Bonus rap battle spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles. More goofy match ups, one verse each, no announcer, and is likely to have episodes better than the main series.

Half-Ass Rap Battles

Rap Battles

Josh Chichester as The Announcer
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Zack as Bart Simpson
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Fel as Eric Cartman and Kyle Broflovski
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Lyrics:
Bart:
I spend a lot of time hanging around a lard of fat like you cartman
its not smart, man; facing off with bart man
this racist tasteless prick battling me is just absurd
don’t have a cow man, looks like you ate the whole herd
soon this racoon will be more dead than his humour is 
fart jokes are all that matters to this deranged obese lunatic 
and your highest form of comedy is terrance and phillips
do you want your ass kicked, the Simpsons already did it

Cartman:
ARGH! IM NOT FAT, IM JUST BIG BONED!
I’m about to drag your ass out just like your show!
Respect my authority, El Farto you’re fucking done
you’re more of a big fat bitch than kyle’s mom!
go go Jo jo, and fucking cancel out
so you can go back home and have alone time with Milhouse
Go make me some pie you glorified beer stool
What I’m trying to say is, how would you like to suck my balls?

Bart:
ay caramba! who the hell are you messing with me!
You’re an even bigger dick than your mom’s groundskeeper willy
Its like you worked at the qwiki mart with a pile apu that you brought
you want something to eat fatso, than eat my shorts

Cartman:
Well your mom is so poor, she actually watches your show
you’re more of a jew than kyle, Kyle: shut the fuck up fatso
Your rhymes are treehouse of horror-ble but you know whats worse
You’re your alcoholic dad’s punching bag, the stick of truth hurts!

Bart Simpson vs Eric Cartman. Season 3, Wave 1

The Destroyer of Worlds Kamen Rider Decade/Tsukasa Kadoya battles against the Disaster Pokemon Absol to see who's the better being that's rumored to be a disaster bringer.

HyperJacob96 as Tsukasa Kadoya and Absol

Tsukasa:
Everybody has a reason to stand strong and fight
No one can stop you from fighting for what you think is right
But against the Passing-Through Kamen Rider, none of that applies!
So remember this well: trying to fight me is unwise!
I got a flow so smooth, it’s like I’m Riding the Wind
Your defense stat is crap! You have no ways to defend
from this beating! So how do you expect to beat this card-wielding master
when even the Pokedex thinks that you’re just a disaster?!

Absol:
It says I warn others of the dangers that may ensue 
Though I couldn’t save them from the disaster known as you
Don’t need my Future Sight to see that losing here is your fate
‘Cause your rapping’s more bizarre than the pictures you take!
With a Night Slash, I’ll Cut apart this Psycho with ease
You’re the Destroyer of Worlds? You’re just a world travelling freak
who travels with his companions, acting like the 10th Doctor!
You’re more of a Kaito than your friend, but that’s not a Dai Shocker!

Tsukasa:
Compare me to Kaito? Then for you, it’s Diend!
You’re weak to Bugs and Kicks? Those are things I specialize in! 
Your lyrical Taunts aren’t effective without your trainer’s directions!
And with my K-Touch, I’ll Completely erase you from existence!
I’m the King of the Rider Worlds! Strongest Heisei Rider! 
You’re an Absol-ute threat to others! Forever an outsider!
You say you warn others of the disasters that can occur?
Too bad you couldn’t warn yourself that your loss has been assured!

Absol:
You need over 30 forms just to say you’re the strongest?
All I need’s my Absolite, and this battle’s no contest!
Anything you bring up, I’ll Magic Bounce it back!
Say that I’m useless without a trainer? You need your cards to attack!
Your verse was more confusing than as to which side you’re on! 
And with a Black Hole Eclipse, you’ll Perish in this rap Song!
I’m glad your series ended quickly. Everyone found it so boring!
‘cause in the words of Wataru Kurenai: You have no story!

Tsukasa Kadoya Vs Absol - Rap Battle

Joe "Cliff" Thompson as Homer Simpson
Kyuuball as Peter Griffin
Fel as Mr. Burns
garbageGothic as Lisa Simpson

Peter Griffin:
So this yellow fella’s meddling with Peter Griffin? 
This fight reminds me of those times when I beat a chicken 
You’re a bigger neanderthal than the caveman you nabbed from
Matt left for Futurama cuz you’re in the past, dawg 

Homer Simpson:
Heh heh heh
Whoever you’re talking to, he’s in trouble!
No more beer; I’m seeing double 
And sure I’m plain 'cuz I’ve been ‘round the globe 
While you’ll remain the Milhouse of shows 

Peter Griffin:
Yeah, you’re big, tubby, but if I were you 
I wouldn’t go around bragging about being the posterboy for child abuse 
We’re tired of you; is there nothing you won’t put your hands on?
Here’s Joe’s wheelchair- you’ve got no legs to stand on! 
Thirty years?! Christ, you’ve aged like Madonna 
Such a zombie no wonder you crap out treehouse of horrors
It’s been long since your better days but I’ll give you fair praise 
You made steps, then fell down the fucking staircase 
Let’s talk about your family--my god, they’re schmucks
When pit against Stewie, your toddler sucks 
And your boy, Bart, makes Chris seem almost average 
Lisa and Meg- uh- you know what- let’s just skip that one
Here’s a prediction: I’ll kick you back to T Ullman
Then I’ll home-in on that chick with the wig in your kitchen. She’ll giggity my donuts 
Now excuse me, I got a haircut at ten
Ya got served, though. Thank you, come again!

Homer Simpson:
You’re not Apu, but you’ve sure got problems 
Can’t expect less from a series that Fox runs 
pretty frickin’ sweet? MMMMM…. That’s my flow!
Since the 90’s I’ve been rolling in- errrrr, what’s the word… DOH! 
I thought you specialised in celebrity roasts?
The only cutaway you need is to a better show;
Lisa, what’s the definition of griffin? 
A creature stitched from different parts. Hmm. that’s pretty fitting
Now go prepare our lunch; we have famous guests over 
Tell me, where’s the microwave? I gotta nuke these leftovers 
You can’t talk about ideas running out

Mr Burns:
“Replace the hound” … “Ok, now bring back the hound” 

Homer Simpson:
Need a show canned? Luckily there’s a Family Guy 
Even from Space, I had more air time
And fart jokes won’t cloud my legacy
I couldn’t even call you Flanders cuz you’ll never be next to me 

Peter Griffin:
Take that crayon out your brain and actually try to write a good verse 
‘Cuz chronologically is the only time you’ll come first 
You got a nuclear family, so how’d ya tan?
Was the jaundice corn-dick born in the power plant?!

Homer Simpson:
And... why don’t you take that time machine from your son?
You could travel back to when your show was actually fun
It’s shocking that FG came back from the dead
Just to be killed by Homer Simpson again

Written by Fel
Mixed by Fel, Adroitwhiz, and Freshy Kanal

Homer Simpson vs Peter Griffin. CMRB

In the first episode of Half-Ass Rap Battles (the bonus spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles) we have a pizza slice against a hamburger because why not, I had fun with it.

Written by Commander Jacob
Freshy Kanal as Pizza
Commander Jacob as Hamburger
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by 2Deep

Pizza:
Come out the oven deep-dish when I got to rap a line
Cause you got no flavor like the fries you come with half the time
Reppin’ Italy critically. All your mascots disturbin’ me
I’ll have you drop in the ER, get your ass back to Germany
I have enough cheese. Get a taste, mate. Cream you, but don’t wanna taste mayonnaise
Rhymin’ supreme. Steppin’ to me and I’m havin’ ya bleed. Getting ketchup to spray, k?
Whatchu got, lettuce? Broseph, ya never toppin’ me
Go ahead and slice me up, that just means more people chompin’ me

Burger:
Hey, I placed an order, but it came with too much cheese, bruh 
I’ll need an extra-hot verse, I got a pizza to heat up
No way you can fuck with me. I out-pizza the hut, ya see?
If you wanna rat me out, I’ll send you back to Chuck E. Cheese
Got a red dot on you like a pepperoni, homie
Ordering pineapple’s the only way you be spittin’ grossly
Give ya girl my meat and make some bread. I’m a phenomenon
With you I’m intolerant, but no way more than Papa John

Pizza vs Burger | Half-Ass Rap Battle #1

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another Half-Ass Rap Battle! Today we have a battle of minimal, pixelated games typically played out of boredom: Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Flappy Bird
Deegle as Chrome T-Rex
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

I’m coming back, the flyest bird. It’s undebated
To face an old fart that Atari would call outdated
Pterodactyl when I battle. So buddy, you oughta let go
People play you when they say “dammit, I guess so”
Takes a tap to flap over the crap that you spat out
Your life’ll fade to black quicker than your background
Mainstream? No way. Gameplay? so lame
So you should look up better rhymes… oh wait

An amputee duck with plastic surgery
Seems to struggle connecting to a beat to try to murder me
Grab your over-priced iPads and take a walk, dude
You’re smokin’ stolen pipes thinking Nintendo won’t stomp you
I’m Chrome polished. My desert’s less dry than what you’ve written, kid
I'm jumping over cacti, I can handle one little prick
What got removed faster, you from all the phones I can see
Or was it your creator, exiled from society?

Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex | Half-Ass Rap Battle #2

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have the monochrome LCD character against the monochrome LSD character; Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man. Enjoy!

Raichous as Mr. Game & Watch
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Grey Man

Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from Zawesome
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Marsad Men

-LYRICS-

Game & Watch:
Parachute in to win, it’s an icon you’re fighting, man
This Fire man throws bacon, eggs, and fine raps off a frying pan
Been Ball-ing from the start. Where’ve you been? I can’t tell
As an expert, I can say fame’s something you’ve never handheld
This rapping trampoline lander’s smacking you like a 9 hammer
And your win’s a crazier dream than those of all your programmers
Slenderman in a trench coat? He only has one mode: stalk
Mister, watching your game has got me watching my own clock

Grey Man:
A fat-nosed shadow thinks that he's fit for battle? Boy I'll laugh
When I have him tripping and he still tries to fight with oil cans 
Ring your bell for help! I’m Krueger of the PlayStation
Leaving beats and dreams corrupted. Still think it's an emulation?
Here’s the red Flagman; you’ll get slaughtered just from napping
It’s one of your two functions; learn it’s time to stop rapping
I Violently Diss-strict. The pain won’t leave when you wake up.
Even people who play Smash have forgotten you like a brain flush

Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man | Half-Ass Rap Battle #3

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the edgy spooky versions of characters, one ironic, one unironic: Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob

-LYRICS-

Sonic.EXE
(Yo) ever since Things That Aren't That Scary Month, I know you've been hating, my guy
So many souls, so Slowpoke.EXE should quit wasting my time
You’re like Tom with my CD; too pussy to destroy a track, dog
Lyrics coming at you at Super Sonic speed: I am Rap God
Too tapped out for round 2. Searched your Commander’s channel, even I never Found You
Cameos are all you amount to. I got a jester's laugh, and I’m still bout to clown you
When I’m rappin, I go batshit. I’m attacking with some hacking. I’m the spin-dashing classic
This wack-ass damn kid’s the static cross-breed fanfic of Darkiplier and a sad squid, that’s it

Corrupted Jacob:
Zalgo in a fursuit? Oh no, my wee little heart!
Ya meant to be creepy, but spawned extremely… DeviantArt 
Like Sally Simp, you’re gonna get left in stitches when fighting me
Your fame was as short as your face in your own fucking title screen
Fucking cheesy ass. Your game got me board as shit, you damn Rap Rat
Check the anger and the eyeballs; my dude needs a pack of Tampax 
Trolled this pasta back to his wiki, too lame for me to eat ya
Haven’t seen someone as bad with words since JC the Hyena

Alex the Beast as Sonic.EXE
Commander Jacob as Corrupted Jacob
Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from TimeLord
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Retnik

Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob | Half-Ass Rap Battles

(CONTEXT: https://i.redd.it/sxgappnq4mw11.jpg)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the goofy mutilated murderers: MDHHCD vs Hash-Slinging Slasher

-LYRICS-

Man Door:
(Yo) whatcha gonna do, wave at me with your nub singed?
I got a handle on this battle; Man Door is unhinged
Oh look, more slime to spill down the Krusty Krab walls as usual
Frying and firing this fry cook like a 2nd funeral
My bars have got that secret sauce that you're lacking, huh?
You couldn’t flip a line if both of your hands were spatulas
Speed of Gary when you’re rhyming. Try to run from my sickle
You’re bout as scary as a pirate tryna come for my pickle (ugh)
Hop back on your bus, cuz you best be retreating
Don’t need Nosferatu, I’ll knock your lights out neatly
Let’s hope your verse is like your phone calls: no speaking
I’ll leave you in the dumpster, so good luck… sweaty

Hash-Slinging Slasher
Staying up… at night with THAT verse? Bad decision
But to be fair, it was longer than your story to begin with
How’s a guy with no name or design think he’s not losing?
Both raise our eyebrows: you with fear, me with confusion
Either learn better English or get slayed hard, bitch
If I let you in, be ready for a graveyard shift
And with your hook lodged in the door, it’s time that I sped up
I’m looking to see red like “dude, can I get some ketchup?”
I got your ass sprinting backwards like a gas-thieving bastard
Yo, you’re a trash-flinging rapper, and I’m the Hash-Slinging Slasher
Go back to stealing steres, you copypasta wannabe
I stopped the voice cuz I was nervous you’d keep spitting awfully


Light as Man Door hand Hook Car Door
Commander Jacob as Hash-Slinging Slasher
Zawesome as Ketchup Requester (cameo)
Written by Commander Jacob and Zawesome
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

Man Door Hand Hook Car Door vs Hash-Slinging Slasher | Half-Ass Rap Battles

5 Years ago, I posted a Rap Battle between Voltorb and Bob-Omb on YouTube. That battle became one of my most viewed videos on YouTube, and it was praised more than I thought it would be.  It turned me into some random newbie community member that did a few meh live-action battles into what I am today. So you can imagine how much this battle means to me.
So I decided to make a re-done audio of Voltorb vs Bob-Omb as my thanks for enjoying the original! :)

Same:
-Beat (I was gonna make an updated version of the beat, but I got lazy...)
-Lyrics
-General direction for the voices of Voltorb, Bob-Omb, and Creeper

Changes:
-Voltorb's verse has a few notes changes in order to sound less like ERB's Robocop's singing.
-Electrode's voice is less deep and audio effects are different. (If I end up using Electrode in ERBoPokemon, this is what he'll sound like) 
-King Bob-Omb sounds a lot more closer to what I originally envisioned.
-Overall mixing is better (now that I use Adobe Audition instead of a mixture of Adobe Premiere, Sound Forge, and Garageband.)

[5 YEARS AFTER] Voltorb Vs Bob-Omb - Rap Battle

CHECK OUT THE VIDEO!
https://youtu.be/K_0hlmuPHxo

Video coming within the next couple of days. As always, releasing slightly earlier on SoundCloud to go with the digital distribution.

Tina Mickel as Ruby Rose
Mr. Tibbs as The Mandalorian

Lyrics:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KXWyue0yl6O4z8G1umvsrq-anvWo05apNDq7QTjCPms/edit?usp=sharing

(too big to fit in the description)

Written & Directed by Eddiefrb
Ruby Rose Art by s0_sm0l
The Mandalorian Art by Blast
Beat produced by Vendetta Beats
Additional Instrumentation by Freshy Kanal and Sebb
Mixed & Mastered by Freshy Kanal

Dedicated to Monty Oum

Ruby Rose vs The Mandalorian - Rap Battle! (ANIMATION VS ANYTHING: CH. II)

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.