i was the broke one 
i lived in a old flat
you needed patience 
i don’t know what pace is
pushed me around 
till we eventually dated
i get eventually faded 
my judgement is jaded 
where did the weight end
oh god
i am a lost soul, so hold my peace 
oh god, god-
like i was old 
three shots to my skull 
i’ll resolve when i’m old

jaded

@redhxrse

these stones in me they build
replace the breaths that i take now my lungs are filled
i see but i don't see
separation of senses everything is surreal
was playing games of catch up
now I'm horrifyingly ahead
it was alright to be alive
but-
(don't you fucking finish that line)

ooh
it's a jolly good day to see the reindeers go by
ooh
it's so much more I’d like to see you try

these stones in me they're sharp
nerves are struck, every thought is coated with mental tar
whole worlds keeping me down
lazybones got lazier, what’s up with the frown
you know me us men of few words
never popped up first but out the seams i burst
it’s better with me on a 1 to 1
hate multitasking shit ain't no fun
paid my dues but it fall on deaf ears
tear ducts are dry ain't cried for ten years
always wonder how i even get here
cos the real fear of failures never not near

ooh
it’s a jolly good day to see the reindeers go by
ooh
it's so much more I’d like to see you try

reindeers

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/5aH6JWfAkWLyEXEwIY3HYP?si=c9882776859943a1
all plats: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/spoder/trust

produced by roku
written by me
mix and master by me

thanks for sticking with me

///
drop dead
when i said
i'll be back though :)
spending all my days at a microphone
tell em it's all broke, like your old folk
don't lie
said you wna die
give me some time
i'm hurt all over
i'll make it right
in need of a clover
but there's none here to find
is it all a little too much?
my love,
you shouldn't have broke my trust

but who am i?
jus another average skinny guy
go live your life
i can't say i understand it think my brain is fried
oh you're not tht broken
infatuation
in love with the idea of no moderation
5 pints 'fore you lay down
my dear,
rough past make you wanna leave town

heart race like a hundred miles
my fate has been sewn a while
upset when they read the file
disgust, how is it so vile?

jus let it down softly
how could you done harm me?
faceless
sorry
scarred up
hardly
was it all at my fault?
tough luck
i'm done speaking to a wall

drop dead
when i said
i'll be back though
spending all my days at a microphone
tell em it's all broke, like your old folk
don't lie
said you wna die
give me some time
i'm hurt all over
i'll make it right
in need of a clover
but there's none here to find
is it all a little too much?
my love,
you shouldn't have broke my trust

repeat

trust

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/16aPg17al8DKBm8LyMn4eE?si=9f8e74ca0f344527
all plats: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/spoder/cd-feat-ry-2

guitar by othello
additional production by me and ryan
written and performed by me and ryan
with @rywrrd (show him love please)

i lied i'm sorry next one will be a summer tune <3
thank you for listening always :)

///
a toast,
play your cd
the music brings you peace
alone
so don't mind me
I had a stupid dream again

you thought you had from the start
I don't want have to break your heart
but it broke
and now that cd drowns in static
a sour note
I highly doubt it

your favourite song
your radio I turn it on
we fell in love in your shitty car
with static on your heart
screaming out our favourite part

I made a stupid decision
in my mind, clouded dumb inference
I gave it all that I had
but all I had was indifferent
I'd break my arms off to help you
if it meant that you would listen
I stare and talk to the wall
scratched disc had tarnished the image
I thought I loved you

cd w/ ry

produced by anh & pct

Lyrics:
One step forwards, two steps back
I've been trying to reach you, won't you call me back?
Know that it's important to you, but it don't mean much to me
Darling I wish you could see, I'm falling victim to these...

Petty thoughts, yea they eat me from the inside out
I'm distraught, won't tell you what I'm thinking about
Oh why, do I have to decide
If I could just lie n' throw it all to the side?

But I know, that don't lead to no good
I want it in the moment but I need to mature
Always comes back to bite, but I could use it tonight
It's out of sight out of mind, I still know that it ain't right

Always throw my dreams away, just to feel alright today
Put my heart up on display, don't wanna hear what people say
I feel it's too much for you
So baby what you wanna do?

Distraught

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/0IHbekaueGek7nFPKpZpbD?si=89260079818e4242
all plats: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/spoder/desideratum

produced by 8een & arcane
additional production by me
mixed written performed by me
+ thank you eve for mixing advice

frick north york
thank you for listening, i hope you enjoy <3

///
the more that I try, more that I hide
the more that I try, more that I hide

the past few months I felt like I would die
before I did anything that I loved, oh my
I'll stay strong
eighteen round the corner, how'd I (make it!)
this long
all the pressure makes my head hurt
give it time and it'll get better
and if you hate it well then, know I put in effort :/
I do my best, how dare you say that I don't
still get nervous when there's lumps in my throat

I'm aware no one said it'd be easy
spoke to the teller now everything's clear, see
it all
pretty girl
girl

and if I don't wake up
tell every single person I love
that I put all my heart in
I will be an artist
there'll be people that care and I'll build something honest

go!
don't hide
do you even know who you are?
go!
how'd you even call that shit art? (desideratum)
go back pull your hair out, restart

I can't focus well my darling
got a stutter when I'm talking
you broke the news as I was walking
news when I was promised

desideratum

it doesn't really matter

mixed and mastered by @ngeljoam

senses cover

On the floor

On the floor prod tyson.to

OLD E

low chance of finishing prolly srry
i got better stuff otw #2026


ma said don't fight it
she's tired of her son not opening up
can't bear the old silence
i shut the door behind me, go out for a walk
cause the rain gon fall either way love
and there's a couple hundred things left to say
came back home and i'm stuck in my old ways
wiping tears running down my own face

so rest your mind
it happens all the time
i'd give you all my life (to make sure you're alright)
i'll rip out my pride
and i'll rewrite those lines
i'd give you all my life (to make sure you're alright)

i love my mom basically is the osng

all my life

Lost in Wonderland is a ten-track descent into a fractured dreamworld — a hazy, hypnotic reimagining of Wonderland through lo-fi trip-hop, smoky sax phrases, warped Rhodes chords, and a fragile, warm baritone guiding the fall.