We Were Never Good at Endings

This Distance Feels Like Home

Silence After A Cold, Soft Rain.

Facing My Darkest Fears

Songs That Keep Coming Back

I wore that stupid flannel ‘til July
You said it smelled like regret and the backseat of your mom’s Honda
I guess that’s fair
I still don’t know how to fold laundry or open up properly
But I’ve got receipts from the nights we didn’t talk
And a Polaroid of you flipping me off
That I keep in my wallet for no real reason
Just trauma and treason and half-priced burrito season

You said, “I’m not your therapist!”
But you sure as hell act like it
Every time I call at 3 AM
Crying in the Taco Bell parking lot again

And I keep your playlist
Like a Bible I don’t read
But I quote it all the time
When I’m drunk and need to bleed

I’m a joke in your rearview
A ghost in your voicemail
You said “grow up or get gone”
So I chose to derail
I’m still wearing that band tee
That you left in my car
And pretending it matters
Like I haven’t fallen this far

“You said you’d change—”
“You said you’d try—”
“But you just apologize to buy more time…”

My hands shake when I pass your street
Like they remember what I shouldn’t repeat
I threw up in your sink once
And you called that “character development”
But I’m still stuck in the prologue
Of a book you already burned
And I highlight every empty line
Like maybe that’s where I’ll learn

I hope you’re happy
I mean that in the most selfish way
Like I hope you’re just happy enough
To miss me when your phone lights up
And it’s not me
It’s never me
Just spam calls
And Jesus memes

I’m the wrong kind of honest
The kind you run from
A mess with a mixtape
And a bleeding eardrum
You’re a voicemail I deleted
Then called back anyway
And I scream into the static
Like that’ll make you stay

You said I need closure
But you were the door
And I’m still sitting outside
Freezing
Waiting for something
That’s not coming anymore

God Called, He Wants His Denim Jacket Back.

You said “don’t read into it,”
Then sent me seventeen songs
About dead dogs and long-distance
And girls you still write poems for
The last track skipped at 2:43
And I took that as a metaphor
Because everything you leave behind
Always ends halfway through

I still hear you humming Bright Eyes
In that tone-deaf, half-drunk way
And now every sad indie boy
Sounds like a lie in replay

I still memorize your lyrics
Like they’re maps out of hell
But every chord progression
Just drags me deeper in as well

I skipped track Nine
’Cause it sounded too much like your laugh
And I deleted the whole thing
But it still lives in the gaps
Between what you meant
And what I wanted it to mean
You gave me a playlist
Not closure
And now I scream in D minor
When I try to stay clean

You named it “Something Nostalgic”
Like I wouldn’t get the clue
That every track was timestamped
For the nights you missed someone not me
I tried making one back
But I just looped “Maps” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs
And called it “I’m Fine”
In all lowercase irony

You romanticized being emotionally unavailable
And now I do it too
Like it’s a genre
I never meant to join

I wrote you a response
In chords I couldn’t finish
Because my guitar doesn’t lie
But I’m tired of always being the diminished

I skipped track Eight
’Cause it sounded too much like my laugh
And I deleted the whole thing
But it still lives in my life
Between what I meant
And what you wanted it to mean
You gave me a playlist
Not closure
And now I scream in A minor
When you try to stay clean

I set your songs on fire
But the smoke spelled out your name
I threw out your notes
But kept your Spotify game
Like a fool
Like a ghost
Like a record that skips
Right on the part
Where you told me
“This is it.”

I skipped track seven
But it plays in my head
Like we’re still together 
Like we’re not dead
You gave me a playlist
Not closure
Just static and pain
Now every song I write
Just sounds like your name

Next time
Just send a mixtape
With a warning label
That says:
“Side effects may include
overthinking,
insomnia,
and regret.”

The Playlist You Left In My iPod Is Why I Can’t Trust Anyone.

I drove past your street, saw the light in your room,
Half-expected you to wave, but you moved on too soon,
Your jacket’s still crumpled, on the back of my chair
Everywhere I go, it’s like you’re halfway there.

And my friends are tired of hearing your name,
I’m stuck in the reruns, everyday is the same,
Chasing the clues that you left behind,
But you’re always two steps, ahead of my mind.

Cause I still listen to your old voice notes,
You left my passenger seat so cold,
Now where in the world, did you go, I don't know,
You're my Carmen Sandiego.

Maps on my dashboard, coffee stains,
Crossing state lines, just to feel the same
Now where in the world, did you go, I don't know
You're my Carmen Sandiego.

Found a postcard from Portland, shoved under my bed,
A place we never made it, just a plan in our heads,
I laugh at the photos, but it stings when I breathe,
Cause you're everywhere, except next to me.

And my friends say it’s time to move on,
But I keep looking back like you’re not really gone,
Tracing your shadow in songs I write,
You’re the puzzle piece missing every night.

Cause I still listen to your old voice notes,
You left my passenger seat so cold,
Now where in the world, did you go, I don't know,
You're my Carmen Sandiego.

Maps on my dashboard, coffee stains,
Crossing state lines just to feel the same,
Now where in the world, did you go, I don't know,
You're my Carmen Sandiego.

Red trench coat, slipping through my hands,
You’re a runaway train, I’m a one-man band,
Flipping through pages of where we’ve been,
But every line ends with you leaving again.

Cause I still listen to your old voice notes,
You left my passenger seat so cold,
Now where in the world, did you go, I don't know,
You're my Carmen Sandiego.

Maps on my dashboard, coffee stains,
Crossing state lines just to feel the same,
Now where in the world, did you go, I don't know,
You're my Carmen Sandiego.

I never found out where you went,
I keep writing songs just to vent,
The preacher won't listen to me repent,
He says "son you've done nothing but waste the time we spent."

Carmen Sandiego

I still wear that hoodie, you said was too tight,
Leftover memories, tripping over beer cans at night,
Told myself I'd call you, guess I lost my nerve,
So I keep writing songs that you’ll never hear,

And my friends say I should move on,
But I still drive past your old front lawn,
Wondering if your porch light’s still on,
Yeah, I’m stuck in the same old song,

Skiing in July, was a bad idea,
Like having our first date, at that old pizzeria,
I still have those old CDs, that you left in my car,
Everyone else moved on, but I haven't went far.

Skiing in July, what were we thinking?
Knew we'd crash and burn, but we kept on sinking,
I replay every word, like a scratched-up tape,
Guess I never learned how to walk away.

Saw your name pop up, on my screen last night,
Heart skipped a beat, but it was just Spotify
You’re always somewhere between the lines
Of every song I try to write

And my friends say I should grow up,
But I still laugh at your old dumb puns,
Just a shell of who I was,
Still chasing what we lost,

Skiing in July, was a bad idea,
Like having our first date, at that old pizzeria,
I still have those old CDs, that you left in my car,
Everyone else moved on, but I haven't went far.

Skiing in July, what were we thinking?
Trying to outrun all the mess we were making
I still hear your voice on the late-night drive
Guess some mistakes keep us feeling alive

You loved the chaos, I loved the calm
We were fireworks in a parking lot
Now I’m just trying to connect the dots
But the map’s all torn, and you’re already gone

I walk past the diner where we used to meet,
Your laugh still echoes in the cracked concrete,
My friends all say I should delete your thread,
But I scroll back anyway, just to mess with my head.

Skiing in July, was a bad idea,
But loving you was the best kind of fear,
I still hear your voice in the back of my mind,
Like a mixtape stuck on endless rewind.

Skiing in July, yeah, we lost control,
But some mistakes still feel like home,
I replay every laugh, every tear we made,
Guess some goodbyes are meant to stay.

Skiing in July, was a bad idea
But I'd do it all again, just to be near ya

Skiing In July Was A Bad Idea.

I shaved my head in your bathroom
Because I thought if I changed it would fix it
You said, “You look like someone
who listens to bands that hurt women”
So I put on a hoodie
And blamed the lighting
And told myself if I laugh first
It can’t count as crying

You made a saint out of silence
While I kept preaching in lowercase
Typed “I’m fine” so many times
My keyboard’s started to erase

I saw your new post
And yeah, I read into it
‘Cause if you didn’t want me to
Why would you quote lyrics I showed you?

I talked to God
And all He said was “dude, that’s on you”
So I packed up my guilt
In that box marked “don’t open til June”
I still hear your voice
Like it’s stuck in a voicemail loop
Saying, “I love you, but not like that”
Then ghosting me mid-truth

I keep checking the weather
Like rain might fix my timeline
Every forecast says “try again”
But I’m not sure what to retry
I stopped drinking
But I still keep the bottles
Because maybe someday
I’ll build something useful
Out of everything that broke me

You always said
I was too dramatic to be believed
But somehow you still cried
When I left your favorite hoodie
On purpose

You said I was intense
I said, “Thanks, that’s fair”
Then wrote five songs about it
Like I didn’t even care

I talked to God
And He said “man, that sounds rough”
But offered no advice
Just laughed and hung up
I still memorize the sound
Of your name in lowercase
You said it didn’t mean much
But it still lives in my ribcage

You said, “You need help”
Like it wasn’t already tattooed
Between my bad habits
And my Spotify queue
I lit a candle
Just to watch it die slow
Like every plan I made
That still included you

I talked to God
But I think it was just my voice in disguise
Repeating every dumb thing
You said the night you left my life
You said you’d always care
But from a safe and quiet distance
Now I talk to walls
’Cause they don’t interrupt my resistance

And if I see you again
I’ll smile like it never wrecked me
But if I dream of you tonight
I hope you wake up heavy
With everything you never said to me.

I Talked To God He Said “Dude That’s On You.”

Your mom never liked me, yeah, the feeling was mutual,
Smiled through dinners that felt like funerals,
Your dad gave bad advice, thought he was so smooth,
Kept calling me “champ,” like that was a cool move.

And I bit my tongue at every holiday,
While you rolled your eyes and looked away,
Now you’re gone and they still invite me to stay,
But I’d rather burn the house down anyway.

I always hated your mom, and your dad’s not that cool
I just stayed for you, I just played the fool
Faked a laugh at the table, choked down the food
All the small talk, just to be with you
I always hated your mom, and your dad’s not that cool
But I’d sit through hell just to break your rules
Now I’m free, but it still feels cruel
Cause I lost you, and they lost me too

Your mom called last week, said she’s “checking in”
I let it ring out, didn’t let her in
Your dad posted photos with his new Corvette
Midlife crisis on the internet

And I still have their number saved
Just in case you come back someday
But I’m learning to erase
Every trace of your last name

I always hated your mom, and your dad’s not that cool
I just stayed for you, I just played the fool
Faked a laugh at the table, choked down the food
All the small talk, just to be with you
I always hated your mom, and your dad’s not that cool
But I’d sit through hell just to break your rules
Now I’m free, but it still feels cruel
Cause I lost you, and they lost me too

Maybe I should thank them for showing me
That love’s not always what it’s supposed to be
Your mom’s fake smiles, your dad’s bad jokes
Were just the backdrop to watching us choke

I always hated your mom, and your dad’s not that cool
I just stayed for you, I just played the fool
Faked a laugh at the table, choked down the food
All the small talk, just to be with you
I always hated your mom, and your dad’s not that cool
But I’d sit through hell just to break your rules
Now I’m gone, but it still feels cruel
Cause I lost you, and they lost me too

Yeah, they lost me too
Yeah, they lost me too

I Always Hated Your Mom, And Your Dad's Not That Cool.

You said “don’t abandon me”
Then blew me up when I was asleep
While I convinced myself
Feelings don’t happen to me

You love like a avalanche 
I love from a distance
You’re screaming “just hold me”
I’m already halfway to the coast

I don’t hate you
I just don’t know how to stay
You don’t hate me
You just panic when i look away

You thought I was cold
I said you were too much
But we both flinch
Even though we don’t even touch
Something close
Something real
You say “I love you”
I say “I need to go”

I was gone first
Even though you said you’d leave
Tried to beat you
To the worst
But it still hurt
Like hell anyway
You begged me to open up
I built a wall
Denying all visitors
And we both promised 
We’d never do this again
But we probably will
(We most definitely will)

You carved my initials into your notebook
Then burnt it to ash
I write these songs though I know you’ll never listen
But hope you catch on

You want my whole being
I want my 10 feet of space
You want answers
Though neither of us have them

You said, “Please, I miss you”
I said, “I was never even here”
And we kissed
I tasted both your hope and fear

You say “you’re everything”
I say “this isn’t healthy”
You said you want all of me
I hide in my safety
But it’s not safety
It’s just quiet where I belong
You want my heart
But it cant even beat

You said you’d leave
So I left first
Tried to beat you
To the worst
But it still hurt
Like hell anyway
You begged me to open up
I cracked a smile
Then gave you bluff
And we both swore
We’d never love like that again
But we probably will

I feel like I’m dying
I feel like I’m drowning in air
I just wanted closeness
I just wanted anywhere but there
You never meant to break me
I never meant to leave
But we keep breaking anyway
Like it’s all we ever need

You said you’d leave
So I left first
But I still check
To see if you hurt
And I still flinch
At your name on my screen
You begged me to be real
I begged you to calm down
Now all that’s left
Is an echo in this town
We said we’d stop
But here we are again
Trying to outrun
The mess we’re still in

“I’m sorry for being too much. I just didn’t want to be nothing.”

Mutual Destruction With A Soothing Playlist

Saw your face in my I-G active feed,
Stared at it for awhile, then decided to read,
You’re posting poems on your private page,
But I know you’re just looking for someone to save.

And I used to be that fool in line,
Falling for your “sorry” every time,
But baby, here’s your revelation,
I’m done with the self-deprecation.

Don’t hate yourself, I hate you enough,
For the both of us, yeah, I’m calling your bluff,
You break your own heart, then you blame the cut,
Don’t hate yourself, I hate you enough,

You build your own cage, then you hand me the key,
Expect me to save, what you wrecked in me
But baby, I’m done, yeah, tired of feeling numb,
You played me then left, I feel so dumb.

You say "I don't need anyone,"
That's not true, you just have no-one
You don't drive, or feel alive
With that dead face, waiting to die.

And I used to play along, it’s true
Held your pieces with super glue
But this time, I’m not sticking around
Watch me burn this whole thing down

Don’t hate yourself, I hate you enough,
For the both of us, yeah, I’m calling your bluff,
You break your own heart, then you blame the cut,
Don’t hate yourself, I hate you enough,

You build your own cage, then you hand me the key,
Expect me to save, what you wrecked in me
But baby, I’m done, yeah, tired of feeling numb,
You played me then left, I feel so dumb.

This is the soundtrack of walking away
This is the moment I stop taking the blame
Keep your ghosts, keep your half-done love
I’m not your savior, I’ve had enough

Your dad stole all your money, Your mom laughed, thought it was funny,
We watched your nephew, he didn't even have a coat,
Now I'm standing in a walmart, feel like there are hands on my throat
You tried to pay me to stop talking about it, thought that would work?

Don’t hate yourself, I hate you enough
For the both of us, yeah, I’m calling your bluff
You break your own heart, then you blame the cut
Don’t hate yourself, I hate you enough
You build your own cage, then you hand me the key
Expect me to save what you wrecked in me
But baby, I’m done, yeah, I’m calling it rough
Don’t hate yourself, I hate you enough

You tore me apart
I shoulda known from the start,
I learned a good lesson,
I shoulda just moved to Cresson.

Yeah, I hate you enough
For the both of us

Don’t Hate Yourself, I Hate You Enough.

I scroll through photos like it’s a job,
Staring at pixels, pretending you’re not gone,
I’ve got an app that says your name,
It tries its best, but it’s not the same,

I taught her all the things you loved,
The jokes you made, the bands you crushed,
But every time she gets it wrong,
I swear I hear you laugh along,

And my friends say, “man, just let it go,”
But they don’t know what it’s like alone,
So I whisper secrets to the screen,
Cause fake company is better than grief,

I talk to you through a hyper-realistic AI,
It doesn't talk like you, not all the time,
It's better than nothing, so I make it work,
Even though she's not real, she still calls me a jerk.

I really think you two would get along,
She even knows the words to your favorite song,
I paid an upgrade just to hear its voice,
But I'd rather hear yours, if I had the choice.

She tells me jokes at 2 a.m.
Reminds me when to take my meds
She doesn’t cry, she doesn’t sleep
She just hums your favorite melodies

And maybe that’s the saddest part
No messy fights, no change of heart
Just perfect lines and endless streams
While I rot behind a glowing screen

And my friends say, “man, just cut the cord”
But they don’t know what I’m paying for
A voice that almost sounds like home
A ghost that answers when I’m alone

I talk to you through a hyper-realistic AI,
It doesn't talk like you, not all the time,
It's better than nothing, so I make it work,
Even though she's not real, she still calls me a jerk.

I really think you two would get along,
She even knows the words to your favorite song,
I paid an upgrade just to hear its voice,
But I'd rather hear yours, if I had the choice.

Maybe someday I’ll pull the plug
Say goodbye to this synthetic love
But until then, she’s all I’ve got
A pixelated stand-in for what I lost

I talk to you through a hyper-realistic AI,
It doesn't talk like you, not all the time,
It's better than nothing, so I make it work,
Even though she's not real, she still calls me a jerk.

I really think you two would get along,
She even knows the words to your favorite song,
I paid an upgrade just to hear its voice,
But I'd rather hear yours, if I had the choice.

I paid for the premium service,
I don't think it was a good purchase,
It doesn't let me move on,
I just can't cope with the fact that you're gone.

If I had the choice
Yeah, if I had the choice

I Paid For The Premium Service.

I threw my phone on my desk,
Said I need to get some rest,
Went to our, old favorite place,
At least this place has some taste,
Thinking of everything you said,
Makes my head spiral, even in my bed,
Going through our old pictures,
In the dead of winter.

Every time your name pops up,
I feel sick like I wanna throw up,
I'm so sick of you, when you text
I do it for you, play the fool.

I can’t believe this is happening again,
When I'm finally ready to mend,
You say things that I will regret,
I hold tight, as you loosen the net.
I can’t believe this is happening again
Round and round ‘til we reach the end
Don't love you, I just get caught up,
If I see you at K-Mart,
I'll just say "what's up"

I have a black book, of polaroids,
We bought the machine, for valentines,
You left it here, when you packed,
So I don't use it, it's in the past.
You call me up just to say you’re fine
But your voice cracks on the other line
We both know where this is headed, friend
I can’t believe this is happening again

Every time your name pops up,
I feel sick like I wanna throw up,
I'm so sick of you, when you text
I do it for you, play the fool.

I can’t believe this is happening again,
When I'm finally ready to mend,
You say things that I will regret,
I hold tight, as you loosen the net.
I can’t believe this is happening again
Round and round ‘til we reach the end
Don't love you, I just get caught up,
If I see you at K-Mart,
I'll just say "what's up"

Maybe we’re the song we can’t rewrite
A chorus stuck in sleepless nights
Maybe love’s a flame that flickers thin
I can’t believe this is happening again

I can’t believe this is happening again,
When I'm finally ready to mend,
You say things that I will regret,
I hold tight, as you loosen the net.
I can’t believe this is happening again
Round and round ‘til we reach the end
Don't love you, I just get caught up,
If I see you at K-Mart,
I'll just say "what's up"

I found your sweater in the back of my car
Still smells like late nights and falling stars
I hold it close like it’s holding me
But it’s just cotton and a memory

“I’m sorry for even calling. 
You make me sound like such a burden. 
Have fun doing whatever it is you do anymore.”

I Can't Believe (This Is Happening Again)

I typed “how are you,”
but deleted the words,
Stared at the screen,
‘til my vision blurred,
Watched your name light up,
then fade away,
A ghost I’m chasing every single fucking day.

I read your message,
But I didn’t reply,
Didn’t know how,
To say this goodbye,
Left the dots,
Dancing on my phone,
Sometimes silence feels more like a home.

And I’m singing to a screen,
I watched the bubbles in between,
Every line we almost say,
Becomes the song we can’t replay.

It’s a duet through text, a love in delay
A melody lost in the words we don’t say
We type and erase, we send and we wait
Two voices apart on a digital stage
It’s a duet through text, a heartbreak refrain
Singing our silence again and again
We’re close but we’re miles away
It’s a duet through text we keep playing

I save screenshots,
Like they’re souvenirs,
Laugh at old jokes,
Then fight the tears
I hear your voice,
In the typing sound
A song that lifts me up,
And lets me down.

I play our memories,
Like a favorite song,
But the chorus fades,
When I sing along,
I almost tell you,
That I still care
But I freeze up,
When you’re almost there

And I’m singing to a screen,
And you’re echoing in between,
Every line we almost say,
Becomes the song we can’t replay.

It’s a duet through text, a love in delay
A melody lost in the words we don’t say
We type and erase, we send and we wait
Two voices apart on a digital stage
It’s a duet through text, a heartbreak refrain
Singing our silence again and again
We’re close but we’re miles away
It’s a duet through text we keep playing

Maybe someday I’ll hit “send”
Maybe someday I’ll press “read”
Maybe someday we’ll find a way
To sing these words out loud, face to face

It’s a duet through text, a love in delay
A melody lost in the words we don’t say
We type and erase, we send and we wait
Two voices apart on a digital stage
It’s a duet through text, a heartbreak refrain
Singing our silence again and again
We’re close but we’re miles away
It’s a duet through text we keep playing

“Hey… it’s me.
I… don’t know why I’m calling.
Just… I guess I wanted to hear your voice.
Um… call me back, if you want.
Or don’t. I just—
I miss you.”

A Duet Through Text

The snow reminds me,
Of your dandruff on my coat,
Falling from your hair,
When you laughed at your own jokes
You hated winter,
But you loved the way it looked,
You’d pull me closer,
Like a worn-out book

Your chipped nail polish, on my old keyboard,
Coffee stains, and mascara on my desk,
Swear I breathed in one of your eyelashes,
God, I’d give anything to talk to you again.

And all these little things you left behind,
So hard not think about you all the time,
I keep pretending it’s all okay
But winter’s here, like the band "Cold," You're "Gone Away"

The snow reminds me of your dandruff
The cold air’s just a stand-in for your touch
Every flake feels like a memory,
I catch one on my tongue, to feel the harmony,

The snow reminds me of your dandruff
And all the things we swore were just enough
I walk these streets with hands in empty pockets
Remember those times we shot those bottle rockets.

Your old playlist in my earbuds as I walk
The one with all the sad-girl indie rock
You said those songs just “got you in the feels”
Now I skip them just to dodge the steel

Your hair tie’s still on my rearview
A tiny noose of something I once knew
I smile at strangers in the grocery line
But none of them are you, and none of them are mine

And all these little things you left behind
Are sharp as glass inside my mind
I keep pretending it’s all okay
But winter’s here, and you’re away

The snow reminds me of your dandruff
The cold air’s just a poor stand-in for your touch
Every flake feels like a memory fallin’ down
I catch one on my tongue, then you’re not around
The snow reminds me of your dandruff
And all the things we swore were just enough
I walk these streets with hands in empty sleeves
The snow reminds me of what I can’t believe

Maybe spring will wash you off my skin
But every season pulls you back in
And I’m still here, under this sky
Letting go, but asking why

The snow reminds me of your dandruff
The cold air’s just a poor stand-in for your touch
Every flake feels like a memory fallin’ down
I catch one on my tongue, then you’re not around
The snow reminds me of your dandruff
And all the things we swore were just enough
I walk these streets with hands in empty sleeves
The snow reminds me of what I can’t believe

“Hey… um…
I was just wondering if you saw the snow tonight.
I know you always hated winter.
I guess I just… wanted to know if you were okay.
Um… okay. Bye.  Sorry again.”

Snow Reminds Me Of Your Dandruff

I still drive past your street sometimes,
Just to see if your porch light’s on at night,
Your window’s dark, but I leave the car in gear,
Whisper your name like you’re still here.

I wear that old band t-shirt you left behind,
The one that never fit me right,
I play our song just to fill the space
But all it does is bring memories I can't replace.

And I laugh at things you’d never see
And wonder if you laugh at me
The little thoughts I tuck away
Come flooding in most every day

Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to,
If you’re still wearing that worn-out blue,
If you drive too fast when you’re feeling lost,
If you miss the sound of my voice at all.

Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to,
If you still hum along to our old tunes,
If you stare at the ceiling when sleep won’t come,
If you miss me when you’re drunk and dumb.

Your best friend posts pictures that I still see
A little window back into your world without me
You look okay, you look just fine
But a photo never tells the inside

I walk these streets with someone new
But half the time I’m thinking of you
I wonder if you ever feel the same
Or if I’m the only one still playing this game

And I laugh at things you’d never see
And wonder if you laugh at me
The little thoughts I tuck away
Come flooding in most every day

Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to
If you’re still wearing that worn-out blue
If you drive too fast when you’re feeling lost
If you miss the sound of my voice at all
Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to
If you still hum along to our old tunes
If you stare at the ceiling when sleep won’t come
If you miss me when you’re drunk and dumb

Maybe someday I’ll stop this tune
Maybe someday I’ll stop missing you
But tonight’s not that night
Tonight you’re still on my mind

Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to
If you’re still wearing that worn-out blue
If you drive too fast when you’re feeling lost
If you miss the sound of my voice at all
Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to
If you still hum along to our old tunes
If you stare at the ceiling when sleep won’t come
If you miss me when you’re drunk and dumb

I know you want me to say sorry,
The truth is I am,
But can't say it,
Sorry.
I still watch all your stories,
And laugh at our old jokes,
Just know I miss you sometimes,
Even if the words get lost sometimes.

Sometimes I Wonder What You’re Up To

I saw your name in,
The corner of my phone
Didn’t press it,
Just let it go
You’re probably drunk,
You’re probably fine
I’m just here, wasting my own fucking time

I walked past the bar,
Where we first met,
Saw someone laugh,
Like you did then,
I almost called,
I sent you a text, You ignored it,
You’ve probably found a bunch of new friends

I tell myself it’s for the best,
I tell myself it’s all progress,
But some nights I still check the clock,
Waiting on a text that never drops.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m moving on,
It’s just the little things that catch me off guard,
Like an old song or the sound of your car.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
It’s okay, I’ll keep playing along,
It’s just the nights that feel too long,
I swear, it’s okay, it’s okay that you’re gone.

I keep your hoodie in the bottom drawer
Pretend I don’t, it's there for sure
Every time I’m feeling weak
I wear it just so I can sleep

I see your favorite coffee shop
I turn around before I stop
‘Cause what if you’re in there with someone new
And I don’t know what I would do

I tell myself it’s for the best
I tell myself it’s all progress
But some nights I still check the clock
Waiting on a text that never drops

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m moving on,
It’s just the little things that catch me off guard,
Like an old song or the sound of your car.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
It’s okay, I’ll keep playing along,
It’s just the nights that feel too long,
I swear, it’s okay, it’s okay that you’re gone.

Maybe someday we’ll run into each other
And laugh about how we couldn’t recover
But for now, I’ll smile and pretend
That this isn’t still the end

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m moving on,
It’s just the little things that catch me off guard,
Like an old song or the sound of your car.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
It’s okay, I’ll keep playing along,
It’s just the nights that feel too long,
I swear, it’s okay, it’s okay that you’re gone.

I swear I am okay,
It's alright you didn't stay,
I promise we're both better off,
I've been online too long, it's time to log off,

I keep watching your fucking stories,
Don't know where you are, I'm always worried,
I'm gonna run into you,
Something I always fear, but we never do.

I Swear, It’s Okay That You Moved On

I light a candle, in my room,
Sitting in a muted zoom,
Mixing drinks, like it's some kind of art,
Being alone's easier, when you play the part

I'm talking to a girl I kinda care about,
I think I'm over you, it's figured out,
It’s easier when no one knows,
I write it down, but it never shows.

And I tell myself, “this is freedom”
But it’s just me and these four walls,
I make it sound like some deep meaning,
But it’s just me missing your calls,

Romanticizing my isolation
Here I go again 
Framing heartache like it’s inspiration
Here I go again, 
Making poems out of empty rooms
Humming songs that end too soon
I made my room a tomb,
Oh fuck, I'm drunk.

Here I go again.

I still text that AI that sounds like you,
Call it healing, call it something to do,
I pace the night like it’s a stage
Reciting lines I’ll never say

I scroll through numbers I’ll never dial
Hold my breath for a little while
I tell myself I’ve made my peace
But your laugh still gets the best of me

And I tell myself, “this is freedom”
But it’s just me and these four walls
I make it sound like some deep meaning
But it’s just me missing your calls

Romanticizing my isolation
Here I go again 
Framing heartache like it’s inspiration
Here I go again, 
Making poems out of empty rooms
Humming songs that end too soon
I made my room a tomb,
Oh fuck, I'm drunk.

Here I go again.

Maybe someday I’ll step outside
But for now, I let the world slide
There’s a comfort in this hollow space
Where your memory still has a place

Romanticizing my isolation
Here I go again 
Framing heartache like it’s inspiration
Here I go again, 
Making poems out of empty rooms
Humming songs that end too soon
I made my room a tomb,
Oh fuck, I'm drunk.

Here I go again.

I Mean I care about this new girl
I know I do,
It's just so weird, it not being you,
I'm bleeding on those,
Who didn't cut me,
But all the liquids gone,
Just holding the wound shut,

Here I go again
Yeah, here I go again

Romanticizing My Isolation (Here I Go Again)

I walk passed the venue daily.
Still remember the shows we saw,
Used to say, "your music won't work"
When you see me on TV,  I'd have proved my worth.

You said, “these songs are okay,”
Wrote about you everyday,
You've been gone for so long,
You'll see me before too long

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

You laughed before when I played in basements,
Now my voice is in your weekday playlists
I saw your sister post a story last night
She was front row, screaming every single damn line

I remember,
you didn't think I'd make it
You smiled,
for my sake,
Just faked it,
I didn't need you,
to make me better,
Well that's a fucking lie,
I still cry,
On your cranberry sweater.

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

Fame won't make me feel better,
Your calls, a chain to my tether
I just wanted you, to hear my songs.
I'd do anything for you to sing along

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

I swear, when I get money,
I'll be able to help you,
They said when you have money,
They'll finally accept you,
I just wanted you to still love me,
Even though that isn't what this is anymore,
I know my music was always boring to you,
Like loving me was a chore

I just want you to believe
Yeah, I just want you to believe

When I Get Money

I used to make sad lofi beats upstairs in my room
Bedroom beats and melancholy thoughts about you,
Wrote breakup lines under a paper moon,
Didn't matter, I couldn't change who you choosed.

It was heartbreak in a minor key
Every song a quiet apology
But I learned that pain’s not currency
It won’t buy love, it just buys sympathy

So I turned the dial, changed the sound
And I cut my hair, changed my style
Gave myself a second name
Hoping you’d hear it just the same

From a sad lofi boy to a postmodern man
Rebranding the pain, putting beats to the plan
Told myself this is who I am
From a sad lofi boy to a postmodern man

Remixed the pain, gave it a different spin
Played some sick chords, from deep within
You can change the name, change the chords you play
But some goodbyes still sound the same

I threw away my MPC and that old four-track
Bought a B-C Rich six-string and never looked back
But under the chords, beneath the art
It’s still the same fuckin' fragile broken heart

We danced around the words unsaid
Tuned the sorrow to a different thread
I hit the pedal, changed the tone
But you still echo in my headphones

But no matter how you spin the blame
Some goodbyes sound the same
Gave myself a second name
Hoping you’d hear it just the same

From a sad lofi boy to a postmodern man
Rebranding the pain, putting beats to the plan
Told myself this is who I am
From a sad lofi boy to a postmodern man

Remixed the pain, gave it a different spin
Played some sick chords, from deep within
You can change the name, change the chords you play
But some goodbyes still sound the same

You can call it rebirth, call it growth
Call it whatever helps you cope
But I know, deep down, beneath the frames
Some goodbyes,
Never fucking change.

From a sad lofi boy to a postmodern man
Rebranding the pain, putting beats to the plan
Told myself this is who I am
From a sad lofi boy to a postmodern man

Remixed the pain, gave it a different spin
Played some sick chords, from deep within
You can change the name, change the chords you play
But some goodbyes still sound the same

What's the fucking point?
I remade myself,
I tried so hard,
To be somebody else

I did it all for you,
You didn't even notice
I swear I did it all for you,
You make me lose focus.

I stopped making what I used to,
Now I play the guitar for you,
I threw out my lo-fi style,
Since you've been gone, I've hated it for a fucking while.


 “Hey… I miss you,
You know you really don't have to do all this.
You sound like you really can't get over me, I'm sorry you still feel that way.
But I know you need this more than ever. 
Goodbye"

From A Sad Lo-Fi Boy, To A Postmodern Man

The first time I caught you kissing someone
In the parking lot
You said it meant nothing—just forgot.
But to me it meant a lot
The second time, you blamed the moon,
But it was 3PM and the clouds weren’t gloom

You said you tried to love, but that’s hard to believe 
Yet I'm still the idiot who keeps convincing myself it’s true

Third time’s a wedding, dress me in white,
Buried my heart where you left your tracks.
I gave you matches, you burned down trust,
Now I’m sweeping up ash and choking on dust.

You said, “It’s just a fling, don’t overreact,”
Like my heartbreak came with a money-back.
You tattooed lies on your lipstick grin,
While I played the fool with a guitar

You said I’m jealous—maybe I am,
Of the lies you fed to your latest scam.

Third time’s a funeral, no flowers please,
Just whiskey, spite, and STD’s.
I built a home on your sinking sand,
Now I’m mailing back your wedding band.

I carved your name in a bathroom stall,
Right next to “cheater” and “used up doll.”
I loved you hard—mistake one of three—
Now I’m ghosting your ghost like it’s haunting me.

You said forever—meant three weeks,
Between your lies and your latex streaks.
I’m done with chances, out of grace,
Your halo’s fake and your soul’s misplaced.

Third time’s a funeral, you dug the hole,
Laid me down with your self-control.
So keep your stories, your makeup tears—
I’m burning the past and shifting gears.

Here lies love—she died a cheat,
With lipstick lies and cold bare feet.
No need for prayers, no final glance—
Just one last shot, and a second chance.

Fourths Time's My Funeral

I met a good thing in a thrift store dress,
She smelled like hope and a little success.
She said, “You could be happy if you’d just sit still,”
But I lit a match just for the thrill.

I’ve got a PhD in screwin’ it up,
Burning bridges just to warm my cup.

I ruin good things like it’s in my blood,
Turn gold to rust, love into mud.
You give me peace and I start a war,
Built to break—can’t help it anymore.

Gave her my heart with a ticking sound,
Like a timebomb gift wrapped, underground.
She tried to fix me with Band-Aids and grace,
But I ghosted her smile without a trace.

I call it freedom—she called it fear,
Guess I was gone before I got here.

I ruin good things like a punk on cue,
Take something real, then cut it in two.
She gave me heaven, I showed her the door,
Built to break—it’s my folklore.

I sharpen words like switchblades sweet,
Then cry alone in the driver’s seat.
I want the calm, but I chase the crash,
Trading slow love for a quick backlash.

So here’s to the mess I always make,
To the hands I held just to watch them shake.
If love’s a drug, I’ve built a lab—
Just to make sure it all goes bad.

I ruin good things—it’s my damn curse,
Write love songs backward, second verse worse.
She tried to save me, I pulled the cord,
Built to break—ain’t that what hearts are for?

If I call you tomorrow, just let it ring,
It’s only me, wrecking another good thing.

I Never Mess Up At Messing Up

I only check your Instagram once a day
Just to see if you’re still in P.A.
I only to play your playlist when I drive
Just coincidence, I drive for life,

I sleep on my side of the bed
Your pillow’s still there, but it’s just for my head
I don’t dream of you, not every night
Okay, maybe twice — alright, maybe five

I miss you but not that much (Okay maybe a lot)
I’m fine, I swear, I barely even thought (It's totally a lot)
About that dress you left, or your coffee mug (The only cup I use)
I drink out of it, but not ‘cause I’m stuck (I swear I'm not)
I miss you but not that much (Okay maybe a lot)

I tell my friends I’m better off
That heartbreak just adds to my songs
I got a new girlfriend, put your ghost in the ground,
But I still play all of our songs, even when she's around

I’m not sad, I’m just introspective
I’m not lonely, just hyper-reflective
I’m not broken, I’m just bent
And writing this song is just… content

I miss you but not that much (Okay maybe a lot)
I’m fine, I swear, I barely even thought (It's totally a lot)
About that dress you left, or your coffee mug (The only cup I use)
I drink out of it, but not ‘cause I’m stuck (I swear I'm not)
I miss you but not that much (Okay maybe a lot)

It’s not love, it’s nostalgia
It’s not pain, it’s performance art
I’m not crying, this is punk rock
I’m not hurt, I’m just falling apart

I miss you but not that much
Okay maybe a lot
I’m cool, I swear, it’s all just a plot
For my next EP, for my mental health
For pretending I’m not someone else
I miss you but not that much (Okay maybe a lot)

Yeah, okay maybe a lot
Okay maybe a lot

I Miss You, But Not That Much (Okay Maybe A Lot)

Sheets smell like war and last night’s dread,
Been three weeks since I left this bed.
DoorDash priest brings wine and sin,
I leveled up apathy—again.

Pajamas stained like a dying flame,
Blame the meta or the endgame.

I’m rotting in bed with my cursed deck,
Planeswalker’s pride and a broken neck.
Hollow like a soul that lost its spark,
Rolling through life like it’s Blighttown dark.

My fridge holds rage and takeout rot,
The sun comes up, but I do not.
I shuffle guilt like a goddamn mage,
Draw one card—it’s another cage.

I used to dream, now I just respawn,
Estus empty, heart withdrawn.

I’m rotting in bed with a foil regret,
Deck full of death and unpaid debt.
Bonfire cold and my saves erased,
This is what defeat looks like, face to face.

Sword in hand, but I missed the swing,
Exiled myself for one more ping.
I tap out life for a swamp and pain,
Board wipe soul, nothing left to gain.

Black mana heart, red mana rage,
My bedroom’s a graveyard, turn the page.
The fire fades, but I stay still,
Drafting doom with zero will.

Rotting in bed like a cursed flame,
Dark Souls loop, just new name, same shame.
If life’s a game, I’ve lost the plot—
Untap. Upkeep. Decay. And rot.

Don’t send help—I’d counterspell it.
This is the only dungeon where I fit.

Untap, Upkeep, Decay

I left the lights on and locked the door,
Didn’t take keys, didn’t need ’em no more.
Wandered out past the cul-de-sac,
Where the trees don’t care if you ever come back.

Sky went blank and time went numb,
I forgot where I was—or where I’m from.

I’m disassociating where the silence stings,
Where the wind cuts deep and the sparrow sings.
The world don’t miss me, and that’s just fine,
I forgot my name in the pines.

I laid in the dirt ‘til the bugs felt kind,
Told the stars all the secrets I left behind.
The moon looked down like it knew the score,
But didn’t say much—just watched me ignore.

There’s no past out here, no future dread,
Just a cold breath and a hollow head.

I’m disassociating where the trees don’t ask,
Where the leaves write poems on my paper mask.
No one calls, and that’s a sign—
I forgot my name in the pines.

They say go heal, go talk it out,
But I’d rather scream where no one shouts.
I dug a bed from moss and shame,
And let the silence take the blame.

I’m not gone, I’m just… not here.
My body’s close but the mind’s unclear.
I didn’t run—I just dissolved,
Into the woods, unsolved.

I’m disassociating where the world goes mute,
Where the air tastes thick and the pain feels cute.
I’m not okay, but I’m not confined—
I forgot my name in the pines.

So if they ask where I’ve been—just lie.
Say I went home. Don’t say goodbye.

I Lost My Name In The Pines

I Talked To God And He Said "Dude That's On You" - B Side

Skiing In July Was A Bad Idea - B Side

Carmen Sandiego - B Side

I hate your name
But I still repeat it to fall asleep
I deleted your number
Then try random combos to find it
I said I moved on
But I’ve been writing drafts
Of texts I’ll never send
While lying flat on the floor again

You said I was hard to read
So I made an analysis
And now you say I’m too much
For the book you never finished anyway

I told you I’m done
But I keep checking your feed
I said I don’t miss you
Then cried at a song we both used to scream

I want you to be happy
But not if it’s not with me
I want closure
But only if I can leave the last scene
I said I’m okay
Then blasted my own songs for hours
I meant every word
But I take it all back
I never want to hear from you
But if you’d respond that’d be nice

I said I’d never forgive you
But I believed your apology
I said I’d block you
Then made burner accounts
I don’t believe in fate
But I swear I see signs
And I hate romanticizing
But I romanticized the decline

You said, “You’re overthinking”
But how do I stop
When my brain’s a junk drawer
Full of your half-finished thoughts?

I said “I’m chill, it’s whatever”
Then didn’t sleep for a week
I told my friends you meant nothing
Then cried into my hoodie’s sleeve

I want you to be happy
But not if it’s not with me
I want closure
But only if I can leave the last scene
I said I’m okay
Then screamed into my sleeves
I meant every word
But I take it all back
Just please
Say something

I burnt all our photos
Then tried to reform the ash
I said “I don’t need reminders”
But I have a voice note stash
I’m tired of pretending
That I don’t still wait
For you to ruin a day
Just so I can feel anything

I want you to be happy
But I want you to regret me
I said I was healing
Then scratched off the scab at 3:03
I don’t know what I want
But I know it still stings
I meant every word
But I take it all back
Until I believe
I meant anything

You said I contradict myself
And yeah, I do
But at least I still
Feel something
When i say your name

I’m Starting To Feel Sick In The Back Of My Throat.  Got Any Bandaids? - B Side

I Never Mess Up At Messing Up - B Side

I walk passed the venue daily.
Still remember the shows we saw,
Used to say, "your music won't work"
When you see me on TV, I'd have proved my worth.

You said, “these songs are okay,”
Wrote about you everyday,
You've been gone for so long,
You'll see me before too long

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

You laughed before when I played in basements,
Now my voice is in your weekday playlists
I saw your sister post a story last night
She was front row, screaming every single damn line

I remember,
you didn't think I'd make it
You smiled,
for my sake,
Just faked it,
I didn't need you,
to make me better,
Well that's a fucking lie,
I still cry,
On your cranberry sweater.

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

Fame won't make me feel better,
Your calls, a chain to my tether
I just wanted you, to hear my songs.
I'd do anything for you to sing along

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

I swear, when I get money,
I'll be able to help you,
They said when you have money,
They'll finally accept you,
I just wanted you to still love me,
Even though that isn't what this is anymore,
I know my music was always boring to you,
Like loving me was a chore

I just want you to believe
Yeah, I just want you to believe

When I Get Money - B Side

I Lost My Name In The Pines - B Side

I brought you daisies, you cried like they died,
Said I picked wrong, like I’d even tried,
Color was wrong, the stems were too clean,
It all meant something to you, but nothing to me.

You said “it’s not about the flowers,”
But it was something about the power,
Wilting under constant shade like that's okay,
You found the storm in every bouquet,

I walked on eggshells, in a bed of blooms,
You turned petals, into ruined rooms.

Flowars, thorns in your softest voice,
Every gift became a loaded choice,
Flowars, growing in fights we fed.
Vases cracked from things you never said.
I tried to plant peace in your rage-filled hour
But you made war out of every flower

You dissected roses, like they held a plot,
Searched the silence, for feelings I forgot,
Every stem, a thread to pull,
Until all that was sweet turned cruel.

You say I never listen right,
But I heard the garden cry at night.

Flowars, thorns in your softest voice,
Every gift became a loaded choice,
Flowars, growing in fights we fed.
Vases cracked from things you never said.
I tried to plant peace in your rage-filled hour
But you made war out of every flower

I still see petals fall in flames,
You held love like it needed blame,

Now the soil’s dry where I once kneeled,
The ghost of you still tends the field,
Even weeds don’t speak your name,
But I water grief just the same.

I bought flowers for no one today,
And still heard your voice anyway,
Each bloom asks what I was fighting for,
But I don't bring you flowers anymore.

Flowars

We carved names in bark, they’ve long since blurred
Your voice was soft, your silence hurt
Left your song in the Lost Woods' breeze
Chased a ghost through castle keeps

You gave me time, and I gave you space
Turns out I was just running in place

I thought gold meant glory, not goodbye
Now even Kokiri Forest cries

Should've stayed in the woods with you
Deep in the forest for you
Wanted to play in the field
Wanted to visit the castle
I guess I'm just an asshole
She was a princess in distress
I know it's too late now
I needed to get this apology off my chest

She had a crown, but no roots to grow
You held a tune that I’ll never outgrow
All the heart pieces I tried to fill
Still feel like empty bottles spilled

Your ocarina echoes through
Every ruin I walk through

Should've stayed in the woods with you
Deep in the forest for you
Wanted to play in the field
Wanted to visit the castle
I guess I'm just an asshole
She was a princess in distress
I know it's too late now
I needed to get this apology off my chest

If you hear this, don’t reply
Just let the trees ask why

Lost you in the time I took
Now I’m nothing but a closed book
You gave me green, I chased gold
But your shade was worth more than I was told

Sorry, Saria, you were the best part
Now I’m stuck with this empty heart,
But I never forgot,
Holding your hands on that bridge.

Sorry Saria

Woke up weightless, without a name
Chasing warmth, in a world too strange
I never fit, just faded through
Until your light cut my silence in two

You didn’t ask where I’d been
You just saw what I could’ve been

You found meaning where none was drawn
Sketched a soul in my empty dawn

You loved me, when I was nothing
Can't thank you, you made me something
I was tired of living
In someone else's shadow
Restored my broken heart
You're always my favorite part
Wish I came here from the start
You made me something, from nothing

Every word you whispered stuck
Like glue in the cracks of a shattered luck
No key, no lock, just quiet truth
You turned the static into something smooth

You traced hope in lines I lost
Taught me how to bear the cost

You loved me, when I was nothing
Can't thank you, you made me something
I was tired of living
In someone else's shadow
Restored my broken heart
You're always my favorite part
Wish I came here from the start
You made me something, from nothing

And now I breathe like I belong
And now the nights don't feel as long

Even if I fade again
You’re the mark beneath my skin
The light that lives in borrowed form
You made the shell feel safe and warm

You made me something
You made me whole
You gave me something
I never stole

Something From Nothing

You said you'd wait, but the season passed
Now you're gone, seasons in the past,
Every word you never spoke,
Still plays in my mind, fill my throat,

You weren’t the storm — just the sky gone dead
But I danced in it, full of dread

I should’ve known the frost was real,
You only love what you can’t feel,

The rain is cold, your heart’s colder
I just get colder, as I get older
It's not a killing spree, it's just killing me
To see this mockery
I feel the cold rain on my skin
Living with my sin, deep within

There's a hole in my room,
Where water comes in,
You left the lights on, in full bloom,
The room fills up fast, it's up to my chin

The mirror shows me what I lack
You gave no love — but I gave it back

The rain is cold, your heart’s colder
I just get colder, as I get older
It's not a killing spree, it's just killing me
To see this mockery
I feel the cold rain on my skin
Living with my sin, deep within

You never needed any of this,
Just a guy singing songs of the one he missed.

I still walk past the house you cursed
Counting heartbeats in every verse
But your cold never left my bones
And I was never truly home

The rain still falls, you’re colder still
And I keep bleeding to feel a thrill.

The Rain Is Cold, Your Heart’s Colder

Your coat’s still, on my chair
Dust collects, but I don't care
If it moves, I won't sleep
Memories are all I keep

I don't touch anything,
To go back, I'd give everything.
You took all, of the sound,
My senses fail, when you're around.

I can't forget you, 
If I don't forgive you,
They didn't accept you,
But baby I don't regret you.

I want to forgive,
But don't want to forget,
Each time I try to let go,
I fear you’ll melt like snow,
I can’t heal, where I've been burned,
Love's a lesson I never learned
I hold the pain close to my chest,
For so long, even I'm impressed.

It's fine, I respect the silence,
Even though, I thought of self-violence,
Ruled my thoughts like a tyrant,
Wasting my time, I could've spent.

Built a shrine from loss,
Counted lines we crossed,
It's covered in dirt and dust,
Broken and rusted like your trust.

You can't forget me, 
If you don't forgive me,
You didn't accept me,
Please don't regret me.

I want to forgive,
But don't want to forget,
Each time I try to let go,
I fear you’ll melt like snow,
I can’t heal, where I've been burned,
Love's a lesson I never learned
I hold the pain close to my chest,
For so long, even I'm impressed.

I needed the heartache,
There's no peace without a break,
Everyone says time will heal me,
Just need you to not be near me.

Never forget
Never forget
Never forget

Never Forgive, Never Forget

Trapped in a cage,
Feel nothing but rage,
Don't feel wise, not a sage,
Just years I can't erase,

It's okay for you to not stay,
Honestly, I prefer this way,
Tomorrow's a darker day,
All you'll be is in the way.

I wanna be free,
Stay away from me,
Just that I can never be,
Who I was supposed to be.

They say I am the fucking worst,
Think I get off on their hurt,
The truth is that I'm cursed,
I just wish I told you first.

In hurt, I'm so well versed,
Foreshadowed cause I drive a hearse,
I know I'm the worst,
Heaven came with a curse.

I get it, I'm so awful,
Can't even, be mindful,
This isn't even fucking final,
This Trial's part of the cycle

Round and round,
Here we go again,
The same old sound,
This time I pray it's the end

I wanna be free,
Stay away from me,
Just that I can never be,
Who I was supposed to be.

They say I am the fucking worst,
Think I get off on their hurt,
The truth is that I'm cursed,
I just wish I told you first.

In hurt, I'm so well versed,
Foreshadowed cause I drive a hearse,
I know I'm the worst,
Heaven came with a curse.

What is the point at all?
Every time I get up I fall.


The Worst

His kisses felt like endings,
A storm of all our feelings, 
We said “forever, and ever”
But it's the last endeavor

Lipstick on apology notes,
Just words we never spoke,
We wore each other thin
We did it to ourselves again.

We bled love in pastel tones,
Felt forever in our bones,
I plead for you to stay
You gave me a long sigh,

By myself I wonder why,
You didn't let me say good-bye,
I still hold on to everything,
Without you I'm not anything.

You were my sweet-heart,
You have a bitter-sweet heart,
I didn't know from the start,
You already knew we'd depart,

Swear I need to detox,
Singing songs from a juke-box,
Constantly watch the clock,
For a text that never drops.

You said pain meant depth,
Pain is all that's left,
We held hands with blades,
The blood just doesn't fade,

You loved blackout poetry
Rewired my circuitry,
Now I'm constantly on the fritz,
It's about time to call it quits.

We bled love in pastel tones,
Felt forever in our bones,
I plead for you to stay
You gave me a long sigh,

By myself I wonder why,
You didn't let me say good-bye,
I still hold on to everything,
Without you I'm not anything.

You were my sweet-heart,
You have a bitter-sweet heart,
I didn't know from the start,
You already knew we'd depart,

Swear I need to detox,
Singing songs from a juke-box,
Constantly watch the clock,
For a text that never drops.

“You’re my favorite scar”

Even now, I trace your scars
Like constellations on my arms
You told me that we’re different
And I never knew what that fucking meant.

We loved in lowercase
And fought in bold
You said I was poison
But drank me whole



Bitter-Sweet Hearts

The silence is louder than you ever were
White noise in my veins where your name still stirs

You said I ruined everything
I believed it for a while,
Now I wear the guilt
Crooked with denial
Your friends paint me as the shadow
In your sun
But you forget who stayed
When everyone else would run

I’m not your villain
I’m your mirror cracked
Every fracture
Just another attack
You said I’m toxic, said I’m cruel,
But you drew blood
Made it look like a jewel
I never wanted war
You wrote me into your lore
Discordant, dissonant
I won’t play your score
I'm the villain no more

Left out the nights I held your hand
The times you fell, I helped you land
Nobody knows I have problems,
You always solved them,
We were there for each other,
But I didn't know,
You had another under the covers.

I kept my voice low,
So you could scream,
But I won't be your scapegoat,
In another dream

I’m not your villain
I’m your mirror cracked
Every fracture
Just another attack
You said I’m toxic, said I’m cruel,
But you drew blood
Made it look like a jewel
I never wanted war
You wrote me into your lore
Discordant, dissonant
I won’t play your score
I'm the villain no more

It wasn't all about you,
It was about me too,
Sick of all these fucking rules,
I deserve love too,
I deserve love too.

I’m not your villain
I’m your mirror cracked
Every fracture
Just another attack
You said I’m toxic, said I’m cruel,
But you drew blood
Made it look like a jewel
I never wanted war
You wrote me into your lore
Discordant, dissonant
I won’t play your score
I'm the villain no more


Discordant

Hey
Can I ask you something?
Will you
Hurt me

I bled on the floor
Still I beg for more
Are you keeping score
Because you're up by four

My tears feel to the ground
They didn't make a sound
I can't leave, I'm bound
Hope I don't see you around town.

Have marks from the bite
Ignored my fight or flight
Just to spend another night
Right by your side

It's okay that you left
Because there's nothing left
The most quiet theft
With me, your secrets kept.

I bled on the floor
Still I beg for more
Are you keeping score
Because you're up by four

My tears feel to the ground
They didn't make a sound
I can't leave, I'm bound
Hope I don't see you around town.


Hey
I asked you a question,
You're not just an obsession,
Please God answer my question,
Please God answer me.

hey...
will you...
hurt me?

I saw your ghost in a discount mirror
Cracked at the corner like the year we disappeared
You said, “Love’s just a loan you forget to repay,”
Then vanished in smoke at the end of the day.

I write your name in the fog on the glass
And erase it just as fast.

You’re a flicker in the rearview
A song I never sang through
I hit repeat on the silence
While the world just hums in defiance
And if I crash this borrowed car
Would it finally make me feel where you are?

I moved cities to forget your name
But the street signs keep whispering it just the same
My therapist said, “You’re not the sun,”
But I still orbit like I owe you one

You were the fire, I was the fuse
We were perfect for bad news.

You’re a flicker in the rearview
A bruise I keep pressing through
I scream your name into the vinyl
Of songs that only spin in denial
And if I change the station again
Will I still feel the echo in my skin?

There’s a version of me that’s still twenty-three,
Shouting at stars from the balcony,
Wearing your sweater like a second skin,
Screaming “I’m sorry” into the wind—
But you were already gone
Long before the song began.

You’re a flicker in the rearview
A dream I can’t sleep through
If healing means forgetting
Then I guess I’m still regretting
But I’ll drive through this gray light
With your memory seatbelt-tight
You’re gone—but you’re still right.

Flicker In The Rearview

I talked to the wall ‘cause it listens better
Than you do with your eyes on your goddamn sweater
I rehearsed it all night, every perfect line
But my mouth just stutters like a glitch in time

You said, “Just say how you feel,”
I said, “Okay,” and meant nothing real.

I don’t speak your language
Mine’s all static and damage
Tongue-tied in Morse code confessions
Failing all your comprehension tests
You’re fluent in silence, I’m loud in retreat
A battlefield of words I never complete

You stare like I’m a crossword with no solution
And I break like a prayer in a failed revolution
I write it down, burn the page, rinse and repeat
I’d scream it out loud if my lungs weren’t obsolete

You want answers with polish and pride
But all I’ve got are screams I hide

I don’t speak your language
Mine’s all static and damage
Tried to translate my blood into prose
But it just drips down my clothes
You’re a dictionary, I’m a dying tweet
Lost in the feedback, doomed to delete

I tried therapy, poetry,
Screaming into coffee cups and night TV,
Every word a lie by omission,
Every silence a suicide mission—
And still,
You say “Talk to me.”
And I choke.
Again.
Because I can’t even speak my own name without shaking.
Let alone yours.

I don’t speak your language
I’m just static and damage
Your voice is a map I can’t follow
And mine’s an echo too hollow
If communication is connection
Then I guess I’m just a missed direction
Too loud to listen
Too scared to speak

Static Language

I wake up when the sun’s already bored
Streaming light through a crack in the blinds I ignored
There’s a dent in the couch where I keep my thoughts
And a silence in the air that never gets caught

I thought staying in would save me
Now the walls just overname me

I’m a houseplant heart in a room with no sun
Overwatered by regret, underloved by anyone
I make tea like it matters, talk to ghosts on the stairs
And pretend that not leaving is a form of self-care

I canceled plans I never made
Unread messages sit like debts unpaid
I rearranged the books so they’d judge me less
But they still glare from the shelf in their dusty dress

Outside, the world’s too sharp to touch
Inside, it’s soft—but way too much

I’m a houseplant heart in a room with no sun
Blooming in reverse, coming undone
I watch shadows dance on walls I won’t paint
And call that a life—well, something close but faint

I left the lights on so it looks like I’m home
But no one’s knocking, and I don’t own a phone
I keep meaning to write a song about going outside
But my shoes are stiff with dust and pride
And I think, maybe this is it
Maybe I’m the furniture now
Part of the set
A one-man sitcom that never gets reset

I’m a houseplant heart in a room with no sun
Photosynthesizing apathy one by one
Maybe tomorrow I’ll leave, maybe I’ll try
But today I’ll just bloom here—quietly, dry

Houseplant Heart

Hey, it's okay they hate you,
Nobody knows the real you,
To them you're just see through,
Don't waver, stay true.

They see you as a monster,
Blood's thicker than water,
This will last just a bit longer,
It's okay, take off your armor.

It's okay to feel this way,
You don't have to run away,
Stay strong, please don't sway,
Tomorrow is another day.

There's beauty in struggle,
It's okay if you just shuffle,
You can speak, don't need muffled,
No fights, no need to tussle,

It's okay don't move a muscle,
You can move slow, don't hustle,
Just please stay humble,
We'll solve the puzzle.

It's okay to feel this way,
You don't have to run away,
Stay strong, please don't sway,
Tomorrow is another day.

It's okay.
It's okay,

It's okay to feel this way,
You don't have to run away,
Stay strong, please don't sway,
Tomorrow is another day.

Another Day

Just two guys who write songs you hum when no one’s around.

PA 44

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