Rap battle series created by Commander Jacob which use chracters and match-ups he's personally interested in (aka a lotta geek shit)

Lame-Ass Rap Battles

Songs I Listen too

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of bird games abandoned by their owners: Red from Angry Birds vs Mr. Crow from Catastrophe Crow. Enjoy!

@freshykanal as Red
Commander Jacob as Mr. Crow
@sw4nked as Chuck
@superthingsoncupsss as Bomb
@snakebite126 as the Jays

Written by Commander Jacob & GamingPlush64
Mixed & mastered by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by Anywaywell
Crow model by El Stephono

-LYRICS-

Red (0:09)
I thought the pigs’ plot was enough to make me pissed off
But now I gotta fling hot disses straight off the slingshot
We stay protecting kids way before they frickin' hatch
Fitting that this little brat came from a baby’s chicken scratch
You have, like, 20 vids, there’s no way you can catch up
I got raps up my sleeve, while your sleeve is just wrapped up 
Your cartridge and Daddy will stay old and grey
Loner strayed, flew the coup, and never stayed to raise his precious golden egg

Mr. Crow (0:28)
I see you, Red. I’d tear apart your cardinal sins
But we can bond over the crow language it’s clear your bars were in
Or maybe not, after your latest failures, I observed that
Your servers must have been cursed bad by the evil Sir Cat!
Those absurd raps are calling me to stay and work at
A verse that can take you down so we can’t see these birds flap
I stack hits like blocks, show you an L, and tower you
Lemme just lay this down if I gotta spell it out for you
While I respect protecting your nest from turning into a bed and breakfast 
Your tactics lack any sense of direction when flinging heads into wreckage 
You got rich from your title? 
Your only golden shower nowadays is piss from your idol!

Red (0:57)
Your word vomit couldn’t even keep my chicks fed
He won’t be home ever again after that shit’s wrecked
We get money like Hal; our green’s coming around
I’ll put you down - 6 crows feet under the ground
I stay squaded up. Yo, Jay, Bomb, and Chuck
Let’s show this winged black sheep why they can’t flock with us
Chuck (1:11)
Ugh, speedy time, you weakley swine! We can rhyme with an eagle’s might
But maybe translating your 800 languages can come out with a decent line
Bomb (1:16)
No teddy bear to cuddle with, you can’t get your dad back
You weren’t even worthy to get stuffed in a bear’s backpack
The Jays (1:21)
Get Butchered, no Adam. We’re sick when we’re splitted
Attacking and rapping, we’re killer in triplets
Red (1:26)
When I’m spitting off the bill, no way you can get through to me
I’m knocking over all your builds and breaking down your Unity
Cause me and my boys got the skill, destruction isn’t new to me 
So if you wanna talk to Nils, stop using your community
We’ll die a martyr just to stop the piggie’s punk shit
At least write to Marta before you run away and jump ship
Fuck demon cats, development’s you’re only hell now
The only flight you've taken is the staircase you fell down
Nothing your fans theorize will make Thea rise
So now Lorenz himself will eternally need to be revived


Crow (1:50)
You dumb shits, thrown at the wall to see what sticks
You lucky mother-cluckers should be glad ya landed one hit
Both Rovio and Opus didn’t know what they were asked for
I took it to the depths, you took it off the App Store
You wanna bring a squad in? Face a murder of crows
To checkmate your flock of pawns and submerge 'em with flows
I’ll pop your whole arsenal and I’ll leave with three gold stars
The last nail in my coffin? I’m breaking free with each crowbar
No one’s wanting (ugh) all your cash-ins (nah)
All they wanted was to make you zip through blocks
You were launching (eh), now you’re crashing (ouch!)
Made some bubble games, and that shit went pop
Not talking PCs when I clip your head through a window
Your money bag-headed developers ain’t enough to scare this crow
It’s no sweat ending these legless and armless balls
The least hard thing I’ve gone through is a concrete wall
Your player’s gone too, now that you’re off phones
2 birds, 1 throne. I’ve finally gone home

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Angry Birds vs Catastrophe Crow | Lame-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of color-swapped clone stalkers: Herobrine, spirit of the brother of the creator of Minecraft, versus the Mario Silhouette, castle wanderer found in personalized copies of Super Mario 64. Enjoy!

Mr. Tibbs as Herobrine
Commander Jacob as The Mario Silhouette 

Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by InsaneBeatz
Feedback by GamingPlush64, Mr. Tibbs, bloody_queers, Zagranis, Fightmarker, etc.

-LYRICS-
Herobrine:
See me in the distance? Hope those star doors stay shut
I don't want Piranha Plant biting off me more when we wakes up
I got the godly flows to diminish distant cosmic clones
I’ll make it red when I slam your head against the cobblestone
White eyes with a wide bite but I ain’t no Chain Chomp
Mr. Sit and Watch can picture what to do when his frames drop
Bark at me, my sword will chop like cutting leaves from a tree
So don’t run up on me, I've got a whole overworld under me

MS:
I see yooou, and I’ve tracked your plans to spit bars hot
But walk in His Domain? I‘m swinging hands like Tick Tock Clock
Painful like stained glass windows. Funny: Brine’s in a pickle
Stunting with the all-black fit, though you just changed couple pixels
I’ll make you black out. This wound you can't patch out
I’m jumping this painting. No retexturing, he’ll just crash now
I’ve had it up to the fourth floor. You've been here too long
Your fans are like you: minors who can’t move on

Herobrine:
Shadow Mario’s shadow hardly flowed in a way worth considering morbid
I'm sending this bitch through a portrait and burying him in the Fortress
Or bringing some torches and burning your boring-ass lore before you start running
I'm making pyramids up and appear and they pass the polygonal palace you’re stuck in
If you're talking about design, why would I cut out the lights
Darkness surrounds you, right? So how could you count as bright
Fuck your cryptic text. Think I'm scared when you display that?
I'm the type to slash kill, but not in a game chat

MS:
Players see you, they know you're there, and even screenshot
I bust their cartridge and make their CRT screen shot
You muck with streams while I run their dreams
Bowser has to take a sub to me. YouTubers use you just to say “sub to me”
Trap you in the walls so it blocks the rhymes I can’t stand
Try stealing coins. I catch that? Start shifting out; sand land
Potions and teleporting ain’t enough to catch me, my friend
Encounter me and see a void meaning you’ll meet your End

Herobrine:
All this glitch can offer is one wiki that’s vacant
Your hip-hop’s softer than MIPS in the basement
This AI without the I cant reach my level, just try
Mock me one more time and I’ll default skin you alive
You’re running in circles. I can do this all day
Read the signs: please die quietly in the hallway

MS:
I wish your knock-off novels were your only words hurting my eyes
But I'll make sure this eulogy's Persson-alized
Mr. 2 bit isn't even cared about by their own kin
Someone must be shooting up… but there’s no Hero win
Mama-mia! You’re not worth comparing Luigi to
Obsessed with griefing others cuz your brother never greaves for you

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Herobrine vs The Mario Silhouette | Lame-Ass Rap Battles

subscribe to dilly ►https://youtube.com/c/DillyChannel    
support dilly on patreon ►
https://www.patreon.com/locorapbattles
music video out now!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8KqfAiyBZg

casey william as opila bird
dilly as atari e.t.

written by dilly, casey william, 3ple
additional writing by m!cah
mixed by casey william
beat prod. by casey william
art by 3ple and anangrypenguin
cover art by shimario
series logo by timelord

this series is a tribute to epic rap battles of history.
https://www.youtube.com/user/ERB

Opila Bird vs. Atari E.T. - Rap Battle! (2023)

kinger the amazing digital circus vs sarah needlemouse exe rap battle anolog vs anything.

Kinger vs. Needlemouse // Analog vs. Anything.

Cri as Kinger

Hailey as Needlemouse (Sarah)

Cameos by Clarence and Hailey

Written and Produced by Teimunity 

Mixed and Mastered by Danii

Art by A Trash Artist and EpicMonkey

Graphic Design by JustADude
 
LYRICS: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16UQrnK9FOf0a4FMEuSOGaNoLlGwlLoP7al3U2Nt7LQM/edit

(OLD) The Amazing Digital Circus vs. Needlem0use • Analog vs. Anything.

Jonna-Lynn Alonso as Nemona
yukigloom as Goku

Written by SIR Rap Battles & Jofinity
Additional writing help by Shimario
Mixed by SIR Rap Battles
Beat by Diamond Style 
Cover art by LimJJ (Original cover by M!CAH)
Cover art stills by Cole
Special thanks to RaccoonBroVA, Eric the Audible, Ryoma Ishizuka, bblackroses, Satoshi Tajiri & Akira Toriyama

Nemona: (0:24)
All the fans in the region, you hear them cheer for the champ
When your planet’s in need, you disappear in a flash
I’ve got a masterful team prepared to clear any match
While your laughable team just shrieks in fear from attacks 
So - he got adopted by Grandpa Gohan until he got stomped on 
By no one other than the toddler that he taught and fostered
And as a grown-up, his losses don't stop
‘Cause all of the monsters that he was crossing took his comrades and offed them
I'm an Academy Ace! You never got an education
Speeding past your limits, but a driving test is where you're failing?
That's outrageous! You can't stay committed to the sons you're raising 
If you keep forsaking them as prey for the foes that you're facing
I'll be popping off when I land critical strikes
But when this pop is off, it's ‘cause he's ditching his wife
Losing the ones you love? You sure take after your dad, man
A father-son legacy ‘cause this fight’s your last stand!

Goku: (1:05)
Aw, I kinda wished I'd get an actual fight
Should’ve brought your gym leader to rap ‘cause you’re lacking in Ryme
So stack up our might, the gap is too wide if we talk fisticuffs
Couldn't patch that Gastly-looking face with Herba Mystica
So obsessed with spars, you'd wind up who you're speaking to
It seems that you must be illiterate - can't write or read the room
And after catching wind of Turtle School, a good bout’s what I can't ignore
While your school’s out catching turtles like some kind of Capsule Corps!
With what you've promoted, you left your fanbase broken
Those blows you dealt felt Phoned in, it's like your father Rotom
Kamehameha flowing ‘cause you don't seem to notice
This contest is the only time you're good at throwing
People drop you like your frame rate? Sheesh, you’ve had a rough time
You’re the type to bug but your game is more the bug-type 
You like to battle? Well… maybe don’t punch like
you’re still holding back, kid, let’s make this a fun fight!

Nemona (1:45):
You Self-Destruct in fights so much, this lucha’s your last
‘Cause like it's Frieza with your planet, I’mma put ‘ya on blast (Sí!)
This gluttonous dud should swallow this truth up for his next feast:
Regardless of his heart disease, this papá is a deadbeat

Goku (1:55):
Whew, that’s more like it! You’re getting used to spitting some disses
But I bet I can catch on quicker, call that Instant Transmission 
Shouldn't be messing with Universe 7, kid
When half your character designs are more lifeless than your professor is

Nemona (2:06):
If you wanna talk professors, I better mention
Yours developed cybernetic weapons, that left your future threatened
Even in the face of defeat, I'm always beaming up
You only made Raditz face defeat when you're left Beaming up!
And seeing your films’ canon, it’s just gunning to fail
‘Cause they made like a pair of scissors and kept cutting your tales
So like your hijo with a dinosaur, ditch this before it gets worse
We'd probably have to wait another saga for your next verse

Goku (2:26):
Of course this little privileged rich kid has never witnessed the image
of vicious villains killing every single innocent that lives in your village
After what happened to Krillin, 
I was driven to break my limits, you're just tracking down children
Endlessly battling with them, man you're just tactless, a dimwit
And with the draft that you’re pickin’, it’s just a match full of misfits
So maybe next time you go spotting new trainers who wanna be elite
Make like how your family treats you - and leave them be

Goku vs Nemona. SIR Rap Battles (ft. yukigloom & Jonna-Lynn Alonso)

*THIS BATTLE WAS MADE ENTIRELY BY WHITES ONLY IN THE SPAND OF 100 HOURS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION*

Danii as Mr. Crocker 
Near as Mrs. Puff

2Hats as SpongeBob 

Written by Teimunity, Danii, and 2Hats
Artwork by Teimunity and TeaworkAJ

Beat by Teimunity
Mixed and Mastered by Danii

Mrs. Puff vs. Mr. Crocker • TEIMUNITY RAP BATTLES!

ORIGINALLY UPLOADED ON 04/15/2023

LYRICS

Wile E. Coyote:
LISTEN UP-

I don’t have much time before I drop from this height
So I’ll try to make it quick while I’m rocking the mic
Allow me to introduce myself, Wile E. Coyote
Genius at roasting dopes and flowing on dope beats
You should just quit, Komi, why, we don’t even measure
I’m more skilled, more cunning, simply, I’m better
Now I might be the Looney Tune
But you somehow surpass me with all the weirdos in your goofy school
Now if you asked me, I’d take you and the ones being crude and lewd
And strap you to a package that’s made with care, love from ACME
Your show exists for some lonely losers to relate
Komi-San and her fanbase can’t communicate
I gave this slice of life a piece of mine, hope the pain’s received 
Now if you excuse me, I shall now take my leAHHHHHHHHH

Komi:
I-I’m not really that good with rhyming words
But I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t like that verse
Supplies of TNT, but you couldn’t drop bombs though
You’d take second to Agari in a dog show
Maybe quit hunting season and find a day job
‘Cause you get fired worse than a Warner Bros. layoff
A “Super Genius” with your plans never changing
Running into the same wall like it’s your paintings
It’s been 70 years but still the same old act with
Comedy so primitive, no wonder it’s slapstick
Chased a chicken for all that time? Impressive
I don’t even think that Ren’s as obsessive
Chuck dropped ya’, now your toons are in the garbage
I’d say that’s all folks, but this was over ‘fore it started

CREDITS

TheMonarchy as Wile E. Coyote
Fightmarker as Road Runner

Kurobane Azia as Komi

Shadow Zel as Black Noir

Written by Rabi and Fightmarker
Beat prod. by Ihaksi
Mixed and Mastered by Freshy Kanal
Art by BMB and 3ple
Cover art by Rabi

Wile E. Coyote vs. Komi Can't Communicate - Rap Battle

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have two platforms for casual gamers, one for browsers and one for mobile devices; Cool Math Games vs Google Play Games. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Cool Math
YouTube: www.youtube.com/c/CommanderJacob
Twitter: www.twitter.com/commander_jacob

TaigaTonic as Google Play
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TaigaTonic
Twitter: www.twitter.com/TaigaTonic

- LYRICS -

CMG (0:12)
Listen Talking Tom, let’s just speed up the chat
I’ll kill a record, you ain’t even up to Scratch
Park it. Whose site’s been driving since ‘97? Not yours
If you bring your bars forward, I’m flipping ‘em like Bloxorz
This Dude’ll Jump to a height he still can’t reach my peak from
I’m your Papa and you just entered the Beat-ya-ria
How’d we get you? This equation should cut it
Me, minus screen size and physical buttons

GPG (0:32)
There can’t be a Way To Die that’s a little bit Dumber
Cuz tryna catch up to me is just an infinite runner
It’s a crapshoot. You came to our platform and your app’s Pou
I have your appeal while not trapped in a classroom
Take the win off your wishlist, don't wanna level up your hope
Barely hanging onto life so I’ve come to Cut the Rope
Tweets and merch about your original game? Great plan!
… it’s still just Hangman

CMG (0:52)
Speaking of: personality. You’re not spelling it
Fireboy and Watergi- kid I’ve been in my element
But no, bro, I can tell you’re proud to be mobile
With your games you put on PC and controller logo
You’re constantly begging for reviews like you’re owed answers
Well here: "one star; iOS with no standards
Or quality assurance." And you’re claiming you’re dope?
Mr. CEO of “you got games on your phone?”

GPG (1:12)
You’re the start but I’m the end of Johnny Upgrade’s coins
E-rated Newgrounds is getting negative Play Points
Clashing our Clans is really asking for death
My brand Game On lock with how it PAX an event (Let’s go!)
I don’t even need Flappy or Red to fuel my Jetpack
Your prominence Bricked! Mine? You can’t get Half
Algebra, Geometry: type of stuff you Dashed from
Still being named “Cool Math” doesn’t add up

CMG (1:32)
The kids behind the screen? Brought their childhood radness
You green hogs are only tryna siphon their cash quick
“World's Hardest Game” for you is not piling ads in
No Candy, Crush you for free, fuck microtransactions

GPG (1:42)
This heat’ll shut you down; that’s a firewall. What I’ve gathered?
I’m not paying premium, but you won’t forget my past words
After you’ve Raided Shadows of Legends for your backlog
I made your numbers leave like your mascot or when Flash stopped

- CREDITS -

Written, directed, edited, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by Kelly Mac and Ben Fowler of Audio Network
Additional instruments by Splice and Neon Wave

Feedback by GamingPlush64, TaigaTonic, TheMonarchy, Freshy Kanal, RNG, JustGamer, Dilly Scott, Eric the Audible, 3ple, Danii, TheBabyBeef, Powerofdan, and the rest of the spaceship
Shout-out to Mr. Tibbs, Fightmarker, ayjayyy, and Karen Lyn Davis

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Cool Math Games vs Google Play Games | Rap Battle (LARB)

Welcome to what I guess is the first episode of Lame-Ass Rap Battles! (Pac-Man vs WHG’s getting delayed, sorry.) Today we have a battle of evil artificial clones with Metal Sonic vs DoodleBob. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Metal Sonic
GamingPlush64 as DoodleBob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Written by Commander Jacob and GamingPlush64
Produced by Smoke

Lyrics

Metal Sonic:
I’ve my target acquired: a reckless sketch his builder ditched
Aka stick-legged freak spewing epileptic gibberish 
Got a chaotic flow that's aimed at you, well ain’t it brutal?
They put a mic-killing monster against a janky Frankendoodle
Your pencil and place in battle’s number two, so you're in trouble
Reduced to bootleg merch. Now I’m popping your RedBubble
The bad-ass Badnik’s giving him a bad nick and leaving him hurt
Hypothesis: your magic pencil still can’t write out a decent verse

DoodleBob:
You think you’re cool, but you just got me annoyed, boy
So make your next form a better rapper, son of a nyoy nyoy!
Can't stand this toy's noise. Got the slave of aluminum stressin’
But things get sketchy when you enter the Doodle Dimension
Going mach-5, but not even good enough for ‘06, man. You can’t withstand
That a neo nazi’s boutta get damned. Line him up and strike a bowling ball through this tin can
Or I’ll bust out the lead if you tryna gra-fight. So now what?
I oughta call it a draw, Eggbreath already screwed your mouth shut

Metal Sonic:
You act tough, but something you never considered
I’d be more intimidated facing Jellyfish Squidward
You from the shredder or printer? Either way, I’ll have you slashed through
But back to dimensions, your rhymes and design barley have 2
Locate a sharpener if you think on a track you can beat me. Don’t make me repeat
The elite machine will remind you that he was built to be on a CD
Analyzing from all angles: your chance to win’s looking thin
Firearms unrequired; initiating “throw a book at him”

DoodleBob:
Every time you think you’re besting Sonic, you end up dead wrong
I command a doodle army, you stalk and copy a hedgehog
I can tell you don’t lack grit when you rage like a spastic
Didn’t know the position “Bad-nik” was talkin’ ‘bout your rap shit
Forever in Omega’s shadow and forgotten, good riddance
You’re the Terminator if he listened to too much Skrillex
Scrapping this Metallic Madness and putting an end to the race
Because I don’t need the pencil to have your relevance... erased

Metal Sonic vs DoodleBob | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #1

In the 2nd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, we have classic vs modern. Simple vs difficult. Circle vs Square. We have Pac-Man against the World’s Hardest Game. Enjoy!

Alex the Beast as Pac-Man
Fightmarker as World's Hardest Game
Written by Commander Jacob (w/ additional help from Mr. Tibbs, Zawesome, and Freshy Kanal)
Mixed by Light
Produced by Allen Kass

[NEW VERSION] Pac-Man vs World's Hardest Game | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #2

In the 3rd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, It's a battle of the art programs! We have Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Paint
Eric the Audible as Photoshop
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Produced by George Georgia of Audio Network
Beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob

Paint (0:20):
I’m opening the Windows, so scram off of my lawn
Don’t try to rhyme, dog. Even my palette’s a icon
You charge 30 a month for a learning curve that's straight doo-doo
Must've dropped the opacity, I can see right through you
I’ll grab a brush, swap the color: make this kid black out
Because I bet your raps aren’t even a Bitmap-ped out.
I'm the godfather of digital art, there’s no denying me
I’ll get to sinking your ship if you wanna whine about piracy

Photoshop (0:41):
If you'd like to start war, let's open an artboard.
Got a liquefied flow to claim the place that I’ve fought for
Look, like anything made with you, all your raps will fall flat
We’re already two different types. No need to up the contrast
Sketch all the sloppy shapes you want, I’m rocking the house
Your users likely don’t have internet and draw with a mouse
Mark this, my bars got a hardness of eight hundred
You’re even sucking at fillers. I’ll make you kick the paint bucket

Paint (1:02):
Falling flat? Check the thumbnail. You can’t scold me
Coming at me with those lines, you might wanna ctrl Z
Painting skies since ‘85, style pouring like rain
I draw the line on this mic; call me MC Paint (ha)
You can’t mask your overratedness. It’s hurting, isn’t it?
Hold ctrl and scroll up; maybe you’ll find a shit I give

Photoshop (1:17):
I’m known to burn tools when I’m spitting a rhyme
You can’t make a drop shadow, so keep living in mine
Look, you want some layered disses and blending modes? I got plentiful
For programs rough 'round the edges, I’d recommend the feather tool
Masks? I’m clipping you. No brown, but your pallet’s shitty, dude.
Get back to the junkyard. GIMP is less of a bitch to use

Paint (1:32):
You can’t recover from this with a healing brush, how sad
I’ve had more fun using an SNES mouse pad
Use your magic wand to select good lines, ingrate
Or continue making YouTubers’ slimy-ass clickbait

Photoshop  (1:42):
I’ve had to deal with dudes tryna do me like a clone stamp
So let’s crop and slice the comic sans of art programs
That’s how you lasso a win, no way MS Jank beat me
You'd be better off opening a verse in Paint 3D

Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #3

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.