what the shit just happened? WHAT IN THE FUCK!!!! I AM OUTRAGED!!!

Who made the batarina song please reply to me!

Asking someone to leave the room while they are sneezing is ridiculous. Tom is right. It's involuntary. And if you are a TRUE MOMMY, you would know that you have to be still and cross your legs or you will piss yourself. And no you don't have to say bless you. Just ignore it. You chose how you react to things that annoy you. Asking the person that is doing an involuntary bodily function to leave the room during a sneezing fit, to not annoy you, makes you the rude person. Not the other way around.

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In this jam-packed episode of Your Mom's House, Tom and Christina welcome the one and only Andrew Schulz!
Before Schulz joins the Main Mommies, we open the show with a cool gal talking some shit about her jealous mom, before Tom shares his deep affection for Chicago, and Christina reflects on her steamy sex dream where she and Tom were both Black (yes, you read that right). They also celebrate the return of YMH Live X, discuss an outrageous encounter with a fat and gay flight attendant and react to some truly mind-blowing clips—including a loser who's married to a mannequin.
Andrew Schulz next joins in and opens up about his new comedy special, LIFE, his approach to storytelling, and his exciting journey into fatherhood. Things get real as the group shares miscarriage horror stories, blending raw honesty with some dark laughs. The chaos continues with a deep dive into Temptation Island Spain, the internet sensation Montoya, the wild content on the Zeus Network, and some guy named Aaron the Plumber who fights transwomen. Don’t miss it, Jeans!

Your Mom’s House Ep. 801

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Chapters		
00:00:00	-	Intro
00:00:00	-	Opening Clip: Jealous Mom Hate
00:00:00	-	YMH LIVE X
00:00:00	-	Chicago
00:00:00	-	Christina's Hot Black Dream
00:00:00	-	Black Hawk Down/What Jennifer Did 
00:00:00	-	The Fattest And Gayest Flight Attendant
00:00:00	-	50 Year Old Loser 
00:00:00	-	Andrew Schulz & Pregnancy Horror Stories 
00:00:00	-	Tom & Christina's Kids
00:00:00	-	Comedic Scene Shifts
00:00:00	-	TradWife Trend 
00:00:00	-	Dad Things
00:00:00	-	American Stand Up & Storytelling
00:00:00	-	White Loyalty & Wu-Tang Favors
00:00:00	-	Just Dudes Telling Dudes Stories
00:00:00	-	Temptation Island Spain
00:00:00	-	Aaron The Plumber Fights People
00:00:00	-	Sam's Tailor
00:00:00	-	Wrap Up
00:00:00	-	Closing Song - "WTF Is Eco-Sex" by Gaping Dad
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Andrew Schulz Is Gay Now | Your Mom's House Ep. 801

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This week on Your Mom’s House, Robert Smith and Christina P are joined by billionaire entrepreneur and Shark Tank legend Mark Cuban.
Tom and Christina are STILL hyped after YMH Live X and recap more of the insanity from that legendary night. Tom next opens the show with an unhinged clip of an old man who hasn't been laid in 30 years, before he brings up his tradition of texting Joe Rogan horrifying death videos. Other highlights include a Hulk Hogan steamer situation, a bizarre Kanye tattoo on an Asian guy, and a deep dive into Charles Manson documentaries.

The one and only Mark Cuban joins the pod, and things get real. Mark opens up about selling the Mavericks, what it’s like to trade a generational talent like Luka Dončić, and why checking his bank account makes everything better. He spills secret rich guy knowledge (like how money makes ugly people attractive), explains why he’s not a yacht guy, and hilariously pitches Tom on buying a private jet.

Mark also talks about being a public dad, his love for working, and why he’s obsessed with the future. He breaks down Shark Tank—from the dumbest pitches ever to surprising success stories like Dude Wipes—and how he’s wrong half the time when investing. The conversation gets even wilder as Mark shares thoughts on hunting Somali pirates, his late-night Twitter beefs, AI, NBA rule changes, and why he’s all-in on healthcare reform with http://CostPlusDrugs.com. Don’t miss it, Jeans!

Your Mom’s House Ep. 802

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Chapters		
00:00:00	-	Intro
00:03:29	-	YMH Live X Still Got Us Hyped
00:10:19	-	Opening Clip: Hard Time Getting Hard
00:17:15	-	Heavy Reactions
00:21:07	-	Deep Diving The Opening Clip
00:24:52	-	Clip: A Hulk Hogan Steamer
00:28:33	-	Christina P Trashes Meghan M 
00:42:48	-	Clip: Decent Footjob Review 
00:44:49	-	Clip: Cool Kanye Tattoo
00:45:39	-	Charles Manson
00:53:56	-	Mark Cuban Talks Mavs & Luka Doncic
01:00:42	-	Secret Rich Guy Stuff
01:08:31	-	How To Win At The Sport Of Business 
01:14:51	-	Dumb Shark Tank Pitches
01:22:33	-	Putting Your Kids On The Right Path
01:28:22	-	Personal Stuff & Somali Pirates
01:34:31	-	AI & The Future Of Podcasts
01:43:01	-	Changing The Game
01:47:45	-	Mark Cuban's Favorite Things
01:55:47	-	Closing Song - "Pussy Glassin" by Lady Money
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Dumbest Shark Tank Pitches w/ Mark Cuban | Your Mom's House Ep. 802

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This week on Your Mom’s House, Tom and Christina welcome anti-aging expert and biohacker Bryan Johnson to talk about the ultimate goal: not dying. Bryan breaks down his "Don’t Die" program, which involves everything from hyperbaric chambers, drinking lots of olive oil, and shock waving your penis.

Before Bryan joins in, Tom and Christina open the show by clowning on some rich guy influencers and check out some of Hilaria Baldwin’s unhinged reality show.
Next, Bryan enters the Mommy Dome and briefs Tom and Christine on his entire lifestyle process, plus he even even gifts them some of his special olive oil. Tim and Kirsten also grill Bryan on some other crucial health hacks include coffee enemas, sharpening your own "sword", and piss drinking. They also touch on Bryan’s Mormon upbringing, his secrets for a better night' sleep, and whether owning a jet is actually worth it. If you want to live forever watch this episode ya chomo!

Your Mom’s House Ep. 803

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Chapters		
00:00:00	-	Intro
00:04:48	-	Opening Clip: Psychotic Roofing Conference 
00:07:39	-	Clip: Who Is This Dangerous Guy?
00:08:50	-	Clip: Fancy Trainer 
00:10:43	-	Clip: Fired A Client 
00:12:01	-	Clip: Cool Dudes On A Plane
00:24:23	-	Hilaria Baldwin 
00:34:18	-	Bryan Johnson Won't Die 
00:43:03	-	Anti-Aging Secrets
00:48:58	-	Clip: Urine Therapy 
00:51:28	-	The Father, Son, & Holy Pineal Gland
00:56:57	-	Diet & Olive Oil 
01:06:23	-	Hyperbaric Chambers 
01:12:28	-	Fun Stuff & Tom's Routine 
01:18:24	-	Clip: Coffee Enema Queen 
01:19:55	-	Clip: Rub, Rub, Rub 
01:24:00	-	Shockwaving Peeners 
01:27:53	-	Bryan's Personal Life 
01:33:26	-	Cool Rich Guy Stuff
01:40:04	-	Dying Is Dumb 
01:50:14	-	Closing Song - "Piss On Me Beat Me" by Zach 
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Bryan Johnson Will Never Die | Your Mom's House Ep. 803

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A hole is a hole, partner! These are the famous words of the modern day Dirk Diggler, Mr. Tony Johns who drops in for this week's YMH! Before Tony calls in, Tom and Christine talk about their trip back from the UK, which included a visit to the Tower of London, where the kids were eager to see the torture devices. Tom’s also reveals he has evolved into a guy who shits on airplanes after turning 40. He shares stories about playing in Madison Square Garden, where Redman, Chrissy D, and Joey Diaz opened for him on an unforgettable night. They also talk CP’s desire for Bauhaus to open for her, Big Dad Energy, and shout out London’s food scene while criticizing Europe’s shitty public toilet situation. They then finally get to the opening clip featuring the phrase “Grippy Garfield”, which you'll have to watch and find out about on your own. They also discuss overweight flight attendants, the Baldwins being cringe once again, a schizo lady in a Canadian government conspiracy, the family cloth, and a hot chick farting for content. Oh, also “BREED” makes an appearance, and Tom is so excited to cover the latest Tony Johns drama, recalling all of his recent chaotic moments. Tony Johns next joins the show and talks about dealing with a bully coworker at Walmart, a scary landlord, and his OnlyFans ventures, including his film debut in the works featuring Alexis Fawx. Finally, Tom wraps the insane episode up by mocking a racist white lady’s wedding speech at an interracial marriage. Wooooo come on wit it!

Your Mom’s House Ep. 804

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Chapters		
00:00:00	-	Intro
00:00:52	-	UK Trip, Big Dad Energy, & Plane Poopies 
00:07:20	-	Madison Square Garden
00:13:36	-	European Public Toilets 
00:15:57	-	Opening Clip: Grippy Garfield
00:23:26	-	Fat Flight Attendants
00:29:59	-	Those Damn Baldwins 
00:37:50	-	Schizo Evelyn Montage 
00:40:18	-	Clip: Family Cloth
00:41:35	-	Clip: Farting Baddie
00:44:20	-	The Life & Times Of Tony Johns
01:01:32	-	Tony Johns Sets The Record Straight 
01:09:12	-	More Wild & Crazy Stories 
01:16:47	-	Making Dreams Come True 
01:21:33	-	Clip: Cone To The Face 
01:22:09	-	Clip: Dumb Push-ups
01:22:38	-	Clip: Well Done Ribs
01:23:12	-	Cool Guy Collabs
01:24:56	-	Shitty Wedding Speech
01:33:38	-	Wrap Up
01:35:30	-	Closing Song "I Got A DUI, Baby" by grasskingdoms & Fart Simpson
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A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour

SPONSORS:

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This week on Your Mom’s House, it’s just the Main Mommies in the saddle — and things get deeply personal and deeply disgusting.
Tina gives us the full rundown on her recent colonoscopy journey, while a slightly jealous Tom has really leaned into his gross dad era — spitting loogies out the car window like an old Chinese man (Christine's words, not mine)  and upping his fart game to unacceptable levels. They also give a brief review of The Minecraft Movie, praise Jason Mamoa, and discuss the rise of low-IQ adults on TikTok, and get into the latest unhinged chapter in the Tony Johns saga — this week included a landlord braw, an hour long arrest, and a little sledgehammering.
Plus, the Mommies revisit the legendary RPC’s Instagram for a reboot of an old classic clip, watch some horrible or hilarious videos, get re-acquainted with the Alaskan Avenger, and Tom shows some wild glove art from his show in Oklahoma City.
Grab your bidet, lower your IQ, and let’s get weird.

Your Mom’s House Ep. 805

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Chapters		
00:00:00	-	Intro
00:01:15	-	Tina's Colonoscopy 
00:06:39	-	Disgusting Habits
00:13:10	-	Opening Clip: Enny's Inner Thoughts
00:22:01	-	Clip: Smelly Flatulence
00:26:36	-	RPC: Rebooted
00:36:03	-	Minecraft Movie & Low-IQ Adults
00:42:43	-	Tony Johns 
00:47:53	-	Clip: Soft Security 
00:49:07	-	Horrible Or Hilarious
00:53:00	-	Spring Jackets
00:59:56	-	The Alaskan Avenger
01:04:49	-	Clip: Precious Man-Baby
01:08:01	-	Clip: Water Cannons Are Scary
01:09:50	-	Tour Dates
01:10:44	-	Glove Actually
01:13:33	-	Closing Song -"F.A.R.T." by Billy Robot
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Farts Are A Love Language | Your Mom's House Ep. 805

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour

SPONSORS:

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It’s a big week in the Mommy Dome — Tommy Smurfday and Christina P kick things off with a beautiful clip reminding us that fisting is more than a hobby — it’s an identity. That flows nicely into some stories from a Por Osos gay bar takeover where Tom was apparently the belle of the very gay ball. Meanwhile, CP confesses she had a dream that Tom adopted a selfishly sinful life that involved slurping white, kinky clubbing, and hanging out with Charlize Theron. Then it’s time for a call with Tony Johns, who updates the Mommies on why he got kicked out of a local dive bar, his new OnlyFans photo hustle, and his upcoming scene with Alexis Fawx. Speaking of MILFs, Mother’s Day is around the corner, so consider grabbing one of Mommy Christina's latest lipsticks for that special broad in your life.
We also get an Enny story about his dream girl who ruined it all with a single turd, and a deep dive into some toxic clips, some ladyboy goodness, and a TikTok buffet featuring sprite burps, gendered hair, buttered bread, tapi tapi, and a man with underwear on his head who may or may not be a genius. Plus Christina presents a dealbreaker scenario with a nudist and an environmentalist. This one’s packed tighter than a stuffed pet collection.

Your Mom’s House Ep. 806

https://tomsegura.com/tour
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GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit http://gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY).
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Chapters		
00:00:00	-	Intro
00:02:00	-	Happy Smurfday
00:08:47	-	Opening Clip: Brolapse
00:18:24	-	Gay Bar Takeover & Christina's Dream
00:24:51	-	Tony Johns Update
00:30:50	-	Straight From The Worker's Mouth 
00:40:51	-	Mother's Day Lipstick Plug 
00:41:19	-	Clip: Different Level Woman
00:45:13	-	Clip: Shopping For Cuties 
00:47:44	-	Nudist or Environmentalist?
00:52:11	-	Enny's Inner Thoughts 
00:59:17	-	Christina's Curations
01:09:58	-	Clip: Gender Affirming Pet Haircuts 
01:11:15	-	Clip: Masked Amigo 
01:13:48	-	Closing Song - "Let's Go Water Champ Tommy Buns Mix" by Sweet Mitchel 
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Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806

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Pull your jeans all the way up over your head because Tom Segura and Christina P are back for another week of Your Mom's House Podcast! Tom wants to have some fun and so does the guy in the opening clip. The Main Mommies also talk about a local news station tweeting a slur, neck veins, broads in space, influencers with down syndrome, and then share some more of "Enny's Thoughts."
We then welcome comedian Brad Williams into the MommyDome! Tom and Christina talk to him about dwarf fetishes, a new slur for tall people, Tiptoes, and Brad's thoughts on the new Snow White movie out in theaters. They also talk about the "Allah" of LP's, short people jokes, the challenge of following Brad's act, and bringing back shame in commonplace society. They also check out some horrible or hilarious clips and Toks! Try it out.

Your Mom’s House Ep. 807

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Chapters		
00:00:00	-	Intro
00:04:10	-	Opening Clip: Let's Have Fun
00:08:35	-	Clip: Farting Baddie
00:10:52	-	Clip: 8 Head 
00:12:23	-	Big Word Blunder 
00:19:17	-	Clip: YMH Muppets 
00:22:03	-	Low-IQ Adults & Downs Influencers 
00:25:29	-	More Of Enny's Inner Thoughts 
00:30:56	-	Clip: Baseball Sock
00:37:55	-	Clip: Neck Veins 
00:39:42	-	Broads In Space 
00:42:28	-	Nobody Can Follow Brad Williams 
00:49:13	-	Little Person Jokes
00:58:21	-	Snow White & Tiptoes
01:05:55	-	Try It Out 
01:09:18	-	A Christina P Thought & Ivanka Trump
01:18:29	-	Horrible Or Hilarious
01:25:51	-	TikToks
01:34:08	-	Shame
01:40:36	-	Wrap Up
01:41:47	-	Closing Song - "RubRub Song" by DJ BOY BUTTER
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Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour


Don't miss Tom Segura's new sketch comedy series "Bad Thoughts" premiering on Netflix May 13th!

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Hey Jeans! This week on Your Mom’s House, Tom and Christina are back from Fantasy Island and the Mommies kick things off with a classic opening clip that'll have you saying, "What?!"They catch up on Tony Johns’ latest adventures — including his Vegas sex scene and current courtroom drama — plus a surprise call from RPC where he seems down to drop everything and join the Vegas fun! Next, Tom drops the trailer for his brand-new Netflix show and debuts it for the all the Mommies first. Tim and Kirsten also weigh in on Mick Jagger’s wedding, Keanu’s appropriately aged girlfriend, Gwyneth Paltrow’s face situation, and why taking care of yourself before you're too old is the move. They next go down a TikTok rabbit hole which includes bad haircuts, buffets, secret menu items, portal jumping, Little Debbie honey buns, and fat-shaming in Thailand. All this, plus some music dreams, rougey cocktails, underage drinking nostalgia, lipstick plugs, and a whole lot of gay corn jokes. Pull those jeans up!

Your Mom’s House Ep. 808

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Chapters		

00:00:00	-	Intro

00:02:54	-	Fantasy Island 

00:09:49	-	Opening Clip: WHAT?!

00:14:50	-	Tony Johns + RPC Collab?

00:29:33	-	YMH Exclusive: Bad Thoughts Full Trailer Premiere 

00:35:46	-	Lipstick Plug & Greased Up

00:37:55	-	Mick Jagger Got Married 

00:42:19	-	Taking Care Of Yourself 

00:48:22	-	Clip: Ms. Pat Asks Trick Daddy About Diddy

00:49:32	-	Clip: Black Light Daddy Pop Star 

00:53:25	-	Adult Beverages

01:01:47	-	Christina's Curations 

01:15:09	-	Closing Song - "Any C*m In Those Balls" by TPK
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Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour



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Hey Jeans! This week on Your Mom’s House, Tom and Christina kick things off with some good old fashioned white woman cringe. From Fergie massacring the national anthem to Kim Cattrall scatting, we've got a gauntlet of embarrassing singing in public for you to enjoy. Tom then opens the show with a clip of a wild mattress flip, before the Main Mommies get an update from Tony Johns, whose recent stint behind bars has put his Vegas plans on hold.

They then speculate on what King Ass Ripper, the cool guy who got away, has been up to. The two also talk about learning to speak mother tongues, black dudes not being amused by gay stuff, a vision update, buckets of brown, Enny thoughts, plus some horrible or hilarious clips, and a Vietnamese hair salon with a questionable name.  Don't forget to check your b holes for sores!

Your Mom’s House Ep. 809

https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast



Chapters		

00:00:00	-	Intro

00:02:00	-	Fergie's Greatest Hits 

00:05:56	-	Clip: Kim Cattrall Scatting 

00:08:17	-	Clip: Big Jessica Simpson Energy 

00:09:32	-	Opening Clip: Bed Flip 

00:14:45	-	Tony Johns Is Locked Up

00:22:46	-	Mother Tongue 

00:31:18	-	The Cool Guy Who Got Away 

00:42:38	-	Black Dudes Don't Like The Gay Stuff 

00:45:37	-	Vision Update + Tom's Poo Buckets 

00:54:05	-	Clip: Sores In Ma B Hole

00:54:50	-	A New Challenge 

00:59:07	-	Enny Thoughts 

01:03:46	-	Horrible Or Hilarious 

01:06:54	-	Vietnamese Hair Salon 

01:11:08	-	Dates 

01:12:51	-	Closing Song - "Fart Mic Assassins" by Brothers & Hendawg 
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White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809

Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura are comedians who are also married. They are the Mommies and they welcome you to join them in watching wild videos, chatting with celebrity guests and sharing stories! Pull those jeans high and tight and welcome to the Mommy-Dome.


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Welcome To Your Mom's House with Tom Segura & Christina P!

ATTN: We here at YMH Studios would like to apologize on behalf of the entire production team for the error in the Intros length. We will strive henceforth to be diligent in providing what is required in terms of Intro expectations. We appreciate your patience as we look to rectify this situation going forward. A lively debate about who the "fan champ" is starts off the show before we do another dive into Christina's TikTok feed. What is everyone's "sneeze limit?" Christina also continues her evolution as she has recently discovered pop music. Plus, Tom discusses his recent stance on Comedy Club pay for openers in 2019. Amanda Cerny has had a whirlwind last few years. The Mommies get the skinny on Hef and the Playboy Mansion, show Amanda some TikTok studs and try to get Amanda to join the ever-growing "Second Hand Panty" industry with them. She's the best and we hope you like her as much as we liked terrifying her! Next, we have on Steve Byrne who has created an incredible documentary called "Simply Amazing" all about The Amazing Jonathan. You can watch it on youtube right now on the All Things Comedy YouTube channel! Steve talks about how The Amazing Jonathan came into his life, his time making Sullivan and Son and we see if he finds certain videos "Horrible or Hilarious."

506-Amanda Cerny & Steve Byrne-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

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