gutter

I haven't shaved in a week
Or left my room so to speak
This time last year I was care free
You had your head on my knees
I had no reason to think
I'd need a thing but you and me
But it never works like the movies
I never know what I'm doing
Self sabotage is my whole thing

So I'll be calling and you'll be free
And if it means a thing

Fuck all that Shit that I said
Don't let it get to your head
Cus now I'd love to be home and
Watching cartoons in our bed
I still push off therapy
gave into the enemy
I wish I'd known that it was me

Cus I go
Up down
Somehow
Haven't found a way out
Empty rooms have a sound
Wish that you were around

Empty rooms have a sound
Wish that you were around

Up down
Somehow
Haven't found a way out
Empty rooms have a sound
Wish that you were around

White Noise

IMPATIENT

These past few months I've been thinking a lot on how much I understand myself and the world around me, as well as my perception of who I am as a person. I'm not entirely sure if my small contribution to the online zeitgeist has been one of redundancy or one of nuance; given my somewhat oxymoronic mindset on plenty of concepts, it's quite possible I believe it has been both of these things. I want to be seen and revered by my peers, but at the same time I feel an overwhelming anxiety whenever I am perceived in any way. 

Look at me, but don't.

I am extreme in my passiveness.

I misunderstand my goals yet desperately desire to achieve them.

I don't believe this description is of any help to your understanding of the song. or at the very least it is not a necessary prerequisite to the listening experience. Simply some anecdotal thoughts and context I feel have spilled out of the song and onto here. Enjoy some post-post-post ironic abstraction of the online social space.

LYRICS:
feel i’ve lost my mental
life’s a comedy but no ones laughing everything consequential
every action has a effect and though that’s always been true we got a microscope
to analyze and scrutinize everything you do
feel i’ve pointed it at myself
project my worries to potential spectators and now i’ve gotta sell
what makes me special why i’m good or why i deserve these ghosts attention
know that Ian is no different but i’ve always been a good salesman
so i sell it better than i ever have 
is my goal to make you cry or make you mad or  make you laugh
press my shaky thumbs onto the keys of freedom
let my speech ring to your eardrums or your eyes
hope that you perceive my opinions of this trip we call a life moderately adequate
or maybe mediocre just not detrimental to my thoughts i just needed closure
and validation from a screen has taken over as composer blasting symphonies and melancholy to any online user
that happens to see these thoughts
i could speak on global policy or show u a cute dog
could rip apart your ego could be vile could just claim you’re in denial
on the ethos you so desperately need perceived call you a liar
when you claim you’re empathetic to the cause a heartless troll
you fucking pussy i disagree with you and therefor you are wrong
or i could build you up
i love you and i hope one day you finally get that touch
of rejuvenation in your soul to act upon your passion
lessen tensions of your will I will support your every action
treat you as a god tho i’ve never met you
retweet like subscribe i’d never hurt you
parasocial? never heard it, your opinion? i deserve it 
everybody has an audience and everybody is a part of one contradicting toxic habits
and if you’re never commentating then you fence sit just as bad as
being on wrong side and your negligence is tragic
cause truly, i really liked you
but your silence becomes deafening when adversity surrounds you
at 17 you better have the answers or we’ll bash you
and i promise if you’ve ever made mistakes we will debate on whether to throw you body in the ground or in the lake
it’s debatable at times whether we’re truly hostile creatures or just faulted by design
and an algorithmic villain builds the tension from attention
and then claims different opinions are the issue they’re against us
now fight against them
there are layers to the process
i’m at post-post-post-ironic
keeping up will leave me nauseous 
where every word has double meaning 
and my face become an object of anticipation
waiting for my next move i’m related to the stars and moon
a being made a dust cursed to walk the earth in search of humble righteousness to leave a mark
i thought if i spoke on topics bigger than myself then id go far
but i’m far much better at talking about myself
expressing grievances with media and a cyclical social hell

SOUNDCLOUD HAS A STUPID WORD LIMIT SORRY

The Divine Comedy [prod. eeryskies]

Lyrics¬

Ohh its alright
Ive heard these words a thousand times
And it doesnt get easier
No it doesnt get easier
But i dont mind
If you lie to me tonight
just lie with me, alright?
I know its kinda sad
Thinkin about the times when 
we were alright

So hold me tight
tell me bout the things you like
And lets do this together
Ill take care of you forever i dont mind
keep you warm in stormy weather its alright
Never know how to react, when, we fight
but we always work it out by the night

And i looooooove you
and i cant help my-jealousy
But ill take care of it
if you take care of me

And i know
That of
Everyone
You know the most
I get too attached and i hurt myself 
On loving those
That care for me the most
And i still dont know how
To control
My feelings all
Emotions overflow

i cant stay afloat
heartbreak overdose
Wondering what to do 
and where to go
Only god could know

Ohh its alright
Ive heard these words a thousand times
And it doesnt get easier
No it doesnt get easier
But i dont mind
If you lie to me tonight
just lie with me, alright?
I know its kinda sad
Thinkin about the times when 
we were alright

a thousand times (iof)

produced by scotty splash
mixed by Lxst Boy, XELFIY, & hero
mastered by Lxst Boy
@xelfiy
@not-a-fucking-hero
@scottysplash

-lyrics-
(Lxst Boy)
lets just go, go, go off the deep end
i dont know when we'll see it
rock the boat till we sinkin
break me apart keep the pieces
X2

(XELFIY)
woah, woah, woah
baby i think it’s time i
go, go, go
uh, drinking till i get slow 
i wanna hit you up but baby
i had already known 
what u gonna say
and i don’t wanna hear that, no
digits in my phone
baby leave me alone
gotta call the plug and get him over here
so i can get gone
i am big strong
i take this sip to boost me up
and then i get on
i don’t even fucking know her
she said she gon come over
but i ain’t even sober
i just hope she don’t notice
cause i don’t wanna get older
i should leave right now
before you even say a word
cause i know i’m gon get attached 
way too fast and get hurt
yeah i know i ain’t him
but i know that she’s hurt
and they’ll fuck it if it’s cringey
baby what could be worse
fuck it if i’m stingy
i’m jus tryna get more money
ion know why you love me
oh bae i’m tryna get the money

(hero)
yuh
look at that ugly brain
but look at that gorgeous face 
ion know how im liked so much
when there's so much more to hate
proportions skewed in two i had nothing left to say
everything exposed
and i guess she jus liked the taste
go go go go
ion see no other angles its jus forward u gotta
go go go go
i can't settle for a moment i jus gotta fuckin
go go go go
take a breather its the end for u 
so quick u gotta
go go go go
go go go go

(Lxst Boy)
lets just go, go, go off the deep end
i dont know when we'll see it
rock the boat till we sinkin
break me apart keep the pieces
X2

go! w/ xelfiy & hero (scotty splash)

lyrics -‌ ‌written‌ ‌by‌ ‌@backyardbeetle
produced‌ ‌by -‌ @killedmyself

follow me:
soundcloud - @backyardbeetle
bandlab - www.bandlab.com/backyardbeetle
spotify - open.spotify.com/artist/7Kmx3CsboLQGgQRrmQimz5

backyard beetle - spoken (prod. killedmyself)

hellbound (prod. iof)

@paycheck.wav - TAKE ME WHOLE

your touch
feels like planetary devastation 
gaze upon me then proceed to lay waste
we’re a world ending event in the making
lips collide and leave a wreck in our wake

i just need to be in your orbit
lip locked lies but we’re choosing to ignore it
get me high but left you leave me floored it’s 
quite alright i just hope that you enjoyed it
burn my throat
im choking when i breathe you in
lovesickghost, 
you haunt me but i let you in
left you notes
i swear i didn’t mean to
let you know
but fuck, you make me seethrough 

your touch
feels like planetary devastation 
gaze upon me then proceed to lay waste
we’re a world ending event in the making
lips collide and leave a wreck in our wake

your touch
feels like planetary devastation 
gaze upon me then proceed to lay waste
our love would be a catastrophic end to all
but thoughts ignite and i’m alright with the fall

IMPATIENT

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