i meant it when i said i loved you, i'm sorry it didn't last.

https://soundcloud.com/heylog

lyrics:
staring at the random number
but my mind is at a blank
lookin at my computer
so i ask, "who is this"
it was my lover
how could i forget?
ur light im thunder
ill hurt u twice again
staring at the late phone call
whoops did i miss that on purpose?
yeah that was intentional
and all this distortion
girl i never wanted this
for u to go off to college
and honestly i hated it
so id never have a chance

she say that she forget everything we ever had
baby that is horrible
i think she got some problems
so u need to worry bout yourself
and theres no denying that u need a lil help
i already played the part 
so go find someone else
i know that she hates it
how i been so far cropped out in the distance
i need to stay away from u 
no its not an accident
ive focused avoiding u this whole time on purpose
im sorry not really atleast i didnt forget

i tried my best baby but this is never gonna happen
im not the one to show love, shouldve known that was a problem
i picked these flowers for u i know u probably tossed em
now i just be resting from girls n everybody
she dont really love me
she just like to attention
how am i this stupid
omg im gonna lose it
take in all this caffeine
i still have no energy
drinking all this coffee
still got no energy

she say that she forget everything we ever had
baby that is horrible
i think she got some problems
so u need to worry bout yourself
and theres no denying that u need a lil help
i already played the part 
so go find someone else
i know that she hates it
how i been so far cropped out in the distance
i need to stay away from u 
no its not an accident
ive focused avoiding u this whole time on purpose
im sorry not really atleast i didnt forget

at least i didn't forget

heylog - at least i didn't forget

little song that I did so you guys can have something to listen to before I can release smth longer, I still hope that all of you will enjoy it ^^ (I also been inspired by https://soundcloud.com/heylog - give them a listen!!)

produced/mixed/mastered by me

insta:
https://www.instagram.com/deadfishig/

Truth hurts
don’t want to hear no more
and I know
that you just had enough
of me
to be honest, I understand
that’s on me
just pin the blame on me

we both know what’s better
for us and we can never
fix us cause we will never
come to get to know each other

and I’m completely honest
truth hurts but we’ve been trying
was it really all for nothing
was it really all for nothing

and I don’t wanna solve it
let’s leave it and forget it
I won’t be even trying
to reconnect as friends
 
Let’s seperate our paths
And heal these fucking cuts
We both had bunch of knives
stabbed in our backs

Truth hurts
don’t want to hear no more
and I know
that you just had enough
of me
to be honest, I understand
that’s on me
just pin the blame on

Truth hurts
don’t want to hear no more
and I know
that you just had enough
of me
to be honest, I understand
that’s on me
just pin the blame on me

truth hurts

prod deadfish <3

socials:
https://www.instagram.com/deadfishig

lyrics:

I need therapy
I am going numb
could you look at me
and maybe dm me from time to time

I don't think I'll be okay
I think it's needless to say
that I need someone to stay
is it bad that I'm afraid

I never wanted
to end up like that
alone and aching 
with no one to talk about stuff
that troubles me and I can't
deal it with on my own
I've been to therapy
didn't listen now I'm at the start

I never wanted to feel like a burden oh no
so sick of hearing that I'm better off dead
Don't need your pity, no
I Don't want any meds
I know I'm god damn numb
but pills just won't help

I need therapy
I am going numb
could you look at me
and maybe dm me from time to time

I don't think I'll be okay
I think it's needless to say
that I need someone to stay
is it bad that I'm afraid
x2

Afraid

produced by me
hope you enjoy <3

lyrics:

Lay in my bed and the time
Is running away but thats fine
I feel like I dont try enough
To make anything out of my life

Tell me that I am not wasting my time
Tell me that I didnt fuck up my life
Feed me your lies and make me feel secure
I can’t tell the truth and dont want to anymore

Dont call on my phone
Leave me alone
You say you’re a bro
But I don’t think so, no

I don’t want to hide
But I dont have a choice
Bottle it up
I feel like a toy

Seems like every day’s just getting worse
And I’m taking all these pills but there’s no difference at all
Its gotten to the point where I’ve given up hope
But I keep on faking smiles cause they want me to

I can’t just sit n chill
By myself cause then I would
Find myself just breaking down
Thinking bout my life and how

Itd be easier to end it
Thinking bout it but then still
I got someone to live for
Dont know how much I need them

Lately its been way too much
Weight on both my arms
Been carrying way too much
Troubles, stress still not enough

Looking at the time and I’m wasted
FUCK
It’s another day, nothing changing
Still feel like shit and head’s aching
Take another pill and forget it
x2

change

produced by heylog

lyrics:
(hair)
i heard what u said but now i'm past it
getting tired of you talk ik u cappin
i'm p good at sitting back behind the action
i never even know, force of habit
gotta hold me back and my aggression
fists hurt from doing all this clenching
you think i'm pissed off, i'm just upset
i'm tryna see the light, wanna end this

hold what i have learned from u and leave everything else behind
wonder if she notices i'm distancing and tryna hide
burning all the passages and that includes both you and i
fighting on this field for u but i think you'd rather me die
face plant
in the soil
the water comes
to a boil
now it's hot
take my shirt off
got 8 bumps
between my torso
old ones keep in touch cause they see that i'm doing something right
think about how far i've come, it honestly got me surprised
u say we're the same but man that hurts cause i am not ur kind
more destruction, come prepared, the blood is real and well defined
missiles coming from the heavens, everybody runs with fear
think i'm deaf from all the bombs, i just hear ringing in my ears
the voices are embedded, i be battling for quite some years
don't know what they say, i just know they like to interfere
PACK MY BAGS OR CONTINUE FREEZING
I HATE MYSELF AND YOU'RE THE REASON
BUT I PROMISE I'M GETTING THERE
LESS HEAD PULLING, LOOSE STRANDS OF HAIR
SHE DETOX WITH A GLASS OF WATER
I MAKE SMART CHOICES, THAT'S WHY I'M WISER
I SMELL THE BOOZE COMING OUT ON YOUR BREATH
I GUESS YOU NEEDED TO TAKE SOMETHING OFF THE EDGE

i heard what u said but now i'm past it
getting tired of you talk ik u cappin
i'm p good at sitting back behind the action
i never even know, force of habit
gotta hold me back and my aggression
fists hurt from doing all this clenching 
you think i'm pissed off, i'm just upset
i'm tryna see the light, wanna end this

don't know why u up
like what do you want
i'm not here to judge
do u feel forced in love
i needed help as my skin tears
i would really like to know why u weren't there
whom i love, i'm in despair
can u hear my voice, are you here

spotify

hair

produced by me and @heylog

socials:
www.instagram.com/deadfishig/

Join my server :))
discord.gg/hsUwdAJknJ

lyrics:

I’m broken, I know that
I’m trying to get up
I’m falling apart
That should be enough

showing my good side
Have to keep my composure
But always get angry
I’m tryna keep it closed

Tell me something
I’ll ignore it
Always angry
I’m just broken

Take it out
On people that I care about
Always sorry
For all the stuff that I have done

Someday I’ll fade
Away, regrets
Still there 
6 feet in the ground
With me

Don’t need you to
Pity me, I don’t
Deserve anything
Oh anything at all

on a borderline to kill all things i obtain
all i gave was kindness, u don't provide the same
i leave it all inside but man i'm bound to explode
i'm holding in my blood that just might come out my nose

i don't really see a point in this
ima cut you and your stupid friends
before i hang up get the bye bye
no voicemail i got the right mind

ima bleed out if i don't cover up
my wounds hurt, they're all deep cuts
so i stg u need to stay away
behind my back i could feel ur blade so

stab me good and cut my face and gouge out my eyes
staring at a wall i've stared at too many times
the way the shadow shapeshifted its way in the light
sinking to the floor cus it turns out i was right

broken

broken (feat. heylog)

stream

by https://soundcloud.com/heylog

lyrics:
where do i even start
ur making this pretty hard
for me
where do i begin
ur making it hard to live
for me
where do i even start
ur making this pretty hard
i cannot die alone
it sucks u had to go
where do i begin
ur making it hard to live
now i'm by myself
but u can't even tell

where do i go from here
i'll kick it with my tears
i don't recognize a thing
the water made them sting
where should i even go
i've never felt this alone
should i take my life
cause god it's on my mind

where do i even start
ur making this pretty hard
i cannot die alone
it sucks u had to go
where do i begin
ur making it hard to live
now i'm by myself
well too bad u can't tell

veins

live

SPOTIFY

heylog - live

'shredder' produced by heylog

lyrics:
at night i wanna end it all
in bed as tears begin to fall
water seeps through my pillow
i had to let it out
why won't u let me be
is it revenge you seek
too bad i cared for u
more than u could ever care for me

right now my only focus is on you
but if i die, i promise that i will warn you
but i cannot guarantee if i'll make it or not
so i'll cherish every moment with u
stay here, i gotta go i'll be right back
i head to war when voices causing this impact
but i cannot guarantee i'll make it out alive
so i'll try my best to stay intact
oh we out here alone with no one there by my side
i keep on hearing these screams and hearing people cry
but i don't know if it's real, don't know if it's a sign
i just know that i'm frightened and horrified
say where is log, i don't know where they went
i vanish into thin air and wait until i'm in
love for who i am
and love for within
u took that away now there's a shredder on my skin
if i were you i would hide
cus u don't know what u caused
u put on quite a show
let's give a round of applause
so are u done hurting me
and are u done w my head?
keep using it like a toy
you must forgot i'm human

don't wait for me now, i don't know how long i'll be
i'm too busy in the ground eating dirt u threw at me
oh u had your chance to let me go so i could breathe
now ur the one who's eating dust that i'm collecting on my feet
so how does it feel now that the roles finally swapped
i've been living too long feeling disgust inside this swamp
people love to talk but never wanna say a thing
when i be standing right there, c'mon and say it to my face
don't piss on my back and say it's raining from outside
i don't need no skin & bones for me to conjure every lie
i know i forgave but honestly i change my mind
cus i could not forgive a person who has stabbed me many times
say where is log, i don't know where i have been
i just stay as far as possible and locking every hinge
love for who i am and love for what i hold within
thanks for ruining what i had, this is where i shred my skin

you hurt..
you hurt
you hurt..
you hurt oh

don't look at me now, i feel so guilty in my chest
reflecting off the mirror is just a boy bout to collapse
i said i wanted peace, instead i got a giant war
and now i feel it slipping through as if this chapters gonna end
better start the next one bringing in new characters
maybe they'll respect me and everything will register
cus i don't need nobody who just screws behind my back
so tell me was it worth it throwing everything we had

shredder

produced by heylog

lyrics:
swear i could throw up if i keep thinking of you
you disgust me and i guess u wanted to prove
that ur shameful you gave it all up for him
just some pleasure to receive from a little bitch
i need to let it go
but it haunts me to my deepest core

surround me in this darkness whom i spare
there is plenty more for you so join me in here
i need to let u know
that u disgust me
and i can't look at u no more
get myself to do things but i never wanna do them
once i go outside i'm proud i got myself to do it
you disappoint me to the point i never wanna see you
your motions say it all from what you n him have been through

now ur shameful you gave it all up for him
oh just a finger to receive between your lips

pleasure

produced by hiraeth and heylog <3

You’ve got nothing to say to me
I’m drowning in the ocean
Always complain to me
I’m dealing with my own shit
Filling my vacancy
(Just breathe)
If I died tomorow I bet nobody’d even notice

harder to breathe
when ur around I’m losing focus
Trying to speak, the words can’t seem to leave my vocal
Getting likes on ig
cause ur half naked in the photos
I’m dying to sleep, if I wake up im meeting god bro

Stay closer to me
I swear that nobody can touch you
if they tried
I’d grit my teeth and fight them all for you
I’m tryna hide, stop tryna reason what I been thru
It’s not my time, I’d kill anyone laying next to you

never should've went for u
and i ain't know your friend exists
if that was the case i would restart and go for her instead
what a shame
u let your life to pieces
who's to blame
(you)
you're the only reason i can't focus
got me losing sleep
and shit oh how i own it
tell that b-
she can drink bleach
you let it out there in the open
u show yourself no respect
and i wonder if u know this

i'm tired of preaching cus babe it really-
babe it hurts from underneath
all the wasted memories
don't go down, get off your knees
it's not the time for any pleasing

bleach ft. heylog

w @xona

produced by sleepwater speedlmt leftquiet and xona

lyrics

i needed some revenge
but i dont wanna vent
can you hear me now
its hurting my head
stop shutting me down
you were half of me wow
but now your not here
i need a way out
u were liquid to me
maybe mixed w some sea
but now she is flying
i wanna retreat
guard my heart
while u stand
from the mill
its feeling far
when u tell me its real
how could i move on when
i dont even want to
ill let this go on
cos i dont know how to
miss you
another song where
i vent bout my issues
waitings long come rip
out my tissues
im so selfish
everyones got traumas
im not speaking can u let me follow her
do i need therapy or pills in my fucking head
my life expectancy
cheers for all this fucking stress

im escaping every night my fucking hed
pls dont aim in
counting on my fucking hed
collecting all my fucking debt
pounding hard right out my chest
guess im sleeping thats a flex
lets skip eating and have sex
what are you eating guess thats bread
what are you doing no no
who are you with now
its how it spread
would u even like me
cant u tell that im trying
oh pls just like me
i swear that im crying

xona
i thought i need to go and let loose of me
but I’m stuck inside where the sun don’t seep
so i just watch along as the days runs deep
and i got my tea in hand so I’m calm for the least
and i don’t know, who i could be
i feel alone, when there’s others around me
i can’t cope, you know it better than me
to let it go but I’m the worst you could be
to go back home
where I could find a home cause I feel alone
falling, dying right here for you

oh i dont wanna talk
im ruined

ruined w/xona

produced by xona

@heylog

-lyrics-
deep within my own skin
i stay low until my breath
runs out and i hold my neck
cause deep down i need to rest
the only thing i need is you
a little late, i ain’t got to lose
anything to get us through
but I’ll stay like back then too

well, it’s awful to think
you’re on my mind and can’t let it deplete
sit in my room then write the lyrics to sing
but I’m discarding this energy to bring back the old me
its a tragic that i let it go
i couldn’t tell if you need me close 
well it’s too late for that now
so i can’t keep you around 
don’t need to make another sound

baby i know you love it when you see me overthink
got me pushing buttons tryna get this thing to play
never thought a girl would challenge me to use my brain
think outside the box using my logic against her game

i know you love it when you see me overthink
baby please
tell me what it means
these other guys try to steal you from me
they're enemies
break em to their knees
cut the rope
let the river flow
one at a time
kill em, let em know
baby go
get inside the boat
it's business for me to kill all them very slow

hazel

hazel w/ heylog

produced by me

lyrics:
wanna be alone cause it's quiet
locked up in my room, no more fighting
plug both of my ears, hear no riot
put away my feelings, no more crying

no talk
thorns out
mask on
happy home

always feel ignored and nobody wanna take me
seriously for once, why you think I'm always faking
walk around my   room with no purpose, thoughts are pacing
wish I had the guts, cause the future fucking scares me

always feel ignored and nobody wanna take me
seriously for once, why you think I'm always faking
walk around my room with no purpose, thoughts are pacing
wish I had the guts, cause the future fucking scares me

don't go the way I went cause you'll end up with scars
I just want a piece of quiet, is it too much to ask?
rarely check up on my phone, cause it's filled with demands
I can't meet ur expectations, you been asking too much

please stop yelling, I've been trying
please stop pushing, please stop fighting
I dont wanna see you crying
I just wanna feel 
(at home)

home

𝙞 𝙜𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙮 𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙩𝙝 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙞 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙤𝙛 𝙞𝙩 𝙣𝙤𝙬
prod. kais
shoutout to https://soundcloud.com/lilskeleskrrt & https://soundcloud.com/heylog for getting on this with me <3

lyrics:
(kais)
don't look back at that house
I grind my teeth when I think of it now.
took all I had to make you proud
now all I see is your face as I'm bound.

(skele)
ooooo
there’s nobody here 
anymore 
look around
oh i wanted 
to feel 
you breaking down 
grab my throat 
need to feel something 
blood soaked house 
it won’t let me leave
scars won’t show 
but i feel them bleed 
n if i don’t choke 
would you be proud of 
me 
of me

(heylog)
don't look back at me
forget everything
hearing high-pitched rings
hanging by a string
I look up
what have I become?
oh god, you tell me to run
rooftops hidden by the snow
every limb appears white
and your body sits and glows
it glows

(kais, skele, & heylog)
don't look back at that house
I grind my teeth when I think of it now.
took all I had to make you proud
now all I see is your face as I'm bound.

bound

bound w/skele & heylog

hey, woah
you look so much better than i thought you would
i know i could have helped and i know i should
have been there when you needed me most
so stay close
i just can't bear the thought of you going ghost
on everything we built and the roads we took
doesn't that sound like the best?
'cos i've been staring at a little piece of heaven in your eyes
and i look beyond the arch and see the devil in disguise
and it hurts when you matter the most
and it kills me when you leave me alone
and trust me that i gave it my all
my skin is shed and i'm nothing but bone
you're poison in my veins, my disease
the end of everything we could be
and it's hard
to focus on our wants and i won't
leave you here in my arms 'cos you know
it never got easier
my disarray
leads me here when i need a safe place
i might lead you here into the flames
and right here we'll stay
tongue tied, what can i say
burrowed, i'm hiding away
go without me, save yourself
leave right now, i wish you well
it's been a while since we spoke
but it feels like a week ago
and you forgot what i look like
you won't see even if you try
you won't see me even if you try your best
i can't believe we continue trying again
'cos in the back of my mind i just know we'll end
let's not figure it out, let's just call it dead
i stay alive for a reason
and that reason is you
when my body is bleeding
it bleeds out just for you
Friends (Interlude)
oh she stole my heart
it's all i have
ooh drifting apart
but there ain't no way i'm giving up
it's all my fault
you said yourself
i took too long to answer
you called my your 'makeshift hell'
my patience thin
you told me you wanna stay as friends
i don't know how to take that in
but trust me i'll be alright
it's the same shit but a different day i
woke up in a different place i
don't really remember how i got so damn low
save me all your bullshit lies
i find it hard to push the lines
but ain't that what you wanted love?
ain't this what you needed oh?

you're poison in my veins, my disease [feat. heylog]

produced by heylog

lyrics:
can u keep a secret don't tell anyone
these butterflies around me resting on my thumb
i think they're a sign that i've made it from numb
dodging my own hatred but i fail to duck
we've tried but its so hard
i'm just another kid reaching for ur arms
like i said can we try again
i swear to u ill make it up
but this is probably the end

into light
hold my hand
for the fight
wars ahead
file line
hold the stance
here, the monsters like to dance
viruses vs pesticides
i'm hoping ill sleep through the night
hold my hand as we go high
do not look down just close your eyes

so if u keep this secret will u go n tell
cause if that's the case i'll keep it to myself
but u can tell me yours i wont tell anyone
this stays between us and no one else
i miss talking with our eyes it hurt like hell
so are u doing fine cause i'm wishing well
i have ur turtle neck but it lost your smell
i think of you too much ur killing my brain cells
when i was a child i had everyone
now i'm older and i don't feel like growing up
i've changed since i've hidden for a couple months
and they still been the same try it for yourself
the war is on its way, can u hear them run
they're raging but they laugh when the job is done
and the boy who's in his gut sobbing cus he lost
cus everything he did had no purpose and not even a cause

into light
hold my hand
for the fight
wars ahead
file line
hold the stance
here the monsters like to dance
viruses vs pesticides
i'm hoping ill sleep through the night
hold my hand as we go high
do not look down just close your eyes

the war
is done
set fire
to them all
silence
peaceful
finally
you've escaped
ur so lucky
you've run from me

the war

A INDEPENDENT CURATOR, LABEL & PROMOTER, ASSISTING IN THE GROWTH OF SELECTED ARTISTS.

heylog - at least i didn't forget

biteki

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