wrote this song from the perspective of joel in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind :) new favorite movie

lyrics:

i'm watching everything go sideways
and i can't do a thing to make it stop
i won't remember this tomorrow
but i'll be sad when i wake up

i wish we were back in your apartment
i want you to sing me to sleep
i'll forget my wallet so i'll have to come back
and you won't forget me

thought it was only fair
but i swear i didn't think it through this far
you chose this first
so i didn't think it'd hit me quite this hard
i don't want to see this part

i'm watching everything go sideways
feels like someone's messing with my head
i'm not prepared to never know you again
i'm sorry, can we stop this instead?

thought it was only fair
but i swear i didn't think it through this far
you chose this first
so i didn't think it'd hit me quite this hard
i don't want to see this part

when this is over
i'll never know that
i ever missed you at all
i'll be a stranger and
you will be kissing somebody
that i don't know
i'll take the train to the beach
and i'll sit on the sand
and i'll never know
i had a life before this
i don't want this

thought it was only fair
but i swear i didn't think it through this far
you chose this first
so i didn't think it'd hit me quite this hard
i don't want to see this part

clementine (demo)

sad bill

SO WHAT

glue song - beabadoobee (cover)

stupid car - radiohead (cover)

piano by Taylor Mackall
mixed & mastered by Eric Ruscinski
photo by Neema Sadeghi

Merry Christmas Darling - The Carpenters (Cover)

C Am F C

i’ve come to realize that when i sit here with my guitar
i’m always looking for another verse that i could start
i try a hundred different chords and then sit in silence

i’ve started yet another project just to sober up
forget about the other seven that i’ve barely done
i don’t know why i can’t just play a song that’s already written

Am Am C G
Am 000020 F G

i don’t know why i’m always looking for somebody new
i don’t know why i’m always craving for a change of view
i put my dreams up on a pedestal
knowing that i’ve built it on an older one still

F C F C
Am C F G

see, i’ve been wanting a simple quiet kind of life
since i was 12 i’ve wanted something like a 9-5
i told my family that i only really need a small apartment
well now i got it

and suddenly everything is calm, but i’ve been spinning out
and nothing’s wrong, but something’s telling me, oh it’s shouting now
that i’m not where i’m supposed to be 
there’s something there out for me
so i build another project to believe

i’ve come to realize that when i sit here with my guitar
i grab on every other detail just to pull apart
i’d pull the planet into shreds and then sit in silence

i tell my friends that when i’m done with school i’ll move away
but tell the truth, i know that every city’s just the same
i don’t know why i’m always looking for a change in the rhythm

i don’t know why i’m always looking for somebody new
i don’t know why i’m always craving for a change of view
i put my dreams up on a pedestal
knowing that i’ve built it on an older one still

cuz i’ve been wanting a simple quiet kind of life
since i was 12 i’ve wanted something like a 9-5
i told my family that i only really need a small apartment
well now i got it

and suddenly everything is calm, but i’ve been spinning out
and nothing’s wrong, but something’s telling me, oh it’s shouting now
that i’m not where i’m supposed to be 
there’s something there out for me
so i make another project to believe

a simple, quiet kind of life (voice memo)

yan qing