fuckin' suicide
Jealousy's my biggest enemy so what's the key
To put down all the drugs all my demons just face defeat
I've got some family whose faces I could never see and even some that soon won't ever fuckin' remember me

Thomas Reid:
I don't know what I'm feelin' these days but
I hope it gets better
And it cuts deep like I'm grippin' a blade
My heads light as a feather
And I hope that I feel it
Hope I feel something someday
A little something at all
And I hope that I feel it
Hope I feel something someday
Something to fix my heart

Feel Something

Thomas Reid x SadBoyProlific x Nuxe - Feel Something

Sins

1/2 of @prsonprson

EMAIL: XAM.MGMT@GMAIL.COM

FADE AWAY [Prod. CXLD BLXXD]

XAM

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