this isn't really the most me kind of song
just a lot of gibberish thrown together but i did want to share at least something as it's been a hot minute
i hope i'm back to usual soon <3

Lyrics:

it's probably better
it's probably better
it's probably better
it's probably better
it's probably better you're never hearing this

could you tell me that you love me
even if you'll never mean it i need something
i been needing reassurance that i'm something
this shit is fuel for giving up please
so could you tell me that you love me
it's fucking lonely in this body so i share it with her lusting
oh could you fuck me

could you fuck me right back
i won't get attached
just need to make it thru the night without a rollie or a pack
at least the music has my back
yuh
cuz i know people never last
yuh
i made this shit so in a week i'll have a song to cry to
i made this shit so in a year i'll be at peace and i won't mind you
she said that she'd be right there nothings ever right there
i'd honestly be dead if i found another life there

so let me know if you relate
or i'm alone to fight my fate
i tend to fall in love too quickly
have the habit getting clingy
have a habit sort of sticking
it's probably something that i'm missing
from my childhood or misery
and now i can't remember much
but i know i never really wanted this
and the things i'd give to run back life again
now i fantasize bout the corny lovey shit
but it's probably better you're never hearing this

yuh it's probably better you're never hearing this
yuh it's probably better you're never hearing this

it's probably better
it's probably better
it's probably better
it's probably better
it's probably better you're never hearing this

something, anything.

-lyrics-
but I go
and I go
yet the pretty little patterns never show
what'd you know
what'd you know
everything just doesn't matter its a go

there was a time in my life
I didn't wanna live, I pushed and then thrived
but everything will come in waves, and so it did
baby was I wrong for the things I said and did 

I don't wanna die that's right
I wanna be a man inside
its tells me to throw away
throw away, 
my dreams and rot, and then decay

it melts away like cheese on the grill
I'm petty and I'm lost, come on tell me how it feels

but I go
and I go
yet the pretty little patterns never show
what'd you know
what'd you know
everything just doesn't matter its a go

there's long way ahead
IN HELL ITS OKAY!
OH HELL I AM ASHAMED!
I NEVER THOUGHT THE DETREMENT I CAUSED ALL OF MY FAMILY, IM AMAZED
I DONT WANNA GAME
INSIDE, I AM DEAD, WHATS THE PLAY
CAN YOU BE A BIT MORE FRIENDLY IM AFRAID
I DONT WANNA DIE, BLOODY BROKEN AND ASHAMED

oh my god
oh my god
can you tell some about urself, ive know for a while now
I don't wanna freak you out
I been living in the depths inside ur brain
please don't run away

please don't run away ill chase you down
*chase you down*
i realize its getting dark out

you don't medicate me away
ill be here to stay

but I go
and I go
yet the pretty little patterns never show
what'd you know
what'd you know
everything just doesn't matter its a go

there's long way ahead
IN HELL ITS OKAY!
OH HELL I AM ASHAMED!
I NEVER THOUGHT THE DETREMENT I CAUSED ALL OF MY FAMILY, IM AMAZED
I DONT WANNA GAME
INSIDE, I AM DEAD, WHATS THE PLAY

but i go
and i go
yet the pretty little patterns never show
what'd you know
what'd you know
everything just doesn't matter its a go

horror came and went (prod. domesticsoul)

no fixing wasn't right
all along
we were meant to fall apart
listen to my songs

getting ready now
for the road is all i want
i don't wanna lay here
anymore than i have to
sick of it, at this altitude

don't try and walk away
then try to make amends again
it never was the same
years and years on end, we wasted everything again

i don't wanna hear you  complain ever again
a train wreck in my head

watch, yeah just watch me walk away
the 30th of June, its super cloudy raining on me once again
give me a second and a hand
I'm falling down for you again

Christ, oh Christ, I'm crying out again
I'm gonna lay here missing on your gaze
hope one day, this pain will go away
strife and struggle, to make it through this maze!
LIFE IS FULL OF PAIN , I NEED TO RID OF YOUR FACE!
this is such a game
with nothing to gain
sorry if I'm lame

don't try and walk away
then try to make amends again
it never was the same
years and years on end, we wasted everything again

i don't wanna hear you  complain ever again
a train wreck in my head

watch, yeah just watch me walk away
the 30th of June, its super cloudy raining on me once again
give me a second and a hand
I'm falling down for you again

Christ, oh Christ, I'm crying out again

Curated Agony (prod. Dianasty)

Distant memories
_____________________________________________________________
Lay on an open field at night
Where the stars' our only light
With a kiss she gave me life
Just to burn it all & watch me die
& I coped with the way the smoke made me feel
Made some friends on the way, it felt so real
but The abyss doesn't pick and choose
Push away the closest to me & self abuse

Distant memories I hold
At the time I didn't know
They are worth their weight in gold
My only comfort on this road

How could you know who I am
If I don't even know who I am
How could I set up a plan
If I don't even know where I stand

I will never figure this all out x2
Better to accept it now than pout x2
Nowadays I'm always filled with doubt x2
But life will never have a perfect route x2

Distant memories I hold
At the time I didn't know
They are worth their weight in gold
My only comfort on this road
_____________________________________________________________

Produced & mixed by John Wehmeyer & Weepings
Written by Weepings
Mastered by Weepings
Eternal September | 2023

Distant memories

It never gets easier
_____________________________________________________________
It never gets easier
Seasons change; and your feelings hurt
But you just get used to it all
You will stand up from the fall
You're the only person that you'll ever know at all
And I don't know myself so I guess everything is false

The blood that I've shed
Would rather be dead
_____________________________________________________________

Produced & mixed by John Wehmeyer & Weepings
Written by Weepings
Mastered by Weepings
Eternal September | 2023

It never gets easier

One day at a time
_____________________________________________________________
I know I have to fend for my own
I run away by packing a cone
But you can't run forever
Happiness is earned
You cannot change that, you're not clever
I had to learn the hard way
Thank god we wake up to a new day
And when the skies are looking all grey
Remember ... No one did it all in one take

Not showing up's the only mistake
Life moves fast, there's no break
Suffering's a guarantee
But you can choose your own fate
Chasing pleasures, left opaque
How much more can I forsake
When I'm dead and last awake
Can't resent what I create

It still feels like this year is at the start
Time slips away, this moment will be gone
Hourglass full of sand
Got to take a step back and decide who I am
Am I going to look back, Wish I followed the plan
I change the tides with this mic in my hand
I don't even know myself anymore
I don't even love myself anymore
Gone; gone
_____________________________________________________________

Produced & mixed by John Wehmeyer & Weepings
Written by Weepings
Mastered by Weepings
Eternal September | 2023

One day at a time

Hold my hand
_____________________________________________________________
Hold my hand
I need
some guidance
I need
Reliance
Still a kid in my bones like
Overthinking my whole life
9-5 kill my soul
Don't want to do what I'm told
I remember playing all day
Couldn't take a wrong way
Now I'm older
Push that boulder
It's September already
Now the summers' soon ending
My flame smolders
Getting colder

I've got to fly on my own
All alone
I've got to try, Can't postpone
Now I'm grown

But I never said it was easy
I'm waiting for death to come free me
I pray that this winter don't freeze me
There's levels to life like a Avicii
The king of my mind like Medici
I'm human, can't help but be greedy
I know that this world doesn't need me
I don't let it make me uneasy
Can't go back I know my own fate
I've tried to run but can't sedate
These feelings I've always felt
Inactions add up to hell
I can't help but to rebel
I'm stuck inside a cell

I've got to fly on my own
All alone
I've got to try, Can't postpone
Now I'm grown
I've got to fly on my own
All alone
I've got to try, Can't postpone
Now I'm grown
_____________________________________________________________

Produced & mixed by John Wehmeyer & Weepings
Written by Weepings
Mastered by Weepings
Eternal September | 2023

Hold my hand

Entropy
_____________________________________________________________
Entropy
You could look in my eyes and just tell that I'm gone
Entropy
It's the state of my mind after packing the bong
My room is always a mess, Piling stress
Can't say I'm trying my best
Chaos is on the horizon
Fight like I'm Tyson
God this life sucks like a Dyson
Always fall back into my stupid ways
Thought it would stop but this shits not a phase
All my mistakes I have them on replay
Up in my mind until I fade away
To nothing
Now I have nothing
Oh don't I know myself, not anymore
Tired of bluffing
I play pretend when I walk out the door
Act like I'm something
Waking up sober and cold on the floor
Clutching to nothing

Entropy
You could look in my eyes and just tell that I'm gone
Entropy
It's the state of my mind after packing the bong
Entropy
The easiest path is most often the wrong
Entropy
The choices you make will come back and haunt

I collect addictions
Like a trophy on the wall
Static in the air
I can barely breathe at all
In this generation we truly have it all
Overstimulation, we're in constant withdrawal
_____________________________________________________________

Produced & mixed by John Wehmeyer & Weepings
Written by Weepings
Mastered by Weepings
Eternal September | 2023

Entropy

High
_____________________________________________________________
Oh I cannot take it
I'm feeling so naked
I'm coping with being alone
There was an old saying
That men in the making
Are both the mason and the stone
Now I-I-I-I'm feeling the pain
Now I-I-I-I'm stuck in the rain
I'm trying to survive all these changes
I'm calling out to all my angels
I always forget that a rainbow comes after the storm
I head inside by the fire to warm

I get so high, get so high
I touch the sky, touch the sky
I get so high, get so high
I touch the sky, touch the sky

But you always come down then it's cold
Once so young, now you're feeling so old
I guess some things you'll never control
You must be like the water and flow
Happiness goes with the tides
You will feel like yourself in some time
I stick my hand in the furnace & watch it remold
Don't get attached Don't get scared to let go

I'm trying to survive all these changes
I'm calling out to all my angels
I always forget that a rainbow comes after the storm
I head inside by the fire to warm

I get so high, get so high
I touch the sky, touch the sky
I get so high, get so high
I touch the sky, touch the sky
_____________________________________________________________

Produced & mixed by John Wehmeyer & Weepings
Written by Weepings
Mastered by Weepings
Eternal September | 2023

High

change ft. cavasoul (prod. swaine)

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One day at a time

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