‘Apologies’ - 26.11.21
Pre-save: https://push.fm/ps/nthn-apologies 

You can call this one an intro
'Cause I've been gone for some time
You might have seen me around
But something's been missing for a while

REINTRODUCTION
To the ones who've been with me so far
And if it's the first time that you're hearing me
I promise you that this is just the start

A couple times I've thought about giving it up
I'd be lying if I said I've never considered it
Especially when you're giving so much
And it feels like no one's listening

But I don't do it for the pay
'Cause I barely make a penny from it
Not for the plays
'Cause I don't get too many of them
But this is my way of saying what I've felt for too long
For too long I used to think I'd never need to

Had to find a way to express it so began with Awake
And now it sounds like I'm back in my old ways

Two years later, it was Paths, a story across ten tracks
But still had too much to say

Another year down the line
I decided that I'd had enough of hiding and that's when I wrote Tides

And Delta had the most honest tracks I've ever put out
But still I find myself with so much more to talk about

I spent a year locked inside these walls and my mind
Watching the world through a Skylight

Thinking 'bout my life and every compromise I've made
Only to find myself wishing that I'd stayed

More true to the values that I once had
To the version of myself that I once was

But when I look back to those days, I guess I'm kinda glad
That I left some of those qualities behind because

I never really used to care for myself
I was never the type to put myself first

Giving everything I could, with no appreciation
Often at the expense of my self-worth

That's why I wanna say the words I wish I'd heard at my lowest
To share the parts of me I used to never wanna show

So I'm never stopping as long as I've got something to say 
Now I'm back and this time I'm here to stay

This is my REINTRODUCTION.

Artwork by BIG MOTH (@bigmothonline)
© & ℗ NTHN / eighteenSAINT 2021

REINTRODUCTION

I'm losing my soul
I'm losing control
I've got nowhere to go
I don't care if I fall

Send help, be quick please
‘Cause it seems that my life is in repeat
I’m waiting for your phone call baby, this silence is driving me crazy
I know that you love that you hate me, I’m too drunk to know that you blamed me
For every problem, every mistake and every time you made my heartbreak
I’m a fool for you, should of known better it was cruel of you
Know we’re done it's through
Crying so hard in the two-door coupe
Will you remember me? Tears in your eyes in my memories
It wasn’t meant to be but, just know I’ll still bleed for you
I'm losing my soul
I'm losing control
I've got nowhere to go
I don't care if I fall

Lately
Feel crazy
Thoughts of you, back to back, got me shaking
Fuck around with a dumb mix I ain't safe b
Self-harm in the form of bliss it amaze it
Dazy
Hazy
I ain’t know where I am wake up achy
Crust up blood on my lip fuck so I take these
Chalk white pills to forget what I can be

Damaged
And frantic
Ya cold heart take advantage
Baby

Manic
You savage
My poor heart you gone damaged

Lately
Soul lost
Glazed eyes
Dead face under bangs baby

Same thoughts
With the same lies
I ain’t want this so I fade, daily

I'm losing my soul
I'm losing control
I've got nowhere to go
I don't care if I fall

Fall (feat SLOTHBOI) prod. sorrowbringer x amalia

on the other side

IDLEGLANCE x Whxami x RiverKinn x rex_incc 👻

Check out the Boyz:
Whxami: @whxami
RiverKinn: @riverkinn
rex_incc: @rexincc

(Prod. grayskies)

Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ID0kdo3lVk

Lyrics:

THIS IS MY FALL FROM GRACE
I COULD HEAR YOUR WHISPERS
CALL MY NAME AND
I LEFT IT UP TO FATE
I DON'T KNOW
WHERE TO GO
CAUSE ITS ALL THE SAME

ITS FINE
I WON'T TAKE IT
I'LL MAKE IT OUT ALIVE
RID OF MY PATIENCE
SHE MAY BE GONE
BUT SHE HOPING I'M NOT IN CONTROL
ALL THESE PARTS THAT SEEM BROKEN
I’M ALREADY OVER IT

HOLD ON
BUT WHEN YOU GOT ME OUTTA SIGHT
ALWAYS CRYING ON THE LINE
AM I WRONG NOW
FOR EVEN TRYING TO HOLD YOU BACK
WHEN I SEE ALL OF YOUR LIES
WHO YOU WANT NOW
I’M STANDING ON THE BORDERLINE
TRYNA GIVE YOU ALL THE TIME
I’M RUNNING OUT
I THOUGHT YOU GAVE ME ALL YOUR LIFE
AND I SEE THAT IT’S JUST ANOTHER NIGHT

ALL THESE FLAWS
YOU’VE WEAPONIZED AGAINST ME
THIS CONFLICT LEFT ME EMPTY
I HOPE YOU KNOW
THAT ALL THE WORDS YOU SAY

BREAK
ME TO PIECES
THIS RAZOR CUTS ME
BUT YOU CUT DEEPER
I’M WIDE AWAKE
YOU KNOW I CAN’T SLEEP
WITHOUT TAKING SOMETHING
I’D D*E TO BE WHAT YOU NEED
AND ALL THAT I EVER WANTED WAS YOUR LOVE
BUT I CAN TELL YOU THINK
I’M JUST NOT ENOUGH

HOLD ON
BUT WHEN YOU GOT ME OUTTA SIGHT
ALWAYS CRYING ON THE LINE
AM I WRONG NOW
FOR EVEN TRYING TO HOLD YOU BACK
WHEN I SEE ALL OF YOUR LIES
WHO YOU WANT NOW
I’M STANDING ON BORDERLINE
TRYNA GIVE YOU ALL THE TIME
I’M RUNNING OUT
I THOUGHT YOU GAVE ME ALL YOUR LIFE
AND I SEE THAT IT’S JUST ANOTHER NIGHT

BoyzFromTheCrypt 2: Whxami x RiverKinn x rex_incc

Heartkiller

IDLEGLANCE x Chief Kelly x RiverKinn x Kasper Fell

Chief Kelly: @chiefkelly
RiverKinn: @riverkinn
Kasper Fell: @kasperfell

(Prod. grayskies)

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/KfSjfxiSl-Q

Lyrics:

THEY'LL NEVER KNOW
HOW VERY DARK
AND VERY COLD
MY HEART IS

YEAH NOW
SHAWTY COME BACK
CAN'T DEAL WITH MYSELF
YEAH LOSING MY GRIP
BEEN LOST WITH NO HELP
DYING EVERY SECOND THAT WE WANNA WASTE
YEAH SINKING MY TEETH INTO YOU FOR THE TASTE
I'M TANGLED IN THE VINES OF MY
GREATEST REGRET
THESE THORNS START BLEEDING
AS THEY'RE RIPPING MY
HEART FROM MY CHEST

YOU WANNA NUMB THE PAIN
AND TAKE AWAY THE SHAME
YOU GOT ME TRAPPED
AND LONELY ON THIS ISLAND
AND I DON’T FEEL THE SAME
YOU MAKE ME RE-ARRANGE
THESE THOUGHTS INSIDE MY BRAIN
CAN HEAR THEM STALLING

YOU'RE NOT
EVERYTHING I’VE ALWAYS WANTED
BUT I CAN’T STOP
DREAMING OF YOU GIRL
I SAIL AWAY CAUSE I’M A LOST SOUL
I’M DROWNING FAST, CAN’T HEAR YOU CALLING
I START TO PRAY CAUSE I FEEL SO LOW
THESE OCEAN WAVES THEY CRASH
AND THEN I FALL IN

FALLING
FALLING
FALLING
FALLING
FALLING
FALLING
FALLING

MY HEART ON THE FLOOR
MY HEAD IN MY HANDS
I’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE
BUT STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND

I SHOULD’VE SEEN IT COMING
I CAN’T FEEL NOTHING
NOTHING EXCEPT THAT I GOT NOTHING LEFT
OH, WHAT AM I BECOMING?
KEEP RUNNING
RUNNING UNTIL I’M RUNNING OUT OF BREATH

YOU WANNA NUMB THE PAIN
AND TAKE AWAY THE SHAME
YOU GOT ME TRAPPED
AND LONELY ON THIS ISLAND
AND I DON’T FEEL THE SAME
YOU MAKE ME RE-ARRANGE
THESE THOUGHTS INSIDE MY BRAIN
CAN HEAR THEM STALLING

YOU'RE NOT
EVERYTHING I’VE ALWAYS WANTED
BUT I CAN’T STOP
DREAMING OF YOU GIRL
I SAIL AWAY CAUSE I’M A LOST SOUL
I’M DROWNING FAST, CAN’T HEAR YOU CALLING
I START TO PRAY CAUSE I FEEL SO LOW
THESE OCEAN WAVES THEY CRASH
AND THEN I FALL IN

BUT I DON’T CARE NO
I DON’T CARE NO MORE
I DON’T CARE
AND I DON’T CARE NO
I DON’T CARE NO MORE

YOU'RE NOT
EVERYTHING I’VE ALWAYS WANTED
BUT I CAN’T STOP
DREAMING OF YOU GIRL

Chief Kelly x RiverKinn x Kasper Fell - Dreaming Of You

Prod, ARQ
🖤pyrrhic🖤
@dearpyrrhic
☠️www.instagram.com/dearpyrrhic/
lyrics:
Runnin' into your forest fire
Walkin' onto your razor wire
I swear I'm fine but I'm alive

I'mma kill myself leave a pretty body up inside the grave
Now, it might be in a year or it might be here today
Tell my momma not to cry, put my body on display
'Cause the roses look pretty when they die and wilt away
Light me at both ends and watch me disappear into the smoke
Why you kickin' at my chair when I'm not finished tyin' rope
I'mma tell you when it's time, I'mma show you all the signs
I'mma tell you when it's time, I'mma show you all the signs

If I spilled my heart, and it landed up on the carpet
Come on tell me baby girl would you pick it up, would you stomp it
'Cause I'm really not the one to ever go and get nauseous
But all these feelin's in my stomach make me wanna vomit, vomit
Say you hit rock bottom and you drownin' in your stress
I'm throwin' you a shovel I'll show you how deep it gets
When yo life is on the line and yo body no longer listens to you
To you

Don't tell me you ain't done enough
Don't tell me you ain't man enough
I feel like we don't talk enough
I feel like we don't "fuck it, fuck it"
Cry enough
I feel like we don't laugh enough
I feel like we don't matter much
I feel like we don't "Fuck it"

Runnin' into your forest fire
Walkin' onto your razor wire
I swear I'm fine but I'm alive

I'mma kill myself leave a pretty body up inside the grave
Now, it might be in a year or it might be here today
Tell my momma not to cry, put my body on display
'Cause the roses look pretty when they die and wilt away

Hold steady don't waste your time
There's nothin' between these lines
If ever I'm feelin' short
I know that my dealer's blind
How many levels of gray
Does it take to shade the pain?

The crack of my skin
Pale of your bones
All that I lack
Is nothin' you hold
Hide your keepsakes
It's all that you'll have
When you meet...

Old medicine inside my desk that don't remember me
Workin' for a life that is best, I fill your every need
Cherish the knife inside my back that you have given me
Stop cryin' baby boy

I'mma kill myself leave a pretty body up inside the grave
Now, it might be in a year or it might be here today
Tell my momma not to cry, put my body on display
'Cause the roses look pretty when they die and wilt away
Light me at both ends and watch me disappear into the smoke
Why you kickin' at my chair when I'm not finished tyin' rope
I'mma tell you when it's time, I'mma show you all the signs
I'mma tell you when it's time, I'mma show you all the signs

I'm Still Alive

STREAM

GRIEF

Tsunami J. & YCK & Walt - Echo

IDLEGLANCE x Chief Kelly x Kasper Fell x  RiverKinn

Chief Kelly: @yates-xv
Kasper Fell: @kasperfell
RiverKinn: @riverkinn

Watch on YouTube: -to be updated-

LYRICS:

NO I
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE
NO I
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE

BURY ME IN THE DIRT TONIGHT
COVER ME WITH THE EARTH ALRIGHT
MY HALO SHINES
GOT ME BATHED IN LIGHT

I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT IT'S ALL MY FAULT
NEVER REALLY CARED IF I'M ALIVE
THOUGH I BELONG HERE
IT'S QUICKSAND
NO TIME
BEFORE YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME
TRAGIC IN THE MAKING
NOW SILENT
WHILE I'VE BARELY BEEN GONE
LET ME DOWN

NO I 
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE
NO I
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE

BURY ME IN THE DIRT TONIGHT
COVER ME WITH THE EARTH ALRIGHT
MY HALO SHINES
GOT ME BATHED IN LIGHT

HOME
THAT’S WHERE I WANT TO BE
WHERE I FALL THROUGH THE SEAMS
AND THE CRACKS IN BETWEEN
ALL I’VE KNOWN
THE NEGLECT THAT YOU’VE SHOWN
IS APPARENTLY WEARING ME
DOWN TO THE BONE
WONDERING WHY
YOU LED ME ON JUST TO THROW
ME TO THE SIDE
BUT I STILL TRIED
I SEE YOU EVERY TIME
I SHUT MY EYES

NO I
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE
NO I
I CAN’T ESCAPE HOW I FEEL
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE

BURY ME IN THE DIRT TONIGHT
COVER ME WITH THE EARTH ALRIGHT
MY HALO SHINES
GOT ME BATHED IN LIGHT

Chief Kelly x Kasper Fell x RiverKinn - Shut My Eyes

🖤pyrrhic🖤
@dearpyrrhic
☠️www.instagram.com/dearpyrrhic/
lyrics:
(Giggle)
Computer, Start

Target acquired. Scanning parameters:
Dimensions: 38, 22, 38
Heart rate: Elevated
Previous casualties: 27

Aw, they're perfect!

Caution: Detecting emotional manipulation protocols
(What!?)
Subject exhibits patterns of high-risk behavior

WARNING!: Multiple red flags detected
WARNING!
WARNING!
WARNING!

WARNING!
She got a habit of leaving men without a -
WARNING!
Symptom of toxic love, wishing that I had a -
WARNING!
Watch as I self-destruct, guess I shoulda saw the -
WARNING!
Now I need a -
WARNING!
Just give me a -
WARNING!

She got a habit of leaving men without a -
WARNING!
Symptom of toxic love, wishing that I had a -
WARNING!
Watch as I self-destruct, guess I shoulda saw the -
WARNING!
Now I need a -
WARNING!
Just give me a -
WARNING!

Wasted time, I rotted up on the shelf, ya
By your side, I never felt like myself, like an
Accessory
Accessory
Accessory
Accessory

Give no signs before you commit the crime
Take my life and use it as a disguise, I'm an
Accessory
Accessory
Accessory
Accessory

You call my phone, I won’t pick up
The broken words are not enough
You call my phone and I won’t answer
I don’t need another cancer

You call my phone, I won’t pick up
The broken words are not enough
You call my phone and I won’t answer
I don’t need another cancer

WARNING!
She got a habit of leaving men without a -
WARNING!
Symptom of toxic love, wishing that I had a -
WARNING!
Watch as I self-destruct, guess I shoulda saw the -
WARNING!
Now I need a -
WARNING!
Just give me a -
WARNING!

She got a habit of leaving men without a -
WARNING!
Symptom of toxic love, wishing that I had a -
WARNING!
Watch as I self-destruct, guess I shoulda saw the -
WARNING!
Now I need a -
WARNING!
Just give me a -
WARNING!

Shimmy shimmy yo, shimmy shimmy yay, shimmy ai
Can you put it in reverse? Can you pop it like a 9?
I don’t sugarcoat a thing that I sing through this Apollo
Guess that there’s the reason that my words are hard to swallow

Broken teeth, broken hearts
Something I’m used to
Bite my tongue until it bleeds
Baby, like you used to

Treat me like an obstacle
Guess my love was optional
Stupid bitch don’t know that when I’m broken,
I’m unstoppable

Technicolor film, play the scene
My life be cinematic
I might cut this check for a bean
Because I’m problematic

Breathe the trail of smoke when you leave
I might just go nomadic
Now I’m just a ghost in the breeze
I guess I’m too dramatic

Shoot, baby, shoot
Like I’m begging you to
Baby, move, please move
I got nothing to lose

Choose, baby, choose
What are you gonna do?
Is it me or you?
Or this XLR noose?

WARNING!
She got a habit of leaving men without a -
WARNING!
Symptom of toxic love, wishing that I had a -
WARNING!
Watch as I self-destruct, guess I shoulda saw the -
WARNING!
Now I need a -
WARNING!
Just give me a -
WARNING!

She got a habit of leaving men without a -
WARNING!
Symptom of toxic love, wishing that I had a -
WARNING!
Watch as I self-destruct, guess I shoulda saw the -
WARNING!
Now I need a -
WARNING!
Just give me a -
WARNING!

ERROR! System malfunction
Mission Task: Unsuccessful
Ah! What the hell was that?

Analyzing damage:
Sir, your vitals—
Run it again!

ERROR! Unauthorized access detected
Emotional firewall: Breached
No! No!

(Giggle)
Silly boy, should have listened to the—
WARNING!

REINTRODUCTION

NTHN

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