i’ve been trying to write you
a series of poems
but nothings changing
ill bottle my problems
till i can’t contain them
they’ll stay right inside of my own head
and i just wanna know what it means
to be myself again
i’ve lost interest in the things that would help me just forget

and i don’t like the way i talk
i hate whats said
id rather just shut up
and eat this lead
i cant deal with dread
i cant deal with stress
i lie every single night awake in bed
my mind is sinking into sorrow
i cant see tommorow
yesterday was hollow
eyes are feeling shallow
i cant give a reason
why i should be breathing
wish for different seasons
so i can feel decent

some nights I lie in bed
trying to make sense 
of what i intend to be
my mom says get a job
but i cant hang on
to a life that isn't for me

but you and i
see eye to eye
as they keep movin forward
we get along
sing the same song
someday we'll make it out there

spotify

poems for myself w/ stephanie cortez (caspr & saint tommorow)

@nevrfall
@cut_deep
(casperrr)
i love you, take care
i'm going away from here
i love you, take care
hurting u is my fear
i love you, take care
i will go elsewhere
i love you take care
i'm trying to stay i swear

i'm trying to stay i swear
but it gets so hard at night in my bed
fuck all these thoughts inside of my head
they telling me all of this will end
wtf i can't understand this shit
maybe we were never meant
to be together and we should stay friends

(cutdeep)
And maybe we should stay friends
Why won’t all this bullshit never end
And I won’t give this up until I’m dead
Got your picture lying by my bed

And nothing was the same
I struggle to find my place

(cutdeep + casperrr)
I love you take care
But baby I ain’t goin anywhere
Life’s hard but it’s fair
And I just wanna take you everywhere
It just doesn’t work like that
I waste time I won’t get back

It takes time and I know that
You wasted it all like that

(casperrr)
i love you, take care
i'm going away from here
i love you, take care
hurting u is my fear
i love you, take care
i will go elsewhere
i love you take care
i'm trying to stay i swear

i love you, take care. w/cutdeep (nevrfall)

skele’s cover of soft by YoungJZA, slowed and reverbed

skele - soft (slowed + reverb)

prod. acey

[casperrr]
i've come to realize
that i'm dumb and i despise 
myself for all those lies 
im sorry for the fight

(chorus) [casperrr] 
i really am worthless
i can't change and im trying my best
my life is nothing more than a mess
i just can't seem to get well 


[autumn]
how do i focus when locusts are biting my neck
she cut me open and tore out my chest
"i swear to god that was not my intention"
fentanyl, over her innocent jaw
now it don't matter at all
time just isn't a road
it's all that i've ever known
so when i say goodbye
there better not be tears in your eyes
cause i warned you from the start
how we'd end before we even fell apart
before we fell apart (2x)

(chorus) [casperrr & autumn]
i really am worthless
i can't change and im trying my best
my life is nothing more than a mess
i just can't seem to get well 

[casperrr]
feeling alone
turn into ash all of these bones
my demons awoke

(a crash; the scent of metal)
(strewn across the air)
steal every moment
(strewn across the air)
but what is grief?
(if one isn't wrong)

casperrr x autumndropsdead - locusts (acey ii)

woah oh oh
ur all that i know
oh no no
i love you so
but i've got a few things yeah to figure out
and i don't wanna leave you here alone my love
alone my love
different setting
a life with no regretting i
can't feel a heartbeat
can't see my blood bleeding, why?
oh she can save me
i fell between the spaces
died
in my own head and i just don't understand it
on the other side of the looking glass
i see a sad reflection
a troubled past
yeah a string of self loathing
i just can't comprehend this
i just can't comprehend this, why?
woah oh oh
ur all that i know
oh no no
i love you so
but i've got a few things yeah to figure out
and i don't wanna leave you here alone my love
alone my love
You’re such a blessing to a life that’s so depressing, I
Can feel my heart beat, beat faster when I’m by your side
She could save me
Thought between the spaces died
In my own my head
Just can’t understand
nothing is perfect but shit we perfect together
i know we young and its early you changed my life for the better
im drinking gin and im faded im probably adding more pressure
i wouldnt changed how i played it but now I love you forever
woah oh oh
ur all that i know
oh no no
i love you so
but i've got a few things yeah to figure out
and i don't wanna leave you here alone my love
alone my love

all that i know [feat. chris birdd]

prod neverforever

filled with broken promises n shit that i regret
hold me close im dyin soon i hope u dont 4get
tell me its ok cuz bae i bet u kno the best
problems will arise wen i js wana fuckin rest

xanax for my temper , my heaart u cut , dismembered
forgot to feel , remember . ts it wont get better
i cry n rip my sweater , i wrote this as a letter
ima fuckin loser,. but beggars cant be choosers

beggin tht my life will end, sry if u were my friend
death is alr spent
tell me im fucked up ik that
death is 2close for me to turn back

im writin all the same songs , u kno i wont b here long
i figured u would love me if i became something
i h8 ppl they h8 me
no1 feels the same thing
lyin is wat made me
u cant pretend u saved me ..

tearing at my sweater [neverforever]

prod. by me x flesh
https://soundcloud.com/luv_armor
https://soundcloud.com/fleshgolem
featuring https://soundcloud.com/grlmisery

passion4malice

prod @pw4prez n @kiryano
thank u all 4 100 followers
u rlly mean the world 2 me

Lyrics:
heart in my hands girl i gave it all 2 u 
said we’d b together forever x2
flowers any weather even when ur feelin blue 
pull up any weather baby do it all 4 u 

head on my chest 
sayin that u love me while we’re layin in ur bed 
kissin on ur neck 
so u kno i love u 2 
i jus wanna spend this life w u 

take a walk by the lake 
not feelin right in my head 
i jus wanna lay in bed 
not feelin right when im not by ur side 
can u come over 2night 

cuz im not feelin right 

need u by my side 

can u come over 2night 

dark outside n the sun setting quick 
breeze from the lake keep me feelin sane
sayin that u love me dont kno if i feel the same 
got this feelin in my head that i cnt seem 2 shake 

take outside feel alive under moonlight 
4 wall round me and theyre slowly movin in 
if i dont move soon fear that this will b the end 
stuck in a cycle hopin this will end 

got scars on my wrist yeah i got it thru the mud 
6 piercings in my ears yeah i been had it tuff 
swear im not feelin right when im not by ur side 
i jus wanna call u mine

by ur side (sochi + kiryano) *** BONUS ***

over w remahd

heylog: https://soundcloud.com/heylog

lyrics:
you left me to freeze
i know that i’m nothing to you
but you’re something to me
i’m not what you need
i know that it’s my fault you left
but i need you back please
i can’t even think
when you’re not around 
i cannot even breathe 
theres snow to my knees
i’m freezing to death and you’re not there for me

i’ve been wondering why you’re
cold blooded like a lizard
it’s december so it’s freezing
and my heart is like a blizzard
you tell me that you love me
but i don’t think you remember
i told you when you first met me that i’m colder than december

coffee in the pot
and mixing bedroom pop
talking with a cause
and chilling with my dog
i look outside
watch out for the ice
am i seeing things
or am i ‘colour blind’
my heart is colder than december
i looked for you
but you weren’t there
i’m a little ill
hard to breath this cold winter air
you and your friends still think you’re cool
i’m happy i don’t have to see y’all at school

you left me to freeze
i know that i’m nothing to you
but you’re something to me
i’m not what you need
i know that it’s my fault you left
but i need you back please
i can’t even think
when you’re not around 
i cannot even breathe 
theres snow to my knees
i’m freezing to death and you’re not there for me

i’ve been wondering why you’re
cold blooded like a lizard
it’s december so it’s freezing
and my heart is like a blizzard
you tell me that you love me
but i don’t think you remember
i told you when you first met me that i’m colder than december

spotify <3

colderthandecember pt. II w/ heylog

i dont miss no fade u see got my blade on me

✨ Polar ✨
💎 @polar333 💎
💎 www.instagram.com/ihatepolar/ 💎
💎 twitter.com/ihatepolar/ 💎

✨ Remghost ✨
💎 @remghost 💎
💎 www.instagram.com/remghost/ 💎

✨ Sanctuary ✨
💎 @kroogrt 💎
💎 www.instagram.com/sanctuarythereis/ 💎

✨ Business Inquires ✨
💎 polar333.official@gmail.com 💎💎

colderthandecember pt. II w/ heylog

benedixhion