beat by @jhfly - "birthday song"

its your boy neals - how you been whats been cracking
i been chilling up in prison since this bullshit happened
been a few years now still trying to make some sense of things
went and risked it all a few listened when my whistle ring
a select few soldiers always loyal
to the words that i was preaching in my hat of tinfoil
like yourself, so i had to pen this letter
to you - cause you've been listening to truth

i've been labeled as a prophet or a leader or an activist
but im just another human asterisk
in the scheme of things - and im despondent about it
cause nobody wanna be a failure filled with that doubt and
you know i tried to raise awareness - and gain some listeners
maybe if i sucked less then opinions would differ
but these reddit threads im seeing no my name is never mentioned
aint a treatise on neutrality where neals gets some attention (no affection)

i might sound like a whiner
but i wouldnt trade my talents for the tea in all of china
yea it hurts when ive devoted all my soul to these pursuits
and ive sacrificed my life to microphones and killer roots
maybe ive inspired just enough to make a difference
but this business is a tough one and i feel ive earned a pittance
for my - relentless efforts going spitting the gospel
authentic to my message never wavered never waffled

my mental health is fragile and perpetually embattled
in this struggle with my demons arthur morgan in the saddle
and my self destructive nature makes more obstacles to face or i
can complicate life further with a misclick of my cursor
but im fortunate and blessed that my skillset gave me options
and i think ive snowballed karma to the point of near exhaustion - 
even when im gone im not forgotten 
which is more than you can say for the average artist dropping
tracks

lose my footing every time i feel im gaining traction
try to focus through the mass distraction
and im feeling like a fraction of my former self no satisfaction 
try to write some music but it lacks the passion -
systems crashing in a chain reaction
so i ingest a bunch of drugs to feel some minor calefaction
and i lack the knack to fasten my seatbelt and strap in
afraid of interacting with the public cause i feel theyre laughing

at me - my inconsistency apparent
from a manic fearless daring bitcoin baron on a tear into
a recluse - an agoraphobic hermit
with a lack of electric current through my hacker circuit -
thin epidermis with no sense of purpose -
my kernel idle with no running service -
alone and nervous with no fuel to drive the furnace
feel im missing all my chances to return in earnest

dude imperfect coding go and serpent -
music merchant asking "is it worth it?"
incarcerated in this prison civil servant
who's been sentenced with a verdict in a freak occurrence
out of control like all my dedis running kubernetes
patchless open access with no coldwater protect my levees
perpetual defendant
i just want to end it overdose and maybe ill transcend it

feel discouraged because i once had the courage
and now im just a shadow with a soul malnourished
hoping praying for the return of the eagerness i demonstrated
killmark etched on cases of the systems that i penetrated
at the very least just let me get it motivated
enough to take a couple steps ahead to get me calibrated
forever yours, gang affiliated
neals
signed and dated

ytcracker - letter from neals

i want to be a robot when i grow up.

booking/press/proposals/hate mail:
rapper@gmail.com

youre the only thing that matters
everything I make is free to use non profit