Mood.

benedixhion

Outcast 2

this song is like a year old
art by keiko keiko

Too Much Time [prod. Snow Lights]

production by jay vee
vocals by shinigami

@ihateshinigami
full project together soon

grew up too fast
like a bullet breaking thru the glass
remember that
fell asleep in every single class
i hate the fact
that ive become an insomniac
i hate the fact
that im never ever going back

cant even say that im feeling sad
i cant help but dwell on everything i had back when i was a kid
all those emotions they cease to exist

the world was so new woke up bright every day
now im just jaded its faded to grey
and i lay in a coffin that i helped create
facing the fact that ill never feel great again

shinigami - grew up 2 fast (prod. jay vee)

Cover Art Credit: http://vsco.co/rosieshulman

You completely destroy me
You destroyed me like you never knew you could
I'm not over you and I never will be
The thing about love is that simple things like her lips and her eyes break my heart
They're not mine and I don't know who's they'll be
Her hair is therapy to my cold and brittle heart

I used to find safety in her smile
I used to feel warmth in the look on her face
I've been left an empty shell to whither and fade away
I used to think of all the things that we'd be
Now I only think of all the things that we never really were

I used to call you mine but now you just don't know
What am I left to do but stand here in the cold
All I've got left are some photos of you and your voice stuck in my head
Saying how you'd be there always and forever until the very end

You were everything to me, and you always will be
Deep in my heart that aches for the sound of your voice
But no longer will I have the choice

I'm sorry for anything that I've done
For the person I've become that you learned to love but then turned your back like a setting sun

If I hurt you I pray that you forgive me
I mean all the words that I say please believe me

And see me as the person you always knew I was
I've never been perfect not in a single way
And that day that you saved me is when I fell from grace
I only needed you and I pushed everyone else away

So now I'm left alone
To live this life all on my own
And I hate the fact that someone else is holding you close
And how you broke my heart when I needed you the most
I've always been too scared to be properly diagnosed
Because you were my pill but now you're nothing but a ghost

And I still have your pictures and that letter you wrote
Where you said that you loved me and you'd never let me go
And you saved me from myself and that's something I hope you know
But you cut me down so quick and I've never been so low

And my stomach aches with every breath of air I breathe
Because you were the one that gave me everything I need
But now this pain won't subside I just can't believe you chose to leave
You were my reason for living how could you do such a heinous thing

I was like a boat that got carried out to sea
And I trusted in your waves, that you wouldn't harm me
You protected me from the storm and gave me a chance at life
And I love the way you cared and asked if I was alright

But something died, something changed and I sunk to the ocean floor
You no longer wanted to hold me up and I drowned from within my core

And every essence of my being is still just too afraid to fight
Because I'm terrified to keep on living without you by my side

And all the things that people said I guess this whole time they were right
Love can never last this way when the flame burns too bright

But I hope you're happy

I hope you're doing fine

I love you still today

Just like you were still mine

I still love the way you laughed
And the things you said to me
You'll never leave my heart
Nor my memory

I just wish I could understand
Why you had to leave
I can't do this on my own
I need you here with me

But you've turned into a ghost
And you're nowhere to be seen
And I can't hear your voice
I won't see your message on the screen

We won't have a family
We won't have a house
We won't raise our kids
You won't be my spouse

We won't grow old together
Like we always planned
You disappeared forever
And alone here shall I stand

you completely destroy me

the worthless

uncertain

the water

is rising



im choking

help me

i dont know how much more i can take



oh what a beautiful night it is

the wind is howling at my skin

inching me closer to the window

and im not scared at all



a walking corpse

cleanse my soul

rid me of all my impurities



or let me rot

6 feet deep

either ways fine with me





i gave the world my heart and all i have to show for it are scars and nightmares



and i always think about how fucked up it is that we live our whole lives trying to please others



but we can never please ourselves 



day after day

night after night

its just never enough and it will never be enough



now everyday i just sit in this bed and feel sorry for myself and the cycle repeats like clockwork



years to months to days to hours to minutes to seconds



and i swear the only way out of this prison i put myself in is a bullet to my fucking head or a bottle of spilt pills



i need to learn

to just to give in

theres no point in fighting it anymore

i gave the world my heart and all i have to show for it are scars and nightmares

netherrealm w/ shy

blessed are the forgetful

produced by @notmorgn
with @cpt_sad and @guccihighwaters

spotify

in the wind (w/ yesterday and guccihighwaters)

Ｉ＇Ｍ　Ａ　ＰＲＯＤＵＣＴ　ＯＦ　ＴＨＥ　ＳＥＡＳＯＮＳ
ＷＨＥＮ　ＴＨＥ　ＷＥＡＴＨＥＲ　ＤＯＥＳＮ＇Ｔ　ＣＨＡＮＧＥ

//私に戻って来てください//

follow young taylor

fate (prod. by young taylor)

rest in peace lil peep. you were an amazing artist and you really added a new take on the hip hop genre. you will be missed.


_______________________________________________________________________
I'ma fade out. I'ma faze out.
'Cause she told me that she love me but she play now.
Playing games now.
That's why I fade out. That's why I faze out.
But I guess there's really nothing left to say now.
Left me to drown.
That's why I fade out.
That's why I faze out.

I fell in love with the look in your eyes
and the way your lips move when you telling lies.
There ain't no righteous.
My life's a crisis.
Falling apart, I can't handle this loss.
I oderunt me. I oderunt vos.
It all has a cost.
huh...
I don't really wanna lose my life for no reason.
Commit suicide for the Prince of Darkness.
We're heathens.
666 fuck your feelings.
I mean it.
My heart is still clinging to something...
but I've lost my feelings, damn...
Yeah I've lost my feelings damn...
I've lost my feelings yeah...
Why must I feel this way...

I'ma fade out. I'ma faze out.
'Cause she told me that she love me but she play now.
Playing games now.
That's why I fade out. That's why I faze out.
But I guess there's really nothing left to say now.
Left me to drown.
That's why I fade out.
That's why I faze out.
x2

Feeling separate but we sitting on the same couch.
It's not the same though. It's not the same, no.
Can't handle this loss.
I oderunt me. I oderunt vos.

i hate myself. i hate you too.

beat prod. by Vessels & TMK Beats
guccihighwaters: https://soundcloud.com/guccihighwaters

______________________________________

I can't feel my face, think I've gone insane
I can't see the light since it always rains
I've been falling down, falling down baby
Gotta save me from this ghost town baby
I know you hate that I'm not sober
Take a shot to the face, I'm a soldier
If she gets closer I might just have to ghost her
If anything happens got my gun in the holster

I'm still alive. I haven't died
I'll be alright. Yeah, I'll be fine
'Cause I'm a soldier
Gucci already told yuh
Yeah, I'ma ghost her
Leave her with no closure

She don't love me no more
That's why my heart's gone cold
I might send her, in the mail, suicidal notes (yeah)
Try to drown my sorrow
Take another pill and I'll faze out 'till tomorrow

New day, new mistakes to be made
New day, new people to betray
New day, new horrors to be tamed
New day, just send me to the grave

I don't want to try, but they tell me that I'll be fine
I'ma drink away my life. Staying up until the sunrise
Popping shit I don't know the name of
Makes me feel all bubbly 'cause I'm empty on the inside

I can't feel my face, think I've gone insane
I can't see the light since it always rains
I've been falling down, falling down baby
Gotta save me from this ghost town baby
I know you hate that I'm not sober
Take a shot to the face, I'm a soldier
If she gets closer I might just have to ghost her
If anything happens got my gun in the holster

Spotify <3

i'm not sober w/ guccihighwaters (prod. Vessels & TMK Beats)

Avoiding my feelings
I've been down for the wrong type of reasons
Tell me why I still feel empty
Tell me why my hearts still beating

Avoiding my feelings
I've been down for the wrong type of reasons
Tell me why I still feel empty
Tell me why my hearts still beating

I just feel so damn wasted
I'm a fucking waste of space
So please erase me
I don't deserve happiness
Don't deserve anything
And my entire existence
Is a misshapen thing

I don't know why I'm here
Why is this happening?
Feel myself giving into fear
My heart is blackening
I just wish that someone could hear me
But the end is nearing
And I'm all by myself
I just miss when you were here
I just wish that you were here

Avoiding my feelings
I've been down for the wrong type of reasons
Tell me why I still feel empty
Tell me why my hearts still beating

Avoiding my feelings
I've been down for the wrong type of reasons
Tell me why I still feel empty
Tell me why my hearts still beating

I just feel so damn wasted
I'm a fucking waste of space
So please erase me
I don't deserve happiness
Don't deserve anything
And my entire existence
Is a misshapen thing

Spotify </3

i called, you didn't answer (prod. killedmyself)

Helpless

convolk: https://soundcloud.com/convolk
mixed in part by Qawi Kamri (https://soundcloud.com/qawikamri)
______________________
teardrop shawty sing the feelings away
i feel ugly when i see myself no matter the day
imma do this shit, the music shit, no matter the pay
if you in my path i hit yo ass right outta my way
i wish it wasn't like this

my heart's so broken
i wish there was a potion
to help with my depression
that's drowning me like an ocean
forget the notion
'cause i retract that
now my sadness weighs me down
like it's a backpack

i feel alone in my home
there's no way out
i feel alone, so alone
there's no hope now
and i don't know where to go
i hate this town
and if i can't get away
then i might drown

you don't need me
hide my feelings
please don't leave me
i'll stop breathing

teardrop shawty sing the feelings away
i feel ugly when i see myself no matter the day
imma do this shit, the music shit, no matter the pay
if you in my path i hit yo ass right outta my way
i wish it wasn't like this

benedixhion x convolk - dying alone in my room [prod. MURDFLEX]

i run away from my problems
'cause i know that i can't solve them
you hold me close and you say it's fine
look into my eyes, you know i'm not alright

you know i'm not okay so don't leave
you can tell me what you want
you can tell me what to be
i be really on my own
i ain't even got a team
shawty, why you playing games
why you mess around with me
my heart is broke
it's way past fixing
pass the liquor
now i'm sipping
my head's spinning like a beyblade
when you tell me to come over
i'm like, "on my way"
whoa
i'm all on my own
girl, just hit my line
yeah girl, just hit my phone

i been running
you can't catch me
where you going?
i been tripping

i'm not okay
but that's okay
wait, no it ain't
my life is lame
i wish that i could get away
but i'm stuck right here in this place
hey
just get me outta here
i'm like i
don't wanna rot in here
i might die
if i'm alone without you
so why
you chasing for the clout boo
i needed you
so why you treat me like i'm see through

i run away from my problems [prod. windbreaker]

hey, i missed u

lyrics-

i'm so cold
i'm so lost
grown so old
now i'm gone
we were younger when i left
but now i'm back and you've moved on

tell me where i'm going
i've been lost for a minute
i ain't got the time
you just tryna get my digits
racing through my brain
like my mind's in the olympics
drinking down the bubbly
now i'm spinning like a fidget

seasons going by
like the girls i fucking cared about
understanding why
'cause my life's something i'd do without
you should know i try
but you always fill my mind with doubt
leaving me alive
but my heart is fucking black by now

my heart is probably gone by now
buried somewhere in the ground
people change
i stayed the same
thought i had it figured out
my brain is full of rain and clouds
everyday i'm filled with doubt
constant stress
i'll let em down
take a pill
i'm better now

take a pill
i'm passing out
right up on her parents couch
we were at her parents house
but she still topped me with her mouth
we been going through some things
i don't wanna feel this pain
run away
forget my name
run away from everything

spotify </3

seasons going by like the girls i used to care about w/ hammy [prod. nciku]

lovespelledbackwards: https://soundcloud.com/iamcjcarter/

eillah: https://soundcloud.com/halliehey/


lyrics: 
now you’re gone and you won’t come back
like how i’m supposed to live with that
guess i was wrong. got me feeling bad
sorry it had to end like that

so much has changed since you’ve been gone
i’m lost
please tell me where i went wrong

can’t eat, can’t sleep, nothing left to do
staring at my phone for this call to come through
from you

now you’re gone and you won’t come back
like how i’m supposed to live with that
guess i was wrong. got me feeling bad
sorry it had to end like that

why’d it have to end that way
nowadays i miss your face
now you’re gone and i’m feeling great
that’s a lie, i’m not okay

i’m not unbreakable
you wanna mend my heart but you can’t save my soul
i know my time is near
i feel alone. i miss when you were here

now you’re gone and you won’t come back
like how i’m supposed to live with that
guess i was wrong. got me feeling bad
sorry it had to end like that

end like that w/ lovespelledbackwards & eillah [prod. misery]

Download Now! 

https://Empire.lnk.to/Skins

Download Now!

Train food

Guardian angel

[lyrics]

never been shit but you know i gotta flex up
everybody always wanna tell me that im next up
but i messed up gotta catch up no lame shit
wont bruh i wanna blow my brain bitch
you could walk in an inch in my shoes
then you see you got nothing to lose
energy wasted i hate it face it tainted
everybody always mistaken
(x2)

playing the role as the bad guy i know
paying the toll i just look like a psycho
where the hype go? alright tho i might go
and fight those till im home
i be always feeling low
everybody wanna go
always tired feeling slow
wanna ghost and everybody knows
and i just see the mess and i dip
ignoring my actions and shit
didnt care then but i care now 
too late? okay lemme rephrase and say now
i know i really fucking suck and i should change it i dont really give a motherfuck
until its over and its done with im a dumb bitch
and im running and running and running again

youre a piece of shit, i know
youre a fucking bitch, i know
youre nothing but pathetic, i know
why the fuck you so apathetic? i dont know
(x2)

never been shit but you know i gotta flex up
everybody always wanna tell me that im next up
but i messed up gotta catch up no lame shit
wont bruh i wanna blow my brain bitch
you could walk in an inch in my shoes
then you see you got nothing to lose
energy wasted i hate it face it tainted
everybody always mistaken
(x2)

pay me no mind im just at it again
im burning these bridges the fuck is a friend
when you burning in hell and theres no one to help
and you call out their name and they're ignoring yourself
im clenching my fist and i hate to exist
i wake up all mad and im sick of this shit
its a daily routine if you know what i mean
and i stare at these people this isnt where i wanna be 
fuck, anxiety hitting
im rubbing my fingers i wanna stay hidden
hate going out and i hate socializing
theres no one for me and im slowly realizing
im nothing but toxicity
they should go and stay away from me
over and over its all just the same
and i burn it all down and im the one to blame
fuck

youre a piece of shit, i know
youre a fucking bitch, i know
youre nothing but pathetic, i know
why the fuck you so apathetic? i dont know
(x2)

good intentions bad results

sadeyes: https://soundcloud.com/lilsadeyes

lyrics:
i don’t wanna breath, no
i don’t wanna take that breath, no
i don’t wanna see, no
i don’t wanna wake up yet, no
i don’t wanna live, no
i don’t wanna leave my bed, no
i don’t wanna leave, no
i don’t wanna leave my bed

you’re not what i need
that’s what you said to me
love just isn’t us
i know it’s hard to breath
you’re so far away
so baby can’t you see
fate just doesn’t work
‘cause you’re not here with me

i do not feel well
no, i do not feel well
i never think about the rise
i only think of how i fell
i do not feel well
no, i do not feel well
i think i really hate my life
no, i just really hate myself

if you think that i’m the one
then you don’t know that i’m a coward
i been playing with a gun
i think i might just cock it backwards
every night i wanna die and i just hate this fucking pattern
i’ve been stuck inside my bed
and i don’t think i have the power
to make it out
to ask for help
i’m by myself
i feel vacant now
my family says i’ll be okay 
but i just don’t know how
every day is like nightmare
there’s no getting out

there’s no getting out
there’s no getting out
i’m not well
i’m not well

i don’t wanna breath, no
i don’t wanna take that breath, no
i don’t wanna see, no
i don’t wanna wake up yet, no
i don’t wanna live, no
i don’t wanna leave my bed, no
i don’t wanna leave, no
i don’t wanna leave my bed

‘cause i’m not well
i’m not well
‘cause i’m not well
‘cause i’m not well

Listen on Spotify <3

i'm not well w/ sadeyes (prod. reaper)

heylog: https://soundcloud.com/heylog

lyrics:
you left me to freeze
i know that i’m nothing to you
but you’re something to me
i’m not what you need
i know that it’s my fault you left
but i need you back please
i can’t even think
when you’re not around 
i cannot even breathe 
theres snow to my knees
i’m freezing to death and you’re not there for me

i’ve been wondering why you’re
cold blooded like a lizard
it’s december so it’s freezing
and my heart is like a blizzard
you tell me that you love me
but i don’t think you remember
i told you when you first met me that i’m colder than december

coffee in the pot
and mixing bedroom pop
talking with a cause
and chilling with my dog
i look outside
watch out for the ice
am i seeing things
or am i ‘colour blind’
my heart is colder than december
i looked for you
but you weren’t there
i’m a little ill
hard to breath this cold winter air
you and your friends still think you’re cool
i’m happy i don’t have to see y’all at school

you left me to freeze
i know that i’m nothing to you
but you’re something to me
i’m not what you need
i know that it’s my fault you left
but i need you back please
i can’t even think
when you’re not around 
i cannot even breathe 
theres snow to my knees
i’m freezing to death and you’re not there for me

i’ve been wondering why you’re
cold blooded like a lizard
it’s december so it’s freezing
and my heart is like a blizzard
you tell me that you love me
but i don’t think you remember
i told you when you first met me that i’m colder than december

spotify <3

colderthandecember pt. II w/ heylog

too cold for a blanket to save me
so i froze to death while i waited
i feel the ice grow inside of me
on my tongue i can actually taste it

i know that nobody can save me
so don’t try, your time would be wasted
i feel my memories fading
hate my life, and sometimes i wanna take it
don’t know if i’ll make it to twenty
not alive, and i can’t find my placement
take drugs in such large quantities
for this pain, but i still can’t erase it

i think i’ll drown in the memories
i hate my life and i’m fine with it ending
broken inside and there’s no way to mend me
i’m a lost cause. there’s no point in pretending

i fell in love with a sadist
she left me with scars and i fucking hate it
her name is the drugs and she’s just like an angel
but her wings fell off and she ain’t got no halo 

i wake up everyday
and i wish that i didn’t
those visions were vivid
i wish i could stay asleep
cuz you were in my dreams

i do not know what to say
you made me feel different
like actually living 
but now that you’ve gone away
you’re only in my dreams

i know that nobody can save me
so don’t try, your time would be wasted
i feel my memories fading
hate my life, and sometimes i wanna take it
don’t know if i’ll make it to twenty
not alive, and i can’t find my placement
take drugs in such large quantities
for this pain, but i still can’t erase it

glaciers

Spotify<3

@benedixhion - glaciers [prod. misery]

okay (Prod. Yilo Mars)

just stop the torment
just cut me off and let me go
my pain’s been dormant
my heart can’t take this anymore

can’t stand the memories
can’t stand to see you anymore
so i’ll just get wasted
imma pass out and wake up on the floor

this was gonna be a song ‘bout how i missed you
how i used to feel love when i often reminisced you
but you turned the page like i never exist, yeah
now when i’m gone i know i won’t even be missed, yeah

i thought i found the one, but you were just in it for fun
you broke me down, then went back to who you were running from
(it) was just a fake love, you don’t know what you been doing
you made me hate this town, now i’m thinkin that i’ll be moving 

i was always one to post you on my stories girl
but you ain’t ever show me off to your friends or just to the world
i know it’s crazy but you got me thinking that i’m not enough
you say you love me, i see through your lies ‘cause i know you can’t bluff

I spent a week inside a white room,
Nurses gimme meds doctors checkin on my iq,
Hit my friends but nobody seem to come through, 
Runnin from the devil cause I seen him in my rear view

torment

sick of overthinking every night

made this one in like a day
sometimes it be like that
another production by the amazing @harvest